Breathless
by kissdagrl
Summary: I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update. I've actually written through chapter 28 but I've been holding them for my beta! Anyway...I hope you guys like this latest chapter...the major drama is over. It's all basic rizzles stuff from here on out. There will be drama...but it won't be all that heavy. Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

"This is a Chianto Classice from Antinori Pelloli. This one is peaking and I was only so lucky to get my hands on one!" Maura said happily as she popped the cork on the bottle of wine. I of course couldn't care less about wine or its 'life cycle' as Maura had explained it on one rather long and boring monologue that I had tried so desperately to appear interested in. Now once again I was forced to feign interest.

"Peaking?" I asked. Raising my eye brow a little at the glass Maura handed me that was more than half full I noticed.

"Yes peaking," she said patiently smiling at me. "Peaking refers to the year when a wine reaches its optimum ripeness. When all flavors coalesce into a prefect symphony of flavor. It is the epitome, the apex of the life of a wine. We are lucky to have this opportunity to sample this one, most of the bottles from this vineyard are either owned by private collectors or were consumed before their prime. If we were to drink this bottle a year from now if will have turned."

I tried not to roll my eyes. Maura's face was bright with excitement like a kid that got their favorite toy on christmas morning. I'd rather be slumped in an old arm-chair drinking beer and watching the game, that was my idea of relaxing. Maura however had a much different view of what was relaxing and that included 'fine wine' and what she refered to as a rousing game of chess. I found the only thing 'rousing' about a game of chess is how frustrated Maura always got when she lost, which wasnt very often, but all the same it was amusing to watch her squirm.

"Fascinating" I said lifting the glass to my lips preparing to take a sip.

"WAIT!" Maura cried, grabbing my wrist. A bit of wine sloshed down my white shirt.

"Jesus really?" I said setting down my glass on the marble counter top and unbuttoning my shirt.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Maura said moving around the counter to help me with my shirt.

"Here let me take it," she said gently pulling the shirt off my back. I caught a whiff of her expensive perfume. She did always smell so good.

"Its ok, I've had that shirt for years, I'll wash it when i get home." I said taking the shirt from her hands and balling it up.

The look Maura gave me was something very close to patronizing amusement.

"Give me the shirt, I'll take care of it. " she said reaching behind my back and pulling the balled up shirt out of my hands. I was wearing only my bra and the closeness of her body against mine made me shudder a little.

Maura must have felt my body tense because she looked up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers, her face right next to mine and I thought I saw the slightest twinkle of some unspoken amusement. I didn't want to think about what was so damn funny, but the air around what little space was between our bodies had become thick with an energy that made my skin prickly with goosebumps.

Maura's eyes ran over my body quickly, just a glance, but as she turned away I thought I saw something that looked like lust.

"I don't have any white wine so I'll have to neutralize the stain with salt instead." she said walking around to the sink and grabbing up a salt shaker.

Her back was to me as she worked on my shirt. I allowed myself to sit in one of her bar stools leaning back to get more comfortable.

"Can i drink the wine now?" I asked reaching for my glass.

"Not yet." she said glancing at me over her shoulder, "It needs to breath."

As far as I knew wine didn't have lungs there for it had no need for breath, but saying so I knew would only draw out some other long lecture about the life of wine and all its 'needs' so I decided to just nod my head and sit back and relax until I had permission to drink what was no doubt very expensive wine.

Maura finished with my shirt and layed it out across her dining room table to dry.

"Let me get you a shirt." she said turning toward me again. Maura herself was wearing heels, a black silk blouse and a rather close-fitting black knee-length skirt. Her body, I couldn't help but notice, was immaculate. Especially her legs, god those legs.

I hadn't realized i had zoned out taking her in but I was brought back too when she called my name.

"Jane?"

I jumped in my chair

"yeah, I'm right here"

"I was asking if you wanted a negligee?"

"A whhhhaa" I asked

"Come with me, "she said grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the chair. "We'll find something together."

Maura's room was toasty, and of course it was perfectly decorated and made up. I noticed the gas fire was going and classical music was playing softly from an ihome on her nightstand.

"so this is your bedroom?" i asked looking around suddenly feeling extremely out-of-place in my old work boots and slacks I had bought three years ago from J.C. Penny.

"yes, do you like it?" she asked rummaging through her chest of drawers.

All of her bedroom furniture matched, it was some sort of dark reddish looking wood and it all looked hand carved and antique. I wanted to ask where she got it but i felt small enough already and the answer would only make me feel even smaller.

"Ummm, it's...very tidy." I managed to say hoping I didn't sound to silly.

"Thank you," Maura said as if i had just given her the greatest compliment ever. She pulled a top out of a drawer that looked a lot like something a supermodel would wear in a victoria's secret underwear add. "How about this?"

"seriously?" i asked, cocking my head to the side and wishing more than anything i had a beer.

Maura looked a bit crestfallen. "What's wrong with it?" she asked looking it over. "I bought it from Francesca's. It's silk and very comfortable."

"It's pink, like hot pink, and it's got...frills."

"Its cute," she said smiling

"Oh maur, don't you have like a t-shirt or something more practical?"

"I don't own any t-shirt, and this is practical for sleeping."

"This," i said pulling the thing out of Maura's hand "is not my style, and it's not practical for anything but maybe...well never mind."

"You're being silly put it on." she said poking me in the ribs "Come on," she teased trying to pull the thing over my head.

"Maur, Maur stop it...i dont wanna wear it." I struggled unable to help myself from giggling.

Maura was laughing outright now while she wrestled with me. I could have overcome the shorter more fragile woman in an instant but i didnt want the fun to end to quickly. I let her jostle me around the room for a bit enjoying the way she laughed, the scent of her perfume, and touch of her body against mine. Her laughter was infectious and I found myself unable to stop giggling at the smaller woman's attempts to wear me down. I was bumping into furniture all over the place laughing even harder every time.

Maura's hands were all over my body grabbing and feeling and if I didn't know any better I would say she was exploring me a bit more than a platonic friend would. I didn't mind, I was thrilled that Maura was enjoying herself. After the week we had had this silly exchange was everything the doctor ordered.

"Janie put...it...ON!" Maura fussed finally pulling the pink frilly silky monstrosity over my head.

A triumphant grin spread across her pretty little face as she stood back to survey me. We were both a little breathless form the excursion around the bedroom. I would never tell Maura but I had let her put the top on me, even though I hated it I would have dressed up as Santa Clause if I knew it would make her smile.

After a few moments Maura's merry grin turned into some else, something far more...well...sexual. Whether consciously or subconsciously I watch Maura's grin transform into an expression I had only ever imagined in my dreams. I watched with shocked pleasure as she slowly and deliberately bit her bottom lip.

"Well look at you, big bad detective Rizzoli all pretty in pink." Maura said, then she burst into laughter again. "I wish I had a camera right now...Frost would die to see this."

I felt my face flush with embarrassment. I grabbed her around the waist and pushed her against the wall pressing my hips into her and lifting her arms above her head pinned her there by her wrist.

Her body wriggled against mine as she struggled to release herself from my grasp. I wasnt holding her wrist tight enough to hurt her but i was enjoying this a lot more than i would have admitted to anyone out loud.

I didn't think of Maura as weak, never that. She was the smartest most capable person i had ever met, Maura could out brain me any day of the week. But physically i had the upper hand and for some strange reason in this moment i loved that i could bend Maura to my will if i so desired.

Maura struggled for a few seconds longer eventually giving up with a sigh and a pout on her face.

"Janie!" she whined looking up at me with hazel eyes full of feigned anger.

"Maura," i replied in a high-pitched whine trying to imitate Maura's tone. That might not have been the best idea because seconds later i felt a sharp pain on my neck.

I jumped back holding my neck, my eyes i knew were wide with shock. "you freaking bit me!" i exclaimed more in disbelief than anything else.

Maura only smiled haughtily, "You're not so bad ass now," she smirked.

I grabbed her around the waist as she tried to bolt around me and pulled her close, holding her little body tightly as she struggled and fussed.

"Stop it Janie...Jane...JAAANE!" she squealed between giggles as I wrestled her down on her bed.

"Take it back," I said playfully biting at her neck.

Maura's giggling and squealing got even louder now as i continued to nip and her neck and ears. She smelled sooo good, I couldn't resist letting my tongue glide over her soft smooth skin a few times and filing away the taste of her in my memory bank. I thought I felt her body tighten a little when my tongue touched her skin and the slight quickening of her breath wasnt lost on me.

"Take it back Maura, " i repeated wrapping my arms around her and holding tight so she couldn't wriggle away. I look down at her beautiful flushed face and smiled. Her cheeks were rosy from our little game and her eyes were shiny with excitement. One of my curls fell into her face and she giggled again, gently brushing it behind my ear.

"You are a badass,"she consented with a pleasant smile. Her small soft hand cradled my face maneuvering it so i was looking directly into her eyes. "except when it comes to me." she said softly.

My heart melted, everything about that statement was true and absolutely not true at the same time. Maura did make me softer, more vulnerable, more open-minded, and god knows more patient. But i wasnt any less of a bad ass because of her...if anything god help the idiot who thought they could take her from me.

"I'm twice the bad ass because of you." i said matter of factly cradling my face in Maura's hand and kissing her palm lightly. "I'd never hurt you, but i would do anything to protect you."

The smile that slowly spread across Maura's face was the most beautiful vision i had ever seen. Even sweaty and frazzled she was just sooo freaking pretty.

"I know you would." She said barely above a whisper.

"Excuse me, i just wanted to ask Dr. Isles if i could borrow a cup of sugar." Angel rizzoli asked from the bedroom doorway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Maura**

"Oh my god Ma do you ever _ever_ knock?" Jane said hurriedly rolling herself off of me and scooting into a corner.

Jane's face looked like it couldn't decide on portraying shock, embarrassment, or fury and was instead shifting between all three on a loop.

I secretly chuckled inside my head, '_so much for miss badass' _I thought to myself.

Jane's mother seemed to have a habit of inflaming Jane's ire beyond reason. Though I would never say so out loud, I believed it had something to do with Jane's sense of self. I know how hard Jane had to work to build her reputation as one of the most respected homicide detectives in the boston police department. I also know that it was not without great sacrifice that Jane had built her badass reputation that she clung to so desperately. I know that even though she would never admit it, Jane felt like she had to be the badass to keep up some semblance of equality in the boys club of the BPD. Sadly an overbearing nagging mother was apparently like kryptonite to Jane's street cred.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I would be interrupting...what am I interrupting exactly?" Angela asked. Jane's mother looked as if she had just seen a ghost. The poor woman was standing in the doorway in an old apron holding an empty measuring cup and seemed more or less frozen on the spot.

"It's ok Angela, I was just helping Jane find a shirt." I said propping myself up on my bed by my elbows and smiling mischievously at Jane.

Jane looked down at her torso and barely suppressed a whimper. I could tell she had only just now remembered the frilly lacy pink sleeping top I had managed to stuff her into.

"Ohhh, its so pretty." Angela said smiling at Jane brightly. "I always knew you would look good in something that showed off your body more."

"MA!"

"Well I'm just saying those good looks aren't going to last forever, you should show that body off while you've still got it."

"Ma come on, stop talking like that." Jane looked like she was stuck in some dark corner of her worst nightmare.

"I agree with Angela," I said sitting up and smiling at the bewilderment playing across Jane's beautiful face. "You are gorgeous."

There was a tiny hint of a smile on Jane's face. It was subtle and brief, almost unintelligible. Someone who didn't know her as well as myself would have missed it entirely. I was not just anybody. I knew Jane like I knew the inside of a body. No matter how much she tried she couldn't hide her true self from me.

"She is isn't she," Angela said shuffling over to sit next to me on the bed, "You know when she was a child I tried so hard for years and years and years to get Janie to wear dresses..."

"...MA!" Jane protested again throwing up her arms in bitter frustration.

"...she wouldn't have any of it, ever. I was ready for a fight every Sunday morning when it came time to getting her ready for church. It was such a nightmare I had to have a double helping of wine at communion just to calm myself down," Angela exclaimed shaking her head like she was trying to erase some terrible dream from her memory bank.

I burst out laughing.

"Father Maurice must have thought I was some kind of alcoholic." Angela and I were giggling like school girls at the lunch table. I would have kept up the conversation until I noticed the crestfallen expression on Jane's face. My olive-skinned dark-eyed beauty seemed to have descended back into that dark corner of her worst nightmare.

I felt awful all of a sudden. The very last thing I would ever want would be to actually cause Jane any kind of pain. Jane didn't understand the relationship her mother and I had with each other. She didn't know about the dinners Angela and me had at home, just the two of us where we would sit at the table and talk for hours sipping wine and finding things to gossip and laugh about. Jane wasn't around for our trips to the nail salon, or visits to the spa, or the impromptu shopping sprees that Angela and I both loved so much. I loved Jane's company more than anyone else in the entire world, but she was such just such a...such a boy sometimes. Jane wouldn't be caught dead in a nail salon and lord knows the spa was out of the question. Taking Jane shopping was a battle of wills and even if I did break her down enough to join me she would always complain incessantly about EVERYTHING. That's why I loved Angela Rizzoli so much. It was just nice to have someone to be a girl with sometimes. In fact even though she was technically my tenant, I considered her to be my friend. Perhaps even my next best friend after Jane and I cherished the relationship. Even knowing Jane didn't understand I still couldn't bear for her to think she was bein ganged up on.

"I need a serving of Jesus juice right now." Jane said stalking out of the room.

"Oh come on Janie I was just teasing," Angela called after her. There was no response.

Angela turned to me with worry playing all over her face. "Do you think I really upset her? I shouldnt have joked, she hates it when I do that."

I could see the beginnings of tears forming in the corners of Angela's eyes. Angela turned her head slightly so I couldn't see her face completely but she couldn't hide the light reflecting excessive moisture in her overly shiny eyes or the rapid batting of her eye lids that told the truth of the situation.

If I thought Jane had a hold on my emotions it was nothing compared to the way my heart was breaking in that moment. I reached to take Angela's hand and held it in my own. I had never learned to communicate emotions very well, especially not love. Being raised by a nanny and subsequent boarding schools didn't offer me a proper education on how love was expressed. Truthfully I had never felt truly loved at all growing up. I was always a strange little kid in a strange place with hardly any friends and a wide array of bullies and mean girls to torture me. But here, in this house, with these two people I felt for the first time like I was a part of something special, something genuine, warm, and loving. Despite Jane's teasing I knew she accepted and loved me exactly the way I was. It was a love I had never felt and would cherish for my entire life. As uneducated as I was in the art of love, I was willing to try anything to keep my strange little family unit in tact.

"She loves you so much Angela," I said desperately hoping to sound as genuine as I was feeling.

Angela choked up a half sob half laugh.

"You're just trying to be nice Maura, that's very sweet." she said squeezing my hand. "I'm just feeling very emotional right now. Every time I try to get closer to Janie I feel like I end up just pushing her further away. I don't know how to be different though Maura, I don't know how to show her how much I love her."

"Oh Angela, She knows how much you love her, everyone know's how much you love her. You don't need to do anything different or pretend to be anyone or anything but yourself." I said squeezing Angela's hand for reassurance. "And between you and me Jane is a bit of a brat sometimes." I whispered in Angela's ear.

Angela laughed thank god.

"Oh Maura, you are so precious. I'm so glad you met my Janie. I don't have to worry half as much about her as I used to because knowing you're there to look after her gives me such peace." Angela leaned in and drew me into a crushing hug. Despite my best efforts I found myself batting my own eyelids furiously now trying to dissuade those pesky tears from falling. It felt so good being close to the only person in the world that knew Jane better than me. I felt in that moment that her heart beat for Jane in rhythm with my own, and if I allowed myself some fanciful thinking I imagined Angela's heart might just beat a little bit for me as well.

"Angela, Jane takes care of me ten times as much as I take care of her. I don't know what I ever did without her." I said half laughing to try and cover for the tears I didn't want to fall.

I felt Angela's body shaking with laughter.

"Maura, Janie never ate anything but french fries and frozen pizza's, if I didn't cook for her, before you two met. Now sometime's she even eats vegetables."

At this I couldn't help myself from smiling. I decided not to mention what a pain it always was to get Jane to eat something besides cheeseburgers let alone something green.

Angela released me from the hug and we sat there in silence for a few moments, both of us musing over thoughts in our heads that we felt were better left unspoken. Yo Yo ma started playing Bach's cello suite number one in g minor on my ihome. I felt a grin spread across my face. Jane hated Yo Yo ma.

"Oh look at the time, I suppose I could make my cannolis in the morning. Do you mind if I leave the back way? I don't want to intrude on you and Janie's evening anymore than I already have."

"Angela, you are never intruding. This is your home too."

"Yeah, I don't think Janie sees it the same way."

"Jane doesn't see a lot of things that are right in front of her. I always found that surprising considering she is a detective."

Angela just smiled at me, a bright beautiful grin that made even her eyes light up. It was a grin that I had seen on Jane's face before. I had always found pleasure in thinking that Jane's version of the grin was reserved especially for me.

"Maybe you can help her see things more clearly, like what's right in front of her." Angela said giving my hand one last reassuring squeeze before she got up to leave.

"Jane only ever thinks her way is the right way. If she doesn't see something it's because it doesn't exist as far as she is concerned." I sighed

Angela stood in the doorway silently for a few moments. The was something in her eyes, I couldn't tell if it was general amusement or the knowledge of some hidden secret she couldn't form into words.

"You really have no idea how much you mean to her do you?" and with that Angela was out the door.

Jane

I plopped down in my favorite chair and took a sip of the wine Maura had sloshed all over my shirt earlier and wishing desperately that it were beer. I hadn't been expecting anything spectacular from the wine. I didn't care for wine much anyway but I couldn't help but think that this, whatever 'this' was, was the best tasting wine I had ever had. I quickly decided not to tell Maura that though. God knows the woman would haul me off to some pretentious ass wine tasting and force me to endure hours of lectures on the properties of wine and bla bla bla.

"Do you like it?" Maura asked appearing suddenly at my side. I hadn't heard her approach at all.

"God where did you come from. You snuck up on me. Where's ma?" I said spinning my chair so that I was facing Maura entirely.

"Angela left out the back door. She said something about letting us get back to our girls night in." Maura smiled. "I've never managed to sneak up on you before. Are we getting rusty detective, letting little old me catch you off your guard."

"Don't count on it woman, I'm still a badass remember," I said wrapping my hands around Maura's tiny waist. I had never held another woman like this before, or felt silk slide through my fingers, or touched skin so soft it was hard to tell where the silk ended and the skin began. Even so, noticing the slight blush of Maura's cheeks and the smile that played across the pretty womans lips made it easy for me to decide I loved holding her like this. It felt appropriate, like Maura was mine. I was secretly glad that my mother had left. I loved the woman to death god knows, but in this moment I had no care for any woman in the world besides the one that was in my arms.

This was not the first time I had ever held Maura. The woman was an avid cuddeler, even when doing the simplest things like reading a book. Recently Maura had taken to inviting me over to watch what she called "sports games" when she knew one of my teams was playing. When I first met her Maura hadn't so much as heard of half the teams I cheered for and couldn't have cared less if Fenway park blew away all together. But for some strange reason the woman had become suspiciously aware of when my teams were playing, even before I made mentioned of it.

It was weird because Maura never bothered to watch the games at all but always seemed excited when I showed up with beer wearing my teams jersey giddy with excitement. Instead she would put the beer in her fridge scolding me for bringing it when she had bought some especially for me. Then I, as always, would go on about how unnecessary is was that she bought me beer when she didn't even drink it and since I was a guest the least I could do was bring my own. I would say all of that to which she would always reply that I was being silly, and how happy she was to have me, and how a host should always be prepared for their guest. Honestly sometimes we were just so different I couldn't believe we could call ourselves friends. But then she would let me kick off my boots and prop my feet up on her coffee table. Subsequently and without so much as a word she would curl into my lap with a book.

I couldn't help but pretend that I hated it and tease her for being a terrible host. I would tell her how much she was cramping my style to which I would receive a pouting face that could literally bend me to her every desire. She was just so damn cute.

I never made her move. I just let her rest her head against my chest and read her boring ass book while I watched whatever game was on. I always tried desperately not to yell in her ear or jostle her tiny body too much in one of my fits of excitement yet somehow I always came up short.

Maura never complained about how mad or excited I got during a game. She would just look up at me with those pretty eyes of hers and give me her best smile. I know she thought I was being silly, but she would never say so. She just accepted that that is how it was gonna be with me, sort of like how I accepted so so very many of Maura's quirky habits.

"You look especially badass in that silk pink spaghetti strap top." Maura teased bringing me out of my reverie. The smaller woman reached for my wine glass and took small sip of her own.

Maura's lips pursed and her eyes closed briefly as pleasure covered her face. "Oh gosh that's good," Maura exclaimed as she exhaled slowly.

"Did you taste the plum?" She asked me excitedly. Maura was more enthusiastic about the wine than normal. I watched the blond swirl the liquid around in the glass and stick her nose in it taking a giant sniff.

I burst out laughing.

"What are you doing blowing snot rockets into the thing?" I asked bewildered at the display that Maura was making over the wine.

Maura made a choking sound, pulled her nose out of the glass and smacked my arm playfully.

"OWWW!" I exclaimed rubbing my arm and putting on my best fake angry face.

"Dont be silly miss badass you know that didn't hurt. And no im not blowing...snot rockets...although I'm not quite sure of exactly what the term 'snot rocket' means. I can deduce from context clues enough of a visual image that I am confident in saying that's not what I'm doing. I'm trying to get the full experience. Taste is 80 percent smell, without our sence of smell we wouldn't be able to taste at all. So by smelling the wine you are able to fill your..."

"...Maura," I interrupted her, "not tonight ok." I said softly daring to pull her body closer to mine.

Maura was gracious enough to smile. "Don't you wanna know about how the tannins in wine open up the sinuses and..."

I took the glass from Maura's hand and placed it back on the counter top. The woman was still rambling about wine and smells and what not. Without thinking I pulled her closer so she was standing directly between my legs. "A person's sense of smell is linked directly to the area of the brain known as the limbic system," I interrupted. Maura stopped her gabbing mid sentence to fix me with her most bewildered expression.

I continued without missing a beat, "The Limbic system is the brains control panel for registering and identifying smells, taste, emotions, and memories. To smell a wine is not only to aid in pinpointing a wines geographical region or even the types of fruit one might be able to identify, but rather it is to connect you with the wine on a deeper, more emotional level. Smell can bring back all sorts of memories. New smells can create new memories, good memories or bad memories." I said reaching for the glass on the table and swirling it around like I saw the guy do on the you tube video I watched on wine tasting. I wasnt going to tell Maura about the video, I only watched it in the hopes of creating a moment just like this. And to say the least the look on Maura's face was priceless. If I didn't know better I would have thought she was going to tear up.

I stuck my nose deep into the glass and took a long deliberate sniff. "This one...well this one I will always remember."

"Really?" Maura said covering her mouth with her hand sheepishly.

"Yes," I said softly giving my pretty love the softest most sincere smile I could manage.

"It will be a good memory I hope." Maura said lowering her eyes and suddenly becoming very interesting in mindlessly thumbing the lace of the ridiculous top I was wearing.

I swirled the wine around the glass again never taking my eyes or my smile away from the blond's downcast gaze. Finally I sniffed the wine, several times. Long, deep, purposeful nasal inhalations preceded the sigh that escaped my lips when I finally took a sip, swishing it around in my mouth and swallowing.

"I smell plum," I smiled at Maura "and almond." I said plunging my nose into the glass for another sniff. After a few seconds of closed eyed concentration I realized I smelled something else too.

"Whatever ever else is in here, to me I will always associate the smell with you!" I said finally sipping the wine again. I loved the way it filled my mouth with flavor...flavor and yearning. If Maura tasted this good I believe I would find myself on a very strict diet.

"Me?" Maura said, her face erupting into a smile despite herself.

She leaned in closer, as close as she could be without actually sitting in my lap. Her arms wrapped around my neck and pulled my head forward closer to her own.

"Yes, because I will never forget this night," I said softly as I placed my hands gently on either side of her face I leaned in and just...kissed her.

It wasn't a sloppy wet kiss, or a desperate tongue kiss, or even a passionate lovers kiss. It was just a kiss, the meeting of four lips introducing themselves to each other gently, cautiously, deliberately. Both pair of lips were well aware of the electricity running through them like transformers, yet both pair of lips were unwilling to make any sudden presumptuous movements. It ended just as quickly as it began when I pulled away leaving my lips feeling cold and lonely.

As if waking from a dream I opened my eyes and noticed Maura's were still close. Her breath, however desperately she was trying to control it, was coming in slow deep intervals letting me know she was trying very hard to contain herself. Unfortunately despite her hard work at maintaining self-control her emotions were still written all over her face. I wouldn't even know how to describe what I saw in her expression, I wouldn't even know how to describe what I was feeling myself. I don't even think Maura herself had enough words in her vocabulary to form a complete sentence in reference to this moment.

My heart, god save me, was drowning in a pool of love for this woman. I could not at that moment think another thought, or feel another feeling outside of deep, complete, and total infatuation of the enigma that was my Maura. MY Maura!

I ran my thumb over the line of her jaw softly trying desperately to keep my unsteady hand from shaking. When Maura's beautiful eyes opened to lock gazes with my own we shared a smile. One that was meant only for the other, never to be duplicated with another living soul. This moment was ours, a gift, a holy gift from whatever god or entity one may hold themselves accountable to.

We said nothing, we barely even moved. I couldn't tell you how long we stayed like that, it could have been seconds, it could have been years and I wouldn't have minded. I just wanted to remember everything. And I would forever.

"Janie," Maura said so softly. I could barely hear that she had said anything at all. There was a tear, just one lonely tear hanging cruelly in the corner of Maura's eye. I didn't know if it was a tear of joy or sadness but either way it was breaking my heart. I did the only thing a person in love would do. I kissed her tear.

I could feel Maura tremble in my arms when my lips touched the corner of her eye. Sitting back I finally managed to smile.

"That is some really good wine." I said in my most disarming voice.

Maura couldn't stop herself from laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

Maura

I was in a panic. Jane was going to kill me. I had assured her the night before that I would be ready at five when she picked me up so we could hit the road early and beat morning traffic. It was hell driving through Boston at any time but it could quickly turn into a nightmare if you were to be stuck in one of Boston's infamous backups. And to make it worse neither of us knew exactly where we were going which always frazzled Jane and in turn made me anxious.

"Where is my blue bathing suit," I wailed to myself pulling clothes out of my drawers and tossing them around frantically not even bothering to concern myself with where everything was landing. If I had had the time to stop and consider my actions I would have been appalled with myself. I was never careless with my things, cleanliness and organization was a foundation of my character but at that moment my only concern was for not upsetting Jane.

It had taken all the tricks in my book to manipulate and persuade Jane to join me in New York. NYU had asked me to speak at a seminar on forensic sciences and the recent advances that had been made in DNA testing and fingerprinting of the severely mutilated and burned.

When I had first mentioned the idea to Jane of her joining me it was met with immediate and desperate negativity.

"_I hate New York and I HATE car trips and I Hate freaking lectures. So why would I waste my vacation days on a car trip from hell to a city I can't stand just to be bored to pieces." _Jane had exclaimed to me in my office a few days ago when I had finally gotten up the courage to ask her. I had anticipated this reaction. But with careful wording and gentle manipulation I had finally gotten Jane to bend.

I would never mention to her that I had been to the one to hint to Lt. Cavanaugh that Jane had over three weeks of vacation time that if she didn't use she would lose. And after the nightmare that Jane had become to work with over the preceding few weeks he had called Jane into his office and demanded that she take some personal time. I had heard there had been a fight between them over the matter. I was sure Jane felt like she was being singled out and coddled and it made her believe that her co-workers thought she couldn't hack it anymore. But supposedly Lt. Cavanaugh had lost his temper and told Jane in a rage if she didn't voluntarily take vacation time he would report her to the police union for a mental health review and they would subsequently enforce Cavanaugh's wishes. With gritted teeth and a heart full of petulant rage Jane had finally agreed to accompany me to New York. I was half terrified and half thrilled. I needed this vacation as much as Jane, and what was more I needed Jane as much as I wanted to think she needed me.

It had been three long and tiring weeks since Jane and I had shared our kiss. That beautiful, sweet, precious few moments when Jane's lips touched mine, had been the happiest I had ever felt in my entire life. There was not one single moment of any day since then that I didn't replay that night in my head. Sadly, it had only been moments later that our cell phones rang simultaneously calling us to a crime scene destroying my precious moment with Jane.

I had never had a problem with being called in before. I hadn't become Boston's Chief Medical Examiner because of a lack of work ethic. My job had always been my constant, the morgue had always been my sanctuary, and the helpless victims that ended up on my autopsy table had always been the canvas for my art of science. Work was my safe place. The dead would never hurt me, they brought me peace and a calm I never found anywhere else in the world. Well that had all been true until three weeks ago.

The crime scene that had pulled Jane and I out of our reverie had been horrific. A girl, eight years old, was found by a Janitor at a local elementary school bound, gagged, beaten, and brutally raped. Her tiny body was discovered in a bathroom stall naked and exposed bent over a toilet, her head submerged in bright red water. The bathroom itself looked like something out of a horror film. Detective Frost had been so disturbed he wasnt even able to enter the restroom. Korsack's face had been a mask of unexpressed emotions but by the set of his jaw I could tell the scene disturbed him more than usual. Upon first entering the bathroom Jane's face had been...well it was nothing I had ever seen.

Blood, guts and gore had never bothered me. To me 'guts' and 'gore' was simply tissue and organs, chemical compounds that made up the composition of a human body. I never associated crime scenes with any types of emotions because there was nothing emotional about the human body. Perhaps that's why I loved what I did so much. Being able to disassociate myself from having unnecessary emotions is what made me excellent. Jane, however, was incapable of the absence of feelings no matter how stoic she attempted to be. Somehow that is what made her such an accomplished detective. No matter how hard she would deny it I knew Jane had a softness on the inside that made working cases like this extremely difficult for her. She tried so hard to keep up a look of professional reserve when investigating a murder even though I knew she was bleeding on the inside, especially when there were children involved.

I had watched Jane closely from the corner of my eye as she studied the little girls broken and beaten body. Her entire demeanor had changed. She was no longer the Jane that had kissed me so sweetly only an hour before. The light in her eyes had vanished and was replaced with a darkness I wish I had never seen. My Janie was gone, replaced by Detective Rizzoli, and Detective Rizzoli belonged only to the victims and their families. There was no room in her head for thoughts of me.

I had worked myself tirelessly over the preceding several weeks often late into the night and returning early in the morning trying with a feverish desperation to find something, anything that would solve this case and give me back my Jane. Despite the grotesque nature of the scene there were almost no clues and the detectives despite their best efforts could find no leads. The perp had worn a condom durning the rape, had worn latex gloves during the attack, and had not left so much as a single hair or bead of sweat or even a foot print for me to work with. That was the worst part, coming up empty handed. The only information I was able to provide was that the girl had died of asphyxiation from drowning in the toilet bowl. Apparently the assailant had held the girls head under water until she had died.

I sat in my office alone for over an hour after I had discovered the cause of death staring blankly at my telephone. Normally when I found the cause of death Jane's extension was the first number I dialed within moments of the discovery. This time had been different. The sense of peace and accomplishment I normally felt when completing an autopsy alluded me like a wraith in the night. I sat in that chair for an hour feeling what I could only describe as maybe terror or something similar at the thought of having to tell Jane the little girl had died by being drowned in a toilet. I knew Jane was going to be devastated by the information, and even more devastated that I had nothing else to offer her. No clues, no DNA, not even so much as a decent theory as to whom had committed such a crime.

When Jane finally sought me out, walking into my office in the previous days clothing looking rumpled and dog tired, my mouth dried out and a stabbing pain shot through my chest. There had to be some scientific explanation for that, but I couldn't think of one.

"Death by drowning. Her head was held underwater until she died." I said quietly staring down at my hands. I couldn't bear to see the look on Jane's face. I knew what it looked like without having to see it. She was devastated and angry, hoping beyond hope that I had some other information that might help her. I couldn't seem to form the words in my mouth to tell her I had nothing else to offer. I had done everything I could, I had done my job exactly as I should have and had done so many times before. Still I felt like a failure. Worse I felt like I had failed Jane.

"Anything else?" Jane finally asked me her voice sharp and clipped from the effort it was taking to suppress her rage.

"I'll keep looking," was what I had manage to say, still not daring to look at Jane's face. She left without a word.

Over the next several days Jane descended into a cold dark place in her mind. Nothing and no one else matter to her except the victim. Jane didn't even seem to care about herself. She barely ate, and when she did it was only because Angela forced her to. One time Angela had even broken down into tears in the middle of the bull pen when she had brought up a plate of Jane's favorite lasagna she made specially for her hoping to get Jane to eat something. I wasnt there to see it but I had heard that Jane had snapped at Angela, screaming at her to get the hell out of the bullpen and let her get back to work. After that no one seemed very interested in speaking to Jane any more than necessary and Jane didn't seem to mind or perhaps she didn't even notice. She had become a woman obsessed and the result was almost frightening.

That particular night I actually left work early motivated by a compulsion to be with Angela. I had barely been able to speak to her since the case started and only saw her briefly at the café when buying coffee for what was going to be another long and miserable day. That night I just felt bare, spent, and exhausted, both physically and mentally. I was good to no one at work in that state and Jane wasn't returning my phone calls. Frankie had become scarce around the precinct so the only one I had left was Angela.

I found Angela sitting of the steps of the porch looking as worn down and defeated as I felt. She did manage to give me her best smile when she saw me approaching, I noticed though that the smile never touched her eyes. Our conversation that night had been long a labored. Mostly about Jane. There was a sadness to the woman that made me ache yet somehow seeing Angela in pain made me forget about my own, almost. apparently I wasn't the only one Jane was pushing away. She hadn't showed up to family dinner in two weeks and didn't so much as bothered to call. I hadn't realized how far Jane had sunk into the darkness until speaking to Angela. The woman was beside herself with worry. Even though I had sought her out for my own comfort I ended up being the one fighting tooth and nail to comfort her. Three glasses of wine and many tears later Angela had retired to the guest house leaving me alone with my loneliness and my thoughts. My house felt empty. Like something was missing. I knew what it was, there was no Jane.

The last thing I remembered from that night was opening the refrigerator and noticing a single beer, Jane's beer. I decided to drink it knowing that even though it made no logical since I just wanted to feel closer to her somehow. I hated beer but the taste reminded me of the smell of Jane's breath when she would let me curl up in her lap while she watched her sports games. The thought of never being able to experience that bond with Jane again crossed my mind. Those were the happiest moments of my life, curled up casually in the arms of the woman that meant more to me than anyone else in the world. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I barely saw Jane at all over the next few days. I buried myself in my work, resorting even to going through cold case files with a fine tooth comb, anything to keep my mind from focusing on the emptiness I was feeling inside. I had almost said no when NYU called me four days ago asking if I could speak at their lecture. But with things the way there were in Boston, and the misery I felt in my own home, time away seemed like the perfect opportunity to clear my head. It was only moments later that Jane had burst into my office. She was decidedly frumpy and wrinkled, there were dark circles under her sunken eyes and her hair looked like it hadn't been washed in a week. Even so I was glad to see her. I smiled despite myself.

"_We just got a call from the Pennsylvania Police Department. There was another attack on a small child at an elementary school there but he got interrupted by some kids that broke in to vandalize school property. The girl isn't dead but the boys were able to provide an image to a sketch artist. His picture is everywhere. They're gonna catch the guy. I know it_." Jane exclaimed bouncing on her toes excitedly. I felt a relief wash over me like ice water down my back. Nearly three weeks of hellish hysteria melted away like the last spring snow. Despite Jane's worn down appearance I could see the light twinkling in her eyes again.

"_Thank God"_ I thought despite myself, unconcerned that I didn't even believe in God.

"_That's great Jane, really wonderful news_." I still wasnt sure at the time how much of Jane's darkness was left in her and I didn't want to spook her by throwing my arms around her the way I wanted to.

Jane was unsatisfied by my reaction. I didnt' even see it coming but before I could so much as process what was happening she had swept me out of my chair and was spinning me around giggling.

_"Are you kidding me that's AWESOME news." _she exclaimed. The smile she gave me sent another one of those pains through my chest. This one hurt worse than ever. Seeing Jane's smile for the first time in three weeks brought every thought and feeling I had supressed sense the case started boiling over. She was so beautiful, as disheveled and unkempt as she looked...she was beautiful to me. Everything came rushing in. The smell of her hair, the touch of her skin, the sound of her voice, it was everything to me. Having Jane hold me in her arms flooded me with a since of joy and relief that shook me down to my core. I had missed her. I missed my sarcastic, messy, bossy, loud, bad ass Jane that love ME more than anyone or anything else. I had missed her sooo so much. And now finally in the comfort of her arms I felt everything again, everything I was terrified I might have lost. Relief and joy overcame all my sensibilities. The tears rolled down my face. I didn't bother to wipe them away. I didn't care in that moment who was watching, I didn't care what anyone would say. They didn't matter, no one mattered but the woman hold me in her arms.

Jane's face transformed into shock and then sadness. I didn't stop crying. I just wrapped my arms around her tighter and buried my face in her neck. Jane held me close rubbing her hands up and down my back rocking me slowly side to side shhushing me softly like one would a child.

"I missed you too." she whispered softly in my ear. I cried harder.

That had been three days ago. I still hadn't seen her much since then, the most time we had spent together was when I asked her to join me on my trip to New York which she had only agreed to after her row with Cavanaugh. But today was the day. We were supposed to be pulling out of the driveway in twenty minutes and I was no where near ready.

I was a frazzled mess. I wanted desperately to show Jane a good time. I had everything planned from to the restraunts where we would dine, the sights I wanted to see with her, and mostly I was excited about having her with me at my families home in Manhattan. I wanted to forget the nightmare of the last three weeks and I wanted Jane to forget with me. I wanted my Janie back.

The doorbell rang.

"Oh shoooot!" I cried grabbing up clothes and stuffing them back in my drawers unconcerned that they were not in the right place and would be wrinkly.

I quickly padded to my door in my bare feet trying to flatten my hair and adjust my bathrobe. I stopped in front of the door pausing to take a deep breath and compose myself.

I opened the door, "High Janie!" I cried in a broken high pitched voice. I could have kicked myself. Jane was looking at me in wide eyed wonder.

"WOMAN!" she exclaimed


	4. Chapter 4

Jane

Maura was a mess. In the three years I had known her I had never once seen her look so disheveled. The woman could run five miles in twenty four minutes and barely break a sweat and not even have one hair out of place. But this woman standing in front of me looked like a deer caught in headlights. I wanted to scream. We were supposed to be on the road in twenty minutes, a fact that she had assured me of the night before after I had made it a point to impress upon her the importance of punctuality. I knew how she was, there was always a ridiculous degree of primping involved with her, even to do simple things like run down to the grocery store. I myself could run up to seven eleven in basketball shorts and an old t-shirt, grab what I needed, and get the hell outta there and back to my couch in a matter of minutes. With Maura it was a freaking production just to set foot out the front freaking door.

I had managed to pack my suitcase in fifteen minutes. We were only going to be gone for three days. To me that meant four pair of underwear, four pair of pants, four shirts and the shoes I had on my feet. A tooth-brush, toothpaste, pajamas, deodorant, a hair brush, sunglasses and a sweatshirt in case it got cold and my bathing suit. But I knew Maura. If it was a production to walk out the door to grab some soda from the local grocery store a trip out of town with her, I knew, was going to challenge my patience like never before. But after the nightmare of the last few weeks I knew a trip out of down would be good for me. I had come to that conclusion with the help of Maura, Ma, and Lt. Cavanaugh but that was beside the point. I know I had been a nightmare to be around recently. The case had taken me to dark places that I'd rather leave unspoken. In three weeks I had managed to freak out half the department, piss of Cavanaugh, and make my own mother cry in front of everyone. But worst of all I knew I had been unfair to Maura. I had pushed her as far away as I possibly could. Even in the recesses of my own mind I had shoved thoughts of her far in the back where they couldn't interfere with my focus. It was almost subconscious, the case had disturbed me more than any other, ever. I had been determined to catch the psycho who raped, beat, and drowned and innocent little eight year old girl. So determined was I with catch the guy that I had was willing to sacrifice my relationships to those closest to me just to be able to focus. It killed me, it truly did. But there just wasnt enough room in my head for Maura and the case at the same time. Maura would forgive me I knew, but I still felt a terrible amount of guilt for disappearing on her the way I had.

So I had let her convince me to drive up to New York with her and I would sit through her boring ass lecture with a smile on my face because I owed it to her. I knew I did. Now that the case had broken all of my feelings for Maura came rushing back like a tidal wave washing the darkness from my mind and replacing it with the purest of devotion. Yet still her ass was running late and I HATED traffic.

I could tell she knew she was pushing her luck already. The guilty expression on her face made me shake my head and release a sigh from deep within me.

"WOMAN!" I exclaimed.

"I know, I know I'm so sorry I'm almost ready." she said grabbing my belt buckle and pulling me into her house. She closed the door behind her and turned to me with the face of a child that had just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Why did she have to be so freaking cute.

"You are wearing a bathrobe." I hissed through gritted teeth trying to resist the urge to clench my fist in frustration.

Maura looked down at herself and laughed nervously.

"It's ok." she said spinning on the spot and running toward her bedroom pulling off the robe as she went. "I just need to jump in the shower really quickly." she yelled back to me. Just before she was out of my field of vision I caught a glimpse of her nearly naked body. She wasnt wearing a bra, just a pair of lacy purple panties that hugged her well shaped form like a glove.

My frustration dissolved like sugar in water. For a few seconds my mind was wiped blank of all thoughts entirely. The vision of that womans body was storming through my head like a hurricane.

"_Goddamn"_ I thought to myself.

"Come in here Jane I don't want to have to yell." Maura called out to me reappearing in the doorway wrapped in a very expensive looking towel. It wasnt really much of a towel considering it just barely covered all the parts one might call private. The towel hugged her shape so closely my imagination was sent into overdrive. I couldn't stop myself from letting my eyes wander over her body absorbing the image in my head like a sponge. The towel started just above her nipples, allowing a healthy amount of flawless milky white cleavage exposed to the raping of my eyes, and it ended just below the triangle between her legs. My eyes lingered there I knew, but I just couldn't seem to tear them away. Her thighs were gorgeous, strong and shapely. An image of those legs wrapped around me waist flashed through my head.

"_Goddamn!_" I thought again. There was no room left in my thoughts for being angry with the woman. "_Goddamn"_

My staring must not have been lost on Maura because when my eyes finally found the strength to return to her face there was something in her expression that made me want to tear of that towel and take it's place. It was a grin, just barely a grin. The slight turning up of the corners of Maura's pretty pink lips that might have gone unnoticed to someone else, but to me it was as plain as day. The truth was not in the smile though but in the eyes. Those gorgeous hazel eyes were bright and beautiful and her eye lids were low giving her a look of seduction that would make the pope himself break before her beauty.

"Are you coming?" she asked me widening her smile a little. I thought I saw her shift the towel a little lower on her chest.

"Ummm...yeah!" my voice squeaked like a pubescent boy. I could have kicked myself. I knew I was trying to move but my feet seemed to have become frozen to the floor.

"Come on silly." she said turning away and walking back into her room. I finally got my feet to work and the last thing I saw before she disappeared into the bathroom was the towel drop on the floor. Her sexy, perfect ass disappeared around the corner.

I shuffled into her bedroom and took a seat on the edge of her bed next to a half packed suitcase. I heard the shower start.

"Janie can you come help me really quickly?" she called out to me. There was something about her voice that sounded mischievous. What the hell could she possible need my help with naked in the shower? My mouth had dried out like I had licked every square inch of the death valley.

"Ummm...what is it?" I called back. My legs weren't working again.

Her head appeared in the doorway as she leaned out exposing just a little bit more of her chest than the towel had covered. This time I turned my head away hoping furiously that she didn't notice the burning blush that had crept into my face. If she kept this up it was going to be one long ass trip.

"Can you finish packing for me, it will go faster if you do. I know how much you want to beat traffic." she had the nerve to say with a tone of innocence as if she had no idea what her nakedness was doing to me. I got the sudden feeling that she was enjoying this little game. I steeled my nerves. If she wanted to play I could play too.

"What do you need?" I asked forcing myself to turn back to her locking my eyes to hers willing for the strength to not further explore her unbelievable body.

Her smile was sweet revealing a mouth full of perfect white teeth. "I can't find my blue bikini? I'm worried my housekeeper might have sent it off to the laundry but it's my favorite and I need it."

_"Of course you do"_ I thought to myself sarcastically.

"Which drawer?" I said standing up and moving around the bed to the chest of drawers.

"Top left." She said brightly and disappeared into the bathroom again.

I pulled open the drawer and barely caught the gasp that almost escaped my mouth. I tried to cover with a cough. The drawer was full of thongs. My mouth was dry again.

"Everything ok?" Maura called from the shower. I sensed amusement in her voice.

"Fine!" I squeaked. I could have kicked myself again.

_"Come on Jane focus!"_ I berated myself. I took a deep breath before I found the strength to rummage through the drawer. There were just all kinds of thongs in there. It had to number around thirty or thirty-five pair all different colors and textures and styles, each one sexier than the last. _"Why are my hands shaking"_ I thought as my eyes landed on a particular pair that was a lacy black with long strings on the sides. That one must have been one you tied on. I could have passed out. All those times I secretly had watched the way that womans hips would sway when she walked and imagined to myself what was under those sexy little skirts and dresses she was always wearing, I can honestly say my imagination had never managed to conjure up the image in was envisioning right now.

I shook my head furiously trying not to let my mind run away with thoughts of Maura's body decorated in any one of those frilly, freaky, sexy ass thongs. I just stared pulling thongs out and stuffing them into my free arm so I could have more room to search for the bathing suit she wanted. Then there was only one left in the drawer. It was red, nearly see through lace with the long strings on the side to tie it in place. My heart skipped a beat. I loved Maura in red, the color on her did something crazy to her eyes that made then stand out like giant orbs of hazel beauty. I couldn't tell you now what I was thinking but I couldn't stop myself from reaching in a grabbing it for closer examination. It was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen in my life.

"I can wear it if you like." Maura said from the doorway to the bathroom. I literally jumped so hard I lost my balance and collapsed to the ground in a heap of thongs.

"Shit!" I exclaimed.

Maura raised her eyebrow at me, "Language." she said teasing me cruelly with a devilish smirk.

"Oh high girls, good I didn't miss you." Ma said popping up in the bedroom doorway in a bath robe, fuzzy blue slippers, and a covered dish in her hands.

I could have died, like actually died.

Ma's smile faltered just a little as she took in the scene. Me on the floor in a pile of Maura's underwear and Maura in her bathroom door way dripping wet and barely covered in that tiny little towel. I was mortified, but for some reason Maura was smiling and so was my mother now I noticed.

"Ma, what is it." I said hurriedly standing and trying to gather up all the thongs and stuff them back into the drawer as quickly as possible. I could feel my face burning with embarrassment.

"Well I just wanted to see you guys before you left and give you the baked Ziti I made for you guys. It's a long drive and I know you guys are going to be too tired to cook or go out once you get there so I thought you guys might like something easy. Just pop it in the oven at 350 for twenty minutes and it will be perfect." Ma said looking at Maura and not me I noticed. "Janie loves baked Ziti. It's what I would always make her when she was a child and she had gotten hurt or sick. It always made her feel better." I could have sworn I saw Ma wink at Maura out of the corner of my eye.

"Awww that's so sweet Angela." Maura said taking the dish and setting it on her night stand. "I'm sure it will be wonderful." she said beaming and wrapping my mother up in a tight hug.

I wanted to cry. Seeing Maura in an embrace with my mother in the state of undress she was in was making me feel a little sick. I was determined to end this craziness as soon as possible. Stuffing the last thong into the drawer I slammed it shut a little harder than necessary causing the two other women in the room to release their hug and turn back to me.

"It's not in here." I said shaking my head with a heavy sigh.

"Oh, oh well my housekeeper must have sent it off for cleaning." Maura said lightly. I got the feeling for some reason that she had know that it wasnt in the drawer before she asked me to look.

"Oh but I still need underwear, can you hand me the red pair?" Maura asked not even bothering to pretend like she didn't know exactly what she was doing.

"REALLY?" I asked throwing my hands up in disbelief.

"Yes," Maura said matter of factly "Unless you'd prefer for some reason that I not wear underwear at all." The smile on her face made me want to scream at her and kiss her at the same time.

"Jesus Christ!" I said pulling out the drawer roughly and snatching out the lacy red thong slamming the drawer shut harder than I had the first time and tossing in on the bed close to Maura. "Here," I almost shouted at her.

Maura's eyes were shining with amusement. I thought she might actually be trying to choke back laughter.

"Ohhhh that so pretty," Ma exclaimed picking up the thong and looking it over.

"OH MY GOD MA REALLY?"

"What? Im just saying it's beautiful. Is this hand stitched lace?" Ma asked Maura while she held up the thong to her face studing it more closely. If I felt like I was going to die before it was nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to what I was feeling in that moment watching my mother fondling the stitching on the thong I had just been day dreaming of on the body of the woman that was standing in a towel dripping wet right next to her.

"It is actually." Maura said almost proudly "Do you like it?" she had to nerve to ask my mother.

"Oh I love it." Ma said practically gushing over the lacy red thong. I felt like passing out again.

"It runs in the family." Maura said flashing her eyes towards me quickly before turning her head slightly so I couldn't see her grin.

I was speechless.

"Janie doesn't appreciate the beauty of things like this and how they compliment a womans body. She only wears those cotton boys cut haynes. Can you imagine?" Ma said breaking out into laughter.

"MA," I wailed. I just could not believe what the hell was happening.

"I can," Maura said in a low devilish voice running her eyes over my body with that mischievous grin that made a fire in my lower abdomen. Her eyes lingered just for an instant around my hips before her smile widened a little more leaving me feeling oddly stripped down.

The burning in my belly was spreading lower and lower. I shifted my legs slightly willing myself to think of something else before my cotton boy cut haynes became to soggy to wear. This was just all to much for me.

"You know what, you know what Ma thank you so much for the Ziti I'm sure it will be delicious," I said scooting over to her and pulling the thong out of her hands, tossing it back on the bed. "But we really have to be getting on the road and Miss Maura over here needs her freaking panties back or we'll never get the hell outta here." I was practically hustling my mother out the door desperate to end this ridiculous charade.

"Ok, well I just wanted to say I love you guys and drive safely. Make sure and call me when you get there so I don't have to worry about you two." Ma said stopping at the bedroom door and turning around to face Maura despite my best efforts to keep the procession going.

"Take care of my Janie." Ma smiled to Maura.

"Oh I will," Maura replied. I thought I saw her wink at my mother.


	5. Chapter 5

Jane

We were stuck in traffic, and I was stuck in a nightmare. It had taken over an hour to finally get Maura dressed, packed and ready to walk out the door. After my mother had left Maura and I had been in a whirl wind of playful bickering and running around like crazy people trying to get the hell out the door. I had scolded Maura mercilessly about her shameless behavior in front of my mother. She of course had vehemently denied any wrong doing and insisted it was all innocent fun. I had wanted to shake her I was so embarrassed and frustrated. But Maura, knowing me all to well, had fixed me with her best pouty face and pulled me into a hug that I couldn't stop myself from falling into. I could still feel her wet hair on my cheek smelling beautifully of the shampoo I loved so much. It was just impossible to stay mad at her and I know she knew just what to do to get her way with me.

Now here we were in a half mile back up on the interstate and we hadn't even gotten out of the city yet. Maura was chatting away excitedly about all her big plans for the long weekend. I was bitterly gripping the steering wheel wishing I could will the traffic away with my mind.

"...and then we will have lunch with Ian before we take the ferry to Ellis Island. Oh I can't wait to see the statue of liberty with you Janie." Maura was practically bouncing in her seat with excitement.

"Ian?" I asked trying to make my tone light despite the rage even I was surprised to find flowing through me.

"Yes, you've met him." Maura said casually.

The stab of jealousy in my chest hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Yeah, when he was sleeping with you. I don't wanna see that guy again let alone have to eat with him." I said darkly. The grip of my fingers on the steering wheel had become so intense my knuckles were actually turning white.

"Janie Ian and I are just friends now and he likes you. It will be fun." Maura said lightly. I knew she was trying to disarm my anger.

I didn't feel any better about it.

"You know what, why don't you and _Ian_ have lunch together alone that day. I can hang out around the city until you get finished." I spat. I know I sounded like a brat but I just couldn't help myself for the life of me. The last thing I wanted to do in the whole world was to have to break bread with a man who had seen Maura in any of those thongs I couldn't seem to stop thinking about. The tightness in my chest was growing just thinking about the guy. I decided right then that I hated Ian.

"Jane," Maura said, her voice high with displeasure "I want to spend time with you that's the point of this whole trip." she said turning in her seat to face me more.

"Really? Are you sure it's not just cause you miss your boyfriend?" I grumbled. I knew that was unfair but once again I couldn't help myself.

I wouldn't have blamed Maura for being angry with me at my low shot. She didn't belong to me after all, not technically, not officially. She was her own woman and could do as she pleased. I knew that, but it didn't mean I had to like it. She was my Maura in my mind, MY Maura.

Maura was silent for a few moments. I could tell she was looking at my face, studying me. I tried to keep my expression neutral. I knew I was failing.

"I will cancel with him if you don't care to join us. I want to spend my time with you." she said softly. There was sadness in her voice, it almost sounded like hurt.

My jealously faded away only to be replaced by guilt and frustration with myself. I couldn't even stand to think that I might have hurt her. Why did I have to be such a freaking brat sometimes. I loosened my grip on the steering wheel a little.

"I'm sorry Maura, of course we'll go if that's what you want." I said giving her a quick pained smile before turning my attention back to the road.

"I really did ask you to come with me because I wanted to spend some time with you." she said leaning back against the headrest. I could see from my peripheral that she was smiling.

The rest of the ice in my chest that had formed at the mention of Ian melted away.

"I know Maur. I sorry for being an ass its just been a really really long few weeks." I sighed deeply remembering the person I had become over the course of that time. I shook my head as if I could shake the thoughts out but they were still there haunting me.

Maura was silent a few moments again.

"I was really really worried about you." Maura said taking my hand and covering it with both of hers. Her hands were so soft, warm, and so smooth. Maura cradled my hand in her own like she was holding a precious relic that if it were broken all hope was lost. I felt her thumb run back and forth over the back of my hand and my entire right arm broke out in goose bumps.

"You don't have to worry about me Maur I'm fine." I said trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. I didn't want to think about Maura worrying over me.

"You would tell me you were fine if you were on fire." Maura chuckled squeezing my hand slightly.

I couldn't help myself from laughing.

"That is not true Maura," I scoffed

Maura's giggles were infections, "Yes it is," she said undeterred. "You are the Knight in that movie that keeps saying 'it's just a flesh wound' as all his appendages are being chopped off."

I could stop myself from laughing outright, "Monty Python?" I exclaimed. I couldn't believe the woman had ever seen that movie. We're talking about someone who watched movies in french with no subtitles and cried and stuff at them saying how beautiful they were. What they hell could she now about freaking Monty Python. "Maur come on that's crazy," I gushed trying to make light of the situation.

"I'm making a joke of it because I love you and you respond more to humor than to scolding or lectures but in all honesty I'm serious. You are that Knight and I worry about you." Maura said carefully pulling my hand toward her face and running her nose gently across my fingers. It was the softest touch, careful but somehow it still felt comfortable, like she was trying in inhale my essence.

"I don't want that for you Maur," I said sighing again and shaking my head. "I want you to be happy."

"I am when I'm with you, when you let me love you they way I want to." I felt her lips brush the back of my hand placing one gentle beautiful kiss on each one of my fingers.

It felt like I was drowning and flying at the same time again. I hadn't felt that way in weeks, and never about anyone other than her. I couldn't believe the power this woman had over me. No one, ever...EVER could make me feel the way I was feeling in that moment. No kiss I had ever shared with another living soul had touch me down to the very core of my being the way Maura's lips on the back of my hand was. It felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest and I actually thought I might vomit. But I just didn't have the strength to do this with her right now. It was a four hour drive to New York on a good day and we were stuck in stand still traffic in Boston still.I was already dog tired having not yet caught up on all of the sleep I had lost during the last several weeks. I needed to change the mood. Reluctantly I pulled my hand away and flipped on the radio.

"You don't have to worry about me now I really am fine," I said with a finality I hoped Maura would pick up on.

I heard her sigh, it was soft but I could tell she was disappointed and frustrated. But god bless the woman for having the grace to let me back out of the moment.

"I hate this music," she said turning away from a classic rock song that I loved.

"Hey I liked that one." I said playfully swatting at Maura's pretty hand on the dial.

Maura giggled, "It's just noise and screaming. Let's find something better." she said flipping through the stations.

"It's not noise, it's rock. You don't know about that miss Yo Yo Ma"

"HA HA!" Maura scoffed sarcastically

"Ooooo I love this one." she said settling on a station I never listened to.

The sounds of a base line picked up in the car, Maura turned up the volume and started humming the lyrics softly to herself. Her head was bobbing with the beat as her soft soprano hum complimented the lyrics. It took me a second to recognize the song and when I did I could not stop myself from staring at her in wonder.

"What do YOU know about some Genuine," I exclaimed

"What do you mean?" she asked turning to me with an expression on her face like what I was saying was hard to understand.

"What do you mean what do I mean?" I couldn't stop myself from retorting. "What does a boarding school bred, Ivy league educated, tea party attending, yo yo ma listening to, boogie boo like you know about riding a pony?" I chuckled in disbelief as the irony of the situation fully washed over me.

"Music isn't exclusive to any social class. I love Yo Yo Ma. It's wonderful for relaxation, meditation, quiet dinners and easy listening. But R&B and even some hip hop is what I prefer when I'm having sex." she said as nonchalantly as if she were stating that the sky is blue.

I choked on my own spit and started coughing violently in spite of myself. Maura patted me on the back until my coughing died down.

"Are you alright," she asked me sympathetically

"I'm fine," I lied

"Good," She said turning the volume up even louder.

Maura's entire body started to move with the rhythm of the music. Her hips were making slow circles in the seat in perfect harmony with the beat and her shoulders rocked and bounced with an expert rhythm I didn't even know she had.

"I'm horny, let's do it, ride it, my pony, my saddles waiting come and jump on it." Her voice sang with the track surprisingly pretty in a high falsetto. Her entire body was moving now in a way so sexual it was hard for my brain to even register what was happening. They way her hips were winding in the seat made it hard to breath. That fire in my lower abdomen was blazing full force.

"Maura, what the hell are you doing?" I screeched. My voice was high pitched and almost hysterical. It was suddenly so hot in the car. I had to unfasten the top to buttons of my shirt.

It wasn't bad enough that Maura knew the song word for word or that she was apparently a surprisingly good dancer, oh no that wasn't enough for her. The look she was giving me now was...oh my god if I could see that look every day for the rest of my life I would die with a smile on my face.

"I'm just a bachelor, looking for a partner," she said running a finger through my hair never breaking the rhythm of her gyrating hips. I had goosebumps on every square inch of my body.

"Someone who know's how to ride, with even falling off," she sang bouncing in her seat with a sexuality I just didn't know the woman possessed. Why was it so fucking hot in the car. I pulled at the top of my wife beater nervously.

"Gotta be compatible, take me to my limits! Girl when I break you off I promise that you wont want get off." With the last lyric Maura stuck a finger in her mouth slowly pushing it further in never ever once did her hips miss a beat as she eyed me with a look could melt butter. I thought I was going to burst into flames. My underwear needed changing.

"I'm gonna need you to stop doing what your doing." I exclaimed pulling at my wife beater again. It was suffocatingly hot in the car.

"What am I doing?" Maura asked slipping the finger out of her mouth and slowly running it over her chin and down her neck leaving a streak of glistening moisture until it came to rest at the top of the cleavage her spaghetti strap top revealed. This just could not be happening. I felt myself swallow hard. Who the hell was this woman sitting next to me. It certainly wasnt the pristine debutante that I thought I had known so well for so long. This woman was something different. Something free, uninhibited, and absolutely beautiful.

"Maura stop," I squeaked. I had never been so horny in my entire existence. If I took how horny I felt each and every time I had a sexual encounter in my life, combined them, then multiplied by ten it MIGHT come close to what I was feeling in that moment, stuck in traffic, looking at the most beautiful woman in the world giving the passenger seat a happy ending.

Maura had no concern for the state I was in. She seemed to be enjoying herself and the song immensely. She was dancing in a way I would expect to see from a completely different person. I didn't dare to think about how sexy she might be if she had more room to work with. I was fairly positive that her car seat had just gotten lucky and so had everybody else the cars stuck in a stand still around us. Maura only picked up the pace lost in her moment. She and that damn song had become one, and she was moving as if that the song had been especially made for her.

She turned to me with the look in her eyes I had seen early when she was staring at my hips. Breathing was becoming difficult for me but I just could not tear my eyes away from that woman. I knew my jaw was hanging open and I didn't even care to close it. I'm pretty sure it was frozen in that position anyway. I wanted to speak but the words just caught in my throat like a fly had flown into my mouth and was threatening to choke me to death.

"Sitting her flossin, peeping your steelo," she sang directly at me, eyeing me up in a way even I was afraid I couldn't handle. "Just once if I had the chance, the things I would do to you." Maura's arms lifted and she ran her fingers through her hair staring at me with an intensity that I just knew was going to kill me, and lord those hips just wouldn't stop moving. "You and your body," she said running a finger down my arm that was frozen in shock, "every single portion, send chills up and down your spine," She smiled at me leaving in closer. She was singing directly into my ear now, her breast were brushing my arm as her shoulders gyrated to the rhythm. I really needed to change my underwear but I couldn't so much as speak let alone make that happen. I felt her hand on my knee "juices running down your thigh," she said into my ear and her hand ran up my leg. I was on fire.

"Alright that's enough, Jesus Christ that's enough," I said trying to find oxygen to breath. I flipped off the radio and gripped the steering wheel as tightly as I could as if that was the only thing saving me from spontaneously combusting.

"But Janie, that's such a good song!" Maura moaned sitting back in her seat, crossing her arms, and huffing.

"I know Maura," my voice broke "lets just have some quiet time ok!" I said turning on the ac full blast.

"Fine!" Maura pouted

"Ok" I said, still gripping the steering wheel for dear life.

I was just so damn hot in the car.


	6. Chapter 6

**Maura**

**"**Thank you James," I said to the valet. I slid the young man a twenty dollar bill which he took happily, his youthful face lighting up like christmas. "My friend and I will need a driver here at noon tomorrow morning to take us to the university, can you see to that for me?" I smiled at him. The smile he returned me revealed a mouth full of yellowed grossly uneven teeth, which normally would have put me off, but something about the innocense still left in his face made him adorable.

"Yes ma'am, of course ma'am" he pratically gushed at me. "Do you need anything else? I can carry your bags to your room for you if you like," his blue eyes twinkled with something that looked like a school age crush. I gave my most gracious smile to the ackward gangly youth. I suddenly became aware of Jane's presence as she popped up at my side almost as if on que.

"Its all good Romeo, I can take it from here." Jane said in a dangerous tone, I even thought I saw her flash the poor boy her badge out of the corner of my eye. I looked up at her to see that her eyes were glaring at the youth threateningly as if daring him to challenge her. I had seen that look on Jane's face before, but it had always been directed at perpatrators and criminals. I was a little bit surprised that she had taken such a tone with this obviously innocent young man who was only trying to do his job. I had to believe that somewhere in the recesses of Janes mind she knew she was being unfair to the boy, but pointing it out in front of him might turn some of that misplaced anger around on me. I decided to end the exchange quickly and scold Jane later for her rudeness. Besides the energy rolling off of her was giving off a powerful air of neanderthal like barbarianism that was making even me a little bit uncomfortable. Though I knew Jane was only trying to protect me. Even still I had known the boys father for years, he owned the valet company that was contracted to work this building, and I felt slightly guilty about letting Jane size up the boy so boldly.

The boys face was absent his cheesy grin now and was instead full of wide eyed intimidation upon seeing Jane's expression. I would have laughed if I hadn't been so dog tired and slightly irritated by Jane's unnecessary demeanor.

"Jane," I said lightly, hoping my weariness wasn't showing in my voice. "Will you grab the bags out of the car please I'm very tired and I'd like to lie down." I flashed her my best smile. I was glad to see Jane couldn't stop from smiling back.

"Yeah I got it," she said, eyeing the boy one last time before returning to the car to do as I had asked.

"How is your father doing James?" I asked him trying to diffuse his discomfort.

"Oh he's doing good. Thanks for asking," the boy said. His eyes were darting nervously to the car and Jane. I almost chuckled. I hated that he had to end up on the wrong side of Jane's ire, but I couldn't help but find humor in the way Jane could size a man down with a single sentence and a hateful look.

_"My badass." _I thought as I opened my wallet to fish out another twenty sliping it to him quickly with a wink before Jane could see. Jane turned up next to me a few seconds later laden down with luggages and backpacks and even my purse was slung over her shoulder.

"Are we ready?" She beamed at me excitedly, a little breathless from her burdon. She looked so sweet like that I forgot all about my irritation from moments before. I was so happy to see she was actually still excited. The trip had been a hellish one taking over seven hours, a great deal of that time was sitting in traffic in Boston and then again upon entering New York itself. Towards the end Jane had reduced herself to yelling at fellow drivers and manuvering the car so recklessly I had to scream at her twice to slow down and calm down. At one point she and I had actually gotten into a screaming match after a particulary frightening close call with another car that was entirely Jane's fault. After that I was so flustered I had demanded that she pull over and let me drive. That demand had been met with almost childlike defiance resulting in a clipped and frustrated exchange that left us both weary and completely over the car experience. I made a mental note to never, ever, let Jane drive on a long car trip again, especially not to a big city.

The remainder of the drive had been spent in exhausted weary silence, our only verbal exchanges being Jane asking for directions and my responses. At one point I was worried that the whole trip was going to be a disaster even though it had started so well. But seeing Jane's now easy smile and childlike excitement made me feel relief and so much love for the woman. I knew she was trying to have a good time for me in spite of herself.

"Let me carry something Jane," I exclaimed, knowing what the answer would be even before I asked.

"No no, I got it. Just lead the way." she said trying her hardest to not appear to be struggling with the baggage.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head yet I could not stop the sympathetic smile I felt forming on my face.

"Follow me," I said heading toward the elevators in front of us.

"See you at noon chump," I heard Jane growl to the boy behind me. I thought I heard him squeak. I smiled.

I held the elevator door while Jane stuffed herself inside with the bags setting them down with an exasperated sigh once she was inside.

"Why can't you let me carry something?" I asked her incredulously "Putting excessive strain on the muscles of the skeletal system and on the back is very dangerous to proper spinal alignment. It can lead to muscle tears, strains, sprains, slipped disk and even hernias." I scolded Jane releasing my finger from the elevator door open button and allowing it to close.

"Maur, you're smaller than me. And you're wearing heels, a skirt and that top looks really expensive. I can handle the bags." she said trying to sound reassuring. "besides ladies don't carry bags, they have suitors carry their bags for them." Jane expressed to me proudly. I thought I even saw her chest poke out a little. I chuckled, she was just adorable despite how rediculous she was being.

"Are you my knight in shining armor?" I asked seductively running my eyes over her body. Sometime during the trip Jane had done away with her button down and was left only with a black wife beater that clung to her gorgeous form like paint. The black shirt with her olive skin and dark hair was, I had to admit, absolutely sexy.

"I'll be you're Knight all night," she said with a husky growl pulling me into her arms. Jane buried her face in my neck landing dozens of playful sweet kisses that sent waves of fire through my entire body.

I squealed excitedly trying without much effort to wiggle out of Jane's arms. She was making silly kissing sounds with each actual kiss she placed on my tender neck and giggling at my lame attempts to struggle free. I couldnt help myself from giggling like a teenage girl. The level of goofyness surrounding this silly exchange between she and I, and how much I absolutely loved it surprised even me. I had never, ever in my whole life behaved in such a way with any lover of mine. Worse, Jane wasn't technically my lover, yet. I had every intention of seeing that to pass but even so, as things were between us, I still felt a comfort with her that I had never known before.

I had cared for men before, cared for them deeply even. I certaintly had been known to have sexual attractions to men and found pleasure in my sexual relationships. But I had always approached sex in the past as something people did to relieve an inherant desire to procreate and to feel the pleasure that the release of endorphanes orgasms produced. At the end of the day, all my past sexual encounters had been all about having my needs met. I guess I had never found it necessary to endure the type of playful fun as I was with Jane with anyone else. But this woman had exposed me to so many things I had never felt before, and so many experiences I never even knew I was missing. In three years Jane had managed to strip away a lifetime of my preconcieved notions and canvas my heart and my mind with thoughts and feelings that made me the completely different person that I was today. In Jane's arms I could put away the cold, reserved, always logical, never emotional Dr. Isles, and instead allow myself to be free to explore all the things I now knew I had been missing.

"OH my God Jane stop...stooop!" I wailed playfully as I continued to try and wriggle myself free. I hadn't managed to stop giggling and neither had she.

"NO Maura you will let me love you until my heart is content," she said in a childish playful tone. Her sweet little pecks traveled up my neck along my jaw and to my ear. My body was writhing more now with sexual excitement than with struggling to get away. The feeling of Jane's breath in my ear was sending chills through my whole body. I grabbed Jane's shoulders a little more roughly than necessary but I was trying to steady myself before my knees gave out beneath me. Jane must have picked up on the change in my body language because slowly she moved her head around to face me, dragging her sweet lips across my cheek as she did. Bringing her head right in front of mine she stared directly into my eyes.

Her expression at first was one of disbelief but her eyes bore into mine like a drill into the earth, searching, digging like she was trying to find the answer to a question. Then her face changed entirely. The look of disbelief was replaced with one of pure unadulterated lust. I had noticed Jane secretly eying up various parts of me a million times in the past but she would always catch herself and look away hoping, I knew, that I or anyone else hadn't noticed. When it first started happening, about six months after we met, I had been taken back a little, unsure if I had actually seen what I thought I saw. But as time passed the stolen looks had become more frequent, more intense, and far more drawn out. When it got to the point that I could no longer deny what I was noticing I had been flattered. At some point I began remembering those looks on her face late at night when I was alone in my bed. Sometimes I had even touched myself thinking of her. Before long I found myself remembering what I was wearing when she would stare at me and started designing my entire wardrobe around what I knew she liked. I loved the way Jane's eyes would light up every time I walked into a room, sometimes her jaw would fall just a little when she couldn't stop herself from being blown away. Those moments always made my heart skip a beat. Those looks had become my reason to draw breath.

But despite all of our longing, stolen glances Jane had never, ever found it in her to look directly into my eyes with every ounce of lust she felt in her heart. That was the look she was giving me now. My body responded instantly with a flood of sexual energy moving to my core. My breath quickened a little as the intensity of the wave washed through me.

Jane's eyes were on fire, with very little effort on her part she pushed me into the wall of the elevator. My back hit so hard it almost knocked the breath out of me. I was taken aback.

"Owww Jane," I exclaimed my voice high pitched with shock.

I would have protested further but she was on me before I could form any more thoughts. Her body was all over me, her hips pushing mine into the wall locking me there, a slave to her desire. Her hands ran slowly down my sides as she rubbed her cheek against mine moving her lips right next to my ear again.

"My sweet Maura," she whispered into my ear in a voice deep and rippled with sexuality. That rush of desire was back full force, the thought of the pain in my back was lost in the recesses of my mind. Her head moved in front of mine again locking eyes with me.

"I thought you liked to play dirty," she whispered, her lips almost touching mine. I had no words for her, there was nothing left to say, there was only doing, and that I did.

I wrapped both of my hands in the wildness of her long curly black locks closing my fist tightly and bringing her lips right up against mine.

"What do you know about what I like?" I said breathily, my voice trembled a little with barely contained yearning.

Jane's hands found my rib cage and pushed my body back, her lips locked with mine. I was on fire. The kiss was slow at first, almost tender and then it became something else entirely.

We surrendered to each other and our lust entirely. The kiss became desperate, hungry, and passionate. My every emotion that I had for this woman was being channeled into that kiss. Our tongues were dancing in each others mouths like a well coreographed waltz, Jane's was the lead and mine was more than happy to follow. Both of our bodies were trembling with desperation, my grip on the back of her head tightned, my hips bucked and moved against hers as the throbbing of my sex grew to an uncontainable level. I could feel a flood of my juices pouring out of the depths of me and soaking my pretty red thong and the upper parts of my thigh. The feeling was so intense I had to break the kiss for a moment, I wasn't able to stop the high pitched breathy moan that escaped my mouth.

"Oh my God Janie," I said in a soft unsteady whisper.

Jane took this as an invitation to explore me further. There was no more gentleness left in her, Jane was an animal now fuel only by her desire to have me. Her hands ran down my body stopping at the hem of my skirt and pulling it up roughly, pulling until the skirt was around my waist and my entire lower body was exposed for the taking.

"Oh my GOD!" I managed to get out before Jane's lips covered mine again. This time the kiss was all lust and desire, passionate and damn near dirty. I felt Jane bend down a little and lift one of my legs up and around her waist. I wanted to cry out in shock but she refused to let my lips leave hers so instead a squeal escaped my mouth into hers.

"You're so fucking sexy," she said finally releasing my lips from their pleasure. The look in her eyes was fire and desire, her hair was a tousled mess from my hands running through it like field mice through the forrest.

"Shut up and kiss me," I said pulling her lips back to mine. Jane complied without arguement. My core was burning, my thighs were soaked, my breath was heavy and labored.

Jane hands moved up my thighs, feeling them, exploring them, carressing them. Another shaky moan escaped my mouth into hers, a desperate moan was returned by her almost immediatly. Her voice too was unsteady and breathy which only made me more desperate to have her. I felt her hands on my hips, running themselves along my hip bones until they were behind me. Jane cupped the bottom of my buttocks and lifted me up with no effort at all pushing her own hips under me to balance me there. Without thinking I wrapped my legs around her waist and laughed a little into her mouth. I had imagined surrendering to Jane a million times, but I had never imagined it would be like this. This, whateve this was, was far better than anything I could have dreamed up on my best day.

"God you are just so SEXY!" Jane growled almost with an angry passion. I knew the juice between my legs was soaking the front of Jane's pants but I didn't care and neither did she. We had no care for anything in the world but each other at that moment. Our lust had overcome each and every one of our sensibilities blocking out all logical thought. We had forgotten where we were, why we were there, and that there were actually other people in the world besides the one that was right in front of us. I was in a state of desire that I had never visited before and now that I had finally found my way there I had no intention of leaving.

Our lips met again as our tongues danced to the orchastra of sweet heavenly sexualy music that our bodies were making with each other. Jane's hands were on my hips again, this time feeling for something. I felt her smile against my lips when she found the knots of the lacy strings that tied my thong onto my body. With one quick pull the knots were undone. A mere second lated the thong was ripped from between my legs in one fast almost painful jerk and tossed over her shoulder without so much as a second glance. I thought I was going to explode all over Jane's front. Jane's hips were gyrating into my own now as our tongues continued their escapade, I matched the movement of my own hips with hers, both of our bodies becoming insynce with each other like the firing of pistons in an engine. So much sexual energy was built up in my core now that my legs were shaking uncontrollably, signaling a need for a release.

We could barely keep our lips locked at this point, both of our breathing was so shallow and shaky we were reduced to trading kisses inbetween trembling moans of pleasure.

I didn't even know it was coming but two of Jane's fingers entered me with an almost painful force. I gasped. My head flew back and hit the elevator wall hard. I barely felt it. I couldn't stop the scream of pleasure that escaped my mouth. Jane bit my bottom lip, a deep, desperate moan escaped her own mouth as her long fingers moved deeper and deeper inside of me. I could feel my juices pouring over her fingers like butter over popcorn. My legs were shaking so hard now it was becoming difficult for Jane to balance me, but she would not be stopped. She spread her legs for leverage and pushed her torso into mine, crushing me against the wall. She broke our kissing to pull her head back just enough so that our lips were just inches from each other but our eyes met, locking there like magnets.

"I wanna see your face when I make you come!" she said. I could have come right then she was just that beautiful to me in that moment.

"Ohhhh Janie," I managed to choke up. I felt Jane's fingers curl inside of me slowly, deliberatly. I cried out in uninhibited passion. No longer able to control my body my back arched dangerously, almost knocking Jane over but she was a woman on a mission. I felt her other hand leave my waist and wrap around my neck, not with enough force to choke me, just enough to hold me there.

"Shhhhiiiitttt!" was the word that escaped my mouth. I was never one to curse much but I had no other words to properly compliment what I was feeling as Jane's fingers went to work exploring the inside of me. My legs were trembling harder than they ever had in my life. Jane's fingers moved even deeper into me. I grabbed her shoulders for balance. The waves of pleasure were becoming almost painful and my body was becoming harder to control. My feelings of love and exstacy and desire were becoming so intense I found myself fighting back tears of pleasure.

"You like that?" Jane whispered against my lips.

"OHHH G-G-GOD!" I moaned loudly between heaving gasp of breath. "I've wanted you since the day I met you!" I said. If there was ever a time to say it, this was it. I didn't even think about it first, it just escape my mouth like a run away train. But I didn't bother regretting it, because the look that took over Jane's face made me want to weep with the pleasure that was flowing through me like a million volts of electricity. I knew that I was barely holding back a pandora's box of tender feelings that along with Jane's unbridled expression of lustful wonder, were threatening to reduce me to a wailing weeping disaster. But it took me by surprise to see the tears that were streaming down Jane's face. She wasn't even bothering to try and wipe them away. She wasn't sobbing out right, her face had barely changed at all. Her eyes were still locked to mine and her lips were trembling slightly but the tears were rolling down her cheeks like a water fall. The truth was in her eyes. All I saw there was relief, thankfullness, and the greatest amount of love I had ever felt in my entire life. If I did right in that moment, I would have considered my life complete.

"I love you Maura Isles!" her voice so soft I could barely hear her, but I saw it written all over her face.

"Baby," I said placing my hands gently on the sides of her beautiful olive skinned face. I knew I was smiling the most sincere smile of my life.

The elevator doors opened suddenly, cutting off the moment like a headsmans axe.

Jane and I were both frozen in shock.

We hadn't even left the garage level. I hadn't even remembered to push the button for my floor. I had actually forgotten we were in an elevator at all.

Standing in the doorway was the young valet and Ian with a bouqet of roses.

You should have seen the looks on their faces.


	7. Chapter 7

**Jane**

Thirty minutes, that's about how long it had been since my world had crumbled around me. Thirty minutes. THirty minutes since the elevator door had opened. THirty minutes since I had seen the expressions on the faces of the two men standing there. One wore a look of unrivaled sexual arousal, the other a look of complete shock, pain, and humiliation. THirty minutes! THirty minutes since Maura had shoved me away from her with so much force I had tripped over the luggage crammed haphazardly into the elevator losing my balance and hitting the back of my head so hard against the elevator wall I had literally seen stars and everything had gone all fuzzy and blurry for a few moments. Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes since I had seen the way Maura had looked at him, him being the man bearing the name I just could not find the strength the mention. The man who apparently meant so much to Maura that in a span of two seconds his mere presence was able to shock Maura into forgetting all regard for myself and my feelings, focusing instead on this man's needs instead of my own. THirty minutes since my tears of unfathomable joy had dried up on my cheeks like an ice cube in the innermost bowels of hell. Thirty minutes since the world had stopped spinning and all thoughts of happiness were driven from my like dust in the wind.

The floor of Maura's bathroom floor was cold against my rear, cold like the hollow pit that was left where my full heart had been minutes before. The huge clawfoot bathtub that my back leaned against was absolutely freezing. I felt a chill run down the entire length of my spine and shuddered uncontrollably before I could catch myself. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to trap what little warmth I might have left inside my body from escaping. I held myself tightly, leaning into my own arms and rocking back and forth on my hind quarters fighting tooth and nail to hold in the feelings, the awful, painful, dreadful feelings that were filling up the inside of me like cement fills a whole. That's all there was left in the center of me, just a whole. An empty, bottomless, dark, frightening hole that was growing exponentially, threatening to swallow up the very essence of me.

The guest bathroom in Maura's families ritzy downtown Manhattan apartment was, as to be expected, the image of wealth and beauty. The cold floor beneath my feet was the purest of white marble, so beautiful I felt dirty by comparison. The specially made oversized claw foot bathtub at my back was a deep ebony black that enhanced the streaks of black in the marble floor like the two were made just to compliment each other. The probably had been. The cabinets to my left were a gorgeous eggshell, glossy and pristine as if they had never been touched and were only there for display, the counter tops were a swirl of white and black marble the like of which I had never seen. The huge mirror hanging on the wall was framed in a gorgeous, what appeared to be hand made, iron frame which would never be duplicated and certainly not to be found on display at the local Pier One Imports. Everything about this huge bathroom, something like the size of my living room, spoke of refined class, immense wealth, and a belittling pretentiousness almost as if it were on display simply to mock those unfortunate enough to be only visitors in the home. I felt like even less than that, I felt as insignificant as the single empty roll of toilet paper tossed haphazardly into the stainless steel trashcan next to the ridiculous expensive looking toilet to my left. I felt about as valuable as the pretty, polished, silver handled toilet bowl scrubber on the other side of the trashcan.

I couldn't bring myself to stand. Not only because of the weakness in my knees and the throbbing ache at the back of my head, but because I couldn't bear to see the image of myself in that gorgeous hand made wrought iron framed mirror that hung so proudly on the wall. I did not want to see the reflection there. I did not want to see what I knew would be the image of a woman not only unworthy of Maura's love, but unworthy of even taking a shit in that house. I did not want to look. The mirror was Maura. The mirror was unique, well made, high class, a symbol of a level of refined taste and old money, something someone like me had no business interacting with unless it was to clean its shiny surface in the event that it might, god forbid, become smudged. The mirror was Maura.

I was, and I knew now for sure, I truly was exactly what the reflection would show if I had the strength to stand. I was less than, I was beneath, I was insignificant, unworthy even of standing before it. I was something to be used for amusement when there was nothing better around, something fun to do to make the mirror feel self important in the absence of those that were worthy. The mirror didn't want to waste its self on me, it wanted something better, needed something better, deserved something better...it was made for something better. The mirror was not for me, the mirror was Maura.

I didn't want to think of Ian, I didn't want to think of how many times he might have stood in front of that mirror without a care in the world. How many times had he seen himself in that reflection upon a morning after a night spent making love to Maura. How many times had his smug face stood there brushing his pearly whites, replaying images of Maura's body under his from the night before. How many times did Maura stand in the reflection beside him, leaning against him, still beaming with the glow of the pleasure he had given her. How many times did they both dream of how they would stand there together every morning, just like that, completely and totally in love.

Thirty minutes now. Thirty minutes since my world had crumbled around me. Thirty minutes since everything I thought I knew and everything I thought I had felt was blown away like a target bottle at the end of a rifle scope. That is how I felt, blown away.

I wrapped my arms around my body tighter and leaned forward resting my forehead against my knees. I was so cold, both inside and out. The back of my head was aching more and more. I dared not touch it, why bother, who cared anyway. Maybe I had a concussion, maybe I should just lay down and go to sleep. Perhaps the sweet release of death would come and swallow me. Most likely not. The bathroom didn't even think I was worthy to die there.

Where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? What did Ian have that I didn't. For all intents and purposes he was a fucking criminal. If I had had the strength I might have turned him into Interpol, but that wouldn't save me. Apparently just a look of Ian in distress had caused Maura to drive me out of her body and out of her heart like the great exodus of ancient egypt. God forbid the man actually be in trouble, Maura would most likely rush to his aid like a battered wife returning to her abused husband, willing even to kill for him to protect her warped and jaded view of love.

I knew I loved Maura, I thought Maura I loved me. Could I have misinterpreted the looks in her eyes, the looks of hungry desire, the looks of happiness and joy. Had I not felt her fall into me that elevator, surrendering her very core. Had I not heard her scream out to me in pleasure and pain when my fingers had entered her body, so wet and so warm. Had I not felt the way her muscles had contracted around my fingers when they curled inside of her, had I not felt the rushing of her juices over my hand and down my wrist. Had I not felt her pulling the back of my head with a strength I didn't know she had possessed. Had I not felt her legs quivering around my waist, her hips buck, voice tremble? I mustn't have, or else why would she do what she had done.

**Thirty minutes ago**

_Maura pushed me away from her with such force my head hit the back of the elevator so hard my vision went blurry and a wave of sickness ran through the center of my stomach. All thoughts were momentarily knocked out of me. I was in a crumpled heap on the elevator floor, my long legs tangled in an array of luggage beneath me. _

_"Oh my god Ian I'm so sorry." I heard Maura's voice say in a high pitched nearly hysterical voice. I leaned my head forward, shaking it slighty as if to shake my senses back into place. Maura was panicking, pulling her skirt down quickly, looking both embarrassed and ashamed at the same time. I thought I had noticed tears forming in her eyes, but this time they weren't tears of joy for me, these tears were about Ian. _

_I turned my head slightly and noticed a pile of harassed looking roses atop a bed of shattered glass at Ian's feet. He must have dropped them in shock. His hands were still in front of him as if he was still holding the vase and his face was frozen in unbelievable shock. He never looked at me, he never cared to I guess. His eyes were glued to Maura. There was a pleading there in his expression, a hurt as deep as I felt now. It was the look of a man who's entire world had been shattered to bits in a matter of seconds. The look of a man who had just seen the love of his life in the arms of another woman. He looked like he wanted to die. I imagined that so did I. _

_Worse Maura looked the same. She had no eyes for me now I noticed. Her eyes, those pretty hazel eyes that had been all for me moments before were now all for him. All for HIM. He and Maura were locked in a deer in headlights stare that they couldn't seem to tear themselves away from. Maura had no eyes for me. _

_"Ummm, do you guys need some help." that goofy parking valet asked? His face was now one of nervous anticipation. I imagined he had picked up on the vibes around him and the result had sent the sexual images of Maura and I intertwined from his mind. I did noticed there was still a slight bulge to his pants. It made me feel sick. _

_The sound of the boys voice shook Ian from his entranced eye lock with Maura. With one quick angry glare at me he turned on his heels and stormed away. _

_"Ian wait?" Maura had pleaded with him in a choked sob. She started to take off after him but having my senses returned I had jumped to my feet and grabbed Maura's elbow just before she was out of my reach. I spun her around, almost too roughly to face me._

_"Let him go." I had said in the calmest voice I could muster. _

_"Jane let go of me...LET GO!" Maura had literally yelled at me. I was so shocked and taken aback by the intensity of her demand that my hand released it's grip before my mind had even processed what was happening. _

_That was the moment when I my heart had broken. It was more like my heart had exploded so strong was the rush of pain that surged through my chest and throughout my entire body even down to my toe nails and the ends of my hair. _

_"It's ok Maura! He just needs to be alone he's had a shock. He'll come around lets just get to the apartment and try and relax." I had said, still not able to believe something like this could actually be happening. _

_"Jane I have to go after him, he's not ok trust me. My key is in my purse, it's the pink one...apartment 710b. Go there and wait for me." Maura said with a wild and panicked look in her eye. She was a tousled, disheveled mess. Hair was as wild as her eyes, clothes were rumpled, twisted and frumpy that, coupled with her demeanor, made her seem like a crazy person. _

_"WAIT! "I had yelled, daring to pull her back to me. "Where are you going?" I demanded_

_This time when Maura struggled against my grip it was not with a playful, silly feigned weakness. She ripped her arm from my grasp and pushed me with such force in one motion I as thrown all the way against the back of the elevator. _

_"I have to GO Jane," she screamed at me. She turned and ran as fast as she could, knocking over the valet, both of them fell. The valet on his back, Maura on her knees. I heard Maura's cry of pain but she didn't pause long enough to let me help her up, which I would have done despite the way she was treating me. Even still I would have come to her aid. But the fall didn't stop Maura's resolve. She crawled a few paces before returning to her feet and finding a way to sprint like a track star after Ian...after IAN!_

_"OHHH OHHH my AAAARRRMMM!" the valet cried from the garage floor. He was writhing around on his back in pain. His left arm holding his right elbow tightly, his face a mask of agony, his lips trembling violently. _

_"Goddamnit!" I yelled at him. I knew I had no reason to yell at him. Of the three other people involved in this crazy situation besides me, he was the only one I didnt have a reason to hate. He was however in the way. I wanted to chase after Maura, I wanted to leave every bit of luggage behind, and even my dignity if it came to it and chase down the woman I loved. I didn't trust her in the state she was in. What if something happened to her, what if she got into an accident, what if Ian hurt her in a fit of rage if she caught up to him. What was she going to do without me. I needed to be there, I needed to protect her but I couldnt. I couldn't leave an injured man behind, I just couldn't. _

_I scrambled over to the boy, trying desperately to help him as quickly as possible instead of choking the life out of him like I felt like doing for forcing me to stay behind and watch my woman run away from me. It must have been my years of police instincts driving me. I could not leave an injured man alone in a parking garage even if it meant sacrificing what I wanted most in the world._

_"Just lie still," I said to the boy through gritted teeth trying with all the strength God gave me to sound comforting. I even managed to get one shaky hand to brush back the boys sweaty yellow blond hair from his face. _

_I pulled my cell phone from my back pocket and dialed 911 without even looking. _

_My heart must have been racing a million miles a minute. I actually thought I could feel my ribcage vibrate with each pump of my aortic valves opening and closing. The adrenaline being released into my system was making my stomach feel queasy and my entire body shake almost uncontrollably. I didn't know if the waves of terror, dread, and rage that were flowing through me were over concern for the boy, shock over the whole situation, hatred for Ian, or worry over Maura, but I didn't have time to sort everything out in my mind before the operator picked up on the line. _

_"911, police or fire department?" A youngish womans voice sounded on line._

_"I need an ambulance in the lower garage at 1422 Madison Avenue South. I have an injured man, possible broken bone, possible spine injury in need of medical assistance." I said expertly communicating all the necessary details to the operator who I knew would pass them on to the emergency department. _

_"Assistance will be with you shortly," the young voice said back calmly. "Is the man having trouble breathing?" she asked._

_I looked down at the boys face. His jaw was gritted in pain, his eyes showing nothing but agony, beads of sweat poured from his forehead, but his breath was coming deep and steady. Thank god._

_"No, regular breath sounds."I said. "Please hurry." I urged despite myself. I knew they would be there as soon as they could but it somehow felt better to beg anyway. Maybe, just maybe it would make time move faster. If I could have moved time though I would have moved it backwards not forward, backwards. I would have remembered to ask Maura to push that damn elevator button. _

_Eight very long minutes later, eight minutes of absolute torture, the ambulance showed up in a storm of sirens and hellish noise. I had quickly given the first responders all the necessary information and they hustled the boy off on a stretcher quickly thank god. Not that it mattered. Maura was long gone, long gone by now. I didn't know where to, how, or even why. I just knew I was standing in the unfamiliar, empty garage alone. I felt cold and exposed. _

_There was nothing for me to do, no where for me to go. I was lost without Maura, literally lost with out Maura. _

_In trembling, silent, defeat I back into the elevator and pushed the number seven._

Thirty minutes, thirty minutes since my heart had broken. Replaying in my mind exactly what had happened had only deepened my despair. I shivered again into my own arms, remembering how merely half an hour before they had been wrapped around Maura in ecstasy and bliss. I remembered when no one else in the world matter but Maura to me, I remembered when I believed her when she said '_Ian and I are just friends now Jane!'_

I lay my head on the cold cold floor. Why not. I just wanted to sink into the floor like a bad stain you couldn't get out. At least Maura couldn't do away with me then. At least I would be a part of her, at least...at least...at least.

Suddenly I heard the handle of the bathroom door jiggle trying to push it open. I had locked the door.

My head shot up like a rocket, I was on my feet before I knew it. The sickening adrenaline pumping through me all the more.

"Jane, are you in there?" Maura's voice called to me softly. She sounded weary and so tired.

"Maura?" was all I was able to get out before my voice caught. There was a terrible pain in my throat from the effort of forcing back an avalanche of tears.

"Can you open the door please?" Maura pleaded of me.

I was silent for a long moment. I couldn't tell you what I was thinking in those moments, standing in that horrible bathroom staring at the gold plated door handle.

"Janie please." Maura's own voice broke with her own choked back tears. I had heard it, I know I had heard it...hadn't I?

My heart skipped a beat none the less.

She had called me Janie.


	8. Chapter 8

**Jane**

I opened the door in one great swoop motion, flinging it wide and releasing it the door crashed violently into the wall behind it. I didn't care. Why should I care about damaging any of Maura's precious things, she obviously didn't care about damaging me. I had intended to scream, I had intended to yell, I had intended to unleash the hurt and rage inside of me onto Maura. I had intended to hate her, I had expected my heart to catch up with my mind and stop pretending that life was some cheap romance novel with pink and purple rainbows, glitter and all happy endings. I had expected my mind to have the strength to stand up for itself, to rage at the woman who had said she loved me, who had said I was her everything, who had told me she had wanted me from the day she met me, only to turn around in a matter of moments and cast me aside like I was yesterdays news. I had not thought I could feel anything outside of pain and hurt, betrayal and defeat. I had not thought many things.

I could not have anticipated my reaction to what I saw standing in front of me. It was instinctual, something that came out of me without so much as my mind being able to even consider rational thought, and was instead overtaken by the storm of terror my heart was feeling at the sight of the woman in front of me.

I had never seen Maura look so defeated. I had never seen her look defeated before at all. Maura had always been the epitome of cleanliness, carefully thought out style, well dressed perfection. She had always been Queen Nefertiti, the embodiment of beauty, the very personification of visual perfection. She had always been a constant, a rock, always counted upon to present herself in all of her beauty. Whether intentionally or not, she had always given of an air of poise, in complete control of herself at all times, always to be counted upon to be flawless in her presentation of herself, no matter what was going on in her head.

When I had finally managed to drag Maura out of her apartment so many hours ago and stuff her into the car to begin our, what had become a disastrous road trip, she was beauty beyond reason. She was all giggles and light hearted fun. Beautiful in spite of her casual playful nature at the time. She was sexy even, in her knee length close fitting blue plaid designer skirt and casual but still expensive looking blue spaghetti strapped top. She had been even been bouncy in a pair of light blue stilettos. I thought I could not have loved a woman more the entire car ride to new york. But the woman standing in the bathroom door way now was not the giggling, happy, almost childishly excited woman that had been with me less than an hour ago.

I couldn't stop myself from jumping back in shocked horror. I was more horrified that I could feel genuine horror at all towards this woman who had been on my mind every waking and dreaming moment since the first time our eyes met each others so many years ago. She looked like a zombie in a horror film that had just died some tragic death and had been transformed into a bloody, robot like, unsteady, blank eyed mess, void of all recognition of its previous self.

My emotions overthrew all rational thought briefly in that moment, shocked into remembrance of the feelings I had had for this woman for so long. Feelings so strong I thought I would never be able to breathe without them again. Maura was, Maura was a disaster. Her dark blond hair was stringy and ratty looking giving her an unkempt appearance I wouldn't even had considered appropriate for a homeless person let alone her. Her face was puffy, macaca ran down her once smiling cheeks and tear marks were visible leaving a trail through the light dabs of make up left on her face. Her eyes, God her eyes were a blood shot unrecognizable hollow shell, none of the beauty and sparkling light I had come so accustomed to were shown in those hazel orbs anymore. The red of her pupils had gone a cold, chilly, and depressed grey reminding me of a dark cloudy sky before the storm. Maura's shirt and skirt were wrinkly, the skirt twisted unnaturally on her body and one of the straps of her top hung down loosely on her arm. Both of her knees I noticed were skinned bare, most likely from the fall from crashing into the valet. A bloody streak was running slowly down her right leg. Maura didn't even seem to notice. She was leaning heavily on the door frame, resting her frazzled looking head against it like it was the only thing in the world keeping her from falling over completely. Hanging haphazardly from her left hand was her shoe, just one shoe with a broken heel I noticed as my eyes tried to convince my mind that the vision it was seeing was real. Maura, I now noticed was barefoot, her other shoe was no where to be seen. She was a disaster.

Her eyes never met mine. They were absent the ability to see anything in the moment. All I saw in those once gorgeous eyes that would set my heart on fire every time her gaze fell on me was weary, broken, gross exhaustion, and a defeat I didn't know the woman was even capable of feeling. Standing there, staring at her I could not speak. I could not breathe, I could not move. My mind had been shocked into stillness so overwhelmed as it was with processing the image in front of me. My mind was no longer capable of forming rational thought, all of its energy was being put into trying to keep my muscles from collapsing in shock causing me to drop to the floor at Maura's knees. That's what I felt like doing, dropping to my knees and burying my face into her body. I wanted to bore my head inside of her and find the empty hole that was once her perky and shiny spirit and fill it back up with all the love I could muster hoping to jump start her humanity back to life. But I could barely think, let alone move. My heart seemed to be the only organ able to communicate with my mind, and my heart had taken over. My feelings for this woman overwhelmed any sense of self pity I had felt earlier. I could feel nothing now but sympathy for this woman and dispar at the loss of her epic beauty.

"Jesus look at you." I said, my voice high and breaking. My breath had returned heavy and unsteady. The lump in my throat was so painful I thought I might choke on it. I brought a uncontrollably shaky hand up to my mouth and held it there trembling in shocked disbelief. I wanted to cry. Where was my Maura, where had she gone? Why had she broken my heart and left me with this empty husk, a shell of the woman I had grown to love over so many years, some unfeeling zombie like wraith that I didn't even recognize. Where was my Maura...MY Maura?

"Come here baby, let me look at you." I couldn't stop myself from reaching out to her, my arms suddenly desperate to hold her, protect her, comfort her. She was still my Maura despite her condition. Despite what had happened, despite everything, I still loved her so much...so much.

Maura's eyes finally met mine, there was a desperation there, a pleading and a yearning like a man sentenced to execution begging for his life. The look drove into the center of me like a stake into the ground. I was powerless to stop the overwhelming urge I had to sweep her into my arms and just hold her, rock her, comfort and protect her as I had done so many times before.

Maura saw my arms moving toward her and heartbreaking tears formed in the corners of her grey dead eyes. Her lips trembled, her body shook with sobs she was barely able to hold back. This was my hell, this was the last thing on earth I would ever want to see. This was the look that I would have killed, that I would have climbed mountains, that I would drowned in a vast open sea if it meant Maura would never have to wear this look ever again in her entire life.

Maura was almost in my arms when Ian suddenly appeared in the doorway behind her jarring my forward motion as if I had run into a brick wall and been knocked silly.

"Maura sweetheart, I've got the first aid kit, you have to sit down so I can look at you." he hadn't seen me yet, he was digging through the first aid kit frantically searching for something within its depths.

Ice, fire, and iron burst through my being.

Ian's eyes finally lifted and met mine. At first there was shock in his expression, a reflection of the expression I knew must have been playing across my own face. And then as if almost in harmony with one another both of our faces changed into something dark, something dangerous, all hate, anger and rage.

"What are YOU doing here?" he had the nerve to spit at me like acid in my face.

I was so shocked by the boldness of this man to dare to speak to me in such a fashion, let alone to question me about my presence here that it had momentarily stunned me into a gaping, opened mouth slack-jawed glare. But my heart was ahead of my mind again, sending signals to my brain reminding its self of the rage and hatred I felt for this man. My mind finally reacted to my feelings.

"What the fuck are YOU doing here?" I yelled back, I could feel my body trembling with rage.

"Cleaning up your mess." he smirked back at me returning his attention back to the first aid kit and producing a small bottle of hydrogen peroxide from within.

I could not contain myself any longer.

"My mess...MY MESS!" I was screaming now. My own voice sounded wild and hysterical in my own ear. "What did you do to her, WHAT DID YOU DO!" I screamed. I was a blurr of motion. The increased rush of hatred from my heart to my brain over came my normally rational minds sensibilities and I became a slave to my own rage, powerless to stop the flood that was storming through me.

I lunged at Ian, I lunged with all my might. I accidentally knock Maura over again in my earnestness to get to Ian's face and destroy it. I was on him like white on rice, like stink of shit, like oil on water. I ran directly into him knocking him backward, the first aid kit went flying it's contents scattering everywhere over the hardwood floors in a cacophony of clinking and rolling, debris moving in every direction.

I had no more thoughts, no more control, only hatred fueled aggression. I was clawing, pulling, ripping and tearing at ever tiny bit of him I could get my hands on. His arms came up instinctively to cover his face from the assault.

"What did you DO!" I screamed in such a rage. Spittle flew from my hysterical mouth with every word. My body would not stop it's assault. I had always been protective of Maura, but now I was a woman possessed.

Ian tried to back away from my advances until his back hit the wall behind him. Then in one motion, without me even seeing it coming he exploded forward with both hands in front of him palms out and literally put every once of his weight behind the push that lifted me from my feet and sent me flying backward into the bathroom, landing hard on my back and sliding across the floor all the way back to the clawfoot bathtub.

As if woken from a dream Maura began to scream. She was on her feet now hysterical in a way I would have never guessed possible an hour ago.

"Ian don't, please DON'T" I heard her scream. My breath had left my body upon impact with the floor and had jarred the bump on the back of my head again, sending wave after wave after wave of crippling pain through every cell in my body.

"Maura, who is she to you? What are you DOING here with HER?" Ian's voiced stormed through the apartment and my head sending even more painful vibrations radiating through my skull.

"Ian stop, STOP!" Maura was wailing, crying, begging and pleading. "She is my best friend, you know her...you KNOW her!" Maura was sobbing hysterically. Her voice was high pitched, forced and shrill like nails over a chalk board. I had never heard Maura yell before this day. She had always been the cornerstone of poise of character, sometimes even timid, sometimes not. But she was never hysterical, never a screamer, never a crying, sobbing, disheveled ridiculous mess.

My back was hurting, badly. It took everything I had to roll over onto my side and prop myself up on my elbow grabbing my chest and breathing heavily to try and force oxygen back into my lungs. Flashes of red were shooting through my mind and a white-hot pain in my head was shaking all of my senses, making me slow, ungainly and unsteady.

"You were supposed to be here with me, with ME!" Ian screamed.

"I wanted to see you, but I just wanted to talk Ian. I want to HELP you Ian. I have so much to tell you I just need you to LISTEN!" Maura screamed the last word so loudly I thought the people on the first floor could probably hear her.

"You promised me Maura. YOU said you would help me! Now you're here with that fucking DYKE!" Ian raged.

"Ian PLEASE stop, just-LET-ME-EXPLAIN." Maura was sobbing so hard now she was barely able to form coherent words. Her breathing was raspy and deep, almost like she was trying desperately to catch her breath.

"WHY did you lie, TELL ME WHY YOU LIED!" Ian roared grabbing both of Maura's fore arms in an iron grip, shaking her violently. Maura's tiny body shook like a rattle in the hands of a baby.

I black out. The dark place in my mind that I tried so hard to keep hidden was unleashed, I could not stop it. In this place of darkness there was no pain in my body, there was no need for thought or contemplation, there was no room for hesitation fear or stumbling. The site of Ian shaking Maura around like a rag doll had lit the furnaces of the darkest part of my spirit. The part so foreign and frightening it scared even me causing me to lock it down in the dungeons of my soul. But those fires were blazing now, with an intensity so bright it threatened to burn me into cinders from the inside out.

"GOT THE FUCK OFF OF HER!" I screamed, finding the strength to stand again and shooting toward the man like a bullet train laden down with explosives.

"GET OFF!" I screamed again so loudly and with so much hysteria even I was frightened by myself.

"Jane NO!" Maura said pushing Ian back and collapsing into me. We both fell onto the floor, _again_, in a tousled pile of twisted limbs and writing bodies. There was so much pain in my body now that not even my rage could over come it and bring me back to my feet.

I felt my own hot sweaty tears streaming down my face. I don't know which emotion exactly had opened the flood gates of my tears, there were so many to choose from. Rage, hatred, pain, betrayal, heartbreak, longing, despair, even a little fear was mixed in there somewhere topping of the mixture was the deepest feeling of loss I had ever had. The empty hole inside of me had been ripped wide, leaving nothing but the deepest emptiness and the most heart wrenching aching of my spirit that I had ever felt.

"LOOK at her Maura, LOOK AT HER?" Ian was scream from somewhere. I couldn't pinpoint where. I was in too much pain to identify exactly where sounds were coming from.

"Is that what you want. HER! THAT?" he raged.

"IAN!" Maura screamed. "You have to calm down, please...PLEASE look at me LOOK AT ME!" she sobbed.

Even slower than I had before I attempted to roll myself onto my side and gather my senses.

"IAN it's me, it's me Maura...IAN you KNOW ME!" I heard Maura screaming.

"I'm gonna kill her..IM GONNA KIll HER!" Ian raged.

My body was no longer my own. It wouldn't respond to my brains screaming urges to get up, get up and fight back. Fight for my life, fight for my Maura. MY MAURA!

I felt weak, weak and helpless as I rolled onto my knees. My arms were shaking, my eyes processing only blurry broken images as the red light surged through my head. I had never felt so helpless, useless, weak and defeated in my entire life. I had taken down hundred of maniacs, homicidal gross criminals and murders and put them behind bars without so much as a scratch or bruise on my slender body. But now, here in this moment, when I needed my strength most, when Maura need badass Jane like she had never needed me before I had become a useless pile of pain and confusion. I was failing her.

I heard a scuffle, Ian was trying to get after me. I turned my head and through blurry eyes I made contact with his own. There was a maniacal rage in his wild expression I had only seen on the most violent of murderers. For the first time in a long time, I was afraid.

"JANE! JANE YOU HAVE TO LEAVE!" Maura was screaming at me. The small woman was trying with all her might to push Ian back, to damn the flood waters of his rage. Ian was yelling curses and punching his fist into the walls desperate to get at me.

I slowly pulled myself to my feet on shaky, unsteady legs.

"JANIE BABY PLEASE!" Maura sobbed. "TRUST ME YOU HAVE TO GO!"

I stood there, wobbling for a few moments. I almost lost my balance once and had to throw out my hand and steady myself against the wall to keep from falling over for the umpteenth time that day. My head throbbed. I reach my hand to the back of my head and winced when it touched the spot where the pain was shooting through me. I was shocked to see when my hand came back covered in bright red blood.

"JANIE GET OUT!" I heard Maura yell again.

I looked over at the scene in front of me. I felt like an alien in a movie, like a damsel in distress. Like a failure. Maura was fighting with every bit of her strength to keep Ian away from me. I felt my spirit disconnect from my body. I felt the bottom drop out of my soul. I felt the darkness storm through me like a swarm of locust devouring the land, eating up every bit of light I had ever seen, every bit of happiness I had ever experienced. Every good feeling of joyful emotion I had ever felt was gone in that instance. I was no more. I was no more.

"JANE PLEASE! Get OUT NOW!" Maura screamed.

I didn't bother to look at her. I just willed my body to move away. I didn't belong here, I was never supposed to be here, I should never have come here. This place was not for me. It was foreign, dark, cold, and despairing no matter how opulently it was decorated. It was a gross and dirty place. I didn't think, there was no more room for thought. With one last look at Maura wrestling with Ian I turned to leave. I had to steady myself against the wall several times to keep from falling over. The pain in my head was enormous. I had to get out, I couldn't stay. I didn't have the strength to fight anymore. I couldn't protect myself or Maura, besides Maura didn't want me here. I reached the front door and grasped the door handle. I dropped to my knees in exhaustion, unable to carry my weight any longer. I felt myself begin to sob. A cry from the very depths of me. My tears shining with the reflection of unspeakable hurt and despair, agony and defeat. I just barely found the strength to pull myself back to my feet and exit the apartment, I even managed to close the door softly behind me.

I was the zombie now. I didn't notice the people standing in the hallway staring at me in wide eyed, terrified horror. Their hands over their mouths, slack-jawed and wondering as I mindless forced my feet to put one in front of the other toward the elevators. I didn't hear the voices asking me if I was ok. I didn't hear the declarations that the police were on their way. I didn't feel the hands grasping at my body, trying to help me, assist me in some way. I didn't feel the tears rolling down my face. I didn't know how I made it to the elevator, how I made it to the car, or how I managed to put it in drive and pull away in a smoky blur of screeching tires. I didn't know where I was going, or how I would get there. The car was nearly on E and I had no wallet, no ID, no cash, no cell phone, no nothing. It had all been left in Maura's apartment and I could never go back there. I could never ever see that woman again.

Maura had made her choice. She had made her choice loud and clear. As clear as a bright spring morning. Maura had made her choice...and it wasn't me.

**Author's notes:**

**Folks, I know this one was heavy and I know you want to see what happens but you'll just have to stay tuned to find out. I will say this for those of you that are thinking I'm taking Ian way out of character. Ian is not himself right now. WHY? Hahaha wouldn't you like to know! I promised it would get better and it will, that's all I will say...though it might hurt some more between now and then I haven't decided for sure yet. I hope you are all enjoying the work despite the nature of the last two chapters. I went to a dark place in my head today and I need to fall into a coma to recover my senses. please feel free to leave comments and ideas. I try to please the readers...but it can't all be purple hearts and fluffy rainbows. Love is a battlefield!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Maura**

It felt like I was floating, floating high above myself in the far corner of the room looking down at the scene in front of me in crazed disbelief. My home had been invaded by police swarming around my apartment like ants over a discarded bit of bread crust in the park. I sensed that someone was speaking to me, trying to get my attention, asking me something I think. But I gave no response. My brain had no more energy to fire the necessary signals to the muscles in my jaw, tongue, and face to form words let alone complete sentences. I was just so tired.

I was lying on the cool hardwood floor of the living room on my stomach, my head was turned sideways and my ear was pressed against the floor. I could hear the _thump thump thump_ of many foot steps around me sending vibrations through my ear and down my neck and spine. I was so tired. I couldn't seem to remember how I had gotten on the floor, I couldn't seem to remember when all will to fight had left my mind and body leaving me in this terrible state. There was a noise in my head, it made my eyes squint and my jaw clench painfully trying to suppress the pain the violent sound was sending through my mind. There was a full orchestra of ringing and banging going on in the recesses of my head driving out the possibility of all other thought. There was no peace to be had, not in this house, not even in my own head. I was just so tired.

I sensed a light flash into my eyes, the light moved back and forth in front of my vision the way a doctor might do to check and see if a person had pupil responses or not. I didn't move, I didn't speak, I didn't flinch. I was just so tired. I just lay there, absorbing the cold of the hardwood into my body. strangely it felt good, cool and comfortable against my hot skin. My knees were burning painfully, both of them. I pressed them into the floor, hoping it's cool temperature might do something to relieve the burning pain. It didn't, only more pain shot through my legs, both of them. It felt like tiny little daggers were stabbing into them over and over again. I wriggled my toes, my feet were bare, both of them. My toes felt cold and tingled from the residual pain shooting down from my knees into my feet.

_"I need shoes,"_ I thought for some reason. "_Where were my shoes?"_

I was just so tired.

I suddenly became aware of a hand on my body, gently running it's self up and down my back with a gentle sympathetic nature. "_Janie used to touch me like that_" I thought. I was still too numb and in shock to processes emotion properly. I just felt empty, hollow, lost. I felt like I was sinking, sinking into the floor never to rise again. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad, maybe it would be ok. Maybe I didn't have to hurt anymore. The best half of me was gone, gone forever, ripping away an essential part of my being like a band-aid rips away the skin. I felt it, I felt the loss, I felt it down to the very core of my being. I felt everything, all pain and anguish and then again all emptiness and space. There was nothing left of me, I was a shell. I had lost my Janie.

"_Where is my Janie, where is she_?" I thought. Even in my head my voice sounded broken and choked, longing and misery overcame me. I still could not bring myself to move even at the urging of the voices around me. I was just so tired. I was vaguely aware of a single tear in the corner of my eye. Just one lonely tear, dangling there in my eye as a single tangible representation of the emptiness that had overcome me. I felt the tear give up and roll over the bridge of my nose and fall defeated onto the hard word floor. I was defeated, as defeated as that one, awful, beautiful tear. I felt the tongue in my mouth move around involuntarily. I know I hadn't expressly formed the thought in my head to command my brain to send a signal to my tongue and move it, but it did anyway on its own. I became aware of how dry my mouth was, dry like the wells of my heart that had once been full of so much love. So much love for the woman I had sent away, the woman that I had probably infuriated and hurt beyond all possible thoughts of forgiveness. My Janie was gone, I had no other reason to draw breath. I had nothing else to contribute to the world. The thing that held me together was missing, the link to the family and the life I had built gone now, never to return again. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair. How could I lose everything and everyone that mattered to me in one fell cruel swoop. I had worked so hard, given so much time, found the strength (with the help of Jane) to open myself up to the whole wide world of fascinating wonders that had alluded me my whole life. I had waited so long, so patiently, carefully biding my time to tell the most wonderful woman in the world how I truly felt about her. I had waited what seemed like a lifetime. Those few seconds in the elevator, when I had been so overcome with love and emotion, and lust and desire that I just couldn't keep it in any longer and finally confessed my true feelings I had felt like I was flying. Like I was an eagle soaring through the clouds, my love flying right by my side, right next to me where she belonged. I remembered the tears on Jane's beautiful red flushed face. I remember the way they cascaded down her precious cheeks, her eyes onyx orbs of the most sincere beauty. I remembered how the tears had streamed down her face like so many sparkly drops of precious rain water in the desert. I wanted to melt into that woman in those moments, melt into her like butter into oatmeal, like sugar into coffee, like ice into water. I wanted to be a part of her, the essence of her, I wanted to touch the parts of her she held the most secret. I wanted to be her everything and in those few, short precious moments I _was_ a part of her, and she was a part of me. We had become one as if we had been born that way. Maybe we had. Maybe Jane _was_ made special for me, a gift, a glorious beautiful gift that only I was worthy to possess like King Author was worthy of Excalibur.

But I had failed, I had lost my gift. In a matter of seconds it had been ripped from me, actually I had practically punted it away from me in panicked desperation. I had failed. I had lost, I was finished.

I was just so tired.

"Ma'am," a soft male voice said close to my ear. It must have been his hand on my back attempting to coax me back into existence. I didn't want to exist, I wanted to fade away.

"Ma'am, can you tell me your name?" the soft mans voice asked me, his hand never stopping the slow methodical circles around the center of my back. He was surprisingly tender for a male. His touch was warm and reassuring, comforting yet somehow strong at the same time. I was surprised to find somewhere in my self that I was actually being comforted by the small gesture. It might have seemed like a small gesture to someone else but to me it was peace, the first bit of peace I had felt in over an hour. The violence of the evening had rocked me to my core. I had never had to fight so hard in my life. I was in a war, a war with myself, a war with Ian, and a war with Jane. My battle plan had gone so awry. All my best laid plans had fallen apart in a matter of seconds. I had failed, I had failed at everything. Ian had been arrested, Jane was gone...an innocent casuality of the war she didn't even know she was walking into. I had failed. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Never like this.

I had only been trying to help, trying with earnest sincerity to get my friend Ian to listen to me, to seek counsel, see that it was possible to continue on living a full and healthy life even after experiencing a violent shock. The only person that I knew who had been through any kind of serious physical and mental violent trauma was Jane...and she had done it more than once. I thought if they had just been able to talk, Jane and Ian, in an unthreatening public environment, with me in between to mediate that it would all be ok. That Jane and I together could make him see, make him realize that he did need help, that he couldn't go on the way he was. I know I had been wrong in misleading Ian. I hadn't misled him on purpose per say but I hadn't discouraged his romantic ideas that I knew he was hinting at. I didn't want to discourage him from meeting with me. I thought I had it under control. I thought I could make him see. I thought that if he saw how happy I was with Jane that it would encourage him to seek help, to break out of his dark place, to realize that life really could have something beautiful in it, even after the pain and trauma he had been through.

I had even misled Jane. Again not out right, mostly by omission. I had received an email from Ian two days earlier telling me about what had happened to him over in Africa. I had been shocked, horrified even, and my heart poured out to him. PTSD was a serious thing. If left untreated, I knew it could consume one's mind sending them into a dark downward spiral that would eventually swallow them whole, leaving the sufferer dead or spit back out of the hole as nothing but a broken, chewed up skeleton of what the person used to be. I had held Jane's hand through some of the most traumatic events of her life. I had watched her, guided her, held her, and cried with her through all of her pain and suffering. I had been there to build her back up, to force her to keep moving forward, one step at a time. I had showed her that life still had beautiful things to offer, and she in all her beauty had allowed me to steer her through her pain and had loved me harder for it.

But I knew I couldn't be that for Ian. I couldn't be there for him the way he wanted me to be. I couldn't lead him the way I led Jane, I couldn't hold him the way I held Jane, I couldn't watch him like a hawk day and night for any signs of cracks in his personality. I just didn't have that level of commitment or that type of love for him the way I once had. Once I had thought Ian was the love of my life. It had broken my heart to see him leave me for his work in Africa. But how could I tell him how much it hurt me. How could I make him feel guilty for pursuing such a dangerous and rewarding job that brought him so much joy. I wanted him to be happy, I loved him, I supported him. But in his absence I had found another. Another to hold my hand, to lead me through my own darkness over the loss of him and back into the light. I had found the one that set my soul on fire with just a smile and a wink. Just the smell of Jane's body wash could bring in a pouring of memories and emotions that I never ever felt for Ian. Even so, he was my oldest friend. We had shared over a decade and a half of experiences with each other. He was the one who talked to me in the lunch room when no one else would be bothered to be near me. He was my lab partner in class when no one else wanted to associate with me. He took me out when no one cared to invited me to the campus events or parties. He was the one who had sat with me late into the night chatting about nothing but our favorite authors, and our dreams, and what we could contribute to the world. He had been the only one that cared, the only one that noticed me, the only one with a smile ready on his face for me every time he saw me. At that point in my life he had been everything to me, and I in my youthful ignorance I had mistaken my gratefulness for being in love. I did love Ian, and I would always be grateful and never forget how he shined his light on me and helped me through one of the most difficult periods of my life. But I never, ever felt for him something even close to what I felt for Jane.

Yet how could I abandon him? How could I in could conscious, knowing I would be in New York anyway, not stop by and see him? How could I not at least try in some small way to do what I could to see him through his darkness the way he had done for me so many years ago. He could never compare to Jane and the love I bore her, yet Jane in some ways could never compare to Ian. They were both precious to me, yet I had to choose the one that drove me wild with just the mention of her name. I could just see Jane's signature on a piece of paperwork at the morgue and not be able to help myself from smiling. I loved her just that much. Sometimes I would even run my fingers over her writing and reminisce about some special moment we had together. I loved her just that much. But Ian was a part of me, he had helped build me, and I knew I owed him.

I hadn't told Ian that Jane was coming to lunch with us when he asked if I would meet him in New York. I didn't lie out right, I just didn't mention it. Ian and Jane had a touchy relationship and I didn't want him to be uncomfortable in his state. But I knew, or at least I thought that Jane, if prompted properly, might be able to offer some advice, to give some counsel to my friend that would touch him or help him in some way. Jane would do anything for me, I knew that. Even counsel a friend of mine she didn't particularly care for if she knew it would make me feel better. I thought it would work, I thought that I had thought of everything. I had actually been quite proud of myself for thinking up the brilliant scheme, but I couldn't have anticipated every possible variable. It wasn't scientifically possible for the human mind to formulate every possible variable to a situation that arose. Especially when emotions were involved. We humans as a species were just to dynamic in thought processes. And thought could not be measured, weighed, calculated and often times even understood. It was not in our realm as human beings to process that much information at one time.

I didn't know, I didn't know Jane would sweep me off my feet in that elevator, I didn't know I would fall into her the way I had, forgetting that anyone or anything else mattered in the entire would. I didn't know Ian would try and make some grand sweeping gesture of romance, I didn't know that he would push the elevator door open button at the absolute worst moment imaginable. I didn't know the guilt I would feel upon seeing his devastated expression. I didn't know that I, who was trying to help him, could be the catalyst of his complete mental health break down sending him tumbling head first over a cliff of dangerous despair.

How could I have let him run off in that state. How could I have just turned my back and walk away knowing how volatile his situation was. PTSD was an extremely dangerous condition. It could cause hallucinations, flashbacks, terrible fits of rage, night terrors, and sometimes even led to suicide. How could I? How could I leave him like that, knowing how hurt he must have felt, how shattered, how lost. I was the only thing connecting him to any sense of humanity, to any sense of normalcy? I could not, I would not abandon him. Not him, not the one who had given me the strength to not be afraid of my own shadow. He who had shown me that living souls, some living souls at least, were not to be feared but met with courage, self confidence, and friendliness. He was my friend when no one else cared to be near me. He protected me from the insults slung behind my back, from the looks of judgement and disgust for being smart and intelligent, awkward and strange. I could not just abandon him.

I had tried, I had tried to help him and failed. I my desperation I had tried to salvage the situation begging him to come back with me, begging him to hear me out, insisting with every ounce of my being that I didn't want to hurt him, that he could trust me. I had told him he could trust me, and he had come with me back to the apartment willingly. Hindsight they say is crystal clear. Had I been thinking clearly in that moment I would have tried a different approach. I would have thought of something better, something...something...anything.

I knew I had hurt Jane. I knew I had probably crushed her. But I thought just maybe, just maybe if I got them into the same room that I could make them both see, both see and understand. My actions towards Jane had been born of the purest of best intentions, it was my execution that was flawed. I had allowed my emotions to over power all of my reason and the results were devastating. This is why I always approached every situation I encountered with careful thought and planning, trying to consider every angle before I made a decision. I knew what allowing emotion to dictate one's actions could do to the mind, body, and spirit. I worked every day with the victims of those people who hadn't had the strength to control their impulses and emotions. I saw the devastation it could cause on a daily basis. Yet and still in that moment, despite my best intentions, I had lost control of myself. The enormity of what could happen to Ian or anyone else Ian ran across in his state of shock had driven me to a place of desperation and guilt that I could not in good conscious overcome without at least trying to right my wrongs.

Maybe I was wrong all together, maybe I should have come up to the apartment with Jane when she had implored me so desperately, so pleadingly. But I just couldn't, I just couldn't.

And for that I was paying the ultimate price. I had ruined everything. While trying to help a friend I had managed to devastate Jane, inflame Ian's rage, get Ian arrested and drive Jane out of my house for her own protection, but killing her soul in the process. I couldn't trust Ian in the state he had been at the time. He wasn't himself, he very well could have killed Jane in a trauma induced rage. If that had happened I wouldn't be breathing in this moment. Where ever Jane goes, so will I follow. I loved her just that much. A life without her, knowing that I had brought the end of her life down upon her would have been unbearable. I truly believe I would have just fallen dead next to her. Our souls were connected. She couldn't leave this earth without me.

The soft friendly man's voice sounded in my ear again.

"Ma'am, can you tell me you name? Do you know what day it is?"

I willed myself to move. I willed my brain to quiet the ringing in my head and tell my mouth to form coherent words.

I felt my jaw begin to work, my tongue move against the teeth in my mouth. I felt my spirit reconnect with my body. I closed my fist, wiggled my toes, took several deep and deliberate inhalations of breath to revive my body from its almost catatonic state. I had to move, I had to get up. Jane was still out there, I knew it. She was out there wandering around in some dark corner of her mind most likely thinking that I had abandoned her, that I was a liar, that I didn't love her the way I knew I did down to the very center of me. I had to get up. I had to get up. I had to get up.

Wherever Jane went, I would follow.

"Maura," I heard my voice say weakly and shakily from still being laced with shock.

"Dr. Maura Isles."

That light was in my eyes again, this time I turned my head and pushed myself up into a crawling position. My head swam a little at the sudden movement.

"Ma'am don't rush to get up. Are you in any pain?" The man's voice ask. His hands were positioned on either side of my shoulders now, ready to catch me if I fell.

"My knees" I said barely above a whisper, "My knees but it isn't major, just a bad scrape." I said wincing at the pain my current position was putting me in. At least my voice was getting stronger I noticed.

Every part of me ached, every single part inside and out. I willed myself to reach up and grab onto the back of the italian leather couch next to me and heave myself upward into a stand position with every bit of determination I had left in my body. I had to get up...I had to get up! I had to get to Jane. Where could she be?

The EMT'S arms followed me all the way up to the standing position ready to catch me if I fell. I finally got a good look at his face as I leaned my backside against the back of the couch trying to shift some of my weight off of my sore knees. He was a huge man I was surprised to see. Several inches over six feet tall, and made of strong corded muscles that ran throughout the entire length of his body I noticed. His shoulders were as broad as a doorway, his feet twice the size of my own if not more. He towered over me like a mountain over a valley. His face was handsome and friendly, boasting a jaw like an anvil and bright brown eyes to match his dark brown full head of hair. Despite his size he was gentle, kind, friendly.

"Dr. Isles." I need you to sit down so I can check you out while the detectives question you.

There was something about him that was familiar, though I knew I had never met him before. It was his demeanor. I suddenly pinpointed the similarity as he gentle guided me around the couch and to the comfortable cushions which I sank into with a thankful sigh of relief.

This man reminded me of Jane. How many times had I seen Jane go out of her way to be friendly to a complete stranger, some victim or family member of a victim that was in shock or injured. How many times had I seen the sharp, commanding, sarcastic tone of hers transform into something gentle, comforting and kind in the face of someone in need of a helping hand. How many times had I seen Jane look at someone with all the kindness and sincere concern she had to offer and listen to their story with an open ear and a full heart even though it wasn't necessarily her job to do so. Jane brought comfort to so many people, even despite her otherwise blunt, often off putting demeanor. If Jane was a man she would stand over six feet tall just like the one in front of me, running that irritating light over my eyes again. If Jane were a man, she would be this man.

But she wasn't a man, and I loved her for it all the more. Jane was Jane and could be no one else other that herself. I loved her just the way she was.

I sat and endured the officers questioning, answering honestly and truthfully, holding back nothing. I had no more time for games and secrets. The truth needed to be told, and I was going to step up and right my wrongs. I would...I would...I would!

It had taken over an hour to finally get the officers to leave my apartment, and even so they did so begrudgingly. The friendly EMT had tried to get me to let him take me to the hospital but I had refused. Instead he bandaged up my knees, gave me some Tylenol for my pain and left me with a smile.

Ian was being held by the police. It was discovered that he was wanted for smuggling drugs internationally by Interpol and was not being released until he could have an arraignment and they would decided it they would set bail or not. I had refused to press charges against him, how could I do that to him. I was already worried that being in jail might cause him to fall over the dark cliff in his mind. But at least I knew he was safe...some what at least. At least I knew he couldn't put a pistol in his mouth, or randomly shoot someone, or drink himself to death. At least he was getting three square meals and day and was being looked after, no matter if it was by the penal system. I had friends in powerful places, I could make some phone calls and do my best to get him out of there tonight. But I just couldn't pick up the phone. I just couldn't focus on Ian right now. Knowing he was safe freed my mind to worry for what mattered most to me in my life. I had to find my Jane.

I thought of leaving and searching around to find her, but I couldn't think of where she might go in a city so big and so many nooks and crannies to hide it. I decided it was best not to leave. Besides I had noticed Jane's wallet and cellphone on the kitchen counter when I went in to pour myself a glass of wine.

I decided to wait, to sit and wait and hope and pray that I hadn't just ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me because of my silly decisions. I sat there, I sat there for hours in complete silence, unmoving unwavering, unflinching in my resolve.

My thoughts ran through the events of the day over and over and over on a loop. This had been the greatest and worst day of my life at the same time. Like the yin yang, the dark had been complimented with the light, the good with the bad, the best with the worst.

I sat there for hours in some sort of determined catatonic state determined to stay awake incase my Janie came back to me. I refused to let my mind wander to thoughts of what I would do if I never saw her again. On top of everything else I had endured that day, the thought of losing her light from my life was just to much for me to handle even though I knew it was very likely true.

Sometime in the wee hours of the morning just as the dawns early light was creeping through my window, after my fourth glass of wine, I felt a single lonely tear stream down the side of my cheek.

What the hell was I going to do?


	10. chapter 10

**A/N**

**I feel compelled to write some notes before I proceed any further with this story because I've gotten some reviews that lead me to believe that I haven't done my job as a writer. First of all let me say, this is my first publication...ever...I haven't written a story in ten years, since high school...and never anything this long and drawn out and challenging. I'm telling a story from the first person perspective of two characters, that's hard enough, and I'm trying to keep each character true to themselves while developing them in new directions that haven't been explored on the show. I have had to dig so deep inside myself to try and convey both Jane's point of view and Maura's point of view of the same situation, a life like situation might I add. Not everything is crystal clear, not everything is black and white. To those of you who think I took the story in another direction at the drop of a hat...you are right. I don't know what kind of cushy ass, boring, uninteresting lives some of you might live, but life turns on a dime. You might be at the top of your game, at the top of your class, the image of success and in one moment of weakness, one mistake, one bad storm, one earthquake, one hurricane, everything you thought you knew about life and those around will change in an instant. I tried to portray that in this work. Each of my characters is approaching a certain situation, a certain problem the best way they know how through the experiences they have had, through the things they have learned, through the emotions they are most likely to feel at the time. It's up to you as readers to decide who you want to root for. Some say Jane is a bitch, some say Maura is a bitch, some say Ian is a bitch...you are all right. How many times have you over-reacted in an emotional rage, how many times have you lashed out in hurt and pain, how many times have you tried with the best intentions to help someone and have it all blow up in your face? How many of us have experienced a trauma so terrible that is shakes us to our very core and alters us entirely from our normal personalities. Nothing is black and white, in every situation you will ever encounter in you life...each person is approaching it with a different point of view, a different history, a different life entirely with different experiences to draw from. In this work I'm simply trying to say that no one is winning, (so far at least). Everyone is a victim in some way. Whether it be a victim of their own fear, a victim of their own jealousy and rage, or a victim the circumstances out of their control. Better yet, each character is experiencing a little bit of all of it. If you hate Ian...fine...if you think Jane is over-reacting-fine...if you think Maura is a bitch...fine. You are all right. No one is wrong. I wrote the story to be interpreted in any readers mind based on their own personal experiences in life. I feel like some might not have lived enough life to read this story. Some might still be foolish enough to think that everything is black and white, that Jane is a Cunt and Maura is a bitch and that's it no more to it. If you are one of those people...please leave this story now...I'm not writing for you anyway. This story is about life...life and how dynamic it is, how it can change on a dime, how horrible things do happen to people and sometimes the specifics get muddled in perspective and upbringing and situations so on and so forth. I'm done rambling...it is what it is, and I'll do as I do. If you are with me god bless you, especially those who hate the way the story has gone. If you aren't...bow out gracefully and thank you for at least giving me a chance. I will leave you with this, there is more than one sidesto a story, any story period. It's unfair to judge until at least hearing each side.**

** -Fin-**

**Jane**

I was on my ninth beer. I shuddered as the now almost warm, strong flavored liquid ran down my throat burning all the way to my already overly full stomach. I felt the beer sloshing around in there, sizzling and bubbling causing a powerful belch to escape my mouth before I could try and stop it. I normally wasn't so open about relieving bodily functions. I hadn't cared one way or another for the longest time. I had been known to let out a loud belch from time to time, sometimes even in inappropriate situations. But I hadn't been concerned about who I may have offended. I would always excuse myself at least, I did have some manners after all, mostly do to my mothers incessant nagging. But then I had met Maura. Dr. Maura Isles. She had changed my entire life, she had changed everything. I knew from the beginning that I would always pale in comparison to the refined poise of her gentle and delicate nature. I knew from the beginning if I had any chance of maintaining any sort of relationship with the woman that had so quickly enraptured me, engulfed me in wonder and longing to be next to her, if I was actually going to be near her I knew I had to polish some of my rough edges. The easiest and most necessary one being the need to control my bodily functions, at least around her. As much as I had gotten Maura to bend over the years, belching in public would never be something she considered polite or appropriate. I had heard Maura belch before, but it had been the tiniest, weakest, high pitched little squeak. I smiled a little despite myself remembering the look on Maura's face when it had happened.

I had just finally convinced her to try a beer with me, which she had done begrudgingly and had declared that she would only do so if I served it to her in a glass so she could at least drink it 'like a proper lady' she had said. I had laughed and rolled my eyes, returning to my kitchen to get miss prissy a glass. I was so thrilled that I had finally gotten her to try something that I liked that I would have gone out and gotten her a golden chalice if that's what she wanted to drink my beer out of.

Her first sip had been small and dainty. I had laughed at her, teasing her that she was such a wuss for not being able to 'drink like a man', I had put it to her tipping back my own full bottle and managing to get half way through it before I had to stop for air. Maura had watched me with wide eyes amazement. She smiled at me when I had finished my huge swig. Then before I knew it or could do anything about it a loud reverberating belch escaped my mouth. I think the force of it had been so strong the echo bounced off the walls reverberating through out the whole of my small apartment. I had panicked, covering my mouth with my hands in shock and embarrassment begging my excuse desperately trying to back track and explain that I couldn't help it, how it was an accident. But Maura had cut me off. Cut me off with her laughter. She laughed hysterically, bringing herself to the point of tears. I had been so shocked I didn't know what to say or do. I remember picking her up and throwing her on my couch tickling her tiny little body until she was practically shaking with squeals of laughter. She was so beautiful to me in that moment, playing with me like a little kid.

**Sometime about two years ago: Jane**

_"You like that?" I teased Maura fighting away her flailing arms and finding spots around her tender tiny midsection to tickle like crazy. Another chorus of excited laughter and childish squeals escaped Maura's pretty pink lips. She was practically quaking with excitement. Tear were streaming down her adorable face. She wasn't even bothering to fight me off anymore. She had surrendered herself to my ravaging, surrendered herself to her happiness, surrendered herself to me. _

_I must have been motivated by my elation that Maura finally felt comfortable enough with me to play with me like that, I had been trying so hard for so long to get her to relax and open up, but she had been as stolid as ever until that very moment. I leaned over her, wrapping my arms around her tiny waist and lifted her into my arms spinning her around in the air. I will never forget the way she had looked at me in that moment. She was so beautiful. She hadn't been wearing any make up at the time. She had just gotten out of my shower and I had managed to produce an old academy t-shirt from my huge collection of t-shirts, I had to many to count but I had chosen to give her my favorite and oldest one. It was the first one ever issued to me at the police academy and it represented so much to me. It was precious to me. It was threadbare at this point, full of tiny little holes, but it was precious to me. Maura had taken the t-shirt and pair of old running shorts happily without a word of complaint and put them on. I had given her a schrunchie to tie back her gold wet hair. She was so beautiful._

_We had just gotten back from a run and I had convinced her to stay for a while and watch a movie with me. It was the first time she had ever said yes to that offer and my heart had soared higher than the heavens when those sweet words 'sure' had tumbled out of her mouth. 'But only if you let me use your shower and borrow some clean clothing.' she had added. I remembered the high pitched squeaky 'Awsome' that had escaped my mouth at the request. I had wanted to kick myself in that moment. Maura had only smiled at me brightly. She was so beautiful. After I had provided Maura with a towel and soap and washcloth and closed the bathroom door behind her I was a flurry of motion. I was running around my room like a crazy person snatching up discarded clothes and shoes and underwear that were laying all around my bedroom and stuffed them into random drawers and my closet shoving them shut. I had grabbed my favorite t-shirt out of the drawer I always kept it in without so much as a second thought. It was a symbol. It was a representation of how much I wanted to share everything with her, how much I wanted her to be a part of my life, how much I wanted her to be comfortable with me and how comfortable I already was with her. _

_I would never have let another soul wear that shirt, not even my own mother. But for some reason when Maura walked out of my bedroom in that old ratty, worn out t-shirt, with a pleasant smile on her beautiful unmade up face, wet hair slicked back in a tight pony tail, and gorgeous thighs exposed to my eyes in those short little shorts...it just did something to me. That had been the first time I felt the hot flush of sexual desire over take me to the point where I was robbed of my senses. That was the first time I had stared openly at her, not just some quick glance as she walked towards or away from me. That was the first time the world around me vanished and all I could see was her. She looked like an angel, like a princess no wait...like a queen. She looked perfect. That was the first time that I had allowed myself to take in the full extent of her beauty, the first time I had let my eyes strip her down to nothing and imagine all the things I wanted to do to her. She was just so beautiful. When I had finally caught myself and tore my eyes from her body to return to her face, there had been a smile there. It was more like a grin actually, a childish playful knowing little grin. I think I actually lost my breath and my heart skipped several beats, not just one. In that moment...I was breathless._

_Spinning around in my embrace Maura wrapped her arms around the back of my neck and smiled down at me, all giggles and glee. She wasn't resisting, she wasn't running, she wasn't making up excuses to leave as soon as possible. She was with me, right there with me, enjoying me, allowing me to enjoy her. She was happy, gleeful, and the lord knows so was I._

_"You think that's funny?" I asked her again. She only smiled. I thought I felt her fingers tangling in the back of my hair, running through my dark wavy locks softly, tenderly, gently. _

_Maura's grin took a mischievous turn in an instant. _

_"I can drink like a man too." Maura had stated boldly, almost with pride. Her eye brows raised when my laughter returned full force._

_"You don't believe me?" Maura said almost with disappointment. Her eyes had become a little sad. I decided to stop my laughter, I didn't want to make her sad. I wanted this night to last forever. _

_"Well prove it," I said pattering over to my kitchen counter and easing Maura's little body onto one of my bar stools. Maura looked almost a little disappointed when I released her from my grasp. She unwrapped her arms from around my neck, almost a little two slowly. I felt her fingers slide across my shoulder and most of the length of my long arms before finally removing them completely. My entire body had broken out into goosebumps._

_"I'm as good as any man," She had declared standing up on the bar stool. She looked down on me with a haughty grin, her hands on her hips. I was level now with her thighs, 'God those thighs' I couldn't stop myself from thinking. _

_"My drink please Ma'am." She said down to me with a boastful air of self confidence. I had complied without so much as a word, handing her the full glass and watching in amazement as she took the glass and turned it up in her mouth. It took maybe ten seconds, right before my very eyes miss priss had emptied the beer, draining it completely of all of its former contents. I know I was staring at her wide eyed and amazed. I had no words. What the hell was I going to say. I had just been shown up by miss sophistication incarnate, miss french boarding school, miss 'i speak three languages outside of my native tongue' miss ivy league educated, miss board certified medical examiner... miss perfect.' _

_I think I was supposed to be upset, I think I was supposed to want to throw a fit, I think my pride was supposed to be hurt. But it wasn't. I was in awe. Awe and wonder. That woman was sexier to me in that moment than I had ever seen her be any time previously before that. Who was this woman, staring down at me with that smug triumphant smirk on her face. Who was this woman that had so boldly climbed out of her pretty little box and blown my mind, who was this woman standing in my favorite old ratty shirt atop my bar stool like she was the queen of the world. She was a queen to me I realized in that moment. She was the queen of my heart. I wanted more, I wanted to know more, I wanted to do more, I wanted everything._

_"Beat THAT!" she had said almost giddy with self amusement._

_I had grabbed her around the waist and gently eased her down from the bar stool and back around my waist into another enchanted spin._

_She was giggling again. _

_"That was AMAZING!" I had said finding my own laughter had returned "Where did that come from?" I had asked reluctantly returning her to sit on the stool. Maura had grabbed my fore arms softly before I could completely back away from her. She looked at me with that devilish grin again._

_"Miss Jane Clementine Rizzoli, I'm full of surprises you will never know." she declared to me, her gorgeous hazel eyes twinkled with excitement. _

_"I wanna know all your secrets." I had said carefully. I wanted to say it, I wanted her to know it, I wanted her to believe it. But I didn't want to scare her away. I didn't want her to run, to hide, to retreat back into her pristine little box and shut me out. I wanted her to want to invite me in with her, I wanted to blow up the box entirely and pull her out into the light. I wanted her to stand with me in the bright beautiful sunshine and let the world see her for all her beauty and wonder. I wanted the world to see her the way I did in that moment, so full of excitement, wonder, almost childish innocence. And her beauty, god love her beauty. I wanted the world to see that too, but I wanted it also to be my own, all for me. I wanted everything._

_"Maybe you will someday." Maura said softly with a slight quivering of her pretty pink lips. _

_"I hope so," I had said. _

_"SQUEAK" a ridiculous sound escaped Maura's mouth. I jump back in shock, Maura's eyes had gone wide and she was covering her mouth tightly with both of her hands. She looked half shocked, half embarrassed, half amused. _

_"What the HELL was that?" I exclaimed looking at her with confused wonder_

_"OHHH my goodness, I'm so sorry! I'm so embarrassed!" she had exclaimed in a high pitched muffled voice as she was refusing to remove her hands from her mouth like she was trying to trap the belches inside of her body._

_"Was that supposed to be a BURP?" I cried out falling into a rolling laughter. I could feel my own tears now rolling down the side of my cheeks. It was just to much, I couldn't stop myself._

_Maura's brow furrowed and she removed one hand from her mouth and playfully slapped my arm with it. _

_"Stop it!" she wailed. I noticed her own body was shuddering now with the barely suppressed laughter of self amusement. _

_"It's j-j-just s-s-so FUNNNY!" I managed to choke out between fits of hysterical laughter. I just couldn't stop. At least there was one thing I did better than Maura, even if it was just belching._

_Maura's eyes were crinkling in the corners with glee, she removed her hands from her face and placed them lightly on my own knees in front of me. _

_"Maybe you can teach me how to belch properly." she had said to me kindly._

_I was shocked into silence for a moment. We stared at each other as if we were staring through space and time, as if we were searching for something within the other person. Something beyond our realm of understanding, but something we wanted to know anyway. We looked into each others eyes like we were searching for a needle in a hay stack, like what we were seeing was precious, beautiful, amazing. We stared at each other as if we never cared to see another thing in the whole world again accept what we were seeing in that moment. _

_It was hell when our gazes finally broke, my soul suddenly felt a little lighter, like Maura had reached in and taken a piece of it with her to keep safely in the depths of her own precious spirit. She could have it as far as I was concerned, I had given it to her willingly, and in time...maybe one day...she could have it all._

_"We will work on that." I said softly._

_Maura smiled._

**Present time : Jane**

Maura. Maura the beautiful, Maura the sophisticated, Maura the prim and proper. Maura the beautiful.

I sighed heavily, my jaw clenched tightly almost involuntarily as the image of Maura crept back into my mind. I quickly began to suck down more beer. I needed more, NOW! I tossed the now empty bottle far and watched how the glass caught the moonlight as it spun through the air landing in the Hudson with a splash. I sighed again, I felt bad for the bottle all of a sudden. I had used it up, consumed its contents, the best that it had to offer, stripping it down to nothing for my own selfish reasons and then flung it away like it had never meant anything to me. "_Boy didn't that sound familiar_," I thought to myself as I watched the way the moonlight quivered and rippled with the motion of the night black water. It was calming, peaceful almost here on this old abandoned bridge I had found on the outskirts of the city.

I could see the lights of the towering sky scrapers off in the distance. Their lights twinkled and flashed, looking beautiful, almost inviting. The noise of the city was left behind, all I could hear now was a distant hum of the cacophony that was inner new york. I had desperately needed to get away from there. To get out of that dirty, filthy, overcrowed, unpleasant place. It was only so lucky that I had ended up here. My car was parked a little ways away in some very uneven gravely area that led down to this abandoned bridge. I was glad I had found this place. It was deserted, empty, void of any human contact for what looked like ages. The weeds had grown up like crazy, covering every bit of land they could find. The bridge its self was super old and rickety. It was almost all completely rust now giving it a horrible, abused and neglected look. I dangled my legs over the side of the bridge easily swinging them slowly back and forth enjoying the freedom of the motion. I inhaled another deep breath and reached into my twelve pack to produce my tenth beer.

"_Only two left,"_ I said sadly to myself as I eyed up the last two lonely bottles in the box.

I didn't want to stop drinking. But I knew I couldn't drive to get more. I wasn't wasted per say but I would never take a chance like that. Endangering the lives of others for selfish personal amusement was the worst type of irreverent irresponsibility I could think of. I always felt like we as a society owed it to one another to be safe and not get carried away and accidentally kill someone. But even still I wished I had bought more beer.

I had found forty dollars in the glove compartment of the car while sitting at a stop light desperately searching for my phone, hoping I had been mistaken in thinking I had left it in Maura's apartment. I almost cried when I found the money.

"_Thank God_" I had though, clenching the money in a shaking fist. I had managed to put half a tank of gas in the car, buy a twelve pack, got some gauze and alcohol for my freaking head, and still had a few dollars to my name. I had driven around for almost two hours, headed no where in particular, I had no where to go. When I happened upon the old, rusty, worn out bridge I had pulled up as close to it as I could get. I sat in my car for a long time just staring at it. I imagined it had once been a proud shining symbol of modern ingenuity, I imagined it had once been used often, perhaps had been an crucial part of some people's daily travel. I imagined it as it would have been at it's prime, all bold and beautiful. But it had gotten old, lost its luster, fallen behind the times and the changing world around it. I had become dated, old, useless, inadequate. It had been abandoned for something else, something better, newer, more relevant. It was left here forgotten, left to fade and rot away into the disaster that it was now in the shadow of the city it had once served so well.

Pulling the beer along with me I had found a comfortable spot that wasn't to rusty and plopped down. I wasn't hysterical anymore, I wasn't a zombie like, crying, ridiculous mess anymore. I was aware of everything around me. The sound of the water below me, the sounds of the crickets, the smell of the grass, the feeling of the hard metal beneath my bottom. I was a functioning human being again, well almost. Instead of the crazed hysteria I was feeling earlier, instead now I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. Or at least I was trying to feel nothing. That's what the beer was for. If I was going to feel anything for the rest of my life I wanted it to be drunk. At least that was something I could control. At least that was something that would never leave me. At least that was something that would never hurt me if I did it right.

I didn't want to feel, I didn't want to think. I just wanted to drink, drink away the pain. Drink to fill the wide open hole where my heart had once been. Drink to shut down the center of my brain that kept producing images in my head of Maura.

"_Damnit I thought of her again."_ I thought. I quickly took another series of long swallows from the now totally warm beer. I didn't care about the taste. I couldn't have cared less at all that the beer had gotten hot. I wasn't drinking it for the pleasure of it, I was drinking with a purpose. I was on a mission.

I didn't want to think about how much my life was different now. I didn't want to think about how the hell I was going to return to work and have to see that woman everyday. I didn't want to think about how I was going to be able to bear being in my apartment, knowing that everywhere I looked I was going to see images of that woman in my mind. I didn't want to think about how I was going to tell my mother what had happened, why I couldn't come to Sunday dinner any more or visit her at that woman's house. I didn't want to think about how unbearable my mother was going to be when she saw how miserable I was, what a shell I had become, a shadow of my former self. I didn't want to think about the probing questions I was sure to face at work from people wanting to know why that woman and I didn't speak anymore. I didn't want to think about the rumors, the speculation. I didn't want to think about what I would do if I ran into that woman in the hall ways. Would I be able to just keep walking, would I be able to pretend like she didn't exist, would I be able to keep standing on my two feet or would I collapse to the ground in a pile of weeping hysterical tears like I had done earlier? I didn't want to think about how I would be alone for the rest of my life, alone and miserable...and drunk. Yup that was going to be me, alone, miserable, and drunk.

I didn't want to think about the children I would never have, about the wife I would never be devoted to, about the house we would never build together. I didn't want to think about the Christmas dinners I would never have in my own house with the family I had made. I didn't want to think about fourth of July fire works, arguments over whose turn it was to cook, long nights spent making love in total and complete bliss, oblivious to the world around us. I didn't want to think, I just wanted to drink.

I sat on the bridge for about another hour, until the first rays of sunlight crept up over the horizon behind the city lights making the buildings of the city glow in an orangish pink the likes of which I had never seen.

I began to cry. Waves of emotion ran through me, crippling me, bringing me to shaking sobs I just couldn't control. The beer bottle dropped from my hands and tumbled down into the Hudson forgotten.

I was thinking again. The sight of the beauty of the sunrise had awoken the pain that the night had been so kind as to cover in it's blackness. The beauty of the sunrise made me think of Maura. Yes Maura. I wanted to share it with her, I wanted her at my side, I wanted her to see it with me in awe and amazement. I wanted to see the look on her face, I wanted to see the way the pink light would twinkle in her hazel eyes. I wanted to feel her arms wrap around my body and pull her close. I wanted her to whisper into my ear how happy she was, how much she loved me, how she didn't want to be anywhere else in the world but right there with me sharing that experience and making new memories together. I wanted my Maura back. I wanted her back. I wanted her back.

My sobs had grown into a hysteria I could not control. I was breaking all over again. Breaking down into nothing. I couldn't hide in the morning light. The sun brought with it the truth, exposing my raw and open sores bringing with it a storm of suppressed memories the blackness of night tried to hide.

I couldn't bear it anymore, I had to leave, I was so tired. I got up on shaky legs and returned to the car crawling inside and locking myself in. I refused to look at the sunrise anymore. I refused to stare my heartbreak right in the face. I didn't have the strength, I didn't have the courage, I didn't have the desire. I wanted to fade, fade away. I wanted the blackness of night to come back and wrap it's precious arms around me. I was so tired.

I cried myself to sleep instead.


	11. Chapter 11

**Jane**

_I was dreaming. I knew I was because I was happy. I was flying, flying so high. The world beneath me was long forgotten and all there was left was the beauty of the crystal blue sky and the puffy white clouds that left refreshing beads of moisture on my feathers. I was flying, with a spirit as light as a feather. There were no worries, there was no pain, there was just the sky, the whipping wind, and me. I was flying._

_**Ring ring ring**_

_A hateful angry noise sounded somewhere in the recesses of my mind. I was confused, my thoughts became fuzzy, unclear. The vision of the sky and the clouds and the majesty of the heavens was becoming blurry and unfocused. What was happening I wondered in my dream mind._

_**RIng RIng Ring**_

_There it was again that noise, that terrible awful noise. Something was pulling at me, something was tugging at my mind to return, I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay here. I wanted to stay her in this beautiful dream. I wanted to fly, I wanted to fly like and eagle and be free of the cares of the world beneath me. The world didn't concern me here, it didn't touch me here. The world was dirty, dark, and cold. The world wanted to hurt me, to cage me, to shackle my spirit in chains and refuse to let me be free, free and happy. _

_But I was falling now, I was falling in a swirling terrible nose dive, faster and faster and faster. I was afraid. I was afraid of what was coming, I knew it would hurt me, I knew they would take my dreams. I was falling. Suddenly the world rushed up below me closer and closer and closer until..._

...I jumped with a start. I was panicked for a moment. I had no idea where I was or how I got there. Dread poured through me as my sleepy eyes tried to open fully and take in my surroundings in order to properly process my current location.

_**RIng RIng RIng**_

I was startled by the sound. I realized I had passed out in the car, I was cramped up and uncomfortable. One of my legs had fallen asleep and was screaming in pain as blood rushed to refill the deprived blood vessels. My head was throbbing in pain. I reached back and touched my injury. It was to tender to put any pressure on it, and a huge knot had formed I could tell. Thankfully I had my hair to hide the trauma. The last thing I needed was a visual reminded of what had happened to me.

_**Ring RIng RIng**_

"_Goddamn that noise"_ I thought as I started frantically searching for the reason I had been pulled so unceremoniously from my dream state.

I reached my hand between the passenger seat and the center console, I felt something, something hard and rectangular, it was vibrating. Grabbing ahold of it I pulled it up and my heart stopped. It was that woman's phone.

"_Shit"_ I thought and I realized the enormity of what was in my hands. I noticed my hand was starting to shake a little. I dared to turn the phone over and my heart stopped again when I saw my mother's picture pop up there in the incoming call box. I answered it without thinking.

"Hello Ma." I said. I was surprised by how hollow my voice sounded. I sounded so tired and empty.

"Janie?" My mother's voice sounded surprised and almost a little panicked.

"Yeah ma, it's me."

"You didn't call me last night, I was worried sick all night. Why would you do that to me, why didn't you call, you guys promised you would call. Where's Maura?" Ma asked me. Her words had been a clipped hasty frantic blur. I suddenly felt awful. Ma was always one to worry and I had forgotten all about her in my own angst.

"I'm sorry Ma, You're right I should have called." I sighed heavily into the phone. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I had to squint. The sun was impossibly bright and shining right into my face.

"Janie, are you alright?" Ma asked. He tone had changed into one of concern.

I sighed again. I didn't want to get into the details of what had happened. I wasn't going to get into that with anyone. I was going to suppress it like a normal person. But since Ma was the only person in the world as close to Maura as myself, and considering the fact that she was currently living in that woman's guest house, I figured I should be honest about the whole situation so Ma wasn't hit in the face with the shock at a later date. I wanted her to have the time to process the changes that were about to happen while i was still away from Boston.

"Ummm," I breathed heavily into the phone. I bit my lip to hold back the tears that were forming again in my eyes. I had been awake for less than five minutes and already the pain was coming.

"Janie, what happened." My asked almost in a panic. I could see her in my head, stopped dead in her tracks with concern for me. I could even see the panicked expression on her face. She was ready to run, to swim, to jump, to fly, to even kill to get to me if I need her. For the first time in a long time I admitted to myself easily that I did need her. She loved me, she loved me like no one else would. The only unconditional love I had in my life. She was my constant, always there for me, always willing to lend a helping hand, and with a word of advice or a song of praise. I loved her so much in that moment I couldn't hold back the tears from streaming down my face again. I tried not to let her hear me cry, I bit my fist hard to hold back the choking sobs that were threatening to erupt from withing me. I was just so sad. I was so sad and so lost and so empty. I wished I was home, I wished I was with her, I wished she was there to wrap me up in her arms and rock me like a child while I cried, cried from the very depths of my soul. I wished she would tell me it would all be ok, I wished she would kiss my forehead the way she did sometimes, I wish she would tell me she loved me. I wished she would tell me she loved me. I knew she did but I had never needed to hear it more in my entire life. I wished I was with my mommy.

"M-mom." I managed to choke back before the flood gates erupted inside of me.

"Janie...JANIE!" my mom was practically hysterical, I could hear it in her voice.

"Tell me what HAPPENED!" she was practically yelling at me.

It was several minutes before I calmed down enough to speak clearly. I decided to just start from the beginning, I may as well tell the whole story now and then never speak of it again. I needed to get it out so I could put it all behind me.

"It started on the drive up here Ma..."I paused to gather myself. I willed myself to calm down and concentrate. With all the strength I could muster in the moment I proceeded.

"Maura asked me to have lunch with her and Ian.."I said

"...Oh yeah..that old boy friend with the post traumatic stress from that awful thing that happened to him over in Africa?" Ma said butting in.

I was shocked into silence. I didn't even know what to say.

"Post traumatic Stress?" I asked in a low deep uncertain voice that wasn't my own.

"Yeah, didn't Maura tell you? It's the saddest story I've ever heard in my life. It's a wonder that guy is still breathing after everything he has been through. Did you get a chance to talk to him about going to therapy? I know Maura was really worried about whether or not you would be open to the idea. She was almost not even gonna ask you for help, she was so worried it might upset you. Of course I know you, you'd do anything to help her and I told her so. She was so sweet Janie, she looked so relieved when I said that. I think she really cares about the guy and wants to help him before he hurts himself or someone else ya know. PTSD is really serious Janie..."my mother rambled on, I didn't bother to stop her, I was soaking up every word she was saying like a sponge. Somehow, in some way I felt the shattered pieces of my heart putting themselves back together, sorting themselves out like a jig saw puzzle.

"What was happening right now?" I thought in my head, never saying a word, I was absorbed in my mothers voice. I was engrossed in her every syllable hanging on like it was life and death. In some ways it was life and death. It was the difference between the life I had wanted with Maura for years now and the life I thought I had lost. It was everything, it was hope, explanation, curiosity, somehow it was even peace. The sweet peace of the possibility that I had been wrong, that I had misjudged, that there had been a very good reason for why things had happened the way they did. It was everything.

"...I looked it up on the internet thingy. There's so many stories on there about how it affects people so badly. I ruins people's lives Janie and their relationships and everything. Sometime's those people even end up killing themselves because they can't take it anymore. It's scary what it can do to you. Hallucinations, flashbacks, night terrors, uncontrollable instances of rage, depression, drug addiction, suicide." My Ma said like she was listing of the symptoms of a bad cold. "I'm so glad you had Maura there to help you all those times you got hurt on the job. I don't know what would have happened to you if she hadn't been there right beside you. I couldnt do it myself. I could never do what she did for you. You had closed me out emotionally and I would have worried myself into a heart attack if it hadn't been for her. She's the best thing that ever happened to you and I hope you know that." Ma said. I could almost feel myself the sincerity of her words, the relief that she truly did feel.

"Anyway, so what's happened with Ian, is he ok...is he hurt or something?" Ma asked becoming interested again in my story.

I was silent for a few moments.

"He's gonna be fine Ma. I gotta go." I hung up the phone and tossed it in the passenger seat. I tossed the box of empty beer bottles out the window, turned the key in the ignition and drove off in a fog of smoky dust, my tires slipping a little on the gravel I was going so fast. I didn't have time to slow down. I didn't have time to think, I didn't have time for anything else but my mission.

Detective Jane Rizzoli was back in full force. It was about damn time because I had work to do.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**

**Let me reiterate again for the final time. I am in no way attempting to move or sway anyones opinion about any character in this story. This work is simply told to illustrate the mind set of specific people, in a specific situation, with specific emotions and thoughts and feelings and how they deal with everything else that's going on in their lives and interact with each other in a certain environment. It is the responsibility of you, as the readers, to take what I have given you, relate it back to what you know already of Jane and Maura and Ian and whomever else, and with the help of your own life experiences, to form an opinion for yourself. Again none of you are wrong. Life just ain't that black and white. **

**I'm changing it up a bit in this chapter, it's gonna be long as hell sooo...blot out your schedule...joke just kidding. It's gonna be gross and messy and a little disturbing. This is Ian's point of view, I had to make up most of it cause the show didn't get that much into his character. All I had was an outline to work with so I did the best I could to fill in the blanks. Grab some tissues. I hope you enjoy.**

**P.S. Also I don't own any of these characters and bla bla bla, ya'll already know.**

**IAN:**

I was cold. So cold. The tiny windowless cell they had thrown me into was chilly, dark, and dingy. The walls were an ugly grey, all cement blocks a foot thick and cold to the touch. The paint was peeling in some places making it even more depressing. There were marks on the wall I had noticed earlier when I had finally come out of my crazed state and my mind had returned to me. The marks were mostly words, inscriptions left by previous occupants driven to write on the horrible walls with whatever tools they had managed to get their hands on and wrote whatever words brought them comfort in the absence of all outside human contact. Some were curses, other's proclamations of innocence, others violent threats promising retributions for some wrong they felt had been committed against them. Some were declarations of eternal love, miserable, heartbreaking words that had cut into me reminding me so much of what I know I had lost.

I thought of Maura. Images of her had been swimming through my head for what seemed like an eternity. I had no idea how long I had been in this cell. I didn't have a clock or a watch. They had stripped me of everything. Even my clothing. I was naked. There was nothing in this cell that wasn't bolted down or absolutely necessary for me to have so that barely, just barely, my treatment wouldn't be considered cruel and unusual punishment that was against the law. I guess they had considered me a suicide risk. I had gathered as much information for the guard that had showed up over an hour ago with a tray of what they called food. The guard hadn't given me any information, even at my pleading almost angry urging. He hadn't even bothered to make eye contact with me. He cared nothing for me or the state that I was in. I was nothing to him, just one more crazy ass criminal that had lost his mind, abused two women in their own home, attacked two officers that had burst into the apartment to stop me, and fallen into the darkest most crazed mindless unconscionable hysteria most people would never see. Those people were lucky. It was hard for me to believe myself that I, Ian, who had once been so happy, so carefree, so full of youthful ideas of heroism and adventure and an urge to explore and help people, could have become the gross spiritless wraith of a man that I had turned into those horrible long minutes in Maura's apartment. The guard had told me that I was on suicide watch because when they brought me in I had been raving about how much I wanted to die. I didn't remember that. I didn't remember being brought in, I didn't remember the clothes being stripped away from my body by ungentle hands. I didn't remember being carried down the hall by four officers huffing and puffing and struggling with my body to throw me roughly into this horrible cell, slamming the cold iron bars behind me with a reverberating clang. I didn't remember a lot of things.

I knew I was in trouble. I knew that. The guard had at least told me I was being charged with assaulting two polices officers, resisting arrest, causing bodily harm to an officer of the law, and smuggling drugs internationally. I was in trouble. But what did it matter. I didn't care. I didn't have a need to care. Even though I was fuzzy on all of the details, that I deserved to be exactly where I was. I had been wrong, dead wrong. There were no excuses for what I had done. I had lost my mind entirely, I had let myself get so carried away in rage, heartbreak, and hysterical pain that I had transformed into the embodiment of what I considered most disturbing in the world. How could I have let that happen to me? How, how, how? I wondered to myself over and over as I lay my naked body on the impossibly cold, narrow, stainless steel bench that I guess was supposed to be a bed. I didn't even have so much as a pillow. There was nothing in that cell but the bed and the gross stainless steel toilet bolted to the floor and to the wall and the tiny little sink in the corner. There wasn't even any toilet paper in the cell, not even any soap or paper towels or anything. It had been stripped bare. Striped bear the way the very soul of me felt.

I knew I was in trouble. I knew that. But somehow, for some strange reason it gave me peace being here in this cold dark place away from the beauty of the outside world where I couldn't taint anything or anyone else with my darkness. This windowless, dingy, foul-smelling tiny little cell was exactly where I belonged. I couldn't hurt anyone here, I couldn't infect anyone else with my sickness. I deserved to be locked away in the coldest darkest most miserable place imaginable, never again to see the sunrise, or hear the laughter of children, or to laugh at a friends joke, or to feel the love of a woman. I didn't deserve the beauty of sunsets, happy careless dinners, the wonders of adventure, the thrill of victory. I didnt deserve anything but punishment and pain, I knew that. I wanted that. That's all I wanted for myself, that's all I deserved.

Images of Maura crept into my head again. I began to weep. I had wept all night. It began as soon as I had come back to myself from my crazed state and the dawning of what I had done to get here had overwhelmed me with the deepest grief and regret I had ever felt in my life. I had broken down completely, I had lost all will to go on, all will to breath, all will to exist. I did not deserve to exist. I had wanted to fade away like a smelly fart in the wind was blown away from the noses of good men and women who deserved the smell of flowers and fresh cut grass rather than the awful stench of death and decay that my spirit gave off. I had wept, and wept, and wept, my entire body shaking uncontrollably with the overwhelming loss of myself, my love, and my life. I had wept for Maura, my beautiful Maura. I had wept even for Jane. Beautiful Jane. I wept for her most of all. I wept and wept and wept for her. What had I done, how could I have done what I did to her? I knew her. Not very well, I had met her only once before seeing her in the elevator with Maura. But in those few minutes I had the honor of being in her presence I had learned everything I needed to know about the woman.

Jane loved Maura. I know she did, I KNOW she did. It was written all over her, it was everything about her. It was the only vibe that she ever gave of in the presence of Maura's beautiful company. She loved Maura. She loved Maura more than I ever could. She loved Maura more than any person could love another. I knew she would lay down her very life at the feet of satan himself if he asked for her soul to be tortured in the fiery pits of hell for all eternity in exchange for Maura's release into the glory of heaven. She loved Maura, I knew that. It was in the way Jane looked at her, the way her body responded impulsively to every shift Maura's body made like Jane wanted to move with her, to hover over her like a halo, to protect her, comfort her, care for her. Maura was Jane's everything and vice versa. I knew that now, and had known that then way back in boston almost a year ago now.

Jane didn't like me I could tell. I knew it instantly the moment her eyes had fell upon me in Maura's apartment back in Boston. She looked at me like I was an intruder, an irritating fly buzzing around the face of her beautiful Maura. I was something to be watched carefully with a critical eye, something to be wary of, something dangerous that threatened the happiness of the one she loved most. But Jane, in spite of herself, in spite of her feelings, in spite of the way she wanted to swat me like a fly and flush me down the toilet and into the sewers where I belonged, the woman had somehow found the strength to be friendly to me. Friendly and smile, just a little. The smile never touched her eyes. Her eyes never changed their critical harsh gaze when they were looking into mine. She couldn't help herself, it was involuntary, it was just a reaction to the love she had for Maura, beautiful Maura. Jane had even managed to shake my hand. I had felt the waves of dislike travel all the way up my arm and into my heart and mind. I had been almost afraid in that moment. Making bodily contact with the woman whose hand I knew would wrap around my neck in an instant if I dared to set a foot out of line. I knew that then, I certainly knew that now.

I had hurt Jane. I knew that. I had hurt Maura too, but Maura knew me. Maura understood me and my situation better than anyone else in the world. But Jane didn't know me. She didn't know me when I was a truly happy person. She didn't know me in my prime, when Maura was My Maura. When her eyes were only for me and the beauty she thought she saw in me. Jane didn't, understand my dreams, my mission in life, my compulsion to help those less fortunate that me. Jane didn't know what I thought was my purpose in life and how much it took out of me. Jane didn't know the sacrifices I had to make to do what it was that I did in order to help the people so destitute and oppressed and in need that I was willing to break the law and risk my life to help them. Jane didn't understand how I could walk away from Maura, how I could take my light from her and give it to others leaving Maura broken and defeated. She didn't understand the compulsion inside of me. All Jane saw was my darkness, she had seen it the moment our eyes had made contact with each other so long ago. All she saw was the shadow that had crept into my mind shading my once happy light and covering it with the darkness that so many sacrifices, so much danger, so much pain and so much misery my job had brought me.

My job had also brought me joy. That is why I did it. That is why I was willing to risk my life and safety and even my freedom to help the children and people of the sierra Leone. There were a beautiful people. They all had such beautiful minds and spirits, well not all of them, there was a darkness in every corner of the world. But most of them were wonderful people. They had amazed me the moment I had first set foot in their beautiful country. I was expecting to see a worn down, defeated, broken bunch of people. I expected to find hollow shells of broken spirits crushed by the greed and mindless disregard for humanity that their oppressors had brought down upon them, raping their land of its natural resources, raping their minds with fear and terror, raping their bodies even sometimes, stealing their innocence along with the wealth their ancient land had to offer. I had expected to find misery and pain, agony and defeat. But i didn't.

They had greeted me at the run down shanty of a hospital way out in the african countryside in a tiny little village call Mumbatu with cheers and bright smiles and dancing. I will never forget the way the children chased the rusty, barely running old pick up truck that I was being driven in laughing and cheering and calling out to me in their native tongue. The children's feet had been bare, they were barely dressed in scraps of clothing that only covered the most essential parts of their body. They had broken teeth and swollen bellies full of parasites from the lack of clean drinking water, they had unwashed bodies and knotty hair, if they had hair at all. Their skin was rough and dry, their lips were cracked and bleeding in some cases, their body were skinny and starving, most of then never having had a decent meal in their entire lives. They were the saddest bunch of people I had ever seen in my entire life ever. But still they cheered. Still they clapped their hands, still leapt with excitement, still they danced their tribal dance lifting their voices in song and praise thanking their gods for blessing them with one willing to help them. I will never forget the tears rolling down the dark cheeks of the mothers holding their sick or injured children in their arms. I will never forget their eyes. They were so full of hope, relief, sincere thanks and gratefulness. I had become a symbol of hope to them, I was some small beacon of light in their ravaged hearts and minds. They could not believe how lucky they were. Someone was here to help them, to give them hope, to heal their broken sick bodies and their broken sick minds. I was everything. I was hope in the flesh.

The whole tribe had danced for me when I got out of the car. Every single able bodied man and woman and child able to walk had come from their shacks and shanties to dance for me. That swept me into the circle of stomping feet and clapping hands, making a beautiful rhythm that filled my heart with joy and gladness. I clapped my hands with them, I didn't know the dance but I tried to keep rhythm with them anyway. This dance was ancient, old as the mountains off in the distance. Old as their first ancestors thousands of years old. This dance was theirs, it was was a part of them, it was a representation of who they were as a people, where they had come from, where they were going. It was a jubilation, a song of great praise and thanks. Their voices cried out to the heavens, calling to their ancestors to see them dance. To hear their song, to feel the joy and the gladness that was in their hearts. There were very old men and women in the circle, even tiny little toddlers maybe two years old who had just learned to walk, but still they joined in their tribes dance. Some had missing limbs, legs or arms or both. The legs less ones danced anyway, hopping around or poorly constructed prosthetic limbs or hastily made crutches, but still they danced. Still they lifted their voices to the heavens in thanks and praise despite the horror of their condition.

I had been in awe. Who were these mysterious and beautiful people. Who was this tribe with the strength of character to sing and dance despite the horror of their condition. Who were these people who lifted their voices to the heavens despite the fact the no god had touched this place in a very long time. Yet still they danced.

Jane didn't understand. She didn't know how much I needed to be there, how much those people needed me. She didn't understand how I could leave the most beautiful person in the world and travel thousand of miles away, away from cell phone or internet or even a goddamn telegraph machine to chase my dreams. Jane didn't understand. Jane would never have done what I did. She would never abandon Maura. She would fight for her,kill for her, die for her. Jane would do anything, sacrifice anything, to be next to the one she loved. Jane didn't think I ever deserved Maura. I knew that. Jane thought that if I couldn't give Maura everything she wanted and deserved that I didn't deserve to be around her at all. Jane was right. I didn't deserve Maura, I could not give her my everything because I had already given it away to so many people in need so far away. I had nothing left to give Maura but my friendship at the time, there was just nothing else there.

Despite the fact that Jane hated me, despite the chilly look in her eyes and her cold heartless smile, despite what she thought of me, I had loved Jane the moment I met her. I had felt such a relief the moment our eyes met. I found peace in the fact that Maura was taken care of. I found peace in the fact that Jane loved Maura so much, that Jane would protect her and keep her close and show her everything the world had to offer that I could no longer do myself. I felt joy at the fact that I could go back to Africa in peace now knowing that Maura would be just fine, she had found the one that loved her most. Loved her like I never could. Loved her the way she deserved. I loved Maura, god knows I did, but I loved Jane too. I had too. She had become a part of Maura, the best part, and Maura was a part of me so by extension so was Jane.

But in my crazed hysteria I had hurt Jane. I had very possibly destroyed her loved for Maura. Made her feel inadequate, substandard, useless. I had stomped on everything that Jane and Maura had built together in the minds, bodies, and spirits unzipping my pants and pissing on it like it was nothing.

I closed my eyes and let the tears fall down my face onto the cold stainless steel bench beneath me. I had ruined everything. I had hurt so many people, I had caused so much havoc and pain. What had I become? How did I get to that place in my mind?

I knew what it was. It was the horror of what had happened to me and those beautiful people in the tiny village in Africa. It was the death I had seen, it was the blood that was on my hands, it was the wailing of woman in trembling grief holding the bodies of dead children in their arms, it was the tears of grown men cradling their slaughtered wives, shouting to their ancestors in curses and agony. It was the blank eyed expression of naked swollen bellied children standing impossibly still, covered in the blood of their dead mothers and fathers that had used their bodies to shield them from the attack. It was the blank eyed stare of broken hearts, broken minds, and broken spirits as their brains tried to understand while their ancestors had abandoned them and washed their tiny village in a river of blood, death, and decay. It was the guilt I felt, it was my grief, my agony, my pain, my disappointment at finding also that my Maura truly was gone. That I had no chance of ever getting her back because she belong to another. It was terror, grief and loss. It was so many things that had invaded my mind and made me dream terrible dreams at night that shook me to my core and left me trembling in the darkness in cold sweaty terror and defeat. I was the hallucinations I had, robbing me of my senses and sending me into terror and shock as the visions replayed in front of me like a horror show, like a shadow that followed me every where I went, like a dark stormy cloud that hovered over my head pouring violent rain upon me with every step and breath I found the strength to take. It was the rage inside me. The terrible rage and anger that I couldn't control. It was the heartbreak, the pain, the guilt, the defeat. It was everything and all of that that had caused me to lose control of myself in Maura's apartment, coupled with the shock of seeing her in the arms of another when I needed her so badly. I needed her like I had never needed anyone before in my life. I needed her like the flower needed the sunshine and the rain, and the moon needed the sun, like the ocean needed the moon, like the body needed food, like the mind need stimulations. I had needed her. She had promised me. I had trusted her.

Driving to Maura's apartment yesterday I had been filled with the greatest joy and hope I had felt in a long time. I was happy. I was going to see my love. She had only promised to meet me for lunch to talk, but I needed more, I needed to see her. I needed to see her smile at me and take me in and comfort me. I needed her arms around my body, I needed the smell of her perfume, I needed the light in her eyes. I needed her to love me like she had never loved me before. I need her to remind me of what was beautiful. I needed her to cast out the demons in my mind, to wash the vision from my head, to drive away the clouds and the shadows with the power of her beautiful heart and bring me back to love and beauty. I was the people of the african tribe in desperate need to hope and relief and Maura was me.

But it had all gone so wrong. Why was life so cruel? Why did I have to push the elevator door at that very second? Why did I have to see Maura, my love, my hope, my light wrapped so tightly in the arms of another woman? Why did I have to see the look on her face as she gazed into the eyes of the one she loved so much who was crying tears of unspeakable joy for her? Why did my heart have to break? Why did my soul have to be ripped away? Why did my insanity have to burst out of the depths of me and send me into a rage of unknowable comparison? Why did the storm clouds come rushing back in, terrible and ugly with a power I couldn't control? Why did the shadow transform into a wraith and swallow me up in its impossible darkness? Why had I not been stronger? Why had I not been better? Why did I not find the strength to fight back against the rage that had overcome me? Why? Why?Why?

Still there was no excuse. I had done what I had done no matter the reasons why and I could never take it back. I deserved to be here. I deserved to go away for life if that's what they gave me. I deserved death even...no not death. Death was easy, death was freedom, death was the sweet release of pain and suffering. Death was the gloried lifting the the spirit from the body connecting it to this world and darkness and floating freely into the heavens and the knowledge of all truth that the world could never show us. Death was precious. It was not the end but the beginning. The beginning of true beauty and truth. It was freedom. It was everything. I didn't deserve to die. I deserved to live. To exist only in this dark windowless cell, striped of all beauty and conversation, love and happiness. I deserved to exists only in this wretched state with only my nightmares and my misery for company. I deserved this, I knew that, I knew that. There was no more hope for me, not even the possibility of hope. There was no one left to help me. I was alone. Alone with my cruel thoughts and my pain. This is right where I deserved to me.

I heard a door open from somewhere. The creaking of old rusty hinges and the loud reverberating slam of the heavy metal door shutting behind them. I heard footsteps. Two sets of footsteps if my ears could be trusted. They were coming to me, closer and closer. My heart was racing. What was going to happen now? Was I going to be beaten for hurting that officer? Was I going to be abused in some way? Was I going to be taken to some even darker place more equipt to better accessorize my misery and pain? What was going to happen to me now?

Two officers appeared a the bars of my cell. One was holding a great length of chain and shackles and handcuffs the other an orange Jump suit and a pair of slippers.

"Get up criminal, you've got a visitor." The one with the shackles said.

I was momentarily shocked, who the hell wanted to see me? I didn't move in my disbelief.

"GET UP HE SAID." the other officer yelled and threw the pair of orange coveralls and slippers at me through the bars. "Put that on, it's time to move."

I didn't speak, I didn't have any words. Besides my throat was raw and painful from the night of screaming and crying. I did as the said quickly covering by body in the overly large baggy jump suit and stuffing my feet into the too small slippers.

They shackled me down, there were cuffs around my ankles, and chain around my waist and cuffs on my wrist. Everything was connect and help together with heavy chain. It was terribly hard to move or walk in the cuffs I figured out as the led me down the dark dingy hallway. I could only take the tiniest of baby steps and it was painful even then to set one foot in front of the other. The chain connecting the ankle shackles to my waist chain caused the shackles to dig in my ankles painfully with every step I took. It was awful.

"Some body must really love you boy. You're supposed to be on total lock down for 72 hours. No phone call, no visitors, no outside time, no nothing. Somebody must have pulled a lot of strings to get to see you boy." the guard to my left said.

I was shocked. Who the hell cared about me that much?

I was led a long way...we walked through the building for ten minutes, up flights up stairs that were nearly impossible for me to navigate in my shackled state, down long corridors, into tiny elevators, through secret passages. I was breathless and exhausted by the time we reached the door to a much cleaner, well kept, well lit area of the jail. My heart was beating a mile a minute. What was in there, what was waiting for me? Did I really have a guest or was this just some gross cruel joke to get me to come willing to some terrible beating or other torture waiting impatiently for me on the other side of that door. Terror fill me. Dread. Desperation. I could feel myself sweating uncontrollably. I was even shaking a little bit I knew.

"Scared are we?" one of the officers joked. "I would be too if I were you." I didn't hear which one of the guards was talking. I was so nervous all I could hear was the rushing of blood in my ears.

One officer unlocked and opened the door, pulling it wide and stepped in.

"Here he is detective, he's all yours."

"Oh shit...oh shit...oh shit!"I thought has my heart beat tripled in pace. I thought my knees were going to give out beneath me. I thought the shock was going to kill me. I thought I was going to pass out. This couldn't be who I thought it was. It just couldn't be. What did she want with me? What was she going to do to me? How was she going to punish me? Would it be slow? Would it be quick? Would it be as awful as I knew she wanted it to be? There would be no one there to protect me I knew. No one would respond to my cries of pain or agony. No one else cared. Everyone thought I deserved whatever Detective Rizzoli, if that's who was behind that door, had in store for me.

I was shoved forward roughly causing me to lose my balance and falling into the room flat on my face. I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't extend my shackled arms or legs to balance myself and catch my fall. It hurt. I landed with a thump and two officers moved quickly to help me up, their brought me to my feet in a matter of seconds with the will of their combined strength I was a rag doll in their experienced hands.

There she was. Jane Rizzoli. Sitting in a chair at a small table right in front of me. She looked terrible. She was still wearing the clothes she was wearing when last I had seen her. Her hair was a black wavy rats nest of a mess, her eyes were a tired blood shot red, her face a mask of stone faced dislike and hatred. She looked at me with every bit of hatred she had in her body. And why not? I knew I deserved to be hated. I felt striped down bare under the gaze of that woman. I felt ripped apart inside and out. I felt like she saw everything, knew everything I was thinking, knew my deepest darkest secrets. I felt like I was nothing standing before the power of that woman.

Before I knew it words were flying from my mouth.

"Jane what the hell are you doing here?" I asked before I could stop myself. I didn't have to sense to grasp the gravity of what I had just said. Those were the first words I had spoken to her the evening before.

If I thought the woman's face was dark before it was nothing compared to the expression her face had now. It was a barely contained look of trembling rage. I had seen it before. It was the look she had on her face when I had driven her to attack me with such ferocious force the evening before. I could feel the assault, the biting, scratching, pulling and tearing. She had that look now, like thunder and lighting. I quaked under that gaze in terror. I was truly afraid. The other two officers had already left and closed and locked the door behind them I was alone, alone with one of the most powerful women I would ever know. I was afraid.

She stared me down like that for several minutes. surveying me, studying me, taking me in. I was afraid. I said nothing, I spoke not a word. I didn't trust myself to speak. The tiniest misstep could open the flood gates of Jane's hatred for me and I was in no position to defend myself this time. There was nothing to stop her from snapping my neck and saying it was an accident, that I had fallen or something, and who would care to not believe her. Who would waste precious tax payers money to investigate the death of a criminal. A man who had attacked two innocent women and an officer of the law. No one would care.

Slowly she raised one dark eye brow, "Its Detective Rizzoli to you." she said. Her voice was soft, but held the power of a hurricane. It was dangerous, trembling, terrifying. It was a warning, "don't push me," it said loud and clear like a siren in the night. I was afraid. I instantly dropped my gaze to the floor.

"Yes ma'am," I quaked, not daring to look into that woman eyes again. I didn't want to see her darkness. I couldn't stand it.

"Sit." she said in a clipped short command.

I did as I was told without a word. I shuffled over to the chair in front of me directly across from the terror that was Jane Rizzoli. I sat, facing my nightmare head on. It was coming I knew. I felt it in the heart of my being. It was coming, the pain, the pain was coming.

I bowed my head even lower. Resigning myself to whatever hellish torture this woman had in store for me. I deserved it. I knew that.

"We need to talk." was all she said.

"Yes ma'am."

I was afraid.

**A/N! Yes yes yes yes yes. There it is folks, what happens next? What does Jane want with Ian? Stay tuned to find out. Sorry this chapter was so long and depressing. It was necessary to lay down the background on Ian so that I can move this story forward in the direction I want to go. My resolution is coming. Not immediately per say but I can see it clearly in my head now. I hope it will be as beautiful as I want it to be. **

**To my loyal readers, god bless your precious souls. Your words of comfort and encouragement have touched me and inspired me to continue on just the way I had planned. Know that you mean the world to me. I only hope to not disappoint you. You know who you are. **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **

**Mmmmk, so to my reviewer that left the comment about my line in the last chapter "I had wanted to fade away like a fart in the wind" LOL hahahaha**

**I laughed so hard when I read your review I actually peepeed in my pants a little. hehehe! I was trying to convey that Ian was feeling like less that passing gas. I guess I could have done a better job with that symbolism. Not my best line. hehe. I'll try harder with that. **

**Anyway moving on this chapter is going to be long as hell again. It's going to flip flop between Jane and Ian's point of view of the conversation. I need to tell the story from different perspective so that I get the most out of what each one of them are seeing in the other and feeling themselves. I'm sorry the drama isn't more action based and exciting. I had to stall that a little bit to build up to where I'm going. Don't worry they next chapter will be all drama and suspense for those of you that might be getting bored. **

**All that being said...let us journey on!**

**P.S. I don't own these characters yada yada yada! Enjoy!**

**IAN:**

I was afraid. I still hadn't dared to lift mine eyes to Jane's terrible face. I already knew what was there. I didn't need to see it again to feel any more awful about myself than I already had. Bursting into flames and dying a terrible agonizing death would be better than what that woman was capable of making me feel. Jane was a terrible force, I had know that since I met her. She had been all forced smiles and pleasant, if not sometimes sarcastic and biting in her conversation. But she had been pleasant. Still I could see the shadow behind her almost jet black eyes. I could see the warning, the treat there. I could feel it like the shudder it sent directly into my heart and down my spine making me want to shiver with the coldness I felt. I had known then, so long ago, that Jane was not one to be crossed, not one to back away from a fight, no one to flinch or fail or falter. She was a force, the power to which I had no will in my spirit to challenge at the time. The woman was the embodiment of strong will and determination. I knew there was nothing she could not do if properly motivated. And it was in this shadow now that I quaked with a fearful heart and a head bowed in shame. It was in this moment I knew that she had all power over me. She could bend me, move me, control me and my destiny for the rest of my entire life. She could hurt me, abuse me, kill me even if the spirit came to her to do so. I could not have had more dread or respect for a person at the same time in any other situation ever. In this moment, at the mercy of this woman I knew my life could very possible turn on a dime into some misery even I hadn't dreamed of yet. I was afraid.

Jane hadn't spoken a word in several long minutes. But I could feel her staring at me, studying me with her trained detective's eye. This woman was no novice. She had been here before, countless times. Jane had stared in the face of dozens if not hundreds of the most violent criminals in a room just like this without so much as the respect to feel a single ounce of fear. I know that, I could tell by the way that, even though our eyes weren't locked in a stare, I could still feel her mind boring through my skull and into my brain. I could feel her in there searching, prying, invading me. I could feel the strong force of her hatred implanting into me, pouring into my blood and flowing through my body like heroin in the veins of a drug addict. But the addict got to feel pleasure. There was nothing pleasant about Jane's ire.

I heard her shift in her seat. I saw her place her hands on the tiny table in front of her and clasp them together like she was trying to keep them from wrapping around my neck. She leaned forward in her chair and hovered there, looking at me closer. What was she trying to see? What did she want with me? I didn't have the courage to ask. I didn't have the courage to speak. I didn't have to courage to move at all, I could barely even breath. I had never felt so small.

"Tell me why." she said in a flat monotone voice, soft but strong at the same time. It amazed me how in control she seemed. What I was experiencing now was the real Jane...Dectective Jane Rizzoli. Though I image it was ten times more intense than she would be to some common criminal. This was personal, it couldn't get any more personal than this.

I could not find the words to speak. I did not know what to say so terrified was I to inflame the woman before me. I did not know how to answer the question she asked me. What did she mean 'tell me why" what did she want to know. Where was she going with this? I did not know. I was silent never even daring to lift my eyes.

"Ian," Jane raised her voice sharply. It wasn't quite a yell but it carried all the weight of a thunderous roar. It hit me in the center of my being like a powerful kick to the chest. I jumped, shocked and terrified. What was I to do? I did not want to unleash her rage.

I found the strength to lift my eyes to hers. She was staring right at me, leaning forward at the end of the table sitting at the very edge of her chair. I saw only half the rage that I had seen upon first entering the room. There was something else there, there in those beautiful dark eyes of hers. It was an honest sincerity, it was a searching, a yearning for understanding and truth. She wanted information, she wanted the answer to her question. She was on the case. But what would be the outcome if I gave her the answers to all the questions she wanted to know. What would she do to me if my answers displeased her. Would all the rage come storming back like a herd of stampeding elephants. Would she mow me down and smear my remains over a stretch of abandoned highway a mile long.

I did not know how to answer her question. But I certainly did not want to be a bloody smear on the side of the road. I wanted to say I'm sorry, I wanted to beg and plead with everything inside of me for her forgiveness. I wanted to drop to my knees in total submission before the might of her. I wanted to bow my head in respect to this queen that I had so grossly offended. I wanted to beg for my life, for forgiveness and understanding.

"I'm so sorry Jane." I finally found the breath to say. Even as it came out of my mouth the words sounded hollow in my own ears. They were empty, inadequate, insufficient to even _begin_ to quell the gravity of the horror I had brought down upon all of us. Seeing the momentary flash of Jane's rage, the clench of her strong yet delicate jaw, the way her hands suddenly increased their force of their grip on each other sent another wave of terror through me.

It was another long while before she spoke again. I had lowered my gaze again feeling defeated. I was defeated, I knew that.

Composing herself Jane finally spoke again.

"I am not here for an apology." she spat at me with venom and malice. The power of the rage in her voice hit me right in the face like a super heavy weight knock out punch. It could have blown me right of my chair shackles and all.

"I will never **EVER** forgive you for what you did to Maura. Your behavior was inexcusable. **INEXCUSABLE!" **she shouted the last word at me with such force I really did almost fall out of the chair. There it was, the rage, the anger, hatred. I had know it was coming but the knowledge did nothing to lessen the power of it's punch. It felt like my chest was caving in.

"What you did Ian was...terrible!" there was something else in her voice now. Something else in her beautiful face. Jane's voice had broken a little with the last sentence. She paused in her speech lowering her own eyes and bringing her hands in closer to her body almost as if to hold in the emotions she was feeling from bursting out of her chest and all over my body in some dangerous physical attack. But I still saw her pain, I saw her hurt, her terrible despair as the image of Maura in that apartment was running through her mind.

I suddenly and surprising felt a little bit of hope. I knew in that moment that Jane would never leave Maura, she would go back to her, she would find her and heal her and dab her bloody wounds with a towel moistened with her own soothing hot tears. Jane would go back, I knew it in that instance. But she needed something first, she needed the answers to her question, she needed some sort of resolution with me, some sort of reason, something anything to help her find some sort of peace with me. I willed myself to speak with the renued vigor the knowledge of belief that maybe, just maybe, if they both were willing there hearts would find a way to make it work. To over-come to move forward...forward and up back into the light.

"What do you want to know Detective Rizzoli," I said calmly. I was amazed that my voice sounded even, steady, certain, even confident. I was going to face this challenge I decided. I was going to give Jane what she wanted no matter how much it killed me, no matter how much it hurt. I was going to give Jane the answers she needed to find the peace she had to have to move past me and back into the arms of her love. I owed it to her. I owed her everything. I was at her feet, at her command. This was the one, selfless thing that I could do to try and quell some of the damage that I had caused. This was my only hope, my only chance of some small level of redemption. This was it, the dime on which my life turned. This was my one shot. I would take it.

"What happened in Africa." she asked matter of factly, bluntly, bold, right to the point. Jane didn't come here to play games. She came here on a mission.

But I was filled with dread. I didn't want to go back to that place in my head, I didn't want to relieve the hurt. I wanted to forget it, bag it up and throw it into the river and watch it float away never to be seen again. I wanted to stab it with a knife and watch it die, it was the reason, the hateful dark reason that we were both in this crazy place. I was afraid. But I would soldier on anyway. If it had to cause me unspeakable pain to heal the wounds I had caused I would do it. It was the very very least I could do.

"It's a long story I said."

Jane cocked her head to the side and fixed me with her most irritated frown. I was wasting words and her time. She came here only to hear the answer to her question not some long buildup. She needed to get out of here quickly and back to her Maura as soon as possible. My excessive unnecessary chattiness was only noise in her ears.

"I have time for this," she said, that dangerous low level voice was back again. I was pushing her. She was letting me know that by her body language and expression.

"Ok, I'll tell you everything." I said, my own voice was frightened and panicked.

"Start from the beginning," she said sitting back in her seat and crossing her arms.

"_Well, here goes."_ I thought to myself.

**Jane:**

I drove to the prison in a storm of the raging sirens of my police car like a signal to the whirlwind I was bringing with me. I raced with all the speed my car could handle using every bit of the horse power it had to offer. I was a blur of phone calls, calling everyone I knew that could help me. I had short, clipped frantic conversation with each one that answered the phone. I was near hysteria in my desperation for help. I called Korsack, Frost, several old luitenenants that had been promoted to higher positions. I had called two former co-workers who were now with the FBI. I had demanded, cursed, pleaded and begged them to have Ian released from his suicide watch and allowed to meet with me privately. I was met at every turn with opposition, the calm rational reasoning of less desperate minds did not interest me. I did not care for the words of resistance, professions of my request being an impossibility. It _was_ possible. I knew it. I knew the people I had called had the power and authority to do anything if they put their mind to it. I raged at them, bending them to my will. Each and everyone of them fold before the power of my might. I would not be stopped. I had work to do.

The clock on my dashboard read 9:30 am. When I finally came racing into the parking lot of the police station flipping off my sirens and rushing out of the car I knew I must have been a sight. I must have looked wild, crazy and frantic, hopping out of a police car in a black wife beater and old slacks. What those officers standing around in the parking lot with dropped jaws and wondering stares must have thought I would never know. I was in a hurry. I didn't have time to waste explaining. The people that mattered most knew I was coming. They were waiting for me. I had to get this done quickly, as quickly as possible. Maura was leaving for the university at twelve, I had to catch her before she left. I had to see her. I couldn't let her walk on stage in the condition she was in. Even though I was still desperately angry with her, I didn't want her to fail. I didn't want her to stand in front of a lecture hall full of her peers and equals and make a fool of herself. I knew how she was. I know how flustered she could get. I knew how nervous and uncomfortable she could be in social situations and that was on her best day with me to hold her hand and guide her through it. I knew the current place that her mind must be in. She was sick with worry, worry for me. She was sick with pain and angst. She was killing herself in that very moment, she was killing what little humanity she had left with grief and despair and worry over both myself and Ian. She was not thinking clearly, I knew she didn't want to go to the lecture but even despite herself, despite the dark place she was in she would go to the lecture anyway I knew. She had made a commitment, a commitment to her fellow peers and colleagues to present herself to them with all her poise and her beautiful mind full of knowledge ready to please their hungry minds with new information they desperately wanted to hear. Maura was just that self less. She was an inspiration of how the human mind should work, at least in the aspect of selfless devotion to commitments and work. People lacked work ethic these days. That is why our country was failing so miserably. No one wanted to work hard for what they wanted. They wanted their dreams handed to them on a silver platter, as if the world was theres to serve them instead of vice versa. That was not the case with my love. Not my Maura. That had been the biggest thing that had drawn me to her in the first place. Even though she could drive me impossibly mad with her never ending attention to every little detail, her refusal to make any rushed judgements before having every single possible test run and every single fact considered even though the answer was glaringly obvious to everyone else. The bright red pool on the ground seeping out of a dead victims body from a gaping wound across their neck was blood. It was blood goddamnit. But nooooo Maura could not form that conclusion until all the test were done and the results came in for her scrutiny. Sometimes I wanted to shake that woman, shake the sense that everyone else seemed to have but her into her beautiful irritating mind.

But in the state that she was in Maura was doomed to fail. Doomed to fall apart in front of a room full of professionals and collegiates. I could not let her embarrass herself like that. No matter how angry I was I had to get to her.

It took fifteen minutes to get through the security of the police station. I had bared their probing questions and probing pattdown with gritted teeth and the friendliest disposition I could muster. I couldn't let my rudeness throw them off and slow me down. They were already taking a chance on me. Doing me a huge favor and I had to respect that.

It was nine fifty before I was seated in the little room at the little table waiting for Ian. In the few minutes I had I did everything I could to settle my nerves, to seal in the rage that I felt toward the man. I hated him, hated him like crazy. I hated him like _crazy_ crazy. Crazy enough that I wanted to rage at him physically the way I had the night before. I wanted to hurt him, to cut into him the way he had done to my Maura's precious heart. I didn't know if i would ever be able to undo the devastation he had caused, no matter the reason. If he was so angry she should have sought help sooner, from a professional. He should not have kept it inside bottled up like a shaken champagne bottle ready to explode his rage all over the world with the slight touch. There was no excuse for him. I wasn't doing this for him. I was doing this for Maura, for Maura and myself.

When Ian first fell into the room my heart fell with him. I was barely able to contain my hatred at just the very sight of him. But I had willed myself, found the strength, filled my head with visions of my Maura at her best so as to remember why I was doing that, what it was that I would lose forever if I couldn't get over this hill.

Ian's face twisted, his head a bent and his eyes were closed. Ripples of emotion played across his face like actors played across a stage. He was broken, defeated. He was a hollow shell. I saw the regret, I saw the pain, I saw the agony. I saw the lack of a will to live, I saw the desire to fade away into the night. I saw the punishment, the self hatred the agony. I saw everything looking at him there in that tiny little room at that tiny little table. I saw everything.

But I felt no sympathy for him. I felt nothing for him but hatred and always would for the rest of my life. He did not deserve my forgiveness. He did not deserve peace. He deserved to exist forever in that dark place in his mind forever doomed to live and relive that awful night forever. He deserved to never sleep, never lift his eyes to a mirror, to never taste his favorite food or feel the pleasure between a woman legs. He deserved nothing. I would give him nothing out of the goodness of my heart. I wasn't here for me, I was here for Maura.

Ian was slow to speak. But he told me everything. He told me about the tribe in africa he had lived and worked with for so many years. He told me about the orphan boy that he had taken in and adopted and fell in love with. He told me of the civil war that was raging in the Sierra Leone, tribe against tribe, blood against blood. He told me how the elders of the tribe had wanted to flee before the onslaught of the approaching rebels. He told me how he convinced them they would be safe in the hospital he built with them. He told me how the people trusted him, followed him, cared for him. He told me about the fire, the raging hot white fire that had smoked them out of the hospital to an onslought of firepower and smoke bombs and the slashing of machete's. He told me how the boy he loved was ripped from his arms and butchered right before him with an axe. He told me of the wailing of children, the screaming of mothers, and cries of fathers. The told me about the death, the blood the terror. He told me of his guilt when the rebels had dragged the chief from the smoke and debris and cut off his head with one mighty fall of a machete. He had told me how the chief had looked at him with trembling lips and wide eyes full of fear and betrayal. He told me how he had collapsed in screams and rage as the old chiefs head rolled to a stand still before him. He told me how he curled into a ball cradling the chief disconnected head crying out in desperate agony, guilt, and rage. He told me of the hundred and fifty dead bodies he and the survivors had had to bury when the tribe moved on. He told me of the children they had stolen to live a life as slave soldiers, robbing them forever of their innocence. He told me of the woman they raped and then killed with a slit to the throat to bleed out in front on of their infants and children and husbands. He told me of the breast they cut from the nursing mothers so they could never again feed their own children who would starve to death with out their sustenance. He told me everything. He told me when the night mares started, when the hallucinations began. He told me of the cold sweats and nervous chills that were always with him. He told me of his darkness, of his grief, of his pain. He told me of why he returned to New York, so desperate was he to get away from the agony of the memories. He told me of him seeking out Maura for help. He told me of his expectations of her, his desire to feel her warmth again. He told me for his hunger for peace, his idea that only Maura could give that to him.

I listed, I listened with a full heart and open mind until his lips finally stopped moving and his head hung in shame, grief, regret and pain. He told me everything.

We sat for long moments in complete silence, both with our own thoughts. I watched him. I watched in sit there and suffer. I offered no words of comfort, no pearls of wisdom no expressions of concern of comfort or peace.

I let him sit there in his agony for a little while longer. Finally after a glance at the clock on the wall behind him I spoke. It was eleven fifteen. I only had forty five minutes and I still had so much to do, I had to get back to Maura. I couldn't drag this on any longer.

"Tomorrow you will be transferred to a private mental health facility upstate. You will serve a six month sentence in total lock down until you are evaluated. If you are found mentally competent you will be released to a half way house for another three months or until you are deemed able to return to society. You will complete daily anger management classes. You will actively participate in each one. You will attend daily counseling sessions, you will actively participate in each one. You will follow all the doctors advice, you will take any medication they prescribe you. You will do as I tell you...or Ian I swear to the god that gave me breath..."I said leaning in a fixing him with my most sincere threatening stare. His own eyes were filled with terror "...I will find you Ian, I will find you if I have to search to the ends of the earth i will find you...and I wont be looking to talk."

I sat back. Glaring at him. Ian's eyes were filled with terror and fear an confusion. His lips were trembling, his eyes shiny with unformed tears.

"Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just leave me to my misery. I deserve it...I know I do" he said softly, I barely heard him. I was confused, shocked, and angry even at the question.

"I'm not doing anything _to_ you Ian. I'm not even doing this _for_ you or even for me. I'm doing this for Maura. MY Maura. I want her back. I want her complete. I want her whole again, and you are standing in the way. No matter how hard I try her light with never shine as bright again knowing you are in the situation you are now, facing the charges you are now and the long life in prison you are sure to be sentenced to. She will blame herself forever, even though this is _**entirely your fault**_." I spat the last at him with all the venom in my spirit. I spit it right into his eyes were the poison would travel fastest through the blood stream tearing every cell to shreds along the way.

My words had their desired effect. He was shocked into silence.

"WIll you do everything that I have said?" I asked quietly, gently, sincerely.

Ian's expression changed at the sound of my voice. He looked shocked at first, then a sigh escaped from deep within his body. It was like he was releasing so much anguish and worry and guilt. I was like he was taking the first deep breath after almost drowning in an ocean of self inflicted grief. Slowly a smile crept across his face. He nodded his head with a chuckle like he had some joke that I was not privy too. He smiled at me, smiled right into my face.

"I'm and yours to command." he said.

I smiled back at that.

"Yes you are,"

I glanced at the clock, it was eleven twenty five. I had to go, I had no more time to waste. I had gotten what I came for. Ian had bent to my will in less than an hour and a half. I was thankful, grateful, relieved. I took my own huge sigh of relief, surfacing again from some of my own pain. _Thank god_! I thought.

I stood an moved quickly to the door rapping hard on it three times with the heel of my hand. I heard the keys rattle in the key hole immediately. I needed out of here, out of this building, away from Ian, far away from Ian. As the door swung open heavily and with much squeaking I moved to leave quickly.

"All done detective." The guard asked. He was looking Ian over, he looked surprised. Surprised that the man was in the same condition as when he entered.

"All done," I said hurriedly "Thank you," I threw in there as an afterthought.

"Jane wait..." Ian called before I had cleared the door way. Reluctantly and with exasperated sigh I stepped back into the room.

"_**What is it**_?" I asked angrily.

"I'm happy for you...for you and Maura. You're the best thing that ever happened to her. I know that. I knew that the moment I met you. I know you will protect her and do everything in your power to make her happy. I really am...I really am happy for you...happy for you both." he said staring at me with earnest sincerity. I nearly believe him.

"Yeah, thanks." I said and spun out the door. "I had no more words of comfort for him. I had done enough, that's all I had to give that man. My mind was only for my Maura now..MY Maura.

I checked my watched as I raced down the corridors with no regard for the eyes that were staring at me in gape mouthed confusion. 11:30.

_Goddamnit_! I screamed in my head. I was at least twenty minutes away from Maura's apartment. I had to get there, I had to race, and I had to rush, I had rage in a storm of determination to get to my love in time.

My heart was racing wildly and my lungs were burning as I pulled out of the parking lot, flipping on my sirens pressing my foot down on the gas all the way.

"I'm coming baby..." I said in my head "I'm coming."

**A/N**

**"ANNND SCENE"...sigh of exasperate relief.**

**Good grief that was a whirlwind to write. I am exhausted. I hope you guys were able to visualize with me on this one. I know it was rough and choppy and extreme at times but hey..that's life right? Just so you know the next chapter is going to SUUUUUCK! So be warned. We arent quite there yet folks...but the resolution is coming. It will be beautiful when I happens, I can promise you that if nothing else. Stay tuned folks.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Alright my lovelies, I'm sorry about reposting chapter 13. I thought after rereading it that it was to long so I cut it by about one thousand words and reposted it to make it easier to read for those who hadn't read it already. Anyway I feel bad about it and after some earnest request I'm giving you chapter 14. It's short...and leaves you at quite a cliff hanger. I wasn't going to release it yet...I've actually already written the next three chapters but now that I've found myself a beta, I was going to make you guys wait until she had read them and edited them. But...by popular demand I'm giving you just this one more. Expect a serious delay in all other chapters. These next few chapters have to be perfect. I'm working hard for you guys, know that. Tell me what you think. **

**Mel, I ain't forgot about you sweet heart, I'm just in rare form right now. We will talk soon.**

**P.S. I don't own these characters...you know!**

**Maura:**

My hand was trembling slightly I noticed as I re read the letter in my hand again for the umpteenth time. My hand was trembling as the soft patter of the tears that were streaming from my eyes landed cruelly on the paper smudging the ink of my beautiful cursive. I hated my tears for smearing the beauty of my well perfected writing. I sighed heavily, willing the tears back into my eyes. I could not cry, not now. I had to leave. I had to. There were people depending on me, people that I had made commitments too. I did not want to go. I had not wanted to force myself back into that bathroom, that cold, cruel bathroom that I had once thought so beautiful. I did not want to walk blindly past the scattered debris of the contents of my first aid kit. I forced my eyes not to notice the bits of drywall on the cold hard wood floor and the holes in the walls in the hall way where Ian had so violently abused them. I tried not to see, I tried to will my eyes to look past the devastation. I had once thought this home so beautiful. I had redecorated it myself, and I once thought it was a perfect reflection of myself. It had once been bright, open and beautiful. It had once brought me peace, sanctuary, and a sense of accomplishment. I had once loved this place, loved it more than even my home in Boston. I once that Jane might share this place with me and we could make it our sanctuary together. I once thought we would make love in every room of the house all night and all day. I once thought Jane and I could redecorate together, though I knew she would hate it, and that I would be able to see reflections of her and I together everywhere I turned. I once wanted this place to be ours, our private getaway. Our place of peace. Ours.

But that was all before. That was all before, that was when sweet, precious Jane was my own.

Long ago I thought this place was perfect as it was. That was before I knew the beauty of simpler things, before I had tasted beer. Before I had seen what I once thought were lesser people had to offer. That was before I knew my own ignorance, before I recognized my own lonliness. That was before baseball games in Jane's tiny apartment brought me so much joy. That was before Jane's smile made we weak, and her laugh set my heart on fire. That was before I wanted Jane more than anything. That was before Jane showed me the world through her eyes, taught me things I never even knew I didn't know. That was before thought's of Jane invaded my heart and mind night and day. That was before Jane invaded my home in Boston with her bright eyes and powerful personality. That was before I wore t-shirts just to see Jane smile, something I never even knew I could love so much. That was before Jane showed me that mess and clutter weren't the worst thing in the world. Before I wouldn't even notice Jane's discarded shoes all over my house, before her shirts on the bathroom floor didn't bother me. Before the way she never hung up her bath towel didn't drive me crazy. That was before Jane's feet on my coffee table and me in her arms was the most precious thing in the world to me. That was before the taste of Angela's cooking was the best food I'd ever had.

Before Jane, I had dined at the most prestigious restraunts around the world. Fine dining was the only thing I'd ever eaten. That was before cheese burgers were delicious and pizza nights in were what I looked forward too. That's before sunday dinners in my home with my family, well...Jane's family, were the best meals dining had to offer.

They wouldn't be my family anymore. Angela would abandon me and my home, taking the last connection I had to Jane with her. I would never yell at Jane again about her sloppy ways. I would never taste the beauty of Angela's baked ziti, made with so much love. I would never spend nights in Jane's arms, I would never spend days dreaming only of her. I would never watch baseball again, I would never trip over Jane's shoes again. I would never see the amused twinkle in her eyes when I would scold her about one thing or another. I would never hear her laugh again for me, to smile for me, or hear her tell me she loved me. I forced myself not to cry.

With sore knees and a broken heart I willed myself to face the bathroom again, to wash away the blood and filth from my dirty body. I forced myself to make up my face and style my hair. I forced myself into the expensive pants suit and the flats I had to wear now because heels cause my legs to much pain. I forced myself to sit down and write this letter, this letter that trembled in my hands.

'_My Dearest Jane,_

_I can never express my sorrow and pain over the way I have treated you. Know that I did what I did out of the sincerest desperation I have ever felt in my life. I will never forgive myself for hurting you. What life I have left will be cold and dark and lonely. You have been the best part of my life since the first time I laid eyes on you. I will never forget the things you taught me. Though I know now that I can never have your love, you must know that I will never stop loving you. I will never forget you and our precious moments together. I regret everything I did, Jane, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry! I can't go back Jane, I can't go back to boston. I can never set foot in that house again without you by my side. I don't have to strength to be there all alone. I must leave Jane. I can't ever see your face absent it's glow, or without the smile that makes me melt. I can't ever look into your eyes and see the pain I put there. I can't breathe without you, especially not in Boston. I'm leaving Jane, only because I don't have the courage to walk a living nightmare everyday for the rest of my life. I know now that you can never forgive me, I understand. _

_Just know that now, and forever, I will love you. I will love you forever my Precious Janie!_

_Maur'_

I re read the letter one more time. I forced myself not to cry. Not to break down into unspeakable sobs of the deepest sadness. I forced myself not to collapse onto the floor in a heap of misery and pain. I forced myself to leave the note next to Jane's things.

I gathered my courage, I gathered the tiny amount of pride I had left, grabbed the handle of my suit case and walked out the door. I was leaving as soon as my speech was over. I had no choice. I couldn't bear to be in this apartment knowing that it was the place where my life had fallen apart. It was no longer beautiful to me now. It was broken and ugly and cruel. I could not go back to boston, I could not look Angela in the face, knowing how much I had hurt her daughter. I could not see the pain it caused her. I could not sleep in my bed in Boston knowing all the times I wished Jane would sleep right next to me. I could not walk back into the nightmare, I had to leave. I would honor my commitments, then I had to walk away.

I wanted Jane to find happiness somehow, somehow with someone else more worthy of her. I did not want to constantly remind Jane of last night. I wanted her to forget, I wanted her to smile, to flourish, to find peace. I could not give that to her, but I refused to stand in the way of her finding it somewhere else. She deserved to be happy, I did not. I knew that now. I had to leave.

I left a key to my apartment with the valet before I let him load my luggage into the car.

"This is for Jane Rizzoli," I told him, handing him the pink key. "Tell her I said I'm sorry." my voice broke with the last word.

I climbed into the car and we sped away. I thought I heard the valet calling out to me, but I paid it no mind, I had to make this speech, then I had to leave.

**Jane:**

I was a speeding bullet of noise and sirens. I expertly maneuvered through the onslaught of Friday traffic. I loved the way the cars parted for me like the red sea. I was in a panic. The car was almost out of gas and I still had fifteen blocks to go. The car was practically running on fumes now but I would not stop, I would not slow down. I had to get there, I had to get there. 11:52 the clock read.

"GODDAMNIT" I said as I noticed a back up in front of me. There were two cars in a fender bender backing up traffic out into the intersection. The men were yelling curses at each other in the street as cars slowed and came to a stop all around them. They were blocking the entire intersection. I was forced to take my foot of the gas and place it onto the brake. A very long stream of curses escaped my mouth as I banged my fist ferociously on the steering wheel. I must have looked like a crazy person, screaming and raving the way I was. I noticed one of the men involved in the accident trying to wave me down.

"Not this time." I said to myself out loud cursing all the more. I spun the car into a wide turn at the intersection and hit the gas as hard as I could coming out of the spin. I must have looked like something out of Tokyo Drift. I chuckled to myself. I was going to get to my Maura if I had to run people down in the process. I made two more crazy turns at intersections sending cars scattering and tires screeching in every direction. My wheels were practically smoking, my engine was roaring.

"COME ON!" I screamed, "Come OONNN!"

11:54

"SHIT SHIT SHIT," I shouted. My eyes went wide with horror and disbelief. The car was starting to sputter and shake. I looked at the gas gauge. It was well below the empty mark now.

"NOOOO!" I shouted nearly in tears. "NOOO NOOO NOOO!"

I forced my foot to the gas, trying desperately to keep the car running with the force of my will. "PLEEEASE NO, PLEEEASE!" I was almost crying now with my frantic desperation. I could feel hot tears of anger and frustration fall down my cheek. I looked at the clock again as the car finally gave it's last shaking sputter before dying completely in the middle of the street.

"SHIT!" I shouted banging both my fist into the steering wheel now. I looked at the clock again. 11:55.

I had five blocks, five blocks to go. Five blocks in five minutes.

I didn't even think twice about it. I flipped off the siren and jumped out the car running at full speed toward Maura's apartment building. I hadn't even bothered to shut the door, I hadn't even bothered to try and push the car out out of the middle of the street. I could hear the shouts and curses of angry drivers behind me but I had no time for them. I had no time to stop. I had to keep moving, no one in the world had any place to be more important that me in that moment. I would make it, I would, I would, I would, I would.

The world was a blur around me, I saw no people, no buildings, no cars, no nothing as I raced along all pumping arms and sprinting feet.

"Come of Jane...COME ON JANE!" I screamed inside my head. I could not feel my burning lungs or my racing heart. They meant nothing to me. I would run and run until my dying breath if it would bring me to my love in time.

Three more blocks, three more. I almost smiled. I could make it, I knew I could. I could get there, I could save Maura. I was Jane motherfucking Rizzoli. I could do anything, anything if I wanted too.

"RUN!" I shouted in my head as I cleared another block, "RUN JANE RUN!"

I was sweating like crazy. My lungs were ice and fire. My heart beat so fast is was hard to tell when one beat ended and another began. My head throbbed from the knock I had taken, my whole body ached with exhaustion and a bit of a left over hangover. My body wanted to quit, it wanted to slow down, to stop, to rest, to sleep. But I fought, I fought with all my might to keep myself moving. I was crying with my own determination, I was desperate, I had to keep moving, I had too.

Two blocks, just two more blocks.

"Please Jane...KEEP GOING!" I wailed in my own head as my body tried to overcome my will and slow down. I couldn't let it win, I had to fight. I had to get there. Maura needed me. More than ever before Maura needed me.

One block, one more block.

My every muscle was screaming, straining, crying out in overuse, abuse, and exhaustion. My body was screaming at my will, my will was screaming at my mind, my mind was screaming at my heart. I would not stop, I would not stop.

I could see Maura's building, one more block away across the street. I stopped at the cross walk with the others waiting to cross the street. The traffic on this street was tremendous. I bent double with the agony in my burning lungs. I grabbed at my heart willing it to keep beating. I didn't notice the people staring at me with their coffee, business suits, and well made up appearances staring at me with shock. I must have been a site, I must have looked like a maniac. I must have looked like I was running for my life. They were right. I was running for my life, for my life and for Maura's life.

"COME ON GODDAMNIT!" I found the breath to shout at the light.

As if motivated by my anger the cross walk sign finally gave the green light and I shoved though a dozen people to surge forward desperate to get across the street and cover the last block as quickly as I could. I saw a black car stop in front of Maura's building. There she was, there she was! I saw her. I saw her in all her beauty. But I was still to far away for my shouts to reach her. My heart dropped when I saw a man loading her luggage into the trunk.

"NOO NOOO!NOOO!" I shouted. Pedestrians stopped in the tracks entirely to stare at me.

"NO please I said." screaming inside my head. Dread and desperation were overwhelming me. This couldn't be happening, she couldn't be leaving me, she couldn't be abandoning her speech. Where was she going, why did she need the suitcases?

"Maura, Maura MAURA!" I screamed with every bit of might I had. I was almost there, one thousand yards, nine hundred yards, eight hundred yards..."MAURA?" I screamed one last time, but the car was pulling away, pulling away and traveling in the opposite direction, picking up speed. I ran, I ran right out into the street. I didn't hear the cars horns blaring at me. I didn't hear the curses and shouts of angry drivers forced to swerve and not hit me. I didn't hear the man behind me screaming for me to come back. I didn't hear anything, see anything, care for anything other than the car that was speeding further and further away from me. The light in front of us turned green and the black car made a turn and was gone...gone...gone.

My body gave out, my lungs screamed in pain, my heart threatened to beat right out of my chest. I was spent, my will was broken. There was nothing left. I had failed. I had failed again. I had misjudged. I thought for sure Maura would go to the University, but then why would she need her suit cases if she wasn't planning to leave town entirely. She was leaving me, leaving me to my pain and misery. She thought I didn't love her, that I didn't want her.

I screamed out with all my might collapsing to my knees finally defeated.

The tears in my eyes were those of a broken woman stripped of all hope. I had no more will to move, I had no more strength. I sat back on my rear and crossed my legs. I hung my head in my hand and cried. I cried, and cried, and cried.


	15. Chapter 15

**Jane**

I wasn't seeing clearly. Everything had gone all fuzzy and wavy after my collapse in the middle of the street. I had always been in excellent physical condition, despite my often poor eating habits, but my body felt more exhausted than I had ever known it too in the past. Maura and I even managed to run and entire marathon together, though not without a lot of drama along the way. But at this moment I had become nothing more than an arrangement of shaky limbs and worn out nerves. I couldn't manage to stop crying, anxiety was coursing through my veins leaving me feeling almost sick.

I felt strong arms pulling me up, pulling me up and out of the street onto the side-walk. I couldn't stop crying long enough to make out what the man was saying to me. I could barely hear anything over my raking sobs, the sounds of rushing traffic and the renued pounding in my head. I was just a mess, just mess and I knew it. I cared nothing for myself in that moment however. All was lost. I had run so hard, tried so hard, done everything I could, and still I had failed.

How much more could I endure. How much more pain, how much more sorrow, how much more despair? I did not deserve this. I, knew that. I was a great person I had often thought. I wasn't always the most friendly, or patient, or easy to be around. I knew I could be biting, sarcastic, honest almost to the point of being hurtful. But I was a fierce friend, honest by nature, and when I loved, I loved with everything my soul had to offer. It was that love that I had given Maura, all the love my soul had to offer. It was that love that had seen me over the highest mountains, and into the deepest seas. It was that love that had brought me my greatest joy and my most unspeakable pain. It was that love that filled my every breath and pumped with every beat of my heart through my veins and my spirit.

How could that type of love be so cruel. How could I hurt this much. How could it fail me so often and so vehemently that it was hard to remember the feelings of joy and happiness. Was love not supposed to overcome all, was it not supposed to prevail in the face of all evil. Was it not what we as human were placed on this earth to find and nurture and spread as much as we could? If this was love, if this heartbroken, horrible, defeated feeling I had now, if this was love, I wanted nothing else to do with it.

"Ma'am," I felt a strong arm shaking my shoulder.

I turned my head and looked up at him. He was wearing a valet uniform, the same one the valet was wearing at Maura's building when last I had been there.

"What is it," I choked up between sobs.

"Are you Jane Rizzoli?" he asked.

How the hell did that kid know my name? What did he want with me?

"Yeah, what is it?" I asked him growing more curious by the second.

The young man smiled. "I was told to give this to you." he said pulling out a pink key from his pocket. I knew that key, it was Maura's key. Maura's key to her apartment. I wanted to cry, to cry and die at the same time. I hated that key all of a sudden. The last time I had seen that key had been with a heart as heavy as it was now. Goddamn that fucking key. The key to my night mare, my hurt, the loss of my love. The key to that cold miserable apartment that was the scene of the most horrible pain I had ever endured.

"Ms. Isles said to say she was sorry." the valet said handing me the key.

I took the key turning it over in my hand. I had no desire to go back into that apartment. It was a dirty place, and there was no beautiful Maura waiting for me in there.

"Dr. Isles was in a hurry to get to the University or I'm sure she would have waited for you. She seemed very upset that she missed you."

My heart skipped a beat. So she _was_ going to the university. Holy shit I still had a chance.

I looked at the valet with what I knew was confusion, "Why did she have her suitcases?" I asked.

"Ummm, she said something about having to get away for a while, she didn't really say specifically. She was just really upset. I've never seen her look like that before actually." the boy said with a bit of a frown.

More anxiety and panic spread through my body. I had to get up, and had to get moving. I had to face the nightmare of that goddamn apart and find some clues, there had to be some clues. I could still get to Maura in time, the lecture didn't start until one thirty. I still had some time. But in the state I was in it would be a miracle if I could make it happen. I was a disaster, I hadn't showered in forever, my hair was a ratty mess, my clothes were filthy and I had lost my transportation.

Even still I had to get up, get up and try.

"What's your name?" I asked the boy as I finally found the strength to stand.

"Author." he said kindly. He had a friendly face, I felt instantly comfortable with him. He seemed to honestly care for my situation and obviously cared enough for Maura to do as she had requested of him.

"I need a car, in a hour to take me to NYU. Charge it to Dr. Isles," I said over my shoulder as an after thought while i began sprinting into the garage toward the elevators.

If that woman was going to make me chase her ass all over town, she was damn sure going to pay for it.

Hitting the elevator up button I found it in myself to smile. I was going to chase this woman down, I would chase her down...and she would pay.


	16. Chapter 16

**Jane**

I tore up the letter in my hand growling with anger and irritation. "_Fuck that goddamn letter_" I thought to myself as I released my hands into the air and let the pieces fall all over the floor and counter as they pleased.

How could she write something like that? How could she think that? How could she ever think that I wouldn't come back to her and hear her out?

I sighed heavily, leaning my weight on the kitchen counter. I was just so tired. I gritted my teeth, angry with myself. This was all my fault. I should have know there was a reason behind all that bullshit yesterday. I should have seen that Ian wasn't himself. I should have been able to sort through my own feelings of agony and woe and searched instead for an explanation. How could I have been so quick to judge? How could I have been so hasty and cruel to myself and Maura in my reckless assumptions? Why was I so quick to give up on everything as if nothing had ever mattered? Why did I not come back sooner, why, why why?

Ohhh, love was cruel.

With one final pound of my fist on the beautiful kitchen counter I shuffled toward that horrible bathroom pulling off my clothes as I went. I didn't bother to pick them up, I just left them where they lay, leaving a trail of me all the was down the hallway into the bathroom.

The shower was the best shower I had ever taken in my life. It was like I was washing away everything, not just the dirt and dried blood on the back of my head, but the horror of the previous night along with it. I washed away the drama, the terror, the rage, the pain. I washed away the guilt, the confusion, the betrayal, I washed it all away and down the drain. It served no purpose anymore, those horrible feelings. They were only in the way. I had to get to my love, I had to mend these gaping wounds, mine and Maura's together. I would chase that woman down and pull her into my arms where she belonged. Nothing else mattered or would ever matter again until I had accomplished what I had set out to accomplish.

Stepping out of the shower I ran to find my luggage. I didn't bother getting a towel, I just dripped water all over the hardwood until I found my luggage in the Master bedroom. Very unceremoniously I heaved the luggage onto the california king and unzipped it, pulling out every article of clothing I across until I found the things I needed. I had to at least be presentable. I didn't own any thousand dollar suits, but I still had to look like I had put some thought into my outfit. Showing up in the state I was in before would have been a disaster. Those uppity ups at the university probably wouldn't have admitted me into the lecture at all had I shown up all smelly, and dirty, and ridiculous as I knew I had looked.

I dressed in haste. Hating my long full head of hair for not drying faster. I was forced to pull it back into a tight bun so it didn't leave water marks all over my light blue button down.

I had to go, it was already almost one o'clock I noticed suddenly feeling very nervous. I found myself taking short panicked breaths. I needed to calm down I knew it, but I was still nervous. No matter what my intentions where, nothing was certain. That, if nothing else, I learned for sure over the last 24 hours.

I grabbed my cell phone, wallet, and badge on the way out the door. I gave the apartment one last sweeping look before I shut the door behind me.

Maybe it wasn't such a cold dark place at all. Maybe it really was beautiful. I closed the door behind me and took off running. I had work to do.

**Maura**

"Doctor Isles, it will be your turn shortly, just as soon as Dean Augustine introduces you." a very nice woman named Julia Lowe said to me.

I thanked her with what I hoped was a pleasant smile. I did not feel the smile in my eyes, or in my heart. I didn't think I could ever feel a smile in my heart again. I wondered if I even still had a heart. I had given my heart to Jane, and Jane had taken it with her, wherever she was. I had given my heart to Jane freely, willingly, it belonged to her. I did not want it back. I wanted only her. I wanted Jane and to see her smile. I wanted to hear her raspy voice complain to me about some something or other that I was doing to irritate her. I wanted her back stage with me, holding my hand, telling me how wonderful I was going to be.

I did not feel wonderful. I was dreading this lecture, dreading it down to the center of me. I could not put the thoughts of Jane from my mind. I could barely focus, I could barely speak. All words from my mouth so far in conversation since I arrived at the university had been short, clipped, sometimes even impatient. I did not want to speak. I did not trust my mouth to open at all less a flood gate of sobs come pouring out. I was barely able to breathe under the pressure of my heartbreak.

I also didn't want to seem unfriendly, or unkind. But I must have seemed so because very quickly I had noticed that people were keeping their distance from me, only speaking when absolutely necessary. I noticed the eyes looking at me sideways, darting away when they saw me notice them. I heard the whispers behind my back. I could not make out their words, but I had a feeling they were talking about me. It made me even more nervous. I needed Jane. I needed her beside me, glaring down the whisperers behind my back, choking their words into their throats with a flash of her badge and her unpleasant protective demeanor. I needed to hold her hand, to hear her voice reassuring me softly in my ear of how wonderful I was, and how smart, and talented and capable. I needed her to tell me I could do this. That I would and could succeed. I needed to see the love in her beautiful dark eyes and the support they would show and the pride I would see. I needed my cheerleader, my biggest fan, my love, my life, my family.

I needed to hear her clap for me as I walked out onto the stage, her clapping hands were the only one's I cared to hear. But there was none of that. There was no Jane, I had no protection, no guide, no cheerleader. I was on my own again. All on my own. It was just me, my heartbreak, my grief, and my responsibility. I was alone.

I had not been alone like this in years. Not since first I met Jane. It seemed like every step I took over the last few years Jane had taken with me, right by my side, my shadow. She had given me so much comfort. She made me feel like I was apart of something, like I was worth being around, that I did actually have something to offer living humans and not just the dead. She made me less afraid, built me up to see myself the way she saw me. But that was all gone now. I had ruined it. Jane would not come back to me. I had betrayed her. Hurt her, pushed her from my own home. How could she ever see me the same way again after all of this.

I would be leaving as soon as this lecture was over, if I could manage to get through it, I would be going away. Retreating into the darkness where my shredded soul belonged. I thought of Jane one last time. I could feel the tears threatening to over come me. I missed her already, I missed her so much already. I missed her, I missed her, I missed her.

Somehow in spite of my pain I heard my name being called.

"Introducing to some, presenting to others Dr. Maura Isles." the voice at the podium said.

I could hear an excited round of applause. That only made me feel worse. I did not hear Jane's applause behind me as I walked stiffly onto the stage on sore knees with a broken heart. I was walking alone, out into the open where there was all the world waiting to see my hurt and my pain. I was walking out to display myself and my agony for the scrutiny of every trained eye and waiting mind. I was walking into hell.

I tried to tell myself I could do this as I walked toward the podium, I tried to tell myself I could put everything behind me for just this one half hour. I tried to tell myself that no one could see, no one would know what I was going through. But I could not get past the feeling of the loss i felt so terribly. I could not get past the fact that it was Jane's voice I wanted to hear follow me all the way across the stage shouting encouragements instead of my own miserable voice in my ear.

I was so tired. I reached the podium and placed my note cards down in front of me. I heard the applause die down and the shifting of seats as bodies returned to the comfort of their chairs. I could not look up. I could not expose the world to everything that I was feeling inside. I simply stared, stared down at my notecards barely even seeing them. I stared right through them. I was just so tired.

I wanted to leave, to run, to flee. I wanted to get away from this place and the audience in front of me, judging me, scrutinizing me. I wanted to cry, to break down and cry. I did not want to be here, here without my Jane.

I could hear the whispers starting. I could hear the shuffling of people becoming uncomfortable in their seats. I could hear the minds that were once full of anticipation changing into thoughts of confusion and wonder.

"_what the hell is wrong with her"_ they were thinking. "_Why isn't she saying anything"_ they were asking one another. "_I thought she was supposed to be a doctor"_ they wondered. I was failing them, and failing myself much the same way as I had failed Jane.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. I batted my lashed furiously, desperately to fight the tears back inside me. I was panicking. I could hear the sniggering beginning. It was my childhood all over again. "_Maura the bora"_ they were saying. I wanted to die, to dissipate, to vanish. I did not want to be here. I was just so tired.

I willed myself to look into the crowd, to see their confused and amused expressions. They were all staring at me, looking into me, judging me. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I could not stop it. I had no more strength to fight. I scanned the rows of faces, knowing what they were thinking. I wanted to die...

...but wait. Wait! Wait!

What face was that? Third row center. What face was that smiling at me? Who's dark eyes were locked with mine sending me all her love and encouragement. Who was that beautiful woman all pretty in blue giving me her best smile and a quick friendly thumbs up?

I could see nothing else. There was no one else in that crowded stuffy lecture hall. I could see only her, my love, my life, my Jane. I could not tell you how many emotions I felt in that moment, my eyes on the woman I loved so much stuffed between two very large men looking rather uncomfortable and out of place but still with eyes only for me. I could not tell you how it felt to feel my tears of pain turn in an instant into the tears of tremendous joy and elation. I felt a pain in my chest like I had never felt before. But this time it was not the pain of heartbreak , but that of overwhelming relief and joy.

My baby had come back to me, she was there, right in front of me. I could see her encouragement all over her face, and her smile, god that smile. I felt my knees go weak, my spirit soar, my heart mend. There she was, my angel, my love, my life, my Janie. We stared into each other for a few more seconds. I could hear the shuffling of seats as heads turned, trying to find the source of my, what had to be to them, unnerving tears. What a display I must have been making of myself but I did not care. She was there, right in front of me. My love. I could do all things in her eyes, I could overcome any obstacle with her by my side. She was my everything. And she was there. She had come despite my dismal behavior, despite the pain I had caused her, despite the fact that I had cast her from my home and broken her heart. She had come...come for me...come back to me. I could not help the smile that spread across my tear streaked face.

I could do anything.

"Good afternoon, My name is Dr. Maura Isles..." I said to the audience with a confidence I had not known fifteen seconds ago that I could muster. I gave my speech. It was beautiful. I could do anything.


	17. Chapter 17

**Jane**

I had no idea what the hell Maura was talking about up on that stage. I was a damn good detective but I was no freaking forensic scientist. I couldn't tell you what half the words meant that were coming out of her pretty little mouth but that didn't matter. Every eye in the room was trained on her, never daring to look away less they miss something. I imagined it was her beauty as much as her lecture that had enthralled the audience, being as that most of the people in the room were men, it was nearly impossible not to notice how beautiful Maura was, even if she was rambling on like an encyclopedia. I noticed some of the faces around me, they were all in awe of her, amazed that so much knowledge could be flowing from such an enthralling woman. They desired her, wanted her, wanted to be near her.

I could hear mens thoughts all around me through their body language. They were thinking of ways to get near her, to impress her. They wanted to have her by their sides, their trophies, their prize. I tried not to think about that to much. I didn't want to work myself up into anger. I was enjoying watching Maura flourish right before my eyes. She had even managed to tell a little joke, I had no idea what was so damn funny, but the audience around me had erupted into a chorus of laughter.

Maura's eyes met mine again briefly while the audience was busy with their laughter. She smiled again, smiled right at me. I could even see the dimples in her cheeks and the light behind those beautiful eyes of hers. She looked like she was ten feet tall. As tiny as her little body was, she was a giant on that stage. A titan of her industry, a force of knowledge and a commander of her art. She was just so amazing. I didn't have to understand what the hell she was saying to be enraptured in her every word. I was just so proud of her.

I had been terrified when Maura first walked onto the stage. She looked like a zombie, her head was bowed and her shoulders hunched. She looked like she wanted to fall apart right there on the stage in front of all these hundreds of people. The silence in the room had been deafening as each eye waited in anticipation for her to speak, or for Maura to even acknowledge that she was in fact going to make a speech. When the sniggering started I had to admit I wanted to punch each and every person in that place right in the eye. I wanted to run up on that stage and pull Maura aside like Forrest Gump did for Jenny in that damn movie. I wanted to scream, to shout at her that she could do it, I knew she could but I couldn't make a scene. Not here, not in this place. That would only have hurt Maura and her reputation. She had to appear to be standing on her own. I noticed the tear roll down her cheek, everyone did. I wanted to die. Why couldn't I have made it here sooner? I was near a panic when Maura's eyes finally lifted and searched through the crowd. It seemed like it took an eternity for her eyes to find mine. But when they did, God help me if I didn't want to burst into tears myself.

I saw everything there in her eyes. Maura's shock, her relief, her heartache, her hope, and mostly her love, all of her love. I could see it in the tears that streamed down her face freely, she cared nothing for the fact that she was making a display of herself. Her eyes were only for me, sending me all of her thanks and all of her love. I could feel her arms around me, I could smell her perfume, I could taste her in my mouth, visions of heaven flashed before my eyes. I did notice the heads turning to look at me, confusion and wonder all over their faces. I didn't care, I never took my eyes off of Maura and her eyes never left mine for what seemed like forever. We were locked in that gaze, our hearts and minds touching each others, healing each others, loving each other. She was a queen on that stage, and I ever her faithful servant there to cheer her on with all the support and love I had to offer. It wasn't until I gave her a tiny thumbs up and a wink that the smile covered her face. Maura wiped her tears and introduced herself with a confidence that had seemed impossible only seconds before. I had never been so proud of her as I was in that moment.

The speech was over now. With one last look at me Maura walked off the stage. The audience erupted into applause and cheering. I was on my feet first. I clapped and clapped, cheered and cheered. I was crying I knew it, but I didn't care. My heart was soaring. I was the eagle again, flying high in the heavens, the cares of the world below me forgotten. I was crying with pride, with hope, with love. I was trembling with anticipation, anticipation and desire. I wanted to run up onto the stage after Maura, I wanted to grab her and pull her into my arms and never, ever put her back down. I just wanted to hold her, to apologize, to fall at her feet and tell her what an ass I had been. I forgot about the pain she caused me, about the nightmare of so many hours ago. I forgot about Ian, and heartbreak and pain. I forgot about sorrow and sadness and loss. I forgot about a life lived without her, I forgot everything in that moment, my cheers and clapping over shadowing all others. It was all the force of will I could muster to not run after her but I did it. I even managed to return to my seat as the next person approached the podium to introduce the next speaker. I didn't care to hear any more boring ass speeches, but I took my seat anyway. Maybe Maura would come find me. I would not budge, I would not move a muscle until she came for me. God forbid we should lose each other again. I would sit right here until my love came for me.

It didn't take long, only a minute or two before some nice lady shuffled up to the end of the row I was sitting and called my name. I had no idea who she was or what she wanted but she was frantically waiving her hand for me to get up and follow her. So I did without so much as a word, I stepped carefully over all of the people trying not to be to much of a distraction as the next speaker was already beginning their lecture. I noticed more than a few eyes staring at me as I past, wondering, curious eyes following me. I could only imagine what they were thinking, I was the woman that had caused the good doctor Isles to make such a display of herself.

I followed the woman out the back of the lecture hall, we didn't speak until the doors closed behind us. Then she rounded on me with a storm of excitement.

"Oh my goodness, Dr. Isles' lecture was amazing wasn't it?" the pretty youngish looking girl said practically bouncing with excitement.

"Yeah it was." I said smiling pleasantly at her.

I knew I found Maura's speech amazing in a totally different way than this girl, I hadn't understood most of what she was saying but this girl was giddy like she had just been given a christmas treat.

"Isn't it amazing how many places doctor Isle's has worked over the years. And she's not even that old, she's still really young to have accomplished so much. It's crazy that she was made chief medical examiner at a major metropolitan department before she ever turned 35." The girl chatted away in pleasant amazement as she led me around the lecture hall and towards the back stage area.

I nodded my head pleasantly. I was hearing everything the girl was saying but my mind was else where. When was I going to get to see my Maura? I wanted to tell her everything the girl had just said myself. I wanted to lift her into my arms and fly away with her into the sunset. I had nothing on my tongue but praise for that woman, for my Maura.

"Oh and of course she will be attending the science departments formal tonight, or at least I hope. People from all over the world are going to be there, the best minds science has to offer. Oh it's just so exciting." The girl practically trembled.

"Goddamnit a formal," I huffed to myself. I wanted Maura to myself, I wanted her all night alone, alone damn it. I deserved that, we both deserved that. But how could I be selfish. I would have Maura for the rest of my life, these people, her peers and colleagues could have her just the one night. Besides, I would be there right next to her the entire time, even though I hated formals.

"She's just in here," the girl said opening a small back stage door for me. I thought I noticed her check me out as I walked through the doorway but I didn't pay it much mind. My eyes were on the woman standing at the far side of the room behind a small worn looking couch staring directly at me. It was Maura, my beautiful Maura. I was stopped dead in my tracks staring directly at her. She was wearing an all white pants suit with a pink button down blouse and soft looking white slip ons. She looked beautiful, commanding, sexy as hell. There were tear streaks on her pretty face but that didn't matter, she was still a vision of heaven and earth. This woman was worth every tear I had cried, every curse I had sent to the heavens, every agonizing footfall I had made in my crazed sprint to her apartment building. This woman was my dream, there was nothing else to desire with her by my side. This woman was everything, my heart and my soul.

I didn't hear the words the girl was saying right next to me. I could barely hear at all. I was stuck, locked in space and time with my Maura.

I thought I saw Maura start to move toward me, excitement in her now bright hazel eyes. But she stopped short suddenly, unsure wether or not I was really glad to see her. I felt my heart sear with pain. I stretched out my arms and motioned for her to come to me without so much as a word.

The smile that broke out across on Maura's face could have melted me into nothing.

Maura flew into my arms with so much force and excitement she could have knocked us both to the ground. That would have been bad, considering the abused worn down conditions both of our bodies were in. But I had strength enough for her. I had strength enough to lift her into my arms and spin her around in a waltz of love and joyousness. Her arms wrapped around my neck and she pulled me close, as close as she could. I could feel her tiny body trembling, trembling with the sobs that were racking her body. She was crying, crying and kissing me. I was surprised when her lips met mine, it was almost painful the kiss was so hard and so desperate. I made no attempts to pull away. I was right there with her, crying my own tears of joy and pride and happiness. We could barely keep our lips together between the choking sobs that were over coming us, but we tried anyway. I could feel Maura's soft tiny hand on either side of my face willing my mouth to be as close to hers as possible. I felt those tiny hands tremble as her thumbs ran back and fourth over my cheeks, caressing me, feeling me, loving me.

The girl had stopped talking completely. She was standing in stark still silence open mouthed and eyes wide in wonder. What she must have thought I would never know. I didn't care. I heard her shuffle out of the room and close the door behind her. It was several long minutes before Maura released my lips from her hers and leaned back enough to look at me closely. There were still tears shining like the brightest of diamonds in her beautiful eyes. I could still feel the tears in my own eyes. I was just so happy. Happy to be holding the woman I loved again...finally goddamnit!

"High baby!" She finally said, her voice trembling and barely above a whisper.

"High sweet heart!" i replied with my best grin.

I was shocked a little when Maura's face changed from all sweet smiles to something much more...well sexy.

Her once trembling fingers were pulling at the buttons of my shirt, pulling each on open and completely popping some off in her impatience. I was startled at first, and then I caved with her. I spun and slammed her back into the door with a bang.

A deep laugh over took Maura as she pulled at her own buttons ripping them open for me.

I didn't need a written invitation, I was all over her. I pulled her legs high around my waist ripping her shirt open the rest of the way as my lips found the cradle of her neck I kissed her there hungrily, passionately, kissing her just the way I knew she loved so much. I tore at her shirt violently and wrapped my hands around the warmth of her soft midsection squeezing her, caressing her. I could feel the muscles of her well toned cored ripple and tremble as my hands made their way up and down her sides. I wanted to feel everything, taste everything, touch everything.

Maura's hands were on the back of my head, she pulled my hair hard. My head came back with a scream of pain.

"AHHH shit...SHIIIT!" I wailed almost in tears at the pain I was feeling in my still tender head.

Maura's eyes were full of terror and sorrow.

"Baby, I'm so sorry." She choked, looking almost like she was going to cry again.

I was having none of it.

"Shhh, shhhh," I said kissing her lips lightly several times to calm her down. "Just don't pull my hair for a few days." I said almost laughing. "We can still get dirty though." I whispered into her ear. I felt her body shudder and her heart race as my lips returned to gently kissing her soft neck. Her hips began to slowly move into mine and I met the motion with my own hips. A moan escaped our mouths at the same time, just before our lips met again in a kiss so passionate it took my breath away.

YEEESSSS! I thought as I felt Maura's soft hands slide under my shirt and caresses the soft skin around rib cage. I had goosebumps all over. I stopped my kissing long enough to snuggle my nose into her neck and inhale the scent of her that had driven me crazy for so long. God she smelled so sexy.

**RING RING RING**

A phone rang from somewhere in the room behind us. I would have ignored it, but it was the sound of my cell phone.

**"Goddamnit"** I spat through gritted teeth. My jaw actually hurt from the force of my bite.

Maura only smiled, pulling me close for one last long, lovely kiss.

"It's ok baby, I can wait a little longer." She said sweetly as I eased her to the floor. She made her way over to her purse and produced my cell phone which I snatched out or her hands a little to roughly in my impatience and irritation.

Maura raised one amused eyebrow at me as I answered the phone with a huff.

"WHAT!" I nearly shouted into the receiver.

"JANE!" It was Frost. "OH thank god I got ahold of you. Canavaugh is in a rage. We got a call from the NYPD that a police car registered to you was left in the middle of the road in down town New York somewhere and you were no where to be found. There's been a search put out for you and everything. Everyone thought something bad had happened to you, are you ok?" He asked, I could tell he was in a panic.

I rolled my eyes and gritted my teeth even harder. I forgot all about my damn car. Damnit! Damnit! Damnit!

"I'm fine, there's just been some...some chaos here." I said forcing myself not to punch something. Cavanaugh was going to kill me when I got back to Boston.

"You gotta get down to the police impound as soon as possible and tell them what happened. Cavanaugh really is freaking out."Frost said almost in a whisper. There must have been someone around that he didn't want to over hear.

"Fine I'm on it." I hung up the phone and before it knew it I had sent the phone flying across the room to smash against the far wall.

"Damnit...it's not fair!" I wailed. I knew I sounded like a child. I was the one after all who had left my police car in the middle of the street with no gas and abandoned it for hours. But still, I wanted to be in the arms of my Maura.

Maura's smile was devious and patronizing.

"I heard everything," She said gathering her purse and buttoning her shirt and mine.

"We'll come back to this later." She said running a thumb over my cheek and looking up into my eyes with a pleasant reassuring smile.

"We need to talk anyway." she said grabbing my hand and leading a very unhappy me out of the dressing room.

I sighed heavily.

"**BOOO"** I said to myself.


	18. Chapter 18

**Maura**

"But Maura, I look like freaking Rosie O'Donnell in this thing." Jane whined looking at herself in the mirror with a furrowed brow and pouty face.

I couldn't stop myself from laughing. It felt good to laugh after so many hours of crying and misery. It especially felt good to see Jane's beautiful face light up when she saw me giggling at her. I loved that woman so much.

I can not tell you just how tired I was. I had only managed to grab a few hours of sleep in the wee hours of the morning and that had only been by accident. I had been so overcome with weary grief that I literally passed out into a fitful nightmarish dream state awaking several hours later in a cold sweat and with renued tears. Just thinking about the condition I was in only a few hours earlier made me rub my temples and shake my head. It was still a struggle putting all those thoughts and feelings behind me. Jane and I had been in such a blur of activity since we reunited that we still hadn't found the time to talk seriously about what had gone on between us. Jane seemed to be in no mood to remember the previous nights horror and I certainly wasn't going to force her. At least not at the moment. But I would not let her stuff it all away never to speak of it again they way she loved to do when she had been through a trauma. We would talk about it, at some point we would talk. Just not now.

It was actually having fun forcing Jane to dress up in nice clothes in this boutique I picked out, and truth bet told, I was enjoying torturing Jane a little bit more than I liked to admit.

It had taken forever to get Jane's car back from the police impound. We probably wouldn't have gotten it back at all had I not stepped in to do all the talking.

Jane had been a frustrated furious mess, barking and growling at the poor officer behind the desk who was only trying to do his job. The NYPD was charging Jane for the tow truck, and the gas they had to put into the car once they got it back on police property, and they tacked on a five hundred dollar fine for negligent abandonment of police property. Jane had been furious.

**Not to long ago at the police impound**

_"I want to speak to your supervisor," Jane growled at the officer behind the dingy little desk at the police impound. The man gave her his most hateful look. _

_"Don't get mad at me because you abandoned your car in the middle of the street during the lunch rush on a Friday afternoon." the man yelled back. He was in no mood for Jane's raging temper. I imagined this wasn't his first and wouldn't be his last time dealing with an angry or impatient customer._

_"I don't know how they do it in Boston, but if you can't keep ahold of your property perhaps you shouldn't have a car at all." he scoffed, glaring Jane down. _

_I could hear Jane's teeth grinding in her head..."You know what buddy...let me tell YOU something about..."_

_"...officer Daniels..." I stepped in cutting of Jane's rant and stepping in front of her shielding the officer from Jane's inflamed ire. _

_"... My name is Dr. Maura Isles, chief medical examiner for the Boston Police Department." I said pulling out my work ID and showing it to the man whose eyes widened in shock. "Please allow me to pay for any fines and fees for your inconvenience in towing the car." I pulled out a credit card and laid it in front of the man. "my girlfriend only abandoned the car because she thought I was in danger and was attempting to get to me as quickly as possible, or I'm sure she would never have been so irresponsible with her police issued property." I reached behind me and grabbed Jane's hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. I needed her to back down and let me handle this one. If I left it up to her it was very likely we would not only never get the car back but she might even get herself locked up overnight for some outburst of disrespect. I felt Jane's hand shaking a little but she allowed me to clasp her hand anyway and gave a light squeeze letting me know I could take the reins on this one. _

_When I called Jane my girlfriend the officers face lit up like a candle and his eye brows rose above his shaggy brown hair in excitement and shock. His eyes were darting between us like a ping-pong ball trying to figure out exactly how serious I was. His eyes finally settled on me with a hideous perverse smile._

_"Well well! We can't have a lovely like you in distress. Any good man...or woman!" the officer quickly added with a wary look at Jane "would drop everything to rescue you I'm sure." Officer Daniels said smiling that horrible smile again. I noticed his eyes running up and down my body, lingering a little around what little bit of cleavage my button down exposed. Jane must have noticed too because her grip on my hand became impossibly tight making me almost yelp in pain. _

_I kicked my leg back and made a connection with her shin. I smiled a little when I heard her yelp in pain. "Owwww" Jane whined. I smiled even wider._

_"Officer, if you would be so kind as to help us out. We really do need to get going. Jane would hate it if we were late to our formal dance this evening." smiling mischievously over my shoulder at her. Jane's face was a frown and she was trying to rub the pain from her shin with the back of her free ankle. When Jane heard what I said and saw me smiling at her, her eyes narrowed into a devilish pout. "I'm going to get you!" I knew she was saying in her head._

_"Oh! You must mean the scholar's ball at NYU!" the officer said, still smiling at me. "They have it every year, it's huge. We've got over forty officers assigned to help move traffic and parking and security and what not. It's not my cup of tea but now I wish I had volunteered." Officer Daniels said widening his grin and exploring my body again. _

_I could actually feel Jane's hand stiffen in my own. I knew we had to get out of there of soon, I did not want to deal with Jane being a grumpy brat already knowing I was about to drag her shopping and she didn't even know that yet. I knew it was going to take all of my strength to keep from strangling her on the shopping excursion and my coffers of patience were already running dangerously low. _

_"Perhaps you will attend next year." I said sliding my credit card forward hoping to prompt the man into action. My knuckles were turning white from the pressure of Jane's squeeze. I don't even think she realized what she was doing. I looked back and noticed her eyes were fixed in her most hateful glare at the officer across the table. I gave her another kick to the shin. _

_"Owwww Maura GOD!" she whined again this time releasing my hand and kneeling down rubbing her sore shin with both hands making sucking sounds through her teeth and grumbling under her breath. I rolled my eyes and tried not to chuckle. _

_"I'll have your car out to you as soon as I process the paper work." Officer Daniels said smiling and standing up I couldn't help but think he was poking his chest out a little more than necessary. I wanted to giggle but I held it in with great effort. I just wanted to get out of there._

_Later on the car ride to the boutique, which I drove to by the way, Jane stared at me the whole time with a pout and frown. _

_"That guy was totally checking you out!" she said finally eyeing me with her most bratty and unhappy look. I sighed and rolled my eyes. I didn't know what the hell she wanted me to say. I hadn't done anything wrong, but I could tell Jane was going to be trouble when it came to other men eyeing me sideways. _

_"Baby don't be upset, I told him you were my girlfriend from the start," I said taking her hand in my own again. That seemed to comfort her a little. She held onto my hand gently in both of her own. She was silent for a while, very silent. I could feel her thumbs running over the back of my hand mindlessly. It was the softest, gentlest touch, but I felt like there was something on her mind. Something completely outside of what had happened to us over the previous days and hours. I wanted to wait patiently for Jane to open up to me, but if I waited I knew I might be waiting forever and the silence was making me uncomfortable. I decided to probe a little._

_"What's wrong Jane?" I asked in my most sincere voice. I chanced a moment to take my eyes from the road and look at her for a brief second before having to turn away and concentrate on driving. Her head was down and she was staring at my hand in hers like she was unsure if it was actually really happening or not. I suddenly felt very sad._

_"Talk to me sweetheart." I said squeezing her hands, urging her to open up. _

_"Am I really your girlfriend?" she asked me softly, never taking her eyes from our interlock hands._

_I almost chuckled. My big bad Janie had such a soft bleeding heart when it was just the two of us. Officer Daniels would have never guessed such a thing though, not with the way Jane had glared him down all hate and possessive barbarianism. _

_"Do you want to be?"I asked lightly. I wasn't going to lay it all out for her. It was time she opened up a little. Just a little for the moment though. I would shake the hard stuff out of her later I decided, but for the moment I just wanted to hear her tell me what she thought._

_Jane leaned her head back on the headrest and sighed heavily. Then she suddenly became very playful, "Maura and Janie sitting in a tree...k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" she laughed at her own joke. I rolled my eyes but couldn't stop myself from smiling. God forbid the woman be serious about something she was feeling for a change. I had to give her this one though, a little light hearted fun might have been just what the doctor called for. Besides she was so sexy when she was smiling that devilish little smile of hers. How could I resist melting into her. Still I had to tease a little bit. I loved playful Jane, and since I was about to torture her with shopping I wanted her to be in some what of a good mood before we arrived. _

_"Janie...be serious!" I said giggling myself. I couldn't help it._

_"Aww baby." Jane said leaning in and kissing me playfully all over my neck the way she had in the elevator just twenty four hours ago. But that was before the sky fell and the world ended. Even so I fell into squeals and giggles just as I had before. I couldn't help the goosebumps that crawled over my entire body at the feeling of Jane's lips snuggling into my overly sensitive neck. I hadn't forgotten what happened between us those precious moments before the elevator doors open and hell broke loose. _

_"I love my Maura!" Jane said playfully between soft sweet kisses. I couldn't stop the shudder that shook my entire body. I also couldn't help the flood of juices that I felt running out of the center of me. I had to shift in my seat and will myself to suppress the rage of sexual desire that had blindsided me. _

_"Not now Maura..." I thought to myself "not yet."_

_I reached my hand behind Jane's head and pulled her away from my neck softly. I didn't want to hurt her. She had showed me the bump on her head in the taxi on the way to the police impound and I had cried all over again crippled with grief that I had hurt her so badly. But Jane being Jane simply pulled me into her lap and rocked me back and forth cooing in my ear that it was all ok, and that she loved me, and how I didn't have to worry about her. I wanted to tell her how much I did worry, how much I had worried over the last twenty-four hours and even well before that. I always worried for her. How could I not, I loved her! But I was so happy in her arms in that moment that I just let her rock me, and I settled my head against her chest listening to her heart beat and loving every single sound her body made. I was so happy in those few minutes in the back of that taxi I could have melted into her completely. I loved her just that much. _

_"Janie, I'm serious. Be serious for just one moment!" I pleaded, giving her my most sincere look before returning my eyes to the road. We were almost at the little boutique I loved so much, but I would make another lap around the block if I had to in order to get something genuine out of Jane. _

_Jane sat back in her seat and took my hand in hers again. She didn't speak for a few seconds, but I could still feel her looking at me. Studying me._

_"We really do have to talk about what happened. But not now...I'm not ready now." she said staring again at our interlaced hands. "I just want to enjoy you, to enjoy this." She kissed the back of my hand. There were those goosebumps again. "Let's just be happy for a while ok, I'm so freaking tired of the drama." she said with an exasperated sigh._

_I couldn't disagree with that. I was just as tired as she was. _

_"Ok love." I was forced to agree. We were pulling into the tiny parking lot behind the little boutique anyway._

_Jane looked up in confusion._

_"Where are we going?" she asked me_

_"Shopping." I said lightly. Pulling into a space, turning off the car, and climbing out before she had a chance to object to much. I heard her groan anyway. I smiled._

**Present time**

"Baby you do _not_ look like _Rosie O'Donnell_!" I said laughing despite my frustration. I wrapped my arms around Jane from the back and rested my head on her shoulder. Jane looked at me in the reflection of the mirror and I watched her frown transform into a smile. She was so pretty standing there in the black pinstriped boys cut suit with the dark purple pinstriped white collar shirt she was wearing underneath. The suit and shirt combined with the tight bun of her jet black hair made her look sharp and commanding...and god help me ohhhh so sexy. I was suddenly taken with thoughts of pulling that suit off of her later and exploring what was underneath. But for now, I was content to just hold her and look at her beauty in the mirror.

"Do I look hot?" Jane asked turning around and pulling me into her body by my waist.

"Yes Ma'am you do!" I said smiling up into her bright beautiful eyes. I loved the grin she gave me. "I think we've found the one!" I said happily. It had been a nightmare getting Jane to pick something she liked and even more of a nightmare getting her to try everything on.

Jane looked down at the price tag on the sleeve of the suit jacket and couldn't help the curse that escaped her mouth. A few heads turned toward us in the boutique. I tried to disarm their shock the best I could with a nervous smile.

"Jesus christ...I can't afford this thing, this is ridiculous. I could live for two months on the cost of this thing...rent and bills and all!" Jane said eyeing the price like it was a bug that needed squashing.

I rolled my eyes. "Baby I'll pay for it, don't worry." I said trying to pull the tag out of Jane's hands so she would look at me.

"NO way...NOOO way!" she said taking a few steps back and fixing me with her most defiant expression.

"_Here we go"_ I thought, trying not to roll my eyes again.

"Baby, I forgot to tell you to pack a nice suit for the scholar's ball and I want you to look nice. This suit is a knockout and so are you. I'm buying it for you and that's all there is to it." I said hoping that would be enough to sway her.

It wasn't!

"I'm not a _child_ Maura, I _can_ take care of myself! We just have to go somewhere less bougie...like a Marshalls or something. I can find something just as nice there." She said pulling off the jacket and walking away toward the dressing room.

I rolled my eyes again. "_Good Grief this woman."_ I mumbled to myself following her into the dressing room.

"We don't have time to go anywhere else. And no matter what you say you ARE my girlfriend and I WILL take care of you!" I said helping Jane out of the jacket and pulling her toward me by the collar. I started unbuttoning the shirt unaware of the way Jane's expression had changed to one of deepest lust behind the closed door of the dressing room.

"It's the least I can do Janie after every...after everything else I've done this trip." I shook my head, willing myself not to think to hard about how much I had hurt the woman in my arms. I pulled the shirt roughly from her slacks and unbuttoned the last two buttons. When my eyes finally returned to Jane's she was looking down at me with all the lust and desire she had to offer.

"I can think of a few other things you can do to take care of me," Jane said in a deep throaty growl. I was shocked for a few moments. My oh my how that woman's mood could change on a dime. I felt the flood between my legs again.

"Janie, you behave your self...No...Janie... STOP!" I had to try not to squeal to loud as Janie lifted my legs and pressed me against the wall of the dressing room. I couldn't stop the shaky moan that escape my mouth however. I couldn't stop the way my legs wrapped around her waist instinctively. I couldn't help the way my breath quickened when Jane pulled off her shirt and let it fall to the floor forgotten. I couldn't stop my hand from running over the soft skin of her strong back. I didn't even try and stop Jane's lips from parting my own and kissing me with all passion and untapped lust. I wrapped my arms around her neck pulling her closer to me. The moan that escaped her mouth made my lower abdomen burn with desire. I wanted her so badly, so so badly. I didn't stop her from pulling off my own suit jacket and tossing it aside, I didn't stop her from unbuttoning my shirt and ripping it over my shoulders and off of my body, letting it fall to the floor with her own new shirt in a pile at our feet.

I almost choked back the moan that escaped my mouth when I felt Jane unfasten my bra with her long, strong fingers. I shuddered all over when Jane's mouth found my ear and whispered with so much passion, "You're so beautiful." She said pulling my bra over my shoulders and off of my body.

"Ohhh my g-g-god!" I said my voice trembling and breathy. I didn't have time to say much more because Jane's mouth found mine again pulling me into a kiss so passionate, had I been standing my knees would have given way beneath me.

I felt Jane's hands sliding up and down my thighs, caressing them, feeling them out, enjoying them. Jane had always loved my legs, I knew that when she let me borrow an old pair of her running shorts the first time I stayed to watch a movie with her in her apartment. I wrapped my strong thighs around her even tighter locking her between my legs.

I don't know what came over me but before I knew it I was unfastening Jane's own bra and threw it across the dressing room. I wrapped my hands on either side of her neck and pulled her away from my mouth. I wanted to see her, I wanted to see everything I knew I had been missing for so long. Jane and I were skin to skin, body to body, bare breast to bare breast. I could feel her own breast push into mine as she placed one hand round my neck and the other around my waist as we rocked and cradled each other's bodies into an uncontrollable state of passion and desire. Jane's eyes were still closed as she locked her lips to mine. She was lost in the passion of our kiss. Slow, deep, controlled breaths escaped her mouth. Her chest heaved slightly with every breath she took. I knew she was trying desperately to control the flood of desire that was washing over her body and into her core just like me. I took a moment to look over her body. She was gorgeous. Her olive skin was beautiful, flawless. I noticed the scar left from her self-inflicted gun shot wound and couldn't help the one lonely tear that ran down my cheek. I leaned in and kiss the scar, taking both of her small perky breast in my hands and massaged them gently. I instantly felt her nipples harden in my hands. My waves of desire were coming stronger and stronger now with Jane's half naked body in my hands, ready and willing to give me the pleasure I so desperately desired. A moan escaped her mouth as I ran my fingers over her rock hard nipples and her entire body tensed as her own waves of desire overtook her senses. I moved my kisses up her body and her neck and the side of her face until my lips were directly next to her ear. I could feel Jane's body begin to tremble in my arms.

"You're a bad, bad girl detective." I said in my sexiest voice. I felt Jane's body clench as I pulled both of her nipples between two fingers and ran my thumbs over the center of each one.

"Ohhh, oh my g-g-god!" Jane stammered, her voice thick with lust.

Very suddenly before I knew what was happening Jane returned my feet to the floor and started tearing at the buttons and zipper on my pants.

"_Ohh dear lord"_ I thought to myself as my breath instantly quickened and my panties became soaked with the juices my burning core sent flooding out of me. Jane ripped at my pants pulling them down roughly around my ankles and standing again she grabbed me by the arm and spun me around roughly pushing my face and torso against the wall.

I felt her hot breath on the back of my neck, I felt her arms reach around me and take both of my breast in her own strong capable hands. I bit my lip hard to suppress the high pitched squeal from escaping my mouth. She pinched my nipples hard. Pain and ecstasy flooded me causing my entire body to tremble as sexual energy washed over me again and again and again. I could feel myself leaking down my own thighs. I had to press both of my arms against the dressing room wall to steady myself and keep from falling in the dizzying hunger of my desire.

"As I recall," Jane said ripping my thong in one swift jerk and pulling it from between my legs, "you like to play dirty!" she whispered in my ear.

This time I couldn't do anything to stop the moan that escaped my body when Jane's long fingers entered me with force and purpose. I almost collapsed with the burning in my tender wet center. I knew my vagina was swollen and pulsating, yearning for the release only Jane's strong fingers could give me. I heard the soft, squishing sounds Jane's fingers made inside of me as they pressed further and further, deeper and deeper into me, exploring just how far she could go.

"Ohhh, OHHH!" I moaned biting my lip again to keep from screaming outright.

I felt Jane's free hand wrap around the front of my neck and her teeth bit into my shoulder.

She started pushing into me slowly at first, but hard, with all the strength of her strong arm behind every thrust. I was crying, crying tears of ecstasy. My entire body was trembling and my breast slammed into the wall with each powerful thrust of Jane's strong fingers. I felt another flood my juices pour out of me and wash over Jane's capable hands. My face was burning, burning with sexual energy, and with the force of will it was taking me to not melt into the screaming writhing mess I knew I wanted to be.

Jane was fucking me with every bit of pent up aggression she had accumulated over the years, and especially the last 24 hours. She was making up for lost time, she was punishing me, she was letting me know how much she wanted me and that I was a slave to her desires. I _was_ a slave. I would let her have me, every single inch of me inside and out if that is what she wanted. I surrendered myself to her again, completely, totally, without question as I had done before almost 24 hours ago. But this time there would be no nightmare to follow. This time, here in the dressing room, was our time, Jane's time and my time to let go of everything. I began to tremble all over again. I could feel beads of sweat forming on my brow. I could feel my heart race and my eyes roll freely in my head. My Janie was fucking me, fucking me as she had so many times in my dreams or when I found myself alone, touching myself to thoughts of her. She was fucking me, and I was _loving_ it.

Jane's fingers picked up their pace, she added the force of her hips behind each powerful thrust. I was trembling now like a seizure victim. I don't know how I was still on my feet. It must have been Jane's arm around my throat and her force of will keeping me up.

I let out a serious of soft barely controlled moans in rhythm with each thrust her fingers made into my body. I couldn't stop my hips from bucking and swaying with the motion of Jane's fingers and the overwhelming flood of ecstasy pouring through my core. The fire inside of me was so intense I wanted to scream, to scream to the heavens to hear me in all my pleasure and glory. Jane's fingers curled in and out of me, working hard, pumping faster and faster.

Jane was making her own soft, grunting, almost animalistic sounds each time her hand thrust forward sending more and more of my juices pouring over her. It seemed like the more out of control of myself I became the more Jane loved it, the harder she pushed, the tighter her grip on my neck became. I couldn't think of anything else but the burning in my center, building, and building, growing and growing until it threatened to incinerate me from within, burning a hole right through me and out of my body like the juice that was running down my legs in pulsing waves.

My whole body was swaying, bucking, moving in rhythm with Jane's own hips slamming into the back of me with each thrust of her powerful fingers. My eyes were closed tight, lights of all colors were flashing through my minds vision like a rainbow of sexual beauty. My breath was desperate and ragged and choked with the effort to not cry out to the heavens in overwhelming lust and pleasure. My whole body was in rhythm with Jane's fingers. I was trembling, breaking and submitting to her will as my orgasm built and built, I was so close..so close...SSSOOO close.

In one almost painful thrust Jane slipped a third finger inside of me and pushed herself so far in she lifted me partly off of my feet. Her fingers stayed deep inside me, moving and curling so rapidly I shuddered and exploded as the orgasm took me. My breast slammed hard into the wall, my head bent unnaturally and by back arched out of my control. The lights behind my eye lids where heavenly and beautiful, wrapping my mind in warm pleasant beauty. I heard a choked, gutteral growl escape my mouth. I couldn't stop it. The orgasm was burning through me with so much power I thought I was actually going to black out. I finally pulled my back out of the arch and my breath returned tripled its normal pace as i tried to take hold of some sort of level of control over my own body. Jane's finger rode out the last of my orgasm before sliding out of me completely.

I was a blubbering, incoherent mess of half pronounced words and choked sobs of pleasure. My entire body was still on fire, and I could barely breathe let alone stand. I just started to cry, I couldn't tell you why, I couldn't control myself. I had never, ever come so hard in my entire life. Orgasms in my past had always been pleasant, but brief and relaxing, almost like a breath of fresh air. This was something else entirely. This was a surrender of my very being and body to the woman I loved most. This orgasm was so strong and so overwhelming that it was damn near painful. It was dirty, sloppy, dangerous, and inappropriate here in the dressing room of this upscale boutique. But I didn't care. If Jane could make me come this hard in four minutes in a dressing room, I shuddered to think what she would do to me if she had more time and space. I didn't even know if I could find the strength to close my legs properly after the assault Jane had put on my gentiles let alone sit down. I was in heaven. God knows this was heaven.

Jane spun me around again with one arm and pulled me into a long, deep, loving kiss.

I melted into her freely, letting her have me the way she wanted.

When she finally pulled her mouth away from mine I smiled at her red, damp face. She was looking at me with all the joy and kindness I had been missing for the longest 24 hours of my life. I found the strength to lift my shaky, wobbly arms around the back of her neck.

"I guess I can let you buy me that suit!" she said breaking out into her mischievous little grin.

I laughed bringing her face back into a deep, grateful kiss.

"I love you too!" I said breaking our kiss and looking lovingly into her eyes.

Jane smiled.


	19. Chapter 19

**Jane**

This little boutique was the oddest shop I've ever been to in my life. It actually made me a little uncomfortable as I looked around, noticing all of the expensive clothing and uppity looking people that browsed around searching through the racks with inquisitive critical eyes. Every single thing in this place I could never afford on my best day, and I wouldn't want anything from here anyway even if I was a millionaire. I was fine with my J.C. Penny outfits and so on and so forth. As far as I was concerned clothes were just something to cover your body, not some display of art or wealth or what not. The only reason I had agreed to let Maura buy me that crazy expensive suit at all was because of the way she looked at me when I was wearing it. Maura did love expensive things and name brands and all that shit. So if I had to wear one to make her hot...I would do that...but she was damn sure going to pay for it.

It's not like she minded buying me the suit. It was for her as much as it was for me. I was going to be the one by her side at the Scholar's Ball, or whatever they called it, and I wanted to appear worthy of her in front of all those collegiate hot shots. I still hadn't forgotten the way those men, and some of the women, had been staring at her in that lecture. I was well aware of what they thought and what they wanted most from Maura and I was having none of it. I would still punch someone in the eye if I had to, three thousand dollar suit or not.

I wandered around the little boutique in the ladies section eyeing up various displays of high heels. I hated wearing high heels, I avoided it as much as possible. Truth be told I never paid much attention to them at all until the first time I saw Maura walk past me in a red pair of stilettos with such grace and poise I just couldn't help myself from gaping at her open-mouthed and stupid faced. Maura was the personification of feminine sexuality, and the way she walked in heels...good lord have mercy! I found myself liking all of the heels on the display in front of me. Some of them I knew Maura already had, she was always one to be up on the latest fashion trends, but some of them seemed a little out of her style. My eyes fell on a pair of black paten leather stilettos with shiny silver spikes sticking out all around the toe and on the heel. They were soo sexy, I couldn't help but think. Maura would never wear something like this. She wouldn't consider them classy enough for her dainty little feet, but I found myself picking up the heel and turning it over in my hands. They were hot, dangerous even, they spoke of power and femininity, sex and desire. They screamed control and confidence and so many other things I'd love to see in Maura's eyes. Not that I didn't think Maura was sexy, never that, God never that! I wouldn't have had my way with her in the dressing room of a boogie boo boutique like this if her ass wasn't sexy. But even still, these heels just...they did something too me. I couldn't help but think of them on Maura's feet as she walked toward me with that crazy sexy look she got sometimes when she was feeling particularly playful, or horny, or whatever it was she was feeling when she stared me down with those eyes and that grin.

We had exited the dressing room a few minutes ago to many wondering stares and amused glances. I hadn't been able to do more than smile proudly to myself as I walked away wiping the rest of Maura's juices on my pants legs. Maura at least had the grace to blush as she headed toward to counter to pay for the ridiculously expensive suit she loved me in so much. I decided to let her be embarrassed a little. She certainly hadn't been embarrassed when my fingers were inside her making her shiver and quake and squeal as I drove her further and further over the edge. I smiled again to myself as I stared at the heels in my hands. That woman was almost more than I could handle..but I handled her ass anyway, handled her like an animal in the wild. I loved it, and if the sopping wet condition in which she left my hand could be trusted, she loved it too.

I needed that anyway, those few moments of crazed sex in the dressing room stall. I had more than a little bit of built up aggression and anger towards the woman and it felt good to release some of it inside of her. Not to mention she owed me, I had told myself earlier that I would make her pay, and make her pay I would. I was secretly, or not so secretly, dreading having to go to this damn scholars ball. I knew I would be out of place and out of my element around all those collegiates and highly educated scholars, but I wasn't going for me. I was going for Maura. I wanted her to shine, to glow in the light that surrounded her beautiful body and her beautiful mind. She deserved to be seen in all of her glory and I was proud to be the woman by her side, no matter how uncomfortable it might make me feel. It was my honor to stand beside her. She deserved the accolades and praise she was bound to receive and I would be right there to beat back any unwanted sexual or suggestive conversation she was sure to have to endure.

"That's a very nice choice," a pretty lady said to me appearing at my side without me even noticing she had approached. I was momentarily shocked. It was rare that someone could sneak up on me. I must have been so inside my head with images of Maura in these heels that I had become completely oblivious to everything around me.

"Ohhh, yeah!" I said nervously. I hated the way my voice had squeaked.

"Would you like to try them on?" The pretty lady asked. She was actually quite beautiful I noticed. She had long, straight, jet black hair and bright green eyes that seemed almost unnatural against her pale, milky white skin. She was tall, very tall. Almost as tall as myself. She was clad in a very pretty but simple knee length black dress that hugged her voluptuous curves like that dress had been cut and sewn just for her body. She had large, ample breast, the cleavage of which was open for me to appreciate in all of it's beauty. I was surprised at just how much I did find myself appreciating it. On her own feet were gorgeous high heels, black and white, and she stood in them with an easy confidence that let me know she was well aware of just how sexy she was and what her sex appeal did to other people.

"Ummm, no..no..no!" I said nervously. "They aren't really my style" I mumbled, putting the shoe back in it's proper place on the display rack. I felt the woman looking me over, her head cocked a little to the side as those crazy green eyes ran over my body. A smile broke out on her face. More like a grin actually, that same kind of grin Maura often got when she was looking at me in lust and passion.

"Perhaps you were thinking of them for someone else?" She said taking the shoe in her hand and turning it over studying it and then studying me with that knowing grin again. I felt nervous all of a sudden, nervous and uncomfortable. It was hot in that little boutique.

"Would you like me to model them for you?" the woman had the nerve to ask me with a twinkle in her gorgeous green eyes.

I stammered and stuttered, I had no idea what the hell to say.

"Uhh!" I choked, "I don't think so...I'm actually here with someone else!" I managed to say. I suddenly felt very sweaty.

Almost as if on que Maura popped up beside me with the suit in her arms covered in a very nice looking garment bag.

"What are we talking about?" Maura asked. Her voice was low and dangerous. I thought I detected a bit of a threat in there somewhere. She was staring at the taller, more buxom woman with a certain fire in her eyes I'd never seen in Maura before. Her tiny little body was giving off the vibe of a cat that was crouched low ready to pounce and scratch your eyes out. The taller woman was not intimidated, I was almost loath to notice. She stared right back into Maura's hateful glare with an amused haughty expression. I thought the woman was about to say something but I interceded as quickly as I could before the woman could form words.

"Um, nothing babe! I was just admiring all the pretty shoes!" I said, trying to sound nonchalant, it wasn't working. Maura knew me better than that. She barely even acknowledged that I had spoken. Her eyes never left the other woman's face. I was suddenly twice as uncomfortable as I had been before.

"The lady has excellent taste!" the taller woman said turning the spiky shoe in her hand and smiling devilishly at me. I wanted to die. Lord the woman had some nerve. It was very hot in that damn shop.

"Yes...she does," Maura said dangerously. Her voice was so strained I was nervous for the taller woman, and nervous for myself if truth be told.

"Ummm, let's get outta here babe. We've got a lot to do before we leave for the ball and were going to be late as it is." I said smiling at the taller woman and grabbing the sleeve of Maura's jacket pulling her away from the woman and toward the door. I did notice the horrible glare that never left Maura's face all the way toward the front of the shop.

"I hope to be seeing you again." The woman called after me. God that woman had some nerve! "Perhaps maybe next time I can model this for you!" she said holding up the shoe and smiling right at me. I wanted to burst into flames, and from the rage rolling off of Maura I thought she might burst into flames right along with me. I knew Maura was about to say something but I wrapped my arms around her waist as practically carried her out the door.

"Umm yeah...someother time!" I said, hustling Maura's tiny body out of the shop and toward the car.

Maura said not a word to me for many long minutes as we pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to her apartment. She was driving, a fact I wished wasn't so in the condition that she was in. She was driving like a maniac, eyes glaring at the road in front of her, her back was as straight as a board and her hands gripped the steering wheel at ten and two like she was holding onto a life raft in the middle of the ocean. I was nervous, nervous as hell. I didn't know what to say. I was terrified to speak actually less I unleash whatever rage she was feeling onto me. Maura was generating so much bad energy I wanted to curl up into a ball in my seat and hide my head from the terror of her wrath.

It was a few moments longer before she spoke.

"You want to tell me what that was all about?" she almost yelled at me. I jumped a little in my seat. It surprised even me that I was trembling a little.

"Babe, what do you mean?" I asked surprised at how even my voice sounded scared.

Maura turned her head a gave me her most wrathful stare. Her hazel eyes were almost bright red layering her look with an extra sence of dread and terror.

If I wasn't so afraid that I was in trouble I would have thought she was sexy, but as all that anger was directed at me, there was nothing sexy about it.

"You were flirting with that woman..FLIRTING!" she spat at me, returning her eyes to the road. I couldn't have been more shocked or put out.

I absolutely had not been flirting with that woman! Why would I? Maura was my girl, I knew that and so did she! Why was she being so angry?

"Babe that is not true!" I said incredulously

Maura let out a grumbling frustrated sound from deep within her throat.

"I saw the way she looked at you Jane! I'm not stupid!" Maura really was yelling at me now. I was taken aback by the storm of her anger. I knew my mouth was wide open in shock as I studied Maura's tense furious features. It dawned on me. Maura was jealous. She was actually super super Jealous! I wanted to chuckle but I thought that might be dangerous in the state that she was in. It was so cute though, watching my pretty little Maura with her normally adorable little face fuming and screaming at me about some other woman I couldn't care less about. It actually made me feel better about all the times I got jealous of the way men looked at her. It always made me squirm when men would stare at Maura to long, but I never took the anger out on her, it wasn't her fault she was so damn pretty. Maura, however, did not seem to mind at all taking out her anger on me.

"Baby!" I said, trying not to giggle. I fixed her with my most disarming smile and leaned my head back on the headrest.

"What does it matter how she looked at me? I'm here with you, and always will be!" I said sweetly pulling Maura's hand that was closest to me into my lap and giving it a tight reassuring squeeze. I felt some of the tension leave Maura's hand but not all of it. She sighed deeply and rolled her eyes, refusing to look at me. I decided to keep working on her. I was actually having a bit of fun with this.

"Besides baby, it was you in that dressing room with me...not her!" I said playfully kissing the back of Maura's hand half a dozen times. I was trying to get her to think of something else besides that other woman.

I saw Maura smile despite herself from the corner of my eye. She gave my hand one long angry squeeze before allowing herself to laugh. We pulled up to a red light just a block from her apartment buildings garage. She took the moment to turn to me and lift my chin with her fingers so I was looking directly at her. I could tell she wasn't as angry anymore but by the stern set of her jaw and her no nonsense expression I could tell she wasn't playing around.

"Just so you know, you belong to me now Jane! NO more games ok?" she said firmly, threateningly.

Ok this time she really was sexy as hell, bossing me around and making demands of me. I didn't bother telling her I had never had any intention of playing any more games or leaving her for anyone else. I was enjoying the fact that Maura was being all crazy possessive for a change instead of me. I would have kissed her but the light turned green and we pulled of toward the parking garage.

"Yes Ma'am," was all I managed to say.

Why were my underwear so wet all of a sudden?


	20. Chapter 20

**Maura**

"Maura...Maura will you hurry up we are going to be so late!" Jane complained at me behind the door. I had to push her out of the bathroom and close the door earlier so I could dry my hair and put on my make up in some semblance of peace. I always figured Jane was going to be a nerve-racking wreck at the ball, but I hadn't anticipated wanting to strangle her before we ever left the apartment. According to Jane I was impossibly slow at everything, and half the things I did were unnecessary in her eyes. At one point I had to throw my make up brush at her and scream saying how much she didn't mind how long I took to get ready when she was fucking me in a public dressing room. Jane had growled at me huffing and fuming, but the rage behind her eyes all been all lust and crazed desire. I knew she hadn't forgotten those few minutes in that dressing room. I could tell by the way her eyes just couldn't stop roaming over my body, no matter how mad she was, or was pretending to be. I secretly thought Jane enjoyed fussing at me about my prissy habits as she called them, but if she wanted her fun, she was going to pay for it.

It was her fault anyway that we were running so late. I had to spend twenty minutes running around the apartment picking up Jane's clothes and drying the water she had dripped all over the floor. Of course to Jane all of that was unnecessary and could be done at a later time, she was such a _boy_ sometimes. I responded by shuffling her toward the bathroom to take a shower while I finished cleaning up. I wanted to get all the debris and evidence of the drama that had gone down in this place up and out of Jane's sight lest the memories of the day before come flooding back to her and ruin our evening. I was already nervous enough about tonight, I knew how Jane was. I know she didn't want to go, and was only doing this for me. I was also still fuming a bit about her behavior in the boutique and the nerve of that impossible woman. I actually couldn't believe just how angry it made me watching that woman openly flirt with my girlfriend while I was standing at the check out counter. I could have picked something up and thrown it at her across the shop, but I managed to resist that urge. That would be unbecoming of a lady, and a lady I was.

Well, that could be argued that this point. I hadn't been acting much of a lady a matter of minutes before that when I was pressed up against a dressing room stall with Jane's fingers deep inside me. Thinking about that was actually making me feel better. I was still sore from Jane's assault on me, but it was a good kind of pain. It was as if I had released years and years, even a lifetime of untapped sexual desires. I smiled to myself as I applied my lipstick. I chose a deep bloody red, Jane loved me in red, and she loved my lips. I smiled even wider, I couldn't wait to see the expression on Jane's face when she saw me in the low-cut, blood-red, tight-fitting, knee-length evening gown I had chosen from my closet. I had chosen a pair of black six-inch stilettos to compliment the dress and a small black handbag. The dress had a plunging cut in the back exposing a healthy amount of my back in a V until it stopped just above my rear. Jane would love it, or hate it, depending on how many other people loved it too.

Secretly I had chosen the dress on purpose knowing the types of looks it always brought my way. I was slightly embarrassed at how angry I had gotten at the woman in the boutique, but not embarrassed enough to not still blame Jane for the whole thing, even though it wasn't entirely her fault. This dress was partly my little underhanded revenge, I wanted to make Jane squirm a little.

"Jane!" I called out almost angrily "I'm almost finished...are you ready?" I asked rolling my eyes and returning to my make up.

"I'VE BEEN READY!" she yelled back in a huff of frustration. I couldn't help smiling to myself. She was irritating and impatient beyond belief, but I was still glad that she was with me, back in this apartment that I had hated not to long ago for being the scene of the worst event in my entire life. Jane had even managed to make a little joke of the holes in the wall, saying she was glad those holes weren't in her head instead.

I didn't find that funny at all. Actually I almost cried all over again remembering the violence of the day before. But Jane, in all her wonderful love and patience had shushed me,kissed me, and shuffled me toward the bathroom to shower and get ready. At the very least I was glad she wasn't raging at me or sulking in a corner. Well, she was sulking, but not about Ian.

I finally finished with my make up and opened the door to the bathroom to find Jane standing right there with a frown and furrowed brow.

"Finally!" she grumbled through gritted teeth. Then she stopped short when she noticed I wasn't wearing anything but a black tie on thong. I couldn't wear a bra with the dress I had chosen, It was tight enough to hold my breast in place. I saw whatever words were about to escape Jane's mouth choke in her throat. I smiled a little bit to myself. Jane had forgotten all about being angry and her eyes were wide with lust and wonder as I pushed past her and made my way to the bedroom. I let my hips sway a little more than necessary knowing Jane's hungry eyes were following me. It was a few moments before I heard her footsteps following me.

"So!" her voice squeaked. I smiled to myself again.

"Do you need any help getting..ready?" she asked, breathy and panting a little. She looked something like a dog in heat.

I turned to face her fixing her with my most devilish grin.

"You wouldn't be much of a help." I said pushing her backwards out of the door and closing it in her face.

I heard her sigh and mumble to herself. I couldn't help but shake my head and turn to get ready. We really were running late, and as frisky as Jane's eyes had been I didn't trust myself to be alone with her. I did love that woman so much.

**Jane**

I stared at the back of Maura's bedroom door and sighed. I wanted to be in there. I wanted to sit on the edge of her huge bed and watch my lady get dressed. I wanted to put lotion all over her soft beautiful body and kiss her pretty lips while she melted into me. I wanted to do a whole lot of other things too, but Maura was having none of it. I think she was still mad at me about that whole thing at the boutique and I didn't want to push my luck.

I wandered over to the impossibly soft leather couch in Maura's living room and sat down with a sigh. I was so nervous. So very very nervous. I had been to formals before, police formals though. Those things still made me uncomfortable, but as I knew everyone there it wasn't so bad. Besides we always found a way to red neck it up with various hidden flasks and trips out to the parking lot to be naughty and talk shit. I was sure this event, with Maura's people, was going to be nothing like that. If the lecture was any indication, I wasn't going to be able to offer anything interesting in any conversation. I'd be lucky if I understood anything those people were saying at all. Even Maura's conversation was bound to be out of my league. That's right out of my league, just like she was herself if truth be told. Four years ago if someone had told me I would end up with a woman half as accomplished, educated, wealthy, and beautiful as Maura I would have laughed outright. In fact if someone had told me I was going to end up in love with a woman at all I would have laughed. Such a thing had never crossed my mind until Maura blew into my life with all her sexy and her silly, adorable ways. God knows even I had been intimidated at first, everyone had. We had even nicknamed her the Queen of the Dead behind her back. Maura hadn't been interested in talking to anyone at first unless it was about work. She was standoffish and chilly natured in the beginning. It wasn't until she laughed at one of my silly jokes when I came to her morgue for an update on a case that I thought this woman might actually have some humanity to her. That was the first time I had ever seen that woman smile and it had nearly blown me away. I remember how I thought about her all the rest of that day and night and how much I wanted to see her smile again. I remember deciding from that moment on, I would make it a special point in my day to find something to make the unbreakable Dr. Isles smile, and if I was lucky, I'd make her laugh.

But here we were, nearly three years later, and Maura was mine. She made that very clear in the car ride back to the apartment. Instead of a nice Friday night slumming it at the robber I was going to some upscale scholars ball at a University I would never have been admitted to. Once again, I was nervous as hell. What would I say? What was proper and not proper? Which fork would I use, how should I stand, how do I introduce myself? I sighed heavily as so many thoughts ran through my mind. I was starting to feel a bit sick actually. I was only going for Maura's sake, but I didn't want to embarrass her. What if I said something stupid and she remembered all of a sudden why I wasn't good enough for her? What if some other man or woman with more education and interesting conversation swooped down and carried off her heart?

Maura had bent and reinvented herself in my eyes, but what if she realized what she was missing? What if she realized she wanted long conversations about science and theories and god knows what else instead of watching base ball games and eating pizza with me. I was working myself into a panic. But all my thoughts and worries were put on hold when Maura's bed room door opened and she stepped out.

Had I been standing I would have fallen to my knees. I heard myself gasp with the deep inhalation of my breath. I could not move. I could not speak. I could not even breath staring at the woman that was the Madonna herself dressed in red as bright as blood and tall heels as black as night. Her shoulders were exposed and the top portion of her breast were bare. The muscles in her calves rippled in those crazy ass heels the likes of which I could never stand in let alone walk with the grace that Maura had.

"_God! I am just the luckiest woman in the world_," I thought to myself.

Maura's smile was stunning, the red of her lips and the black under her eyes enhanced her beauty beyond measure. It was almost to much to bare. I felt my palms begin to sweat and my heart raced with nerves. I definitely didn't deserve to stand next to this woman. Even dressed in this expensive ass suit I was wearing, I still felt I would only dull her shine.

"The limo is here, are you ready?" She asked walking toward me with such ease, almost like she was born to look that damn good in heels. I guess she had been.

"Ummm, we're taking a limo?" I asked. I thought we were going to drive like normal people.

"Of course silly." Maura said holding out her hand for mine. I gave it to her without a word.

"Will you be my escort detective Rizzoli?" Maura asked me smiling right into my eyes.

Maura was almost as tall as me in those heels and our eyes were nearly level. I took her hand and put it in the crook of my bent arm.

"It is my honor to escort the lady to the ball!" I said with a smile.

You should have seen the smile she gave me in return. God that woman was beautiful.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I am so sorry about the long delay in posting for this story. I wanted to have my new chapters beta'd before I released them, and it's been trial and error as far as that's concerned. My first beta was just swamped with work and other obligations and I felt bad about sending her so much work on top of all her other personal things. Anyway...I've written through chapter 28 of this story already...on top of writing for Working Girl which is my new baby. But my new beta is awesome...shout out Candace, I love you girl! Anyway...I'll be posting regularly for this story again so...YAAY! This is my first child and it's special to me. Let me know what you think...reviews are always appreciated!**

**Jane**

I stepped from the limo onto a red carpet. The flash of cameras nearly blinded me. I turned around and helped Maura onto her feet. Immediatly, there were people calling her name shouting for her to pose for this camera or that. I presumed the pictures would end up in newspapers, magazines, and medical journals. I was shocked and filled with dread. I knew this was going to be different than anything I'd ever experienced, but I had no idea that I was going to walk the red carpet of scholarly sophistication. I was nearly frozen on the spot as the cameras flashed and the shouts of desperate reporters washed over me.

"_HOLY SHIT!"_ I thought to myself. I could only imagine how shocked I must have looked.

Maura looked back at me and smiled, ignoring the shouts for her to pose for various cameras. She took my hand, giving me a reassuring squeeze and led me forward. I took her hand gratefully; squeezing it like I was holding on for dear life. We stopped first for a woman interviewing for the New England Journal of Science.

"Dr. Isles, your lecture today has been called awe inspiring and flawless. Your work around the world was described by Professor James Camden as being the precedent on which all aspiring forensic scientists should model their careers. But the beginning of your lecture was described as strange and off-putting by some. Can you go into detail about what was going on in your head when you first walked on stage?"

I was nervous as hell now. What was Maura going to say? How would she handle such a probing question? I would have told that woman to mind her own damn business and walked on, but not my Maura.

Maura smiled graciously at the woman and pulled me even closer to her so I was right by her side.

"I appreciate the opportunity to interview for the Journal. I know there are so many aspiring scientists in the world craving knowledge and experience and I only hope that my lecture could give them at least a little insight of what to expect in our field. As far as my demeanor, I can only say that some things are outside the realm of science and understanding, beyond reason and calculation. I've had to admit to myself recently that I am indeed human and I am indeed in love." Maura turned and smiled at me. Everyone with a microphone or camera turned and looked at me also.

"_Oh shit_" I thought as cameras began to snap pictures of me. I thought I even heard a collective gasp from everyone around me. Each and every eye had gone wide with surprise and wonder. I wanted to pass out...or run...anything to avoid the pressure and scrutiny that was now overwhelming me. What the hell had gotten into Maura?

"I want every aspiring mind to know there is a life outside of science and reason. Don't be afraid to take a chance, especially on love. Even if it makes no sense at all, taking chances is why we are here this earth. Life is beautiful, despite the cruel and sometimes gruesome nature of our work. We must not forget to live, to live and to love." Maura smiled graciously at all the cameras.

Maura was beaming at me. I don't know what expression was on my face, but I felt like flying and dying at the same time. Cameras were flashing like crazy now and people were shouting to talk to me. The noise was tremendous; the lights were nearly blinding. Microphones were appearing everywhere inches from us and jockeying for position. We were being bombarded with excited questions from every direction; it was chaos on that red carpet. I looked at Maura with what I knew must have been panicked bewilderment. I had no idea what to do or say. I actually just wanted to get out of there and away from the hysteria. Maura only smiled at me sympathetically and held my hand tighter. I had a feeling she knew I wanted to run.

"Dr. Isles, is that your girlfriend?"

"Dr. Isles, how long have you been a lesbian?"

"Dr. Isles, how long have you two been together?"

"Dr. Isles, how did you two meet?"

"Dr. Isles, can we interview the two of you together?"

"Dr. Isles, do you love her?"

"Dr. Isles, are you two going to get married?"

"Dr. Isles..."

"Dr. Isles..."

"Dr. Isles.."

"Dr. Isles..."

The shouts were coming from everywhere. The flashing of cameras tripled their pace, causing me to squint and turn my head, partly from embarrassment at the direction the questions were taking, and partly because I couldn't fucking see in the sea of bright lights. I had expected many things from this event, but I certainly hadn't expected_ this_. I thought I was going to be Maura's shadow, there to offer encouragement and support when she needed me, but hanging back in the background while she shined. I hadn't expected Maura to stand up in front of God and everyone and make declarations of love in front of such prestigious magazines and institutions as were present here on this damned red carpet. I literally could not believe what was happening.

Every camera and microphone was trained on the two of us. The other scientists and scholars were quickly forgotten. All these people cared about was Maura's relationship with me.

"_Jesus"_ I thought to myself. I hadn't even asked her to be my girlfriend officially, but apparently that didn't matter to Maura. She was ready to shout to the world that I belonged to her and that she loved me regardless of the consequences it might have. Regardless of how I might feel. We hadn't talked about this at all and at this point I was speechless. I didn't know what to think, or what the hell to say.

I could not have been more honored that Maura professed her feelings for me publicly, but I hadn't even gotten a chance to tell my mother yet. I didn't want her finding out in a newspaper article or some shit like that. And what about everybody at work? I'm sure most of them had their suspicions already, but I owed it to some of them to tell them face to face. This all just seemed a little bit rash, and that was totally not like Maura. I couldn't help but wonder if this had something to do with that woman coming on to me in the boutique. I wanted to be angry with Maura, but how could I be? When I finally turned my eyes back to hers she was beaming at me with so much love and gentle kindness I melted, I just couldn't help it. She was so beautiful; glowing in the flashing lights of the cameras. Her eyes were shining with tears threatening to fall down her perfectly dimpled cheeks.

I refused to have any of that. There would be no more tears, not this night, not on _this_ red carpet. Maura was here to shine, and shine she would.

This time I took the lead, taking Maura's hand and navigating her through the onslaught of shouts and flashing lights. I knew these hungry reporters had found their story.

"_Dr. Maura Isles Walks Red Carpet of NYU'S Scholars Ball with Lesbian Lover"_ the headlines would read. Never mind Maura's many accomplishments, or the accomplishments of her colleagues. Unless somebody got shot or poisoned tonight, Maura and I were going to be the hot topic of conversation all evening. I took a deep breath and braced myself. God forbid Maura should do anything halfway...oh nooo...if she was going to come out to the world it was going to be on the damn red carpet of New England's most prestigous gathering of bright minds. I almost chuckled to myself. When was I going to stop being surprised by this woman?

"Dr. Isles, what is your girlfriend's name?" A reporter from the Boston Times asked.

"_OH Jesus!"_ I thought. My mother reads that paper.

"This is Detective Jane Rizzoli," Maura beamed at me proudly before returning to the reporter. I wanted to shake that woman in frustration and shock but I ceraintly couldn't do that in front of all these damn cameras. It was funny how quickly science was set aside for some juicy gossip. I guess you could just call it human nature at its best. Even the brightest minds the world had to offer couldn't resist a bit of scandal.

"Detective Rizzoli is one of the finest homicide detectives in the Boston Precinct, which is where we met." Maura said proudly

"Detective Rizzoli..."

"Detective Rizzoli..."

"Detective Rizzoli..."

The reporters were now calling _my_ name. I had no interest in speaking to any of them. I wanted a beer more than anything. Actually, a nice shot of Scotch would have been even better. Had I known Maura was planning something like this I would have prepared myself better. And by that I mean I would have made sure I had a good buzz going before stepping out of that damn limo.

Maura didn't seem to mind the direction the questions were going. She actually seemed excited that she had finally confessed her feelings for me. Maura was glowing in the flashing lights, it seemed as though she was glowing from within. She could not have been more beautiful in that moment; shining like a bright star on a clear winter's night.

Maura looked back at me and pulled me forward, wrapping my arms around her front. I fell into her like I wanted to when she first stepped foot out of the bedroom in that gorgeous dress and those heels...GOD those heels. If we were going to be the talk of the town, we might as well make it good!

I pulled Maura into my body and kissed her cheek lightly before returning to the cameras.

"I'll take one question and then we have to get inside. We don't want to miss the opening speeches!" I said to the reporters.

A flood of questions bombarded me. Each reporter was shouting over the next to be heard. Microphones were thrust at Maura and me from every direction. I didn't know which way to turn in the chaos. It was all so foreign and overwhelming.

"We will speak for the Harvard Journal of Medicine," Maura said finally nodding her head toward a man in a gaudy suit and bright blue bowtie.

I almost rolled my eyes. "_Of course she picked the damn Harvard Journal of Medicine."_ I laughed inside my head. I decided I was going to get her ass for this later. But for now I would let her enjoy herself. That is why I came after all.

The man in the silly suit was more than happy to speak.

"Dr. Isles, will you be taking the position that was offered to you as the Chief Medical Examiner for the FBI in Washington D.C.?" The reporter asked

I was shocked into silence. What the hell was he talking about? Why wouldn't Maura tell me she was offered a position like that? I felt Maura stiffen a little bit in my arms.

"I'll be meeting with the Federal Department soon, I'll give them my answer then." she said and without another word or so much as a glance at me, Maura took my arm and led me into the dance hall. The shouts and flashes of cameras followed us all the way inside.

I was secretly seething. I wanted to grab Maura, drag her aside and ask her what the hell was with the FBI job offer, but I couldn't. The opening of the ball was about to begin and we had just enough time to find our seats. They were near the front at a round table opulently decorated table with a dozen faces already seated around it. I couldn't help but think that every eye in the place was trained on the two of us as we found our seats and I knew more than a few of the whispers were about us.

I fumed through the speeches and dinner, not hearing much of anything anyone was saying on stage or around me. Thank God Maura was there to filter all conversation and answer questions for me. I was in no mood to talk. The only person I wanted to talk to was Maura and I needed to be alone with her in order to do that. It wasn't until the music started and people started heading to the dance floor that I finally got my chance to speak to Maura.

"Chief Medical Examiner for the FBI...in D.C.?" I hissed through gritted teeth. I don't know why I was so angry. I knew Maura got job offers from other places all the time, but she had never seemed interested in taking any of them and had always told me about them as soon as they happened. Not this time though. This time she kept it a secret from me. Why? It's not like I wasn't proud of her. Though I may not have seemed like it at the present time, but I _was_ proud. I knew she was more than capable of handling anything the FBI could throw at her. But D.C. was so far away. I'd never get to see her. I just got her and now she might be leaving me. I would have cried if I wasn't so angry and in public.

Maura fixed me with a pained and guilty expression. "I was going to tell you about it, but I just...I just couldn't." She said softly, staring down at her plate of barely eaten fish and vegetables.

"What do you mean you just couldn't? How long have you known this?" I hissed back. I was in no mood to be soft with my words. It was taking everything I had not to shout at her and make a scene.

"Two weeks ago." Maura said in a weary, tired voice. I could see the pain wash over her. "I wanted to tell you, but...you were just so wrapped up in your case and there are other factors involved." Maura's eyes still never met mine.

I was aware that she was afraid of upsetting me, but it was already too late for that. I was so pissed. Maura and I talked about everything, we _always_ did. The fact that she had kept this from me for so long worried me. This was not how I wanted to begin a romantic relationship with her. Relationships were based on trust and this was the second time in two days that Maura had broken my trust. This was not the beginning I imagined for us. I knew Maura broke out into hives if she lied outright, but lying by omission seemed to have no affect on her at all. What the hell was I going to do with this woman? How long was I going to have her? The thought of her leaving me just as soon as I thought I had her forever was making me want to cry and vomit at the same time. It just wasn't fair.

"Well, are you going to take it?" I asked stabbing at my fish violently with a fork.

Maura finally looked up from her plate to fix her pretty eyes on me. She was just...she was just so beautiful. She was easily one of the most beautiful, if not THE most beautiful woman in the room, and she was here with me. A fact that I had been so proud of an hour before, now I wanted to die. Did she bring me here, all the way to New York and this ball as one final goodbye before she broke my heart and moved to another state where our love would surely falter and fail under the pressure of a long distance relationship? God it just wasn't fair.

"Can we talk about this later? There is so much more to it than you know, I need you to trust me for now!" She said. Her voice was earnest, her eyes were pleading, begging me for understanding. I wanted to understand. I really did. But I had no idea what she was talking about. I couldn't read her mind. She was either going to have to open up, or I was going to stay pissed until she did.

"Trust you! Really?" was all I managed to get out before stabbing my fish several more times with the fork.

Maura was going to say something else, but a man suddenly appeared between us. He was handsome, tall and dark, somewhere in his early forties. He was wearing a well cut black tuxedo and was sharp looking to the sight. He had an easy confidence and well spoken manner that suggested good breeding, high education, and an affinity for getting what he wanted in life, especially women.

"Would the lady care to dance?" He asked smiling a lazy smile down at Maura.

I wanted to choke him out.

"Buddy, the lady is dancing with me tonight," I said standing up and shoving him aside with my shoulder and not too gently.

I reached down for Maura's hand which she gave me with a gracious smile and led her onto the dance floor. I pulled her body close to mine. Maura's eyes shined like the sun as she placed one hand on my shoulder and the other in my own waiting hand. The hand I had on her waist was firm, but not too firm. It was there to reassure her, to guide her, to move her beautiful body with mine in a dance fit for the queen she was. Maura was more than happy to allow me to lead her. She was graceful beyond reason in those tall heels. I was in awe of her. She moved with an elegance that captivated me, enchanted me, forced me to be better than I was simply because it would be an injustice to her beauty to be anything less than perfect.

I'd had a few lessons in ball room dancing in high school, at the insistence of my mother, and Maura I know had taken ballet as a child. But here on this dance floor, we were one. Our bodies moved with each others like the love we made in the dressing room stall. Maura was all beauty and I was all strength as I led her in and out of graceful steps and twirling spins. Maura bent to my every desire, and moved with me like she was made for me. I spun her back into my body and she smiled at me looking right into my eyes. That smile was as beautiful as every sunrise and sunset I'd ever seen, and it was all for me. Our eyes were locked together; each move we made was only to compliment the other. We did not notice the faces staring at us. We did not hear the whispers following our every step. We cared nothing for the way the crowed parted before us as our dance of love waltzed its way around the floor. We were the sight of every eye, the tip of every tongue, the desire of every heart and wondering mind. We were Jane and Maura, a vision of love and beauty. I fell into Maura on that dance floor, enraptured by her grace and the controlled beauty of her steps. The smell of her perfume captivated me, reminding me of every smile and every laugh Maura had ever given me. The feeling of her body against mine made me shudder. We danced cheek to cheek, the brush of Maura's soft skin made me forget everything and everyone else. I forgot all about my anger, temporarily at least. In that moment, on that dance floor, she was still my Maura. MY Maura! I knew every man desired her, wanted to dance with her, and wanted to be near her. But she was here with me, she had eyes only for me, she was dancing with me! She was my love, my lady, my life. I wanted to dance through time with her in my arms for all eternity. I was hers in that moment and she was mine. I was a woman, totally, and completely in love.

We danced all night.


	22. Chapter 22

**Maura**

It wasn't until the third woman approached Jane that I decided I'd had enough of the ball. We had been there for hours anyway, It was nearly midnight and I was exhausted. I wanted Jane all to myself now, I had shared her with the world enough for one evening. Besides, it seemed every time I turned my back to speak to a professor, or dean, or professional of some sort, the women seemed to appear out of the woodwork around my girlfriend. I tried to keep my eyes trained on whoever was speaking to me, but it was growing increasingly difficult to maintain my attention. Each person that spoke to me was giving me accolades, some were trying to nose some facts of my relationship with Jane for some juicy gossip, but I couldn't keep my eyes from darting back to Jane and the other women around her. It was infuriating to watch Jane entertain all those women. Worse, Jane was smiling that silly cheeky grin that was supposed to be only for me. I felt the cruel stab of jealousy deep within my chest. It wasn't appropriate or becoming to allow my emotions to move me to anger this way, but as things were...I just couldn't help it.

I knew Jane had discovered the open bar. Since I told her about the FBI offer, she had taken to indulging in the bar perhaps a bit too much. I couldn't help but worry a little. I wanted Jane to enjoy herself, but I truly, and perhaps a little selfishly, wanted her by my side.

I wanted to think Jane was only being friendly with the women around her, she seemed to be having a great time as the object of so much attention, but I was seething never the less. I actually thought Jane would stick to me like glue all night since she was so nervous and felt so out of place when we first arrived. But with the help of my rash declaration of love for her, being blind sided by the reporter's question of my job offer, and Jane consuming a little too much beer, both Jane and the other women in the room were becoming insufferable. Jane was mine..._mine_, and it was high time I took her flirty tail home.

This trip was not going anything like I had planned. We were supposed to spend all day Saturday sightseeing and having lunch with Ian, that wasn't going to happen anymore obviously. But even my sightseeing was being pushed further behind. I had somehow been hustled into having lunch with the deans of the science departments tomorrow and had agreed, although begrudgingly to take a tour around the campus and science labs. I would be taking Jane with me of course. At this point I didn't want her out of my sight. After everything we had been through together, all the years of longing looks and desperate desire, I had no intention of letting her slip through my fingers. Especially not into the hands of some heart throbbing grad student.

I know Jane was still upset about Ian, and about the FBI offer that I kept from her for over two weeks, but I had a perfectly good reason for that. I just needed her to be patient and not punish me for it. I guess I couldn't blame her. I had been completely blindsided by the reporter's question and I could only imagine how Jane was feeling. I did not even know it was common knowledge that an offer had been made, and even if it wasn't common knowledge before, it certainly was now. It was going to be in every magazine and journal up and down the east coast by tomorrow morning. I had even received an offer to do an exclusive web interview for a popular New York based podcast.I hadn't committed to that; I did want to spend at least some time with Jane _alone!_

I excused myself from the men around me and made my way over to Jane across the huge room. I even had to pretend not to hear a few people calling out to me in order to get to Jane faster. I didn't like the way she was laughing with that group of women around her.

"Oh, Hi babe!" Jane said excitedly when she saw me coming toward her. She was wearing her brightest smile and her eyes were glazed with alcohol, but she seemed genuinely happy to see me. I couldn't help but smile at the other women's disappointed faces when Jane met me with a gentle hug and a kiss on my forehead. I loved her so much in that moment.

"Ladies," Jane said happily turning so everyone could see me, "This is the beautiful Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts." Jane said proudly. All of the women nodded their heads toward me and mumbled some words of greeting, none seemed too enthusiastic about it however. They had eyes only for Jane.

I suddenly felt very angry. Very, very, angry. Jane had introduced me as '_Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner_,' and not as "_Maura my girlfriend_!"! It was rubbing me the wrong way.

"We were just telling Jane about the graduate class' annual spring barbeque and beer pong festival tomorrow evening at the park on campus. It would be great if you two could come." A rather youngish woman said. She couldn't have been more than 25! She was very pretty, short, blond, and blue-eyed with a toned body and a gorgeous blue dress that highlighted the blue of her eyes. I hated her, I decided rather quickly.

"Actually, my _girlfriend_ and I already have plans," I emphasized 'girlfriend' with a quick glare at Jane. She looked peevish and nervous under the scrutiny of my gaze.

"Aww babe! It sounds like so much fun...I love beer pong _and_ barbeque! That's two of my favorite things in one day!" Jane said excitedly.

"_Yeah, and I bet you'd love to see more of little miss blue eyes over there!" _I thought to myself. I could not believe how irritated I was in that moment, but I just could not seem to help myself. I had no rational reason to be angry at any of those women, or even Jane for that matter. It was wonderful that Jane was getting along so well without me. Maybe deep down inside I wanted her to need me, I wanted her to let me guide her through the evening and keep her close to me so she would feel involved and important. Seeing her here, surrounded by pretty ladies and chatting up a storm everywhere she turned was in no way what I anticipated happening this evening. Yet here I stood, feeling more possessive than I ever had before in my life.

"That all sounds lovely I'm sure," I knew my tone denoted that I didn't think that sounded lovely at all. "Unfortunately, Jane and I are having lunch with the Deans of the department of sciences, and a tour of the campus afterwards. We have a rather full schedule for tomorrow!" I said, taking Jane's hand in my own.

Jane huffed and rolled her eyes. "But Maur, that sounds awful. All of that sounds awful!"

I couldn't help but grin a little at the childish pout on Jane's face. She looked like I told her we were going to be spending the entire day at the dentist and the rest of the night getting mammograms.

"Couldn't you go to all that stuff alone? I wouldn't know what to say anyway! It's not like I'd be far away, I'd still be on campus! And I LOVE beer pong!" Jane pleaded with me.

I couldn't tell her no outright, I didn't want to embarrass her even though I hated all these women. Each and every one of them was staring at us curiously. The last thing I wanted was to give them any juicy gossip or reveal any cracks in our relationship for one of them to slip through.

"Baby we'll see ok, but we really have to be going now. I'm very tired. We've both had a long day." I said, hoping Jane would come without too much fuss. I had every intention of getting her out of there and away from these women one way or another. I had more than one weapon in my arsenal and I would use each and every one if I deemed it necessary. Thankfully, Jane cooperated. Probably because she was just as tired as I was. The reason didn't matter since she was coming with me without an argument.

"Ok!" Jane said setting her half empty drink on the table behind her and saying goodbye to all the ladies, smiling goofily at all of them. Every one of those little girls had the nerve to wrap Jane into a hug a little bit too long and lingering for my taste. They had only known Jane for a matter of minutes, yet here they were, hugging her like she was a long time friend.

Jane looked like she was in seventh heaven.

The young blond insisted on shaking Jane's hand after her particularly touchy feely hug and produced a business card from her handbag.

"If you decide to show up, give me a call!" She said smiling at Jane. "I'll get you in no charge, and I'll give you a tour of the best our campus has to offer if you like!"

Jane smiled and tucked the card into the inside pocket of her jacket.

"Thanks!" Jane said innocently, seeming overly pleased at the girl's kindness. Jane was so naïve. She really had no idea what just happened right in front of me.

I could have kicked that blue-eyed hussy in her kneecap with my stiletto. Of course that would have been unseemly. I did glare her down though, and with no shame.

I literally dragged Jane out of the ball room, past the reporters screaming our names outside, and all the way down the street to our waiting limo.

Jane was huffing by the time we reached the limo.

"Jesus Maur, what's gotten into you?" She asked me with worry and confusion all over her face.

"Janie...just get in!" I hissed at her between clenched teeth.

She did as she was told without a word.


	23. Chapter 23

**Jane**

Maura was mad. Like really mad at me! So mad in fact that I was standing on the other end of the couch because I actually felt the need to have the couch between us to protect me from Maura's unnerving fury. I was absolutely dumbfounded. I _still_ had no idea what I had done wrong to infuriate her to this level. I had never seen Maura like this, like, not _ever_! We had ridden home in the limo in dead silence. Her vibe had been so chilly I was actually scared to speak. As soon as the door closed behind us in her apartment she rounded on me with all the fury hell its self had to offer. I had been so startled by Maura's demeanor and bright red eyes that the last of my pleasant buzz dried up like a grape in the sun. I was actually wishing for another beer right about now. If I'd ever needed a beer it was in this moment, facing the woman I love in a rage fit for a queen.

"I _know_ you cannot be that naive, Jane! How can you not know those women were flirting with you? It was obvious to everyone, EVERYONE in that ball room but you." Maura seethed. Her eyes were all fire and fury. This was the third time she had asked me that same question and I had given her the same answer each time. I had no idea what the hell she wanted me to say. What did she want from me? I couldn't do anything but tell the truth as I saw it, but apparently that wasn't good enough for her.

"Maura, I don't know what to tell you! Those girls were just keeping me company while you were doing your thing with all those professors and what not." I said sighing heavily and shaking my weary head. I had a pounding headache at this point. It was well after one in the morning, neither of us had slept more than a few hours early yesterday morning, and I knew we were both dog tired. I tried to consider this when accounting for Maura's seething fury, but at the moment, it seemed like she had all the energy in the world to yell at me.

The more I thought about it, the more I resented her anger. It was me who should be yelling at Maura. It was me after all who had been blindsided twice by her in just a matter of a few hours. She not only professed her love for me in the most public way possible, which wasn't a big deal, but I'd have appreciated a heads up first at least. _And_ I found out in the worst way possible that she had been offered another job, in another _state_. That also wouldn't have been a big deal, but it was the fact that she had kept it from me that drove me to so much anger. Why would she keep that from me unless she was planning on taking the job and didn't have the courage to tell me?

Yes, it was me who should be angry I decided in that moment. I was tired of cowering under Maura's furious gaze. I was still Jane motherfucking Rizzolli after all. I cowered to no one, not even my lady when she was being ridiculous and unfair.

Maura made an angry growling sound deep in her throat and narrowed her eyes at me even more. "Keeping company means pleasant conversation about the weather, how the stock market is moving, and career paths and such and so forth. It is _not_ standing around a group of starry eyed grad students making a spectacle of yourself for their amusement! What were you _thinking_?" Maura raged. She pulled of her heels one after the other and threw them across the room.

"_Good Lord."_ I thought to myself as one of Maura's expensive heels bounced off the wall behind me and landed unceremoniously on the floor. Maura must have been angrier than I guessed if she was throwing her precious shoes across the room.

"Look Maura! I don't know what the hell to say! I was just glad someone wanted to talk to me about normal stuff and not whatever the hell it is you talk about with those uppity friends of yours!" I yelled back.

I was over being the cowering idiot. If Maura wanted trouble, I wanted the same thing. Besides, I was the only one with a case in this matter.

"I thought I was being nice giving you space to talk to your professor friends, I knew I had nothing to offer. I didn't want to embarrass you, or myself! I was more than happy to have a few drinks alone at the table while you did your thing. It's not my fault those girls came up to me! What was I supposed to do? Tell them all to go away?" I was shouting furiously now.

Maura looked like she would have thrown a shoe right at my face if she had still been wearing shoes.

"You just cannot use that excuse forever Jane. I'm over listening to you sell yourself short like you have nothing to offer the world. You know that's not true, and I know that's not true or I wouldn't have fallen head over heels for you. You are not some clueless simple-minded dope that needs me to hold her hand every step of the way. You could have stood right next to me in front of whom ever and carried on any manner of pleasant conversation! YOU JUST DIDN'T WANT TO!" Maura screamed at me. The reality of her wrath hit me full force.

"You would rather be chatting it up with this those doughy eyed grad students talking about_ beer bong _or whatever kind of juvenile foolishness they were interested in instead standing with me and supporting me!" Maura spat, trembling in her fury.

"That's BULLSHIT Maura!" I raved back nearly shaking with my own anger. What happened to my level headed, rational, sweet natured Maura? Who was this volatile, raging, jealous, maniac? Her fury was sucking all the oxygen from the room making it very hard to breathe. Or perhaps that was only a side effect of my own anger.

"I was simply making the best of a bad situation. You blindsided me twice tonight and still haven't bothered to explain yourself! You wanna tell me what the hell all that was about in front of those cameras? And how about that job offer in D.C.? Let's talk about THAT?" I screamed.

"JANE! I thought you would be happy that I thought enough of our relationship to make it public. I WANT everyone to know that I love you! I am not ashamed to be with you Jane Rizzoli! And besides, that woman asked me a direct question, I couldn't lie. I told her the truth! You had to expect that!" Maura seethed.

"_Expect_ that? I don't know _what _the hell to expect from you these days!" I raged back. "You seem to be just _full _of fucking surprises! And besides, you seem to have no problem lying by omission; boy don't I know that by now! You only told that woman those things because you wanted to control me and our relationship. Don't try and use your obsessive compulsive craziness as an excuse this time. I know you better than that!"

Maura looked at me like she wanted to spit blood in my face. "Why _shouldn't_ I tell people about us? You ARE my girlfriend, and I DO want the world to know! I am in love with you Jane and obviously I have to make our relationship public myself because if I left it up to you it would NEVER HAPPEN!" Maura was screaming outright now. Even her lips were trembling in her fury.

"What the hell are you_ talking _about?" I was so angry at this point I was actually seeing red.

"I showed up at that boogie scholar's ball for YOU! I didn't do that shit for my health. I mean good grief; people would have gotten the picture on their own seeing you there with me! There was just no need for you to go spouting off to every newspaper and media outlet up and down the Eastern seaboard!" My teeth were clenched so tightly that there was a pain searing all the way down my neck.

Maura threw up her hands in exasperation, "You just expect everyone to just know exactly what you're thinking and what's going on without having to say a word. But when it comes time for you to understand someone else it all has to be spelled out for you. You are just such a HYPOCRITE sometimes!"

"_That woman did not just call me a hypocrite"_ I thought feeling my hands form into tight fists of their own accord. If she was a dude I would have punched her in the face!

"I have no_ idea _what you are TALKING about! And as far as hypocrites go boy isn't that the pot calling the kettle black! You think it's ok to freak out about NOTHING and then expect me to understand what the hell is wrong with you! And you think it's ok to blindside me on the damn red carpet and make declarations of love and this and that..._love for me_, and then act shocked and shaken when you get called out on it.I don't know what you were thinking but, I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND!" I raved.

At this point we were both so worked up with frustration and anger it was becoming nearly pointless to try and communicate further. I just wanted to pass out, I couldn't have been more exhausted and my head was hurting like a son of a bitch. The last 36 hours had been some of the longest of my life and I hadn't anticipated having to wrap them up in a screaming match with Maura.

"I'm not _asking _you to read my mind. I do expect you to have some common sense! Why are you so angry that I told the world I love you? You should be proud of that at the very least. I've never_, ever_ done that before...not about anyone. And after all of that, knowing how much of myself I sacrificed to say what I did in front of everyone, how could you not know that your behavior with those other women would upset me?" Maura screamed.

"Because you've never been a crazy jealous _psychopath before!"_ I screamed back at the top of my lungs.

The look Maura gave me lowered the temperature of the room 10 degrees. But I would not be deterred. I hadn't said anything that wasn't true.

_"_The whole jealousy thing...that's always been _my_ thing! And how could you not tell me about your FBI offer? You're so quick to blame me, let's talk about _your _bullshit for a change! That's the only thing that really fucking matters anyway!" I spat. Maura looked like she wanted to choke me.

"JESUS! I can't help who offers me jobs. I happen to be very good at what I do in case you haven't noticed." Maura shot back.

I could have spit blood all on my own now. I could not believe how angry I was in that moment.

"Don't do that Maura...do not even_ try _and pretend like I'm the one who is wrong here. And don't you DARE act like I don't respect you and what you do! This is about you and your sudden obsession with hiding things from me! I know you knew damn well I would want to know about you moving to fucking Washington D.C.!"

"You think everything is so black and white. You never account for the fact that I _do_ have your best interest in mind ALWAYS! You never stop to consider the reasons behind what I do or why I might keep something from you. You just get overwrought and assume things that just aren't true and then punish me for your own assumptions oblivious to the fact that it's all bullshit!" Maura raved.

Maura's eyes were on fire, her hands were balled into fist, and her voice was forced and desperate. Had I not known better I would have thought she was going to strangle me. Even so, I was trembling with my own rage. I just could not believe Maura could be so unfair and unbending. How could she actually expect me to not be angry about this whole situation? How did she actually have the nerve to try and turn the blame on me? I knew damn well I hadn't done anything wrong. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING I'd done over the last couple of days had been for or because of her. I was tired of making excuses for Maura's ridiculous decision making and subsequent rage with me. I was done.

"MAURA! I'm done being the fucking scape goat for your deceit. You cannot just keep things from me and then get upset when you don't like my reaction. I had to find out that you might be moving to another state from a Goddamn REPORTER!" I screamed picking up a couch pillow and launching it across the room. I was so furious I just didn't care how juvenile I might be coming across. As far as I was concerned, Maura was being twice as silly as me.

Maura was near tears now in her rage. I hated seeing her like this but I couldn't back down this time. This time, after everything this woman had put me through, I knew I had to stand my ground and make my point no matter how much it hurt her. Maura was hurting me, and she need to acknowledge and take responsibility for that fact or this relationship would never work.

"I was waiting for the FBI's behavioral analysis unit to wrap the case they are working on so they could fly to Boston and make you an official offer to join their team in Quantico! I told the FBI that I wouldn't give them an official answer until they made you their offer and we could discuss it together. Did you really think I would just run off without you? Did you really think I kept something like that from you out of spite? GOD! How stupid can you BE?" Maura cried throwing her own couch pillow right at my head. I ducked just in time.

If I was in a rage before, it could not compare to how I was feeling now.

"Where do you get off calling ME stupid? Once again I CANNOT READ YOUR MIND!" I was literally trembling now. "You can't give me half the facts and expect me to form some kind of logical opinion and then get angry when the opinion I come up with doesn't suit you! When did this happen Maura? When did you stop trusting me? You've been keeping secrets from me like I'm some kind of child that can't handle the truth! Then you punish me for reacting the way I do when I don't even have all the facts to the story! It's not fair! This is bullshit...this whole THING is bullshit!" I screamed. If I could have unlaced my own boots and thrown them at Maura without looking like an idiot I would have done so. But I was too worked up to think straight.

"I didn't tell you about Ian because I knew how jealous you would get! I thought if I got you two together in the right environment you two wouldn't feel so much pressure and you and I could help Ian together. I didn't tell you about my confession on the red carpet because I couldn't have predicted the question before it was asked and I refused to lie about what was really going on! Finally, I didn't tell you about the FBI offer because they made me promise not to tell anyone until I had accepted one way or another AND they made me promise not to tell you of their intentions to hire you on as a BAU Agent!" Maura said suddenly becoming very preoccupied with scratching her neck and back.

I noticed the angry red hives breaking out all over her body. She was telling the truth. She really wasn't supposed to say anything about the FBI's intentions. She could probably get into a lot of trouble if they were to find out. I suddenly felt a little bit guilty. Just a little bit though. Had the roles been reversed I would have told Maura, but Maura was not me. She never had been, and would never be able to calculate, judge, and think like me. Maura was bound to her word and the promises she made. I knew that long ago. Even so, this still sucked.

"Baby, good grief!" I said watching her struggle with the hives all over her body. They were a result no doubt of her guilt over having broken a promise to keep a secret.

Maura was pulling the back of her dress awkwardly and hopping up and down on her toes.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked, put off by Maura's funny little display.

Maura just growled at me again.

"I'm trying to unzip my dress!" She yelled at me as she danced around awkwardly. It was hysterical but I couldn't laugh. I didn't want to be an asshole, but she was so ridiculous sometimes.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Come here then, let me help you." I said coming around the couch and moving toward her. Maura backed away, eyeing me furiously.

"You stay away," she hissed at me, "Don't you touch me...Jane...JANE...I'M SERIOUS...JANE!" she shouted at me, forgetting the zipper and taking of running around the apartment trying to get away from me. I chased her down anyway. We ran and ran in circles around the apartment. I could have caught Maura at any point, but I was enjoying the way she was giggling and squealing as she skidded around corners in her bare feet and formal dress trying desperately to stay ahead of me. I found myself giggling with her. I couldn't help it. No matter how angry that woman made me, she was still just so adorably precious. And in that dress, with me knowing how little was underneath, she was impossibly sexy, despite the hives.

I chased Maura around the apartment a few more times, enjoying the sound of her laughter until I tired of the game and jumped over the couch and swept her into my arms.

"Gotcha!" I said huffing a little from the excursion. I was glad to see Maura's hives were lessening, no doubt due to her excitement.

Maura only frowned and huffed trying to wriggle out of my arms. I was having none of it.

"Uhh uhh babe! I won fair and square! You have to do as I say now!" I said smiling mischievously into her beautiful eyes. Maura answered with a pout of her own. But with her face made up the way it was and in that sexy dress she looked like devilish sex incarnate.

"No fair Janie you cheated!" Maura said fixing me with a playful frown. Her hives had all but disappeared leaving me with nothing but the breathtaking beauty of her gorgeous body in my arms.

"It's all fair in love and war!" I said setting her back on her feet and turning her around so her back was to me. This time Maura didn't try and get away from me, she stood still while I pulled her body into mine and nuzzled my face into her neck, smelling all the beauty of her amazing body.

"Maura, you know I'd never leave you for all the money in the world right?" I whispered softly in her ear.

I felt Maura's entire body shudder as my warm breath passed over her ear. She leaned into me and I wrapped my arms around her waist holding her tightly against my body. Maura was just...she was just so beautiful. The reality that Maura was mine was flooding me with more emotions than I could handle...again. I dreamed of moments like this for so long, I prayed, cried, hoped and dreamed for ages that I might know a moment like this. I fell into Maura all over again; I felt my heart rip open and my soul soar with all the love I'd been harboring for this woman for so many years. My lips trembled as I gently placed the lightest, sweetest kisses down the side of her neck and along her milky white shoulder. I love her so much.

I felt Maura's head lean into my face and a sigh escaped her mouth as my soft lips brushed against her flawless skin. Maura's hand reached up and found my face, she turned her head around and pulled me into a kiss. It was gentle at first, careful even. I sighed when Maura's mouth opened for me and allowed my tongue to lead her own into swirling, passionate, breath-taking dance. My breath quickened, my heart raced, my mind went all warm and fuzzy. It was the sweetest kiss I had ever known. I felt like a teenage girl at prom kissing her high school crush, I felt like Achilles kissing Patricles, like Clyde kissing Bonnie. I felt so many things, but mostly I felt the purest most beautiful love.

I smiled against her lips. Maura could rage until she was blue in the face, but I knew that she really wanted me loving her, kissing her, and touching her. How could I resist? How could she think there was anything going on between me and those girls? Not one of them had a fraction of the sexiness Maura did first thing in the morning. It was only Maura that could make my anger melt away with just the smell of her soft, precious skin. It was only Maura that could drive me to the brink of my anger and then pull me back again with all her adorable, quirks. It was almost unfair how this woman could move me to anger and lust so quickly. Maybe the two went hand in hand with her. I moved my hands slowly over the outsides of her sexy legs and around her back to grasp the zipper of her dress. I continued placing light, gentle kisses on Maura's soft neck as I slowly and deliberately pulled down the zipper to her dress.

She was gorgeous. The pale white skin of her back glowed in the soft luminescent light of the chandelier in the living room. The muscles in her back rippled beneath her skin with every movement of her body. It wasn't all about the sex with Maura. The sex, God help me was AMAZING! Nevertheless, it was these moments, when the taste of her body filled my mouth and my senses, and the touch of her soft skin set my heart on fire, that I dreamed of most when I was alone thinking of her. I ran my hands around her hips under the dress and gasped softly with trembling lips as the dress fell from her torso and slid down her legs to land in a pool of red fabric at her feet.

I could hear Maura sigh and felt her body shudder in my hands. I wanted to explore her body more. I wanted to take my time and touch every single part of her giving it the attention I had always wanted in my dreams. I wanted to lay her down on the cool hardwood floor and kiss her from head to toe and back again. I wanted to worship the beauty of her, slowly, passionately, deliberately. I wanted to absorb her every sigh, cherish every quiver of every muscle in her body. I wanted to melt into her, move with her, study her and taste her. I wanted to feel her soft hands running through my hair and hear the way her breath caught in her throat as my tongue went to work on the best parts she had to offer. I wanted Maura to spread for me, to open for me, to scream for me and claw at me as I drove her further and further over the edge. I was thinking all of those thoughts when Maura turned to face me, grasping my hands and placing them firmly at the small of her back.

We stared at each other for a few moments. She wasn't angry anymore, at least not outright. There was something else there, something like exhaustion and weary guilt. I couldn't help the way my eyes broke from hers and ran down the nape of her neck, the beauty of her strong shoulders, and the swell of her breasts. What the hell was happening to me? I felt like a pubescent boy. How could I want so much of this woman right after wanting to strangle her ass in furious frustration?

"Jesus!" I couldn't help myself from saying. Before I knew it, I had both of my hands on her chest, cupping one breast in each as I let my fingers gently caress and fondle them.

"_Jesus_" I thought to myself. I'd had Maura's breasts in my hands before, but never like this. I had grabbed and squeezed them in the heat of passion, but I had yet to take in the full extent of their beauty, at least not until this very moment. This was it, this is what I've always wanted. Oh my lord if I wasn't in heaven then there is no such thing as heaven.

I felt Maura relax a little. No matter how angry she may have been with me, she had the grace to let me have my moment. It was a few seconds longer before she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my head into another kiss so passionate that it took my breath away. I couldn't help the way my eyes closed when our lips met, or the way my hands automatically ran down her body and lifted her easily into my arms, never once breaking the kiss. I couldn't stop the goose bumps that traveled over my body when Maura's soft voice moaned into my mouth with such sweet surrender. I couldn't stop my underwear from feeling uncomfortably damp, or noticing that my bra felt especially tight with the hardening of my nipples. I just wanted to kiss her! I loved her, no matter how many shoes she threw at my head.

After a while Maura reluctantly pulled out of the kiss. She looked at me with such a sweet smile I couldn't help returning one of my own. She giggled a little and ran her thumb over my lips.

"You have lipstick on your mouth!" she said licking her thumb and trying to rub my face.

"Ohhh gross Maura stop!" I said turning my head back and forth to try and escape her slobbery finger. My mom used to try and do that to me all the time when I was a child, and sometimes even now that I was grown and I hated it! Maura only laughed and teased me.

"Come on Janie...let me get it!" She teased, giggling like a kid.

"Maura noo...it's so gross!" I whined shaking my head furiously. "Besides, if I didn't like your lipstick, I wouldn't kiss your pretty little mouth!" I said smiling up at her.

Maura's eyes sparkled.

"I love you Detective Jane Rizzoli!" she said matter of factly.

"I love you too Doctor Maura Isles." I said just as nonchalantly

We both smiled. The drama could wait for another day. Here in this moment it didn't matter. We just both wanted to do what we had dreamed of for so long. We wanted to sleep peacefully in each other's arms.

I carried Maura to her bedroom and lay her gently on her bed. I didn't protest when Maura got up to wash her face and brush her teeth. I pulled off my suit and stripped down to my cotton boy shorts and joined Maura in the bathroom to brush my own teeth. We looked at each other in the huge bathroom mirror I had hated before and smiled around the tooth brushes in our mouths. This moment was just...perfect. I could not have been more elated and exhausted at the same time when we crawled into Maura's huge bed a few minutes later. We wrapped each other in the sweetest embrace and fell asleep quickly without so much as another word. We slept and dreamed good dreams.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Shout out to my wonderful beta Candace, that you so much! I hope you all enjoy. Please review!**

**Maura**

"NOOOO Maura, I'm so tired," Jane whined punching her pillow and grumbling under her breath. I smiled from the end of the bed. Jane was never particularly excited about mornings and today was no different. It was already 10:00 a.m. and we needed to get up and moving as soon as possible owing to the fact that we had lunch plans with the deans of the science departments at 12:30. I was well aware that Jane wasn't excited about going, but I wanted her by my side. Even I wasn't that hot on the idea of canceling most of my well made plans to lunch with the Deans and tour NYU'S science department, yet still I had made commitments. And since Jane was committed to me, by extension she had made commitments also. Perhaps it was unfair of me to drag her around, knowing how much she would not enjoy it. But the idea of being apart from her made me sad. I wanted to be with her, even if she was going to be a grumpy pants all day.

I was still a bit hurt about the fight we had the night before. It seemed the further Jane and I delved into this romantic relationship, the more we were realizing how much we did not know about each other or ourselves for that matter. I knew I had never felt so much rage over a partner of mine speaking to other women in seemingly innocent conversation. But with Jane, it was just so much different. I don't know what came over me last night, I knew I had been driven to a place in my mind I didn't even know existed and subsequently unleashed my rage on Jane, perhaps unfairly. I had no reason not to trust Jane, I know she loved me, but that did not mean I had to trust every other woman in the world. Despite the way Jane would adamantly deny it, she was very naive about some things, especially the advances of women. I would know that better than anyone. I was no fool, I was well aware of what that little blond blue eyes girl wanted from my Jane. Even if Jane was too simple to see it, _I_ saw it, and I would not tolerate it. I was strong enough to admit however that I may have over-reacted. Jane would be Jane, but she would always love me, at least I hoped so. Still, I would have to figure a way to make up for my anger last night.

I sighed and crawled towards Jane's half sleeping form on the bed. I climbed on top of her back and wrapped my arms around her waist. I felt Jane squirm a little underneath me, but she made no moves to push me off of her. Jane's hair was a tangled mess and she was twisted up in the sheets like they were swaddling blankets. Her face was buried in the pillow and she was making silly crying sounds with each exhalation of breath. Even so, she was still beautiful to me.

We both slept like angles the night before. It was the most pleasant sleep I could ever remember having. I fell asleep with Jane wrapped around me only to wake up a few hours later to find Jane in a sprawled out twisted mess of sheets like she was now. I only smiled and moved to snuggle up next to her and fell right back to sleep with the scent of her hair tickling my nose. Jane had slept through the night and well into the morning like a rock. I had actually awakened over an hour ago with a smile on my face when my eyes fell on Jane's form next to me. She was naked except for her underwear and sleeping on her stomach like a baby. I just lay there for countless minutes trying not to move too much while I watched Jane sleep. The steady sounds of her breath brought me comfort and I kissed her neck and back lightly, loving the way she tasted a little sweaty and a little salty in my mouth, but somehow it was still the sweetest taste I had ever known. I let my fingers run over Jane's body, feeling the softness of her skin and the muscles of her back. I thought of all the nights I spent alone over the last few years wishing beyond hope that I might know this moment, and now that I had, I could never turn back. I loved her just so much.

Actually Jane slept like a maniac. She had startled me awake several times in the night with kicks and painful elbows but I didn't mind. I would just roll over and rub her back, whispering soft sweet words in her ear until she calmed down and fell back into a deep dreaming sleep. I'm sure Jane wouldn't remember assaulting me in the night, but I made a mental note anyway to buy a body pillow to protect me from her wild long limbs.

"Janie, you gotta get up sweetheart!" I whispered softly in her ear. I felt her body shudder as my breath passed over her but she whined into the pillow again mumbling words I could not understand. I knew she was making protest about having to leave the warm comfort of the bed, but if I let her lay there any longer she might never get up.

"I'm going to make some coffee and jump in the shower." I said sweetly placing kisses on the backs of her shoulders.

"Mmmm coffee!" Jane perked up a little. "I like coffee!" she said playfully burying her head back into the pillow.

"How about you join me in the shower while the coffee is brewing? That will be fun, right?" I asked moving my hands and tickling her sides. Jane's entire body started shaking and trembling with her laughter.

"Stop Maura...STOP!" Jane complained between giggles. I couldn't help myself from laughing with her. She was such a child in the morning, but she was so adorable I couldn't help but to tease her. If I had to do this every morning for the rest of my life, all of my mornings from here on out would be bright and beautiful. I tickled her a little more loving the way she squealed and squirmed trying to roll over and get me back, but she was so tangled up in the sheets she could barely move let alone wiggle out from underneath me. I found myself loving this position a lot more than I had expected. There was something powerful about being on top and having Jane helpless underneath me. This was not something we had explored before, but I had every intention of seeing that to pass. Jane didn't know it yet, but we were going to try a lot of new things together, and I could not wait.

I tried not to think about the package that was going to be delivered to the apartment today. Thinking about it sent shudders of sexual desire through my body, and I couldn't afford such distractions this morning. I had to roll off of Jane before my excitement carried over to something more than I could handle. With one playful smack on Jane's tight little butt I stood and stretched out my back making my way to the kitchen.

"Get up now sleepy head, we've got places to go and people to see my love!" I called into the bedroom while I busied myself with grinding down some coffee beans.

I heard Jane grumble some more before she rolled herself out of bed. A few moments later she shuffled into the kitchen still tangled up in a sheet with a toothbrush in her mouth. She still looked sleepy, her eyes were droopy and her hair was a mess but I was noticing more the beauty of her olive toned breast and the way her nipples were just a little bit hard. I smiled to myself! God she was sexy even first thing in the morning. Jane must have noticed me smile because she gave me her best grin while she stood there brushing her teeth. I couldn't just keep looking at her, it was too much. If I let my eyes gaze upon that tall, gorgeous beauty for too long I knew exactly where it would lead, and that would be right back to the bedroom, if we even made it that far.

I finished preparing the coffee and pushed the brew button on the machine.

**RING RING RING**

It was my cell phone. I heard Jane grumble and I sighed as I made my way back to the bedroom to answer the phone. I looked at the picture popping up on the screen and smiled, it was Angela's smiling face. I showed Jane the picture as she shuffled into the bedroom barely able to walk all wrapped up in the sheet like she was. When Jane saw the picture she rolled her eyes and tried to speak with the toothbrush still in her mouth but only a flood of foamy spit escaped and oozed down her chin and chest. I laughed, Jane looked furious as she made her way to the bathroom grumbling all the more.

"Hello Angela!" I answered the phone pleasantly. Angela's voice returned in my ear more excited than I'd ever heard her before.

"Oh Maura!" Angela practically gushed "I'm so happy I got you. I thought you and Jane might be...busy!" Angela said the word _busy_ with an odd sort of tone that I couldn't quite place.

"Angela, we are never too busy for you." I said smiling into the receiver despite myself.

"Well, I've just been reading the Boston Times and there is an article in here about you, you _and_ Janie!" Angela said. I could hear the ruffle of a newspaper in the background. Angela must have been reading the paper while talking to me. I was suddenly terrified. I hadn't bothered opening the New York Times that was delivered to my door this morning and I certainly hadn't seen the Boston Times. What on earth had those reporters printed? What was Angela thinking? Why did she call me and not Jane? I almost felt a little sick to my stomach thinking of all the ways this could turn into another nightmare of a day. I didn't think I could handle it if Angela were to be upset by what she was reading. Angela's opinion was the most important opinion in the world to be outside of Jane's, and her approval was paramount if Jane and I were to have any semblance of a romantic relationship back in Boston.

"Oh!" I heard my voice shake a little. I didn't really know what to say. Jane found her way back into the bedroom all cleaned up but still wearing her favorite angry frown. I put the cell phone on speaker. "What does the article say?" I asked timidly holding the phone to my mouth. I saw Jane's face turn ghost white. She was frozen on the spot and her jaw was gaping open. Jane looked as terrified as I felt.

"Well let's see here, it says...and I quote 'The Beautiful Doctor Maura Isles Shocks all at the Scholars Ball at NYU!' that's the headline. Then it goes on the say how your lecture earlier in the afternoon was groundbreaking and genius and blah blah, blah, then it goes on to say that you professed on the red carpet your love for a certain detective named Jane Rizzoli!" Angela practically screeched the last part. I still couldn't tell if she was angry or excited. I moved to sit down on the edge of the bed before I passed out. I certainly hadn't given it thought last night when I was making declarations of love for Jane that her mother and everyone we knew would be reading about it in the morning. I could have kicked myself.

_"Damn it Maura"_ I thought to myself angrily. "_This is why we don't make rash decisions"_ I scolded myself. Jane still hadn't moved from her spot, I didn't have the courage to look her in the eye yet. I was far to absorbed with my own anxiety.

"Angela I'm so sorry..." I started but I was quickly cut off by Angela's voice.

"...I can't believe I had to read about this in the paper, Maura!" Angela said. She sounded hurt. My heart sank into my stomach. This was horrible, absolutely horrible. How could I not have thought this through? Hurting Angela was the last thing I'd ever want to do. Hurting Angela was the same as hurting Jane; I loved them both so much. I felt like I had betrayed them both with one unplanned foolish decision. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my free arm around them. I suddenly felt so cold and exposed.

"Angela, I'm so sorry, this trip has been so crazy and things got out of my control before I could catch myself! I'd never want to hurt you..."

"...How come you didn't tell me yourself? I've been waiting for years to hear it from you guys and you never told me! I can understand Jane keeping a secret from me but you Maura? I thought for sure you trusted me enough!" Angela cut in.

I was shocked into silence. "_So she did already know!"_ I thought. How could I not have known she didn't already know? Of course she would know, she lived in my house after all, and worked at the police cafe. I spent more time with Angela some days than I did with Jane, of _course_ she would have picked up on my feelings for Jane. Of course she would have thought I would tell her first before spouting it off on a red carpet like a love sick idiot. Of course, of course, of _course!_

"Ma! This has all pretty much happened since we got here." Jane said breaking her frozen silence and moving over to sit next to me. Jane took my hand from around my knees and held it in her own giving me an encouraging smile. God I loved that woman.

"We would have told you Ma but we never got the chance. We'll explain later when we get back to Boston but please don't be mad at Maura." Jane pleaded for me. I thought I felt tears forming in my eyes. My Janie was defending me to her mother. There was nothing more precious that Jane had ever done for me in the past that could outshine this very moment. Especially since I knew Jane thought what I did on that red carpet was wrong, it made the fact that she was defending me even more special.

"Well, when are you guys coming back? I'm going to have a special dinner all made up. Tommy and Frankie will be here and I'm going to invite Frost, and Korsak and Cavanaugh too! I'm so excited! What do you want me to make for you guys!"

"MA! You got to not do that ok! I don't want to come home and have dinner with half the precinct. What's the big deal anyway? There's no need to go through all that trouble!" Jane complained. She was frustrated I could tell. Angela always seemed to frustrate Jane beyond reason. I gave Jane's hand a light squeeze for reassurance. I didn't want her to be angry with her mother; Angela would be Angela after all.

"Well everybody's read the article, Jane! It's all the rage around the department. I went in to the cafe earlier to pick up my check and every officer I ran into bombarded me with questions about you two! And that was _before_ I read the article." Angela chuckled on the other line. I could tell she was amused by the whole thing. I chuckled a little to myself thinking about what Angela's face must have looked like when she first heard the news.

"MA! SO! Tell everybody to mind their own damn business!" Jane huffed. I gave Jane a certain glare and raised eyebrow that only made her sulk more.

"Janie, I can't do that. I work with those people every day. Rudeness is bad for business. Besides, some of those people deserve to hear it straight from you two, like I did! But that's beside the point. We are celebrating when you two get back and that's final! I deserve that at least don't I? Can't I be happy about my two daughters finally having the courage to commit to each other and start a family and make babies?"

"GOD Ma babies, really?" Jane exclaimed.

"Well certainly! You two have two uteri to work with. Besides sperm is a dime a dozen these days, I imagine you could get anybody to squirt one out in a cup for your guys..."

"...MA!" Jane exclaimed grabbing the phone from my hands and yelling into the receiver. I had burst into a fit of laughter. I couldn't control myself. The whole thing was just too much. Leave it to Angela to jump from dinner to grandbabies in half a sentence.

"You know what Ma? We might be staying a couple of extra days so we'll let you know when we are coming home later." Jane fired off in a frustrated flurry of clipped words, "And besides that I need you to not ever mention 'sperm' or 'firing one off in a cup' everagain!" Jane sighed heavily into the phone hanging her head and shaking it like she wished more than anything this conversation hadn't taken such a turn.

"Well I'm just saying my chances of having grandbabies soon has just doubled...and I'm sure Frankie or Tommy would be happy to contribute if Maura decides she wants to be the one who..."

"...MA! I swear to GOD!" Jane growled into the phone. She was gripping the phone so tightly I thought she might actually crush it into dust. I tried to choke off my laughter as I pried the phone from Jane's hands.

"Angela," I said still smiling "Dinner sounds lovely. We will call you in the morning and let you know what are plans are for returning to Boston. Jane still has three weeks of vacation and my staff can hold down the fort in my absence. But Jane and I have to get moving or we are going to be late for a lunch appointment!"

"Ohh! I'm sorry. I won't keep you guys, I just wanted to say congratulations and I can't wait to see you when you get back!" Angela said. I knew she was sincere. It made my heart soar to hear those words of comfort. Bless that woman for being the most loving mother I had ever known. I felt tears in my eyes all over again.

"Thank you, Angela." I managed to say before the tears started falling. Jane looked at me in shocked bewilderment before grabbing the phone away from me.

"MA! You made her cry, thanks a lot." Jane scolded. "We'll call you in the morning. We have to get going. We both love you and goodbye!" Jane said hanging up the phone and tossing it on the bed behind her.

Jane let me cry for a little bit before she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her lap.

"What's wrong angel?" She asked me softly in my ear. She was so tender and gentle sometimes it was hard to believe she was capable of being anything but a sweetheart.

I leaned my head into Jane's chest and wiped at my tears.

"I'm just really happy right now." I said trying to control my crying.

"Why? Cause we gotta make babies now for mom?" Jane teased tickling my sides softly. I couldn't help giggling and squirming a little in the comfort of Jane's lap.

"Well, that part doesn't suck, but I'm happy that Angela really is my other mom now too!"

Jane looked down at me with a bewildered expression, almost like she couldn't believe what I just said.

"Oh please, Maura! My mom has loved you since she first laid eyes on you. Ever since she met you it's been nothing but '_Jane why can't you be like Maura_' '_Jane why don't you wear pretty dresses like Maura' 'Jane why don't you eat healthy like Maura' 'Jane, why can't you be clean like Maura?'_" Jane scoffed imitating Angela's voice. I laughed all over again.

"Come on you," I smiled to Jane taking her hand and leading her to the bathroom. We really did have to get moving, but now at least my heart was as light as a feather. I was here with my Jane and going home to our family. There was nothing more I could have asked for in that moment. I had everything I could ever dream of.

I removed my bathrobe and hung it up neatly on its hook behind the bathroom door. I noticed Jane's eyes checking me out in the bathroom mirror. I also noticed that Jane had let the sheet drop unceremoniously at her feet. I poked her playfully in the ribs as I bent down to gather the sheet in my hands and returned it to the bedroom where it belonged. I heard Jane turn on the shower while I was making the bed and smiled as her head popped back up in the doorway.

"I'm ready when you are?" she was smiling mischievously. I knew that grin; I knew what she wanted from me in the shower. Truthfully, I wanted the same thing, but we just didn't have enough time for all that. I didn't want another quickly, I wanted a 12 course meal, and I would not let Jane have me again until she could give me all the time and attention I needed. I finished making the bed without a word and turned around to face Jane. She wasn't smiling anymore I noticed quickly, her eyes were locked on my breasts with a dumbfounded expression, something like a school boy that had just gotten a hold of his first dirty magazine. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. Jane made me feel like a queen.

The shower took longer than I expected. I spent half the time batting away Jane's not to subtle advances, and the other half of the time trying to get my washing done in between Jane's desperate protest for sex and my pleading with her to hurry up and wash so we could get on with our day. By the end of it I settled on washing most of Jane myself, it was apparently the only way it was going to get done. Besides she seemed to enjoy it immensely. Jane pulled my head back by my hair while I let the sponge slide between her legs and she kissed me with so much passion I almost forgot what it was we were supposed to be doing that day. Luckily the timer went off on the coffee pot, pulling me from my lust. It was with much protestation and grumbling that Jane finally conceded to exit the shower with me and we dressed in a tense hushed silence. I didn't know if Jane was more disappointed in not getting sex, or that I was dragging her to lunch with the Deans, either way she was Miss Pouty Pants in full force by the time we left the apartment an hour later.

I had chosen to hire a car again to take us to the college. That had been met with vehement protest from Jane saying she was more than capable of driving us wherever we needed to go, but I refused anyway. Jane had taken to being such an angry driver on the streets of New York that it made me nervous and uncomfortable to say the least, and I wanted every second I could get of her undivided attention. Besides, I loved snuggling into her as she wrapped her long arm around me casually and kissed the top of my head from time to time. I don't know if she realized she was doing it when she did, but it made me feel warm and secure, like Jane was reminding me that I truly was hers, and she truly was mine. I smiled every time I felt the light kisses and snuggled even closer to her. We rode mostly in silence on the way to the University, and I was thankful for it. It wasn't a strained uncomfortable silence, it was more like we were both in our own heads enjoying the moment and filing it away as one of the more pleasant parts of this trip so far. There had been so very many unpleasant aspects to this insane out of town excursion that this moment in the back of the car was made all the more peaceful and beautiful by comparison.

I had to admit to myself that I was still quite tired. I knew Jane must be twice as tired as I was, yet still she had come with me and I could not be more in love with Jane's selflessness, especially after the heat of the argument the night before. There were still conversations that needed to be had, issues that needed to be resolved, but for now, those things could wait. I certainly wasn't going to bring any of the unpleasant topics to light just before we met with the deans anyway, I was already skating on thin ice with Jane and I had no plans to plunge into a cold dismal waste land without at least having lunch first.

The driver pulled up right in front of the college of science and slowed to a stop breaking Jane and I from our entranced state of silent reflection.

"Here we are ladies," The nice man said, turning to smile back at us. "When would you like me to pick you guys up?"

"As soon as possible," Jane responded without missing a beat.

I raised my eye brow at her and Jane thankfully choked back the rest of her sarcasm and smiled at me instead.

"How about, we'll call you when we are ready!" Jane said, trying to sound as friendly as possible. I was grateful that she was trying at least, even if she wasn't very good at pretending.

I reached for my clutch to tip the driver, but Jane stopped me. "Let me get this one!" she said pulling her own wallet from her back pocket and tipping the man a twenty. Jane even managed to smile when she handed the bill over. I was surprised. Jane was tighter with money than anyone I ever knew, the fact that she offered to tip the driver must have been her way of trying to contribute. It was so sweet.

"Thanks man, see ya later!" she said opening the door and giving me her hand to help me out.

"Oh, Janie!" I said beaming into her big brown eyes, "You're such a gentlewoman." I teased. The comment was actually meant to be a joke, but Jane seemed stuffed full of pomp and pride. I think I saw her chest poke out a little again.

Jane extended her arm again proudly, "May I escort the lady?" she asked me making a great show of taking my hand and bending low placing a light kiss on my fingers. I could not stop myself from laughing. I loved adorable sweet Jane. Adorable sweet Jane was much more fun to be around than sullen grumpy Jane.

"Come on silly," I said sweetly. "Let's get this over with." I sighed.

"Yes...let's do that!" Jane agreed standing and placing my hand in the crook of her arm. "The sooner this is over, the sooner we can play beer pong babe...Yaaay!"

I couldn't help but smile. The prospect of this goofy little game apparently made Jane so excited she looked like a kid on her way to the carnival. Maybe I would have to bend a little and see what this 'beer bong' was all about. Although I'd have to keep a very close eye on Jane and the hussies, I still hadn't forgotten about little miss blue eyes from the night before. Jane and I started walking forward along the sidewalk enjoying the beauty of the freshly bloomed flowers and the light spring breeze when my heart sank into my stomach as I noticed a certain face and form moving toward us along the path.

Good Grief if life wasn't just full of surprises sometimes because that certain someone on the path moving toward us looked suspiciously like that little blue eyed hussy from the night before.

"Oh look babe, it's Joy!" Jane said noticing herself the little blond walking towards us.

It was no longer Jane that was the sullen grumpy pants. I was wearing that hat myself now. "_Of all the rotten luck in the world!"_ I grumbled to myself. Why did we have to run into that woman here? Shouldn't she be getting ready for beer bong or whatever it was called? It was with great effort that I composed myself.

"Good afternoon ladies," little miss hussy said brightly walking right up to us and shaking both of our hands excitedly.

"Well! Good afternoon Joy. It is pleasant seeing you here!" Jane said putting on her best face and smiling widely. Joy beamed at Jane the way I always beamed at Jane's sweet smile. The woman was expertly dressed today. She wore a simple but elegant blue tailored skirt suit with light blue heels and a crisp white blouse underneath. In her arms were several leather bound folders and over her shoulder was an expensive looking leather brief case.

"It's my pleasure to be here," Joy said smiling brightly at both of us. I hated the way the bright early afternoon sunlight caught in her blue eyes and made them sparkle like the clear blue sky. This woman, even I had to admit, was beautiful. Her blond locks were pulled back tightly in a pretty gold hair pin, and the ease of her stance and her well dressed physique suggested wealth, attention to detail, and the confidence of power.

I hadn't said a word to the woman yet. I didn't trust myself to speak. All of the thoughts running through my head were unpleasant ones and the last thing I wanted to be was openly unpleasant. Especially not in front of Jane.

"The deans are waiting for you in the graduate dining suite." Joy said handing two of her leather bound folders over to us. I felt dread swallowing me whole. "_Please don't let her be what I think she is!"_ I said to myself wishing desperately now that I had turned the deans down and kept my plans to sight see with my Jane alone, just the two of us. My wishes fell on deaf ears; this _JOY_ was exactly what I thought she was.

"I will be escorting you to the dining hall and will remain with you through the end of your tour of our campus." Joy said brightly, more to Jane than to myself I noticed.

Jane was tickled pink, "Ohhh, so are you like the official tour guide?" Jane asked flipping through the folder in her hands.

"Officially I'm Dean Camden's student assistant! But today the dean asked me to be you all's guide, so here I am. This is going to be fun I think! I have so much to show you, you guys are in for a real treat!" the girl had the nerve to say smiling at my Jane.

"_Yeah, I bet you'd love to treat my girlfriend!"_ I screamed in my head. I looked over at Jane. She could not be happier about our tour guide; I could not be less pleased. Suddenly it was Jane looking forward to the campus tour and me wishing I was anywhere else in the world. Never the less, I would not let this woman know how much her presence displeased me, not outright at least. Jane was still mine, regardless of how much that woman's eyes sparkled in the sun. If this woman wanted to play games, I would show her she was a fly playing with a Titan.

"_Let the tour begin."_ I sighed to myself

"WOW! This is going to be much more interesting that I thought!" Jane said smiling down at me.

I returned her smile as best I could.

"I have a feeling that you are right!" I said. And so the tour began.


	25. Chapter 25

**Jane**

Lunch was surprisingly delicious. When I first left the apartment with Maura two hours ago, I could not have been less excited about the prospects of the afternoon. Dining with Maura's collegiate uppity ups was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. Waking up this morning I had actually entertained the idea of refusing to go and instead make my way to the beer pong slash barbeque on campus, but how could I? I dreamed of Maura all night and woke up to the sound of her voice and her warm body sprawled across my back. There was nowhere else in the world, and no one I wanted to spend time with more than the woman next to me in that huge ridiculous bed. I actually thought I might get lucky before we left the apartment this morning. But Maura was having none of it, despite my best efforts in the shower. This was a fact I had not been please with, not at all. But Maura in all of her grace let me rub her expensive smelly good lotion all over her body, and she even let my hands linger in all the places I loved best smiling at me with all the beauty a sunrise had to offer. I smiled again thinking about those few moments. God I loved that woman.

Maura was sitting next to me at an opulently decorated dining table in a room nearly as big as the ball room last night. There were many dining tables situated in the room and a stage at the far end with a podium and a projection screen behind it. But except for the five Deans, Joy, Maura and I, the room was absent any other bodies. I didn't mind, I was enjoying this more than I could ever have imagined. The conversation had not been all about science and boring bullshit I didn't care about unless it was helping me solve a case, and the deans weren't insufferable know-it-alls like I expected. Three of the deans were older men, well into their grey hair and balding heads. They were wearing very old looking suits and they smelled of mothballs. One dean was a woman a few years older than Maura and I; she was dressed nicely in a fashionable black skirt and a red silk blouse with puffy shoulders. I actually thought the puffy shoulders were ridiculous, but I kept that to myself. The woman had a poise and soft spoken manner that reminded me of Maura's mother. I decided I liked the woman immediately. The last Dean was younger than Maura and I, an awkward, tall, stick thin, gangly looking man that seemed nervous of his own shadow and stuttered a bit when he spoke, which wasn't very often. Maura had attempted to give him words of praise over his many accomplishments in his young life. I was sure Maura was trying to get the young man to feel more comfortable, but it didn't work. The boy had blushed hard under Maura's compliments and accidently spilled his water all over himself and the table. I had actually chuckled at that, but after receiving a particularly stern gaze from Maura I covered my laugh with a cough and took a sip of my own water.

I noticed Joy smiling at me across the table when I returned my water glass to the table. It was an odd sort of smile. The kind of smile Maura gave me sometimes when I had done something silly to amuse her. It made me a little uncomfortable actually and I quickly turned away my gaze, I didn't want Maura to see me looking at Joy. Maura had become unnervingly testy about me around other women and I didn't want to push her buttons. I noticed Maura studying me out of the corner of my eye, I couldn't see her face clearly, but I knew she was watching my reaction to the other woman's smile. That made me even more uncomfortable. The last thing I needed was Maura in another rage like last night.

I was saved by an outburst of raucous laughter from the fat jolly Dean they called Professor Camden. That guy was awesome. Nothing about him spoke of uppity professionalism, but apparently he was one of the leading minds behind the research of some something or another that was the latest cutting edge technology in forensic sciences genetic mapping of chromosomes and something something blah, blah, blah. The point is the man was some sort of genius in Maura's world, but he was loud, and often obnoxious! He was nothing like I would have expected had I read his accomplishments on a piece of paper. He was quick to a quip or joke, often inappropriate, and reminded me more of a bad Santa Claus than the Dean of any Science Department. I found myself laughing at all of his jokes, even the unseemly one's that no one else seemed to find that funny. I received more than a few raised eyebrows from Maura but I didn't care, that guy was the best part of this meal, well that guy and Maura's unbelievably sexy body sitting next to me.

Maura had chosen a pretty red light cotton sun dress with spaghetti straps, revealing just enough of her cleavage to not be called inappropriate, but enough to receive more than a few appreciative glances from everyone at the table, especially me, but not Joy I did notice. I didn't find myself getting angry like I usually did when the men checked her out. I knew where Maura was going to lay her head tonight, and it would be right next to mine. Let the men have their looks, beautiful women were put on this earth to be admired anyway. Hadn't I admired Maura countless times over the years, and for far more than just her beautiful mind! Besides, Maura was crazy sexy today and I couldn't be more proud that I was the one sitting next to her. I let my mind think about all the things I'd like to do under that sexy little red sundress.

My thoughts were broken by another boisterous laugh from Professor Camden. "...and then the woman says 'I'm sorry professor, but I'm here with my lesbian lover'" professor Camden said in a high pitched voice meant to imitate a woman. He laughed all over again and slapped the professor next to him so roughly the poor man dropped his spoon into his soup and got splashed in the face. "You should have seen the look on this one's face!" Professor Camden said shaking the man's shoulder so roughly he looked like a rag doll in the hands of the much larger man. I couldn't stop from chuckling to myself, the smaller professor looked like he wanted to die, but Santa Clause was just so funny.

"I bet you two get a lot of that!" Santa Claus said pointing a short stumpy finger between Maura and me. I was going to joke along with the professor, but Maura didn't seem amused, at all!

"A lot of what, Professor?" Maura asked coolly. The level threat of her tone was lost on the good professor. He continued on as jovial as ever, oblivious to the turn Maura's demeanor had taken.

"Ahh you know, horny guys trying to get between you two! I bet you get a lot of offers for threesomes huh? Just look at the two of you, I can only imagine what you guys must get up to behind closed doors!" Santa Clause laughed again from deep inside his soul. His large round belly giggled and shook as the laughter took him.

I did find myself laughing with him this time. I knew the man didn't mean any harm. He was just one of those people that said whatever was on his mind. He hadn't meant to cause any offense, and truth be told, I did spend a good portion of my days imagining what I wanted to get up to with Maura behind closed doors. Professor Camden's antics however didn't seem to amuse the greater majority of those at the table however. The professor next to him looked very uncomfortable, the young boy looked like he wanted to hide under the table, the woman seemed shaken a bit, but the last professor chuckled a little to himself. Joy, damn her, was smiling slyly.

"Professor Camden, I should hope most others have more interesting things on their minds than what happens between Jane and I behind closed doors." Maura said narrowing her eyes a little. I could tell she was in no mood for the direction of the conversation, and Santa Claus was so clueless I was afraid this lunch might get a little ugly. There was a chilly air around Maura, I don't know if anyone else noticed, but I sure as hell did. The subject needed to be changed immediately and I moved to do just that.

"I'm not much into sharing Professor Camden. I'd do anything for Maura, but I don't think she would care for anyone else in our bed!" I said smiling at Maura. Maura's lips actually broke into a tiny little smile of their own.

"I can tell you though that this lunch has been wonderful and I can't wait to see the rest of your beautiful campus!" I said brightly. I hoped that was enough to move the conversation forward in a safer direction.

"I glad you mentioned the tour Jane. I have some exciting things to show you I think you'll appreciate. Professor Oglesby will show you around the science departments Dr. Isles and I will show Jane around the school of criminal studies and law enforcement. I think you will both be excited about the advances NYU is making in both fields." Joy said smiling. I was shocked a little.

"You have a whole college of law enforcement?" I knew I sounded bewildered but I couldn't help myself. Who knew NYU even offered such a program. Those types of degrees were usually only offered at community colleges and what not. I hadn't expected to be offered such a treat from one of the finest academic institutions in the country.

Joy seemed quite pleased with my excitement. Her smile covered her entire face. She looked something like a grinning cat that was up to no good, but I barely noticed. I wanted to see what she was talking about.

"Oh yes, we started the program over five years ago. We've held classes and lectures for members of the highest law enforcement agencies around the world. We have an entire warehouse full of brand new weapons and self defense technology that hasn't even been released yet. Perhaps you would like to see how it all works?" Joy said pleasantly. Her eyes were just so blue and sparkly in her excitement.

I must have looked like a child with a treat because I could feel myself bouncing in my seat. I loved weapons, and I imagined I'd love weapons that hadn't even been released for police issue even more. Ohhh, Frost and Korsack were going to be so jealous.

"WOW! Lead the way Joy, you just made my day!" I said excitedly as I turned to Maura. All good feelings I had were wiped away when I saw the expression on Maura's face though. Her eyes looked like ice cubes and her face was stone cold and unflinching.

"_Oh Boy!"_ I thought. I prayed silently to myself. I prayed to every god I'd ever heard of and made some up on the spot and asked with all the force of my will that Maura not feel the need to drag me into a closet and unleash whatever storm was building in her head onto me. I had seen that same face before just last night, and I didn't want to see it ever again, especially not now when I had been offered such a treat. I was suddenly taken with a fit of nerves. I decided to intercede quickly again before Maura's wrath built up enough to bubble over onto all of us.

"Babe, that's sounds great doesn't it?" I said leaning forward in my seat and placing my hand over hers on the table. I squeezed her fingers lightly and gave her my best smile. I didn't know what she was thinking that was making her so angry, but if she needed reassurance that I would never betray her, I would give that to her in spades. Hell if she wanted me to prop her up on the damn lunch table and make her cum for me in front of everybody to prove to her and present company that I was hers and hers alone I could get down with that too.

Maura moved her head slightly and fixed her eyes to mine. She was looking deep inside of me I could tell, searching, grabbing for whatever she needed to get over the hump of her rage. I tried to communicate all of my love for her silently through my eyes, the way I had done for so long before the idea of saying how much I loved her out loud was an option. Maura really was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. All thoughts of any other women faded from my mind like an apparition, I loved Maura, and I know she had to understand that. I thanked every god in every heaven for giving Maura the character to overcome her feelings enough to smile at me.

"Of course love! You have fun." Maura said squeezing my hand lightly.

I was excited all over again, but I didn't want to show it too much. I was mostly relieved. At least I wasn't being dragged into a closet and bombarded with the furies of hell. God only knew what Maura had in store for me later, but at least for now I didn't have to walk around the science departments pretending that I cared, and maybe, just maybe, I'd get to play with some toys most of the world didn't even know existed.

"That's wonderful," Joy said happily standing up and gathering her briefcase.

The rest of us stood too. I shook each professor's hand and thanked them politely for the lunch and their company. They were all very gracious in their own way. I took Maura's hand as we walked toward the doors of the dining hall. I noticed her palms were sweaty, I didn't know why but it was a little odd. Before we all broke off to go our separate ways on our separate tours Joy stopped at the door and turned to face Maura. She had a weird smile on her face that I couldn't quite place, but I did notice her eyes run over Maura's and my hands interlocked.

"Don't worry Dr. Isles," Joy said smiling that weird smile, "I'll get her back to you in one piece," she said turning that smile on me. Why did I feel my own hands begin to sweat?

I looked over to Maura whose face was all anger again but covered in her best smile. It was unnerving. I don't know if anyone else picked up on how furious she was, but I sure as hell did. I knew Maura too well to be fooled. She was a bomb ready to explode.

"You better!" was all she said. Maura's voice was so icy I felt my blood run cold.

"_Oh lord Jesus"_ I thought to myself as Joy opened the door.


	26. Chapter 26

**Maura**

"_I trust Jane...I trust Jane...I trust Jane!"_ I thought over and over again to myself.

It had been over two hours since I parted with Jane and each minute seemed to be an hour on its own without Jane by my side. It wasn't so much the fact that I was apart from her. I wasn't so needy that I needed to spend every second of every day in Jane's company; it was more the company I knew Jane was with currently that made me so uncomfortable. I knew I didn't have any tangible reason to be so adamant about my dislike for the one called Joy; it was more of a feeling. I don't know how many times I had scolded Jane about making decision based on what she called her gut instinct, but for the first time I understood exactly what a gut instinct was. I had never been so aware in my past of the behaviors of others and used them to deduce how they might behave in the future. Such things were always so uncertain and without means to properly calculate, but in this moment, I just knew I could not trust Joy.

It was the way Joy looked at Jane, the way she manipulated Jane and even myself in such a way that she could get Jane alone and I hated it. I hated being handled, I hated that Jane got handled and didn't even realize it. Why didn't Jane have the same gut feeling as I did? Why did Jane want to get away from me so badly? I knew she wasn't excited about touring the science department, but I hadn't anticipated her being so obviously thrilled about leaving me and running off with that little blue eyed hussy. I willed myself not to be angry with Jane. It had to be that Jane really wanted to see the criminal justice department and whatever top secret toys they had stored away somewhere. Yes that had to be it. Worse, Joy knew just what to say to spark Jane's interest. I sighed to myself, I wanted this tour to be over, I wanted to get back to Jane and pull her into me and away from that woman. I wanted so many things in that moment but I couldn't be rude.

I thought about making up some sort of Medical Emergency and getting out of there. But lying would only make me break out into hives and I didn't need that spectacle. I knew I had to endure this tour and try and do it with a smile on my face. It was an honor after all to be guided around by one of the best professors on the campus and far be it for me to seem unappreciative. Yet still, I was so worried.

"And here Dr. Isles is a brand new laser telescope built by one of our graduate students. It incorporates laser guide controls and thermal imaging controls to enhance its optical and infrared capabilities. The telescope is being used as a model by the Gemini observatory to build a larger telescope of this same design in the Andes Mountains. When it is completed in 2017 it will be the largest telescope in the world, capable of mapping the entire sky and powerful enough to see back in time half way to the big bang. This is a marvel of ingenuity and the advancement of optical technology at its finest. We are quite proud to say the student who designed and built this is now a part of our proud Alumni here at NYU!" Dr. Oglesby said.

Dr. Oglesby was a very kind woman I noticed immediately upon meeting her. She was soft spoken and well mannered. She reminded me a lot of myself actually several years ago before I met Jane. I couldn't help but wonder if Dr. Oglesby was married or had ever been in love. I didn't notice a ring, and there was a hollowness in her voice and eyes that suggested there wasn't much more to her life than work and science. I had indeed been that person. It wasn't that the professor wasn't extremely accomplished; she had many things to be proud of. It was more the fact that I don't think she had anyone to share those accomplishments with that made me fear for her. Since I fell in love with Jane I had become such a hopeless romantic that I wished everyone in the world could know the joy that love could bring. Maybe I was losing my mind.

"Dr. Oglesby, this is truly remarkable work. You have done an amazing job in pulling this department into the forefront of scientific achievement and recognition. I'm quite impressed," I said studying the little toy telescope. It was beautiful actually with all of its mirrors and lenses. The telescope caught the light of the late afternoon sun shining through the huge windows of the science department's astronomy wing and the reflection was so bright I couldn't stand to look directly at it. But I was amazed none the less. Astronomy was fascinating. It was such an unfinished, unclean science, hardly explored to its full capacity and most of its science was far beyond average people's realm of understanding. Even so there was so much left unknown, unexplored, and undocumented that it made astrology something more like magic in my eyes. Staring at stars was staring through space and time itself; it was looking into the eye of the great unknown and desperately trying to find reason where there was little understanding. It was beautiful.

Dr. Oglesby seemed pleased by my compliment. The smile on her thin lips wasn't much to speak of, but I got the impression she didn't do a lot of smiling. I was glad I could make her smile. I knew I hadn't been particularly personable since parting with Jane, I was so far inside my head with thoughts of Jane and the hussy that it didn't leave me much room for forming words, but I tried as best I could.

"Teaching this student has been the pride of my career so far. I love inspiring young minds to push their limits and open themselves up to infinite possibilities. I'd like to think when I leave this earth I have left a mark in the minds of every student I encounter and thus pieces of me will live on with them." Dr. Oglesby said smiling at the telescope.

Dr. Oglesby was looking at the telescope like it was the love of her life. I knew then this poor woman didn't have anyone waiting at home with dinner and a movie. She had no children of her own to carry on her legacy and honor her accomplishments. It made me sad.

"Dr. Oglesby, I'm going to be in town for a little while longer than I had expected. Jane and I would be honored if you would join us for dinner at our home. Perhaps Monday night?" I asked hopefully. I hoped Jane wouldn't mind my inviting the Doctor over, I just felt so sorry for her for some reason.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to be an imposition. I know you and Detective Rizzoli are technically on vacation, I'm sure you both lead such stressful lives with your high paced careers." Dr. Oglesby seemed a little nervous for some reason.

"Oh, don't be silly! It's no imposition at all! I welcome the company of bright minds always and yours is one of the brightest I know." I said smiling pleasantly at the Doctor. "Besides, it will be nice to have someone to have girl talk with." I winked

Dr. Oglesby's smile widened, I think I even saw a hint of her smile reach her eyes this time.

"How could I refuse such a gracious offer? You are a remarkable woman Dr. Isles." the other woman said kindly. Then her demeanor changed a bit along with the nature of her smile, "And a lucky one also!" She winked at me now.

I was a little confused. What did she mean I was lucky?

"Oh? How so?" I inquired

"Detective Rizzoli is quite...well she is quite flattering to the eyes." The doctor laughed in a high melodious tone. I found myself laughing with her.

"Jane is the best part of my life for many reasons," I said smiling, and then I added "And yes, she's quite easy on the eyes." We shared a laugh again until a series of loud pops interrupted our pleasant conversation.

"What was that?" I asked looking around for what could have made that noise.

"Oh! The grad students are starting their barbeque and beer pong bash. It's going to go on all night." The professor sighed. "I should really get going; I'd like to be away from the campus before the rowdiness gets into full swing. This isn't one of our schools more reputable events."

I suddenly felt a little nervous again. Where was Jane?

"Oh yes, the beer bong!" I said moving toward the far window to get a better look at the gathering of bodies outside. There were what looked like hundreds of students milling around the acres of open grassy area outside the science building and there were tables set up as far as my eyes could see with people standing around each one. There were grills all over the place smoking and spitting with the smells of delicious meats wafting into the air and I could feel the steady _thump, thump, thump_ of the bass of many speakers. It seemed each body had a red cup in their hands; no doubt the contents were an alcohol of some sort. Somewhere off in the distance someone was setting off store bought fireworks, I could see their colorful sparks and hear their loud explosions. I could feel the excitement in the air even inside the coolness of the astronomy observatory. This was certainly no small event. There was a festive atmosphere in the air, winter was finally gone and every student was shaking off the chill of the long dark cold and celebrating the warmth of the warm yellow sun. Most of the ladies, I noticed, were scantily clad, barely wearing enough to cover their most important parts and the gentlemen were all running around bare chested in shorts and flip flops whooping and hollering at the top of their lungs painted letters across their chest representing one fraternity or club or another. Being as that it was only four thirty in the afternoon and this 'party' was already in full swing I could only imagine what it would turn into when the sun set and the alcohol craze really began. I needed to find Jane.

It had been two and a half hours now since we parted, that was long enough for Jane to play with her toys and wander around the criminal justice department. It was high time we reunited before it became impossible to find each other in the midst of all the insuing chaos.

I pulled my phone from my purse and dialed Jane's number. I was surprised to find I was tapping my foot as I waited for her to answer. It rang four times before her voice mail picked up. My heart sank. Where could she be? Why wasn't she answering her phone?

I felt Dr. Oglesby approach and stand next to me looking out of the window at the spectacle before us. Her expression was unreadable, but I knew mine wasn't. It was almost impossible to think that I didn't look as flustered as I felt. I didn't know what to do though, Jane wasn't answering her phone and I didn't know any other way to find her without asking someone for help. I refused to openly admit to anyone that I was worried about Jane. It had just been last night after all that I professed my undying love for the woman to the whole of the scientific world. Letting on that there were cracks in the foundations of my affections for Jane might blow back in both of our faces. I didn't want the rumors, or the drama that it would bring down on me if I were to go storming around looking for Jane.

I was aggravated to notice I was chewing on my thumb nail nervously. That was only something I did when I was under tremendous pressure or stress. But I was growing more and more frustrated by the second. What was I going to do?

"Joy was nominated to organize this event for the last three years." Professor Oglesby said at my side. I rolled my eyes before I could stop myself. I hope the professor hadn't noticed. I felt like she was watching me from the corner of her eye but the last name I cared to hear was the name Joy.

"Joy is a very smart, capable young woman. She comes from a long line of doctors and high powered business professionals; her father founded and owns one of the largest investment companies in New York. Even so, she has a bit of a wild side if rumors are to be believed. I'm sure she's out there somewhere now being that this is her event." The professor said casually. I had a feeling she was fishing for a reaction from me. I was chewing on my thumbnail harder than ever now. I couldn't take it anymore; I dialed Jane's number again and prayed she would answer. My heart almost sank after the third ring but on the fourth Jane finally answered. I could hear the blaring of music and the screams and shouts of people in the background. I gritted my teeth, so Jane _was_ out there somewhere in the midst of the party. I wanted to reach through the phone and take her by the neck.

"Jane?" I said, trying to control the flood of emotions that were threatening to overcome my better judgment and cause me to scream at her. Why hadn't she come back to me first before setting off into this madness of the party? What was she thinking? What was she doing?

I could barely hear Jane over the noise outside, "Babe?" I heard Jane shout into the phone, I could still barely hear her though. It sounded like she was standing right next to a speaker. I knew I would have to shout back in order for her to hear me, and I refused to do that.

"Jane where are you?" I asked as loudly as I dared but not loud enough to be considered yelling.

"WHAT? Babe I can't hear you!" Jane shouted back. I wanted to throw the phone through the window. _"Of course you can't hear me genius you're outside in the middle of a crazy campus party!"_ I thought angrily. "_Why didn't she think to go somewhere quieter to talk to me?"_

"WHERE ARE YOU?" I said again. I was very near shouting this time and that only made me angrier. I could feel Dr. Oglesby looking at me.

"WHAT! Maura I'm outside and I can't hear you..." the rest of whatever Jane said was overshadowed by a fresh round of cheers and whooping from partygoers.

"Hello...hello! HELLO!" I said into the receiver growing more and more impatient each time I had to say it. Then I heard the click and the line went dead.

"Damnit!" I actually swore right in front of Dr. Oglesby. I didn't want to think about what she might be thinking. I rubbed my temples with my fingers and sighed. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't leave without Jane and it would be like searching for a needle in a haystack to find her in that throng of people outside. I almost swore again but when I looked up I saw Jane, just briefly. There was a break in the crowd and Jane was standing there, maybe a thousand yards away surrounded by a group of whooping people at one of those beer bong tables. Jane was staring at her cell phone, I thought I saw her try and dial a number but then there was Joy. I would know Joy's blond hair and pretty face anywhere. She had changed from her nice modest suit into a pair of very short shorts and a red bikini top. I could have spit blood. When did she have time to change? Where was Jane while she was changing? Why was Jane letting Joy lead her off in the opposite direction? What the hell was going on?

I didn't think. I had no time for thought. I turned to Dr. Oglesby, "I'm sorry Dr. Oglesby. We are going to have to cut this tour short. I have to go find my girlfriend!" I said stiffly jamming the phone back into my purse.

"Would you care for me to join you? I have a feeling I know where Joy is taking her!" the professor asked me kindly. Dr. Oglesby, I knew, had seen Jane with that hussy also, but she seemed genuinely interested in helping me. I didn't know Dr. Oglesby that well though; I didn't know how much I could trust her to be discreet.

"Oh! I don't know. I don't want to you to have to waste your time on my irresponsible girlfriend!" I said uncertainly.

Dr. Oglesby simply smiled, "Oh, I don't mind. I haven't any plans and I know Joy fairly well. As I said before, she has quite the reputation, but she's still predictable."

I cocked my head to the side, "What reputation is that Dr. Oglesby?" I asked bluntly.

Dr. Oglesby was silent for a few moments; she just looked at me as if she was finding the right words to say.

"Joy likes to play games," Dr. Oglesby finally said.

"What kind of games?" I replied a little more aggressively than necessary. The Doctor only smiled.

"The point is, if you want to beat her...you have to beat her at her own game!" the Doctor said matter of factly.

I pondered that for a moment. Perhaps Dr. Oglesby knew a bit more about real life than I gave her credit for.

"Have you ever played this 'beer bong' before?" I asked

Dr. Oglesby laughed again. "Many many years ago when you were just a child!" she said "But I still remember the rules and I can give you a few pointers!" she added smiling at me.

I thought about it for a moment. "I want to crush that hussy!" I spat with venom laced in my voice.

Dr. Oglesby faltered for a moment, uncertain of what to say. Then she covered quickly with a smile, "Let's just go find your girlfriend, I'll tell you everything you need to know!" Dr. Oglesby said turning and walking toward the fire exit nearby. I took a deep breath to compose myself and followed the woman outside. I had no choice, I needed to find Jane, punch that hussy in the eye and drag my girlfriend by the ear all the way back to Boston.


	27. Chapter 27

**Jane**

"Joy, I really need to find my girlfriend!" I said huffing slightly as Joy dragged me by the arm toward the center of the chaos.

"Oh relax, she's still with Professor Oglesby, that woman can drone on for hours about nothing. Besides, I thought you said you love beer pong?" Joy said smiling over her shoulder at me.

I sighed unable to deny I _had_ actually said that. It was true after all; I did love beer pong, but not enough to piss off my girlfriend. I had a funny feeling Maura was already going to be mad at me anyway. My little tour with Joy started out innocent enough. But it had quickly gotten weird. Joy did take me to the criminal justice department's warehouse and I had been beside myself with excitement at all the awesome weapons that were in there. There were guns that fired plastic bullets like a machine gun. Apparently the bullets never pierced the skin but instead flattened out upon impact causing terrible bruises and broken bones in some cases. There was some kind of cannon that launched a capsule that sent out a high pitched sound that would pierce the air and cause people to drop to their knees, covering their ears and effectively stop any further assault by an assailant. There were guns as small as nine millimeters that packed the power of a twelve gauge shot gun and smoke bombs that could knock a hundred people unconscious with the gas the emitted. I had to admit I had been impressed. Joy let me handle each and every weapon and answered all of my questions patiently and with a pleasant smile. I had been in a detective's paradise in that warehouse. But after I had seen everything Joy convinced me to come back to her student apartment with her. She said it was because she needed to pick up some paperwork for the vendors of the party, I went willingly. I had no reason not to believe her, besides I didn't know my way around the campus and I didn't want to get lost. But as soon as we were inside Joy's apartment she started stripping out of her clothes right in front of me.

**Not too long ago in Joy's apartment:**

"_OH my __**GOD**__ Joy, what are you doing?" I asked covering my eyes and stumbling over my feet landing hard on my back. It hurt, but I didn't have time to think about the pain. I was too busy freaking out but I couldn't help it. Why the hell was she taking off her clothes?_

_"Silly, relax! I'm just getting changed!" Joy laughed at me. "I can't show up to the party in a Gucci suit," _

_I didn't move to get up let alone remove my hands from my eyes. "Maura's going to kill me!" I thought crying in my head. _

_"But you don't have to do it right in front of me!" my voice squeaked. I knew I must have been a sight sprawled out on the floor hiding my eyes behind my hands like a child playing hide and seek__,__ but good grief what was I supposed to do? I wished more than anything I had just waited outside while Joy changed, but I didn't know she was planning on stripping down right in front of me when I walked through the door. _

_"I have a feeling you've seen a woman's body before!" Joy said undeterred by my discomfort._

_"YEAH! Mine and my girlfriends!" I moaned. What the hell was this woman playing at? I know some women didn't mind getting undressed around each other, but I wasn't one of those women. I preferred the comfort of closed doors and privacy, something Joy didn't seem to need at all. _

_"You're such a prude Detective Rizzoli!" Joy teased. I sighed heavily wishing I dared to open my eyes long enough to find the door and run out of there. _

_"I'm not a prude Joy, I just have a girlfriend!" I grumbled. I didn't like being called a prude. _

_"Awww, you're so sweet...and sensitive!" Joy laughed._

_"Joy...can you...can you just hurry up so we can get out of here?" I said in deep exasperation wishing like hell I had never agreed to accompany her back to this damn apartment. _

_"Ok! I'm dressed! You can look now Detective!" _

_I wouldn't be fooled twice, I didn't move my hands. I could hear Joy chuckling to herself...it just couldn't be that damn funny!_

_"It's ok, I promise!" Joy said again. _

_I opened my fingers a little just to make sure...Joy was indeed dressed! Well, sort of at least. She wasn't actually wearing much. If those little denim cut offs were any shorter I'd be able to see everything God gave her below, and her red bikini top was so tiny it looked a size to small and left most of her breast exposed. _

_"Oh dear lord!" I thought. If I didn't have Maura I would have thought many dirty things about this woman, but I did have Maura, and I was instead extremely uncomfortable. _

_I sighed again rolling over on my side and pushing myself into a standing position. I stood with my back to Joy's front, I didn't trust myself to look at her, and I didn't want her to think I was a creep by staring to long at her hardly covered body. _

_"Ummm, so...are you ready to go now?" I asked. My voice was shaky and nervous. What the hell was wrong with me? I gritted my teeth and willed myself to calm down. _

_"Are you ready to show me what you can do on the beer pong table detective?" Joy asked in a deep teasing voice._

_"Yeah...yeah let's do that...beer pong is good!" I said, happy to have a good reason to get the hell out of that apartment and back around other people. I wasn't really thinking clearly, I just knew I needed to get the hell out of that apartment. I was so hot in there and I was sweating for some reason. _

_"Awesome, let's do this!" Joy said coming up behind me and grabbing my hand. What the hell was it with this girl and leading me around by the hand like I was a child? I may not have known exactly where I was going but I could walk on my own two feet like a big girl. _

_"I'm so excited to play with you! Everybody's going to be so jealous that I got you on my team." Joy said leading me down the hall way and out of her apartment building into the bright light of the late afternoon._

_"Nobody even knows me here!" I said incredulously. _

_"OMG!" Joy laughed_

_"She really just said OMG!" I thought rolling my eyes a little._

_"After last night EVERYONE knows who you are detective! It's all the talk around campus!"_

_I suddenly felt very nervous, "I hope you're kidding!" I exclaimed_

_"Oh no! You and doctor Isles are the hot topic." Joy said smiling back at me. Her eyes were so blue in the sunlight, so blue and so beautiful I couldn't help but notice. _

_I could hear speakers blasting some kind of rap music nearby. I could hear the thumping in my chest with every step we took. Shouts and cheers of hundreds of excited party goers were growing louder and louder and the smells of barbeque were filling my nose. I had eaten a very nice lunch, but the smell of barbeque was making my mouth water. Maura always called me a bottomless pit, oh well, I wanted some of that damn barbeque!_

_"Joy, I'm not that interesting!" I said. I had to shout my words because the cacophony of the noise now surrounding us was nearly deafening. We turned a corner around a beautiful building made mostly of glass windows and stretched out before me were people as far as the eye could see. There were beer pong tables everywhere, there had to be at least fifty of them I guessed. There were at least fifteen giant barbeque pits scattered around with bunches of people at each one chatting away. Somewhere off in the distance I saw the glitter of fireworks. I could not believe there were so many people here. I didn't know what I was expecting when Joy said beer pong tournament...but it hadn't been this. This was something very close to controlled madness and it was only a quarter to five. Most of the women were barely dressed like Joy and the men were all shirtless and sweaty with painted chest running around and shouting to one another like maniacs. All of the excitement and noise was making me nervous and uncomfortable but Joy seemed to be completely in her element. She was so much different than the poised well spoken lady of the night before and at lunch earlier. Apparently there was a side to this woman that was more than meets the eye upon first impressions. _

_"I don't know detective. I Googled you! You're far more interesting than you give yourself credit!" Joy shouted at me. I chuckled nervously. Why the hell would she Google me?_

_I started to ask her as much when three women scrambled up to us with red cups in their hands and bright smiles on their faces. They were all as scantily clad as Joy and beautiful in their own right. _

_"OH my God Joy is this her?" One of the girls asked. She had long red hair that flowed over her tanned freckly shoulders like waves of amber and eyes so green they could have made grass jealous. _

_Joy's face transformed into a haughty little grin. "This is Detective Rizzoli!" Joy said proudly grinning that devilish little grin at me again._

_"What the hell was so damn funny about me?" I thought returning a nervous grin of my own to the giggling girls._

_"Oh Detective, we've heard so much about you! Is it true you shot yourself in the chest to take out a crazed killer?" The red head asked me._

_I had no idea how she knew that. It made me a little uncomfortable actually but still I couldn't help but be impressed. _

_"Um, Yeah! I didn't have much of a choice though!" I said trying to downplay the whole thing. I didn't like to think about that shit let alone talk about it. _

_"Oh you're so brave! I don't know anyone who would do that; even to catch a psychopath!" A tall limber dark haired girl said. She was also very pretty I noticed. _

_"Yeah...it's all in the day of a life of a detective!" I said as nonchalantly as possible. _

_"Your job must be so exciting," the last of the three new girls said. She had curly dirty blond hair and long black eyelashes that complimented the brown of her eyes. But I mostly noticed her breasts, which were ample and...well...sexy! Somehow all these beautiful women only made me think more and more of Maura! I thought I felt my pocket vibrating but I didn't have time to investigate because Joy had grabbed my hand and was leading me off again, the other three girls in tow. We finally stopped at a keg with about thirty people around it filling their red cups. _

_"You need a drink Detective!" Joy shouted at me. I could barely hear her. There was a speaker not fifteen paces away blaring bass that I could feel way down in my chest. _

_"I don't know! I should find my girlfriend!" I shouted back, straining to be heard._

_"OH! Relax Jane, Dr. Isles is fine. Loosen up and enjoy yourself!" Joy laughed grabbing a freshly filled cup right out of a guys hand and gave it to me with a wink. The guy didn't even bother to complain, he just reached for another empty cup on a table and filled it only to have Joy take that one out of his hand too and drink it herself. _

_"Boy this girl has some nerve," I thought smiling and sipping my own beer. It was disgusting, it tasted like something the cat peed out, but I imagined it was cheap and got the job done as well as any other beer. Besides, these were college students, not millionaires; they were only interested in bang for the buck not quality. _

_"Are you going to play beer pong with us Detective?" The red head asked me, shouting right in my ear. _

_"I dunno..."I shouted back._

_"OH come on...it will be awesome!" The redhead screamed in my ear again. I was about to reply when I felt my pocket vibrate again. I didn't let myself get distracted this time, I reached in my back pocket and produced my phone. I saw from the picture it was Maura._

_"Fuck!" I thought answering it. I couldn't understand anything she was saying though. I was screaming into the receiver but still I couldn't make out her responses. I got so frustrated at one point I just hung up. It was pointless to scream into a cell phone with so much noise around me. I had no idea where Maura was, but I wanted to get to her. The last thing I needed was for her to think I was trying to evade her, especially since I had to hang up the call. I knew she could hear the background noise and knew I was at this damn party. I suddenly felt twice as nervous about being here but before I could form any kind of escape plan Joy and the other girls were leading me away again. _

**Present time**

"I do love beer pong, but I'm worried about my girlfriend," I said trying desperately to make Joy understand. I don't know why I was trying so hard anyway. I didn't have to be here, I could just leave, but I had no idea where Maura was or how to find her. It was still too loud even here by the pond to try and bother calling her and we were out of the sight of any buildings I might be able to duck inside for some semblance of peace and quiet. I felt quite literally stuck.

"One game detective, just one game and then I'll help you find your precious girlfriend." Joy smiled. "That's only if you think you're good enough to keep up!" Joy drained the beer in her hand and winked at me. I sighed heavily. This girl just wanted to play games. I narrowed my eyes at her and drained the last of my own beer. If a game of beer pong is what it took to get back to Maura then fine, I could play along.

"Well well!" Joy said running her eyes over me. "Maybe you're not such a prude after all."

"Kid! Let's do this." I said fixing her with my most mischievous grin. Joy burst out laughing; I couldn't stop myself from joining her.

"You're on my team," Joy said leading me over to the nearest beer pong table that was already set up and ready to go.

"Are you any good?" I eyed her with a look of doubt "I don't like to lose!" I said grinning again.

"Baby, I never lose!" Joy said in a voice laced with mischief and bad intentions.

"Fine!" I scoffed, "We'll see!"

Joy eyed me with a look of a challenge; I knew she had every intention of meeting me head on.

"Who wants to play against me and the Detective?" Joy called out. A dozen shouts went up in the air; people were scrambling to find a position at the other end of the beer pong table.

"I'll play!" I heard a familiar voice call out. I searched the crowed looking for who spoke. My heart dropped when I saw it was Maura walking toward me with Dr. Oglesby.

"_Oh shit!"_ I thought instantly panicking. "_How did she find me?"_ I wondered.

Maura wasn't looking at me though. Her eyes were trained on Joy. I turned to look at Joy myself and was taken aback by the anger that showed all over her pretty face.

"What does the good Doctor know about beer pong?" Joy asked in a level tone. There was no respect there in her voice; all I heard was a challenge and a threat.

Maura's eyes met mine briefly. I don't know what I saw there, but somehow it was super sexy. Maura was wearing more clothes than any woman out there, even though she was wearing a light sundress, but somehow she was still radiating sex from every pore. I suddenly didn't want to play beer pong anymore, I wanted to get the hell out of there and play with everything under Maura's sexy little red dress. But Maura seemed determined to make some kind of point.

"Dr. Oglesby and I are going to make you choke on those words!" Maura said picking up two ping pong balls from the cup full of water on their side of the table and handing one to Dr. Oglesby.

I started laughing. Maura glared at me, but I couldn't stop. It was just so funny. I couldn't believe for a second Maura knew anything about beer pong let alone did I believe she could actually win a game with the stiff natured Dr. Oglesby as her team mate. This was just too much for me. I tried to spare Maura from herself.

"Babe! Why don't you just watch for a couple of games and then maybe you can be on my team when you think you've got the hang of it?" I said trying not to giggle.

Maura looked at me like she wanted to stuff the ping pong ball in her hand down my throat.

"Tough talk there detective!" Maura said through narrowed eyes "If you think I can't play, what are you so scared of?" she said crossing her arms and smiling at me.

I was shocked for a moment. What the hell was going on? Maura couldn't possibly think she could beat me at my own game. What the hell could miss Yo Yo Ma know about slumming it up with some beer pong at a college party?

"I say we take 'em Jane!" Joy said beside me. I saw Maura's eyes go cold and her back stiffen at Joy's challenge. "They've got nothing." Joy added dismissively. I thought Maura looked like she was ready to jump all the way across the table and wrap two hands around Joy's throat. I was suddenly very nervous again.

"Joy come on! I really can't play, I gotta get going!" I said trying to back out of the game

"Oh no Detective," Maura said in her most threatening tone "You're not going anywhere until I spank you ass at beer bong!"

Everyone standing around watching this exchange of words burst into laughter. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Its beer PONG, babe!" I wailed. Maura looked slightly embarrassed, but more angry. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were bright like fire.

"Whatever chicken," she yelled at me "are you playing or are you going to whine all night like a chump?" Maura spat at me.

"_Ooooooo!"_ The partygoers around us said in unison. They seemed to be enjoying this exchange far more than I was.

I was shocked and furious at the same time. So now Maura wanted to play games! Fine then, just fine, if Maura and Joy were so determined to play, then I was going to bring my motherfucking A game.

"You know what...let's do this!" I said snatching a ping pong ball from Joy's hand and moving to the center of my side of the table.

"Ladies first!" Maura said eyeing me haughtily and motioning for me to take my turn.

I'm sure that was meant to be some underhanded jab but I wasn't going to let her get into my head.

"Well since you don't fit that description at the moment I guess that means I'll go first!" I spat back. Maura glared at me like ice and fire. I smiled, rubbing in my jab a little more. I knew I was going to pay for that one later, but for now, I was enjoying the way Maura was beside herself with frustration.

"Let's go Janie, get 'em!" Joy said by my side cheering me on. If Maura looked mad before she looked like she could spit fire now. Nobody called me Janie but Maura and my mother.

I brought the ball up to my eyes and scoped out the cups at the other end of the table. I launched the ball, it bounced of the top of the first cup of the triangle and Maura caught it easily with a smile.

"Nice start _Janie!_" Maura cracked. I was fuming.

Joy stepped up and took her turn landing the ball in the center most cup.

"BOOM! That's your drink Maura" I shouted dancing a little jig around Joy who was whooping and high fiving the three other girls I had spoken to earlier.

"Whatcha got to beat that Dr. Isle and Dr. Olglesby?" I taunted continuing my little dance.

Maura's face did not look amused; she pulled the cup with the ball from the others and drank it down. I could not have been more pleased watching Maura chug nasty beer in front of a hundred hooping hollering sweaty college kids.

"Dr. Oglesby!" Maura said calmly "Let's take these little girls back to school!" and with that Maura launched her ball and it plopped right into the first cup with a splash.

I couldn't freaking believe it. I must have looked like I wanted to explode. Maura was beside herself with glee. She was doing her own little dance now at the end of her table to the shouts and cheers of the kids that had gathered around her side. One boy even ran up and swooped Maura into a crushing hug spinning her around and shouting to all of his buddies cheering him on.

"DR. ISLES!" he screamed into the crowd receiving a boisterous round of shouts and cheers.

Maura looked at me with an evil grin when she was finally returned to her feet. "That's YOUR beer Jane!" she winked at me and crossed her arms.

"Yeah yeah," I rolled my eyes trying to temper my frustration, "Let's see what you partners got." I shot back.

"Dr. Oglesby!" Maura said motioning for the older woman to step up to the table. A round of shouts and cheers and calls of encouragement went up from the crowd around Maura's end of the table.

"Get 'em Dr. O!"

"You got it Dr. O!"

"Sink it Dr. O!" the people were calling out. I gritted my teeth.

Dr. Oglesby stepped up and lined up her shot. It seemed like it took forever for her to finally launch the ball and when she did it plopped right into the same cup as Maura's ball.

Maura's cheer leaders erupted into a raging stamped of noise and cheering.

"AAAAHHHH!" they cheered, while those faithful bodies on my side groaned loudly. I wanted to kick the whole table over.

"That's three cups you guys gotta drink!" several people shouted from Maura's side.

Maura was busy running through her crowd of cheer leaders giving high fives and prancing around like she was walking on sunshine. I grumbled a million curses as I snatched two cups from in front of me and drank them both down wincing at their warmth and horrible taste. The beer was just so gross and even worse when it was warm. Joy drank the last cup like it was nothing and moved to the center of our end. Whoops and cheers went up on our side now; dozens of voices shouting for us get even.

"Let's go Joy you got it,"

"Don't' let 'em show you up Joy,"

"Come on guys you gotta sink this," the shouts called.

I willed all of my positive energy onto Joy.

"_Please, please, please!"_ I pleaded inside my head.

Joy winked at me before launching her ball and making it in one of the cups on the last row! Our entire side erupted into cheers. I ran around the entire table shouting taunts at Maura's cheerleaders and high fiving my own fans as I made my way back to my end. Joy was doing her own little dance now to the encouragement of every boy on our side, and even some of the boys on Maura's side I noticed. I was pleased with that, Joy was sexy after all. Maura looked like she wanted to kick both of us in the eye.

I grabbed a ping pong ball from the water cup and moved to line up my own shot. This time silence fell over the entire crowd. I could hear the ducks playing in the pond and the crickets chirping to the evening sun. I took several deep breaths to steady my nerves and my hand. I fired my shot and made it in the cup right next to Joy's.

"OOOHHHHHHH!" I shouted throwing my hands up in the air and winding my hips in a circle.

It was my sides turned to shout and throw taunts at the two Doctors and their cheer leaders. It was becoming madness around our beer pong table. The size of the crowd had tripled in a matter of minutes and alcohol was being consumed unabashedly by everyone fueling the jest and excitement.

"Drink up Babe!" I shouted at Maura over the deafening thunder of the crowd around us.

Maura gave me the sexiest smile I'd ever seen. She was gorgeous in the soft glow of the low sun. But her face had a look of a challenge she intended to meet. I was her prey, I felt in that moment, I was her prey and she was going to catch me. God that woman was sexy as hell, still, I had no intentions of rolling over and letting her win. I smiled right in her face as she and doctor Oglesby both downed a cup.

"We're all tied up!" Joy said wrapping her arms around my waste and hugging me tightly. This time Maura did look furious. Maura slammed down her empty cup and snatched up a ball eying the cups on my end like she wanted to send the ball blasting through all of them in one fell swoop. Maura launched her ball and it fell into a cup on the second row of my side but it was caught in a spiraling spin. Joy leaned over and blew into the cup sending the ball flying out which she caught in her hand.

"OHHHH!" I screamed with all my cheerleaders hoping from one foot to the other and spinning in circles elated that Joy had foiled Maura's attempt. The excitement around the table was growing with every passing second. The energy rolling off of everyone was intoxicating to say the least. I was caught up in the heat of the moment and enjoying myself more than I ever had before playing beer pong. Joy and I high fived each other before Joy started her own little dance of jubilation for the crowd who cheered and hooted her on in encouragement.

Maura looked fit to be tied. Her cheerleaders were hurling insults at my side who was returning them in full force. Dr. Oglesby stepped up to the plate to take her turn. Her ball bounced off the top of a cup and I caught it with a wink at Maura who looked furious. It seemed my sweet little Maura was losing her composure in the heat of competition. I smiled to myself. This was awesome.

It was six or seven more rounds of drunken cheering and booing, shot after shot being met with fury or glee from both sides. We were down to one cup now on both sides. The tension was thick in the air. The crowd around the table had grown to a number even I couldn't guess. This was the most fun I'd had in ages. And to top it all off, I couldn't believe I was actually pitched against Maura in a heated battle of freaking beer pong at a crazy college party full of drunken half dress maniacal young adults.

It was the last cup, and it was my sides turn. The cheering had stopped. Everyone was silent, watching, waiting, holding their breath in anticipation. My nerves were running high. I had a very serious buzz going by this point. Each one of the cups I already consumed was a little more than half full of beer and my face felt flushed with alcohol. It was Joy's turn first to shoot. She launched her ball and missed wide to the right. Groans went up all around my side and cheers erupted from Maura's end. I sighed heavily to myself stepping in front of the table. I launched my ball, it landed in the cup spinning wildly.

Shouts and screams went up everywhere. Maura's people were shouting at her to blow the ball out, my side was screaming at the ball to settle in to end the game. I felt my heart wrench in my chest.

"Come OOONNNN_!" _I screamed at the ball. But Maura moved like lightening, with one mighty gust of breath she blew the ball right out of the cup and caught it midair. I could have kicked the whole table over again. I was fuming, absolutely fuming.

"DAMNIT!" I screamed

Maura could not have been more pleased with herself. The college boys were dancing around her in a circle as Maura hopped up and down clapping her hands excitedly and smiling ear to ear. Even Dr. Oglesby was smiling and she had been mostly silent the entire game. I wanted to throw balls at everyone on Maura side of the table. Joy was doing her own bit of cursing, her blue eyes blazed with rage. There was nothing either of us could do now but hope and pray the two doctors choked and missed their shots or the game was over.

It was Maura's turn first; she took her ball and got ready to line up her shot. Her side was far from silent this time. They were bombarding her with encouragements and compliments making Maura break out into a cheesy grin more than once. Finally Maura launched her shot...it was too short.

I whooped and hollered with my cheerleaders, I even pulled Joy into a hug that she was more than happy to share with me. The atmosphere was toxic with excitement; it was in every beer cup and on the tip of every tongue. This was insanity and I loved it.

It was Dr. Oglesby's turn now. This time a hush did fall over the crowd. Every eye was staring at doctor Oglesby in nervous anticipation watching, waiting, and hoping! It took forever for the Doctor to make her shot but when she did the ball landed right in the cup with a plop. The explosion of noise around us was a mighty roar. It sounded like an entire stadium full of people had burst into cheers or groans of frustration. I was shocked still; I was frozen in silent disbelief. This could not have just happened! I did not just lose a game of beer pong to Maura and her fellow Doctor friend. I could have died! Both Maura and Dr. Oglesby were lifted onto the shoulders of drunken sweaty frat boys and were being paraded through their crowd of cheerleaders who were bursting at the seams with excitement. Maura looked more excited than I had ever seen her look in her life. She was the pride of her team, the center of attention, the desire of every eye. She was grinning and laughing and cheering with all her adoring fans that were fawning after her and pawing at her trying to touch their hero. It was ridiculous. But I felt my anger fade away. I'd been proud of Maura for a million reasons over the few years I'd known her, but I had never been more proud than I was in this moment. This was a first for Maura and I knew it. Maura had never been celebrated in such a way by such an animated crowd for something as trivial and normal as a beer pong game. Maura had never been carried off on the shoulders of her fans in celebration of her victory. Maura had never known this type of thrill, this type of victory. Maura had never exposed herself to this type of normalcy and base amusement and come out a winner. Maura wasn't a shy awkward kid hiding in a corner behind a book far away from the fun of everyday people this time. Maura was on top of the world, the most popular Doctor this campus had ever seen. I knew this event would be talked about for ages to come. Maura had made a mark, both intellectually and personally in the hearts and minds of every student and even the faculty. I wouldn't be surprised if there was an article printed about this in tomorrow's school paper.

I smiled at Maura as she walked up to me when her cheerleaders finally put her down. She was strutting, like...literally strutting.

"SO!" Maura said teasingly, her face wide with a gleeful smile "Since I win, I get one wish!" she said haughtily and with a devilish grin.

"_Oh dear lord!"_ I thought.

"And what would that be?" I asked carefully.

It didn't take me long to get an answer because before I knew it Maura jerked me forward by the collar and pulled me into the most passionate kiss of my entire life. I was vaguely aware of the shouts, gasps, and cheers from the hundreds of drunken mouths around us. I forgot about everyone and everything else as I lifted Maura into my own arms returning her kiss with all the lust and desire I had in my heart. Maura kissed me like she meant it, with no shame, with no hesitation. She kissed me like she loved me and for the entire world to see. God help me if I didn't kiss her back just the same. When was I going to learn to stop being surprised by that woman?

The shouts around us grew raucous and rowdy. Mostly they were male voices calling for more action of offering further encouragements. At one point the jeering got so bawdy that Maura and I both broke the kiss to laugh. We couldn't help it. We both knew what a scene we were making but we didn't care. Maura was mine and I was hers and I could kiss her if I damn well pleased.

"You wanna get outta here babe?" I asked looking up into her sparking hazel eyes.

"Are you kidding me? I'm on a roll!" Maura said grinning widely.

I only smiled. What could I say? She was the lady of the hour after all.

It was several more hours and four beer pong games later before I carried a very drunk and happy Maura in my arms to our waiting car. Maura was whining protest that she didn't want to leave and tried to wiggle out of my arms, but I wasn't letting her go this time. She'd had her fun as the center of attention, now I wanted all her attention. Besides, she was drunk as hell and so was I. I scooted Maura into the back seat and joined her, sighing with relief that I was finally sitting down after so many hours.

"Hello ladies, have a good time?" The same driver that dropped us off earlier asked.

"We had a little too much fun!" I said laughing as Maura's hands tried to swat at my face.

"I was awesome!" Maura said lifting her arms and shaking her hands in celebration. I couldn't help but laugh at her. She was being silly and obnoxious, but she was just so damn cute.

"Tell him baby, tell 'em I was awesome!" Maura said giggling and leaning her drunken head against my shoulder.

I pulled Maura into my lap and held her little wiggly ass tight.

"Maura says to say she was awesome!" I said to the driver who laughed.

"Where to ladies?" he asked

"Take us back to Maura's apartment please!" I said between Maura attempts to land sloppy wet kisses all over my face.

"Yes! Take us home!" Maura said drunkenly wrapping her arms around my neck and landing more wet kisses all over me.

"It's your home baby not mine." I said brushing loose strands of hair back from Maura's face that had escaped her hair pin.

Maura leaned back a little and looked at me though hazy eyes.

"Baby, it's our home now," Maura smiled at me. It was a genuine smile. I smiled back at her with all the love I had. She was so precious to me.

"Come here and kiss me!" I said pulling Maura's body back into mine.

Maura kissed me like she loved me.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Shout out to my beta Candace, thanks for your hard work on this. Sorry it's been so long since I posted guys, I've been swamped with 'Working Girl'. To my reviewer Logan...I wish you had a profile so I could talk to you...I didn't get your email address, this site doesn't let you send email addresses in reviews and what not. Hit me up again though if you make a profile and we can chat. Thanks to all my readers and reviewers...I love you guys. I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

**Jane**

"But I don't want to take a bath Janie," Maura said in my arms trying to distract me with her sloppy drunken kisses all over my face.

I laughed in between wet kisses. Maura hadn't let me set her down since I pulled her drunken ass out the limo and carried her all the way to the apartment struggling the entire time. It took all the strength I had to get us through the apartment door without Maura pulling off all of my clothes and having her way with me in the hallway. I wasn't up for anymore freak elevator romps, not after what happened last time. Maura seemed to have forgotten all about that. She was such a feisty little thing in her drunken state; feisty, wiggly, and horny as hell. I'd seen Maura drunk before but it was always a calm pleasant wine drunk. Usually Maura would just curl up in my arms and fall asleep when she had a good buzz going, but tonight she was something completely different.

"Baby you need a bath...it will make you feel better!" I tried to say around the kisses being landed all over my face and neck.

"Why do I stink?" Maura asked suddenly raising an arm and sniffing her arm pit.

I laughed outright. She was being so silly.

"No Maura you don't stink...you're just drunk as a skunk." I giggled at the goofy lazy smile across Maura's pretty face.

Her eyes were low and glossy with alcohol and we both smelled like a barbeque pit. Even so she was still so pretty in her little red sundress and matching lipstick with her hair pulled back in a golden pin. If Maura wasn't so drunk I would be doing many other things to her pretty little body. Even though she was my lady, I could never take advantage of her. I wanted her, God knows I did, but I wanted her sober, I wanted her to remember in the morning all the things I made her feel.

"Ohhhh! I'm not drunk Jane...I'm just...I'm amaaazing!" Maura said lifting her arms over her head and giggling like a school child.

"Yes Maura...you're amazing...amazingly intoxicated!" I cracked setting her wiggly ass on a bar stool at the kitchen counter and trying to get away to run a bath.

"Noooo!" Maura complained pulling me roughly back into her body. I don't know how she managed to do it so quickly but in a matter of a second and a half Maura unbuttoned and unzipped my pants and stuck her hand right between my legs.

"OH! SHIT!" I stuttered. I almost lost my breath with the sudden pressure of Maura's skilled fingers cupping my sex. I felt my eyes go wide and my body shudder. I was momentarily lost for words.

"See Jane...I still know exactly what I'm doing!" Maura whispered seductively in my ear.

"_Oh sweet lord"_ I thought, trying desperately to get a hold of my senses.

"Listen you; you're taking a bath and I'm making you dinner and you're going to bed. No funny business Maura...stop...STOP!" I giggled trying to pry out of Maura's arms.

Maura was laughing excitedly and holding me tightly around the waist slipping the hand between my legs under my underwear. I cried out when I felt a finger run through my slit...my slit that was now sopping wet. I felt my legs quiver and my abdominal muscles clench tightly with arousal. I made a whining sound as I tried to wiggle away but Maura locked her impossibly sexy legs around my waist and held me in place.

"Maura...please..._please!"_ I gasped. It really was hard to breath now.

Maura grabbed me by the collar and roughly pulled me forward into a shamelessly passionate kiss. My mind was momentarily wiped of all other thought as Maura's tongue entered my mouth and took control of me. I felt that painful clench of my vaginal muscles again and the dampening of my thighs as Maura's fingers found my clit and made several slow circles making me cry out in lust and desire.

Maura pulled out of the kiss and looked at me, her eyes bright and shiny with excitement. I felt myself tremble between her legs and my breath hitch. I had to put my hands on the counter behind her to steady myself before I toppled over.

"Maura Jesus!" I stammered. Maura only smiled wickedly.

"Come take a bath with me baby!" she said nipping at my lips lightly with her teeth.

I smiled down at my pretty little lady. I liked Maura's hair pulled back; it gave her a strong commanding look that made me want to do everything she asked of me. Well...I'd do anything Maura asked of me any day, but it was just something about that pony tail and those bright hazel eyes that made my juices flow like a storm flood. Even so, I still would not concede to taking advantage of an intoxicated woman. I wrapped my arms around my back finding the lock of Maura's legs around my waist and pulled them apart pushing myself away from her.

"You're taking a bath, we're having dinner...then we'll go from there." I said walking away toward the bathroom.

I heard Maura huff behind me.

I smiled.

**Maura**

"I put the ziti my Ma made in the oven, it will be ready in twenty five minutes, and then it needs to cool for about five minutes before we eat it ok!" Jane said shuffling into the bathroom and putting a fresh folded towel on the bathroom counter.

"I'd make a salad, but we don't have any groceries, we'll just have to make do with what we've got." Jane said smiling at me soaking in the tub.

I smiled myself taking a deep breath of the hot scented water of the tub. Jane was right; the bath was making me feel much better. Not that I didn't feel fine before, but my head had been swimmy with alcohol and I only imagined I'd made quite a spectacle of myself in the limo. Jane didn't seem to mind, she had been extremely patient with me the whole trip back to the apartment giggling at my silly remarks and batting away my sexual advances gingerly as not to hurt my feelings. I don't know what it was, but all that beer and the excitement of the evening made me feel extremely aroused. The best part was I'd beaten that hussy Joy and impressed Jane probably more than I ever had before. I smiled remembering the way Jane looked at me when I beat her at beer bong. Her eyes had glowed in the late evening sun reflecting an expression of surprise, disbelief, and admiration. She looked only at me as I was paraded around on the shoulders of strong young sweaty college boys chanting my name. Her smile had been sweet, tender even. She cared nothing for Joy; she never even bothered to speak to that girl again for the rest of the evening. Jane stood right by my side the remainder of the time we spent at the college; encouraging me, kissing my cheek ever so often, and whispering sweet words in my ear.

I caught sight of Joy every now and then. The woman looked furious every time Jane wrapped her arms around me. At one point I pulled Jane into a lovers embrace staring right at Joy over Jane's shoulder. The woman looked like she wanted to kick me. I didn't care; Jane would have protected me if Joy approached me inappropriately. Or perhaps I would have pushed Jane out of the way and hit that girl myself. It didn't matter now, I'd never have to deal with that little girl again...she wasn't worth worrying about anyway. I had done just as professor Oglesby said and beaten her at her own game. Jane was mine, and would be forever I hoped.

I opened my eyes and smiled at my lover. She must have taken a quick shower after she settled me in the bath. Her dark curly locks were wet falling over her pretty olive skinned shoulders. She was wearing only a black wife beater and a black pair of those sexy little boys cut briefs she liked so much. I let my eyes run over Jane's long shapely legs and the curve of her hips all the way up her well toned torso and the swell of her small but perky little breast. My smile widened when I noticed her nipples were a bit erect under the thin fabric of her tank top. I felt that rush of desire again as I took in Jane's beautiful body. Sometimes I actually thought Jane had no idea how sexy she was to me, I don't think she ever noticed the way I would check her out when she wasn't looking. Jane seemed to need things spelled out for her. Subtle innuendos were lost on the woman. I thought about the package sitting on my night stand at that very moment. I smiled.

"You like my Ma's ziti right?" Jane asked moving to sit next to the bath tub.

"You know I do honey!" I said smiling deeply at my love. Jane returned a happy smile of her own.

"Good, I thought maybe we could talk and stuff...while we eat." Jane said softly. She wasn't looking at me anymore; she was looking down at her hands wrapped around her knees. She seemed uncomfortable all of the sudden.

"Talk about what baby?" I asked perking up a little at the change in Jane's demeanor.

Jane didn't speak for a few moments; I could tell she didn't know how to say what she really wanted. I knew immediately what she wanted to talk about without her having to tell me specifically. I knew Jane inside and out. I knew her every expression, her every thought, her every desire. I knew what was weighing on her mind, and I knew she was struggling to express herself without upsetting me or having to face the dark truth of her own emotions.

In truth I was surprised a little bit. I had expected it to have to be me who brought up the conversation. I thought I would have to pry it out of Jane with force and manipulation and maybe even a few threats. The fact that my love was approaching me with something so serious was almost a shock. Maybe my baby was growing up. Maybe she _was _willing to open up and let me in without me having to beg and blast at her walls. Even so, I was terrified. I didn't want to show it, I willed my face to maintain a casual expression. I forced my body not to stiffen and my voice to remain level and unconcerned. I didn't want to shake Jane's resolve or scare her out of opening up to me. There was a good chance Jane would become angry with me at some point during the conversation when she allowed her emotions to creep through the cracks and I needed all my strength to defend myself and explain my foolishness. I knew this conversation had to be had at some point, but it didn't make the terror any less real.

Jane looked incredibly uncomfortable. Her head was bowed and her hands were grasping each other nervously. My sympathy for Jane overwhelmed my fear for myself. I pulled a hand from the steaming hot water of the tub and brushed several wet curls of Jane's beautiful hair behind her ear. I wanted to see her face. I wanted to look into her eyes. I cupped Jane's chin in my fingers and turned her head toward me so I could see her better. Jane's eyes didn't immediately find mine; I could tell she was afraid and uncertain whether or not she wanted to continue. It wasn't until I ran my thumb over her soft cheek and leaned over to kiss her lightly on her precious lips did she finally meet my eyes with her own. I could see fear behind her eyes, fear and pain. My heart broke. There was a lump in my throat, a painful one. I felt tears behind my own eyes. I sighed deeply and ran my thumb over Jane's cheek again.

It was my fault Jane was hurting, my fault she was afraid to talk to me. It was my fault the fear and the pain were behind her pretty eyes. My guilt was unspeakable, my pain was unthinkable. Jane was the love of my life, my sun, moon, and stars. She was my everything and I had betrayed her love for me and hurt her beyond understanding. I forced myself to keep my tears at bay. I forced myself not to allow the agony of my own heartbreak to overwhelm me and focused instead on healing Jane's own pain. I'd do anything...anything to fix this.

"It's ok Jane...tell me what's wrong." I said softly looking deep into my lover's eyes.

"Nothing's wrong I just..." Jane's voice trailed off and her head turned away from me.

I sighed sitting up in the tub and steeling my nerves. I took several deep breaths forcing down the painful lump in my throat and batting back my tears. I wrapped my arms around my knees and bowed my head in shame. It was time, time for me to take responsibility for what I'd done no matter the consequences. The last 24 hours had been the most precious moments of my life, but the twenty four hours prior to that had been the worst of my entire life. I knew Jane and I couldn't go on in our blissful reverie forever, at some point we did have to face the truth of our situation. I loved Jane for being able to put aside the horror of those terrible events long enough to show me the time of my life, but it _was_ time to be big girls now. I willed myself to find the strength for face the darkness.

"Ian emailed me almost a week ago..." I started. I had to stop briefly to compose myself and keep my tears at bay.

"...he...he said...something terrible happened to him in Africa..."

"...I know...he told me!" Jane interrupted.

I looked over at her in surprise. When had she spoken to Ian? What was going on?

Jane never looked at me. Her eyes never left her hands. Her face however was contorted in pain and discomfort.

"He...he told you?" I asked meekly. I wanted to know more...I wanted to know everything, but I couldn't rush Jane. If I pushed too hard it might end up in disaster.

"I saw him! I saw him again after..." Jane's speech trailed off. I heard her voice break; my heart broke all over again.

Jane was remembering, remembering what happened two days ago. She was remembering the fight and the way I pushed her away from me. She could see me chasing after Ian; she could feel her hurt and rage with me. She could see Ian's face...his horrible maniacal face. She could feel her terror; hear Ian's voice in her head screaming those horrible things about her. Jane was remembering, remembering trying to save me, trying desperately to protect me. Jane could hear me screaming for her to get out of my apartment, she was remembering the betrayal, the angst and the pain. I sobbed quietly when Jane's hand reached back and touched the awful knot on the back of her head. She was remembering the abuse she suffered, the beating she had taken. My love was remembering everything, and so was I.

The tears rolled down my face now unchecked and unchallenged. I had no strength to fight them off. I loved Jane...I loved her more than words could expression, more than life itself. I loved her desperately and deeply and seeing her like this...watching the pain in her face and in her eyes that I caused was overwhelming. I turned my face away from her. I could no longer bear to look into the darkness. I felt like I would crumble under the guilt of my betrayal. I felt cold...cold and empty despite the warmth of the bathwater. I felt gross and dirty from the inside out.

Jane must have noticed I was crying. I was trying to be quiet, but I couldn't help the choked sobs from escaping me. I wrapped my arms tightly around my body and rocked back and forth gripped in the heat of my pain. I was finding it hard to breath between sobs; my entire body was shaking, trembling in my grief. I dared not look at Jane; I dared not witness her pain again. I simply could not bear it. It was terrible to gaze upon; the weight of the reality of my mistakes was crushing to my spirit. I didn't deserve to feel better; I didn't deserve the love Jane gave to me freely without expectation or motive. I didn't deserve to be loved unconditionally; Jane was far too good for me. Jane deserved so much better than this, so much better than a silly little girl so disconnected with common since that she would make such a grievous mistake and cause so much grief for the one she claimed to love. Why did Jane ever love me at all? What did she see in me, what did I have to offer her that she couldn't get somewhere else from someone better, more deserving? Why did she put up with me, why did she not leave me here alone? Why did Jane come back? Why did she fight so hard for me, why did she love me so much...so much?

I cried and cried. The feelings I'd managed to keep locked away for a day and a half were rushing back, overpowering me. I grasped at my chest, the pain inside me was searing. I felt my hot tears burn all the way down my cheeks. The lump in my throat felt like I was choking on a golf ball. My entire body shook with grief. I'd never felt so cold.

"Don't cry sweet heart!" I heard Jane's voice plead with me. I felt her presence right next to me in an instant, I felt her arms wrap around my body and pull me into her chest. I felt the kisses on the top of my wet hair and the warmth of her breath in my ear. I cried even harder, I didn't deserve to be comforted, especially not by the one I had hurt so badly. I cried and cried; I just could not stop.

I barely noticed Jane pull me from the bath tub, I barely noticed her wrap my body in a towel and carry me to the bed room and cradle me in her arms on the bed. I did feel her kisses though; I felt her soft lips on my cheek. I heard the voice of my love whisper in my ear the sweetest words I ever heard.

"I forgive you...!" Jane said with more kindness than I'd ever known, "I forgive you!"

I looked up at her face then in disbelief. She couldn't possibly mean that. She couldn't possible forgive me. I hadn't even gotten a chance to explain. I didn't even get to beg and plead, to throw myself at the feet of my love and grovel and plead. I didn't get a chance to hear Jane scream at me, to rage and berate me with the hatred she harbored for me in her heart. Where was my punishment, where was my suffering, where was my well deserved humiliation? How could Jane just...just forgive me without so much as a screaming rage?

"You can't forgive me Jane...how could you...you haven't even heard why I..." Jane interrupted my sobbing wails.

"...Ian told me everything Maura!" Jane said rocking me in her arms and smiling a forced uncomfortable smile. I could still see the pain behind her eyes, but Jane being Jane was pushing her own feelings aside to comfort me. I wasn't having any of it this time...not this time. I didn't deserve Jane's selfless sympathy for me this time, not this time.

"When was this? When did this happen?" I asked incredulously.

Jane only forced her pained smile to widen. It was still a few moments before she spoke. Jane just looked at me, right into my eyes. I could feel her hand running up and down my back somehow soothing me despite my dismal behavior, despite the fact that I hurt and betrayed her, despite the fact that I damn sure didn't deserve it. I couldn't believe the love I saw in her eyes, I couldn't believe the kiss...the soft tender kiss on my trembling lips. I couldn't believe so many things in that moment.

Jane pulled back from the kiss and sighed against my lips. Her eyes were closed and her lips trembled. How could she love me this much...how could anyone love me this much?

"Tell me love...tell me everything?" I whispered.

Jane opened her eyes again and found my own. There wasn't so much pain there anymore. I saw a light, a sweet amused light in her expression. I was flabbergasted. What had this incredible woman done?

"I went to see him at the jail yesterday...that's why I didn't come back to you sooner. I needed to talk to him and to...I had to do something!" Jane said cradling me tighter against her warm body. She smelled like the lavender soap I'd bought for her. She smelled so good.

"Why would you do that...why do you care what happens to him?" I asked. I was absolutely bewildered.

Jane simply grinned, "My mother called me and told me about his...his post traumatic stress early yesterday morning." Jane said simply. There was amusement in her voice.

I found myself smiling despite myself. "

"_Angela...sweet Angela_!" I thought to myself. I'd forgotten all about telling Jane's mother what happened with Ian. I'd gone to her first as soon as I read the email and pleaded for advice. It had been her after all that convinced me to get Jane to help me. God bless that woman.

"You're mother told you? How?" I asked growing more and more curious.

"You left your phone in the car and she called you to complain about us not calling her as soon as we got to New York." Jane said rolling her eyes.

I let out a nervous chuckle. "_Of course she did!"_ I thought.

"Anyway...I started to tell her what happened between us and she interrupted me with the whole...'Ian has PTS' thing." Jane rolled her eyes again and sighed.

"So...so what did you do?"

"Well...I made a million and a half phone calls and went to the jail to speak to him myself." Jane said matter of factly in a tone full of command and power.

I felt a little nervous.

"Did you hurt him?" I asked before I could catch myself. I hated I'd asked that the instant the words left my mouth. I couldn't blame her if she had hurt him...she had every reason to.

Jane looked at me incredulously, "NO Maura I didn't hurt him...Jesus!"

"I'm sorry I just...I'm sorry..." I stuttered not knowing what else to say. I figured it was best if I just kept quiet anyway before I said something else equally stupid.

"You know he was being charged with everything under the sun! Assaulting two officers, causing bodily harm to an officer, resisting arrest, breaking and entering...even though you invited him in here..." Jane's eyes narrowed at me a little.

I trembled under her gaze.

"...and he was being charged with defacing private property, domestic assault, and the drug charges from Interpol!" Jane added sighing heavily again.

"Oh my God...he's going to jail for a long time isn't he?" I asked meekly. I couldn't look Jane in the eye when I asked that question. The truth was I was still worried about Ian, but he mattered little compared to Jane. Even so...I was curious.

"No...not anymore!" Jane said.

I forced my eyes back to hers. "What do you mean?" I asked confused. How could he not be going to jail forever facing all those awful charges?

"Well...he was on suicide watch when I tried to see him. I had to call in a million favors to get him released to talk to me...and a million more favors to get his charges reduced and his sentence commuted from jail to a private mental health facility." Jane grumbled. Her brow was furrowed and her face was a bit pouty but she didn't seem angry at least.

I was lost for words, what was I to think? What was I to assume? Did I even really hear what I thought I was hearing?

"W-What?" I asked breathily.

Jane fixed her disgruntled stare on me.

"Yeah...that asshole fucking owes me!" Jane scoffed huffing under her breath.

"What are you saying Jane?"

Jane rolled her eyes, "I'm saying Ian has been transferred to St. Mary's Hospital of the Mentally Ill on six months intensive lockdown treatment until he's evaluated. If he gets better...and isn't a danger to society anymore..." Jane said narrowing her eyes at me again "...then he'll be released to a half way house to continue his treatment until he's found fit to return to the land of the functioning and sane. If he completes all his counseling and takes his damn medicine and doesn't violate himself or anyone else his charges will be dropped and his record expunged." Jane sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose between her eyes as if she couldn't believe herself that she had pulled so many strings for the man.

I was floored. This couldn't be.

"You did that...you did that for Ian?" I asked. My eyes were welling up with tears again.

Jane looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

"NO! I still _hate_ that guy! I did that for YOU Maura!" Jane said grumpily.

I laughed anyway despite Jane's off-putting pouty face.

"You really do love me don't you?" I asked nuzzling my nose into Jane's neck.

Jane pulled me away from her and fixed me with the most hurt expression I'd ever seen on her face.

"Do you really have to ask me that? Don't you know how much I love you?" she asked me. Jane looked like she wanted to cry herself.

I felt terrible guilty again.

"I-I-I...I don't deserve this...I don't deserve your love. You should hate me!" I said, my guilt was coming back full force again. I could feel the tears behind my eyes threatening to fall.

"Stop it...Maura STOP IT!" Jane said taking me firmly by the shoulder and staring directly into my eyes with a look of determination and a little bit of irritation.

"I did what I did because I love you...I've always loved you Maura and I know you know that...I think everybody knows that actually. I've just been too much of a coward to admit it sooner and I'm more the fool for it. I know you didn't mean to hurt me...I know Ian is your friend...even though I _hate _that fucking asshole, but that's beside the point. In the future, please think more of me and trust me enough to be completely, _completely_ honest with me before we end up in another nightmare like we did with Ian. I can't go through that shit again. And it's not just that you misled both me _and _Ian...it's the fact that he could have hurt you Maura. What would I have done...I would have killed him Maura if he had done something crazy to you...I would have _killed_ him!" Jane's voice was wild and hysterical. She was gripping my shoulders so tightly I thought I might actually have bruises in the morning.

I made no moves to pull away; I was locked in her grasp and in the wildness of her bright brown eyes. What could I say anyway, I knew Jane was right; she really would have killed Ian if he had hurt me? I hadn't been thinking of that, I hadn't considered many things. In my hasty decision making I took so many things for granted, especially Jane's love for me. The whole thing could have gone so much worse and it would have been entirely my fault. I lowered my eyes from Jane's in humiliation and defeat. I was such a clueless mess.

"You and I Maura...I think we need to see a therapist when we get back to Boston. I think it will do us some good. I don't know how to get through to you and you don't know how to...to trust me. I want this to work...I really do! I just think we need some help or something because this shit is crazy with you and me sometimes." Jane sighed. Her grip on my shoulders had lessened a little thankfully.

I brought my eyes back to my lovers.

"I'll do anything you ask of me." I said softly.

I was feeling extremely ashamed. I failed Jane so badly she was actually suggesting therapy, something I knew she hated vehemently, as a solution of our problems. This woman was more selfless that anyone I'd ever met. Jane was my rock and my foundation; I loved her more and more each day.

"Really?" Jane asked curiously.

"Yes Jane...anything!" I tried to smile...but there were tears streaming down my face again.

"WOMAN!" Jane exclaimed through gritted teeth. "Stop that Jesus Christ!"

"I'm sorry...I can't help it...I'm just so emotional right n-now. You're s-s-so sweet to me, I don't deserve you...I've n-n-never deserved you!" I wailed collapsing into Jane's body and crying hysterically.

I felt Jane huff and sigh and grumble under her breath.

"Good GOD, you're so weepy these days! Just calm down ok...calm down...calm down..."Jane said wrapping me into a tight hug. I could hear the irritation in her voice but she held and rocked me anyway despite the fact that she thought I was being so impossibly silly.

"I-I-I'm trying," I continued wailing wishing desperately that I could stop being such a simpering idiot.

"Hey hey...you're awesome remember baby...and you're my girlfriend, that makes you twice as awesome!" Jane chuckled.

My heart stopped in my chest; did Jane really just refer to me as her girlfriend...finally? I sat back and found Jane's eyes again locking loving gazes with her. Jane's brown orbs twinkled and her silly lopsided grin set my heart on fire.

"You really want to be my girlfriend?" I asked softly, unsure if I'd really heard her correctly.

Jane only huffed and rolled her eyes pulling me back into her body.

"Janie..." I wailed when she started kissing at my neck playfully making those silly little kissing sounds again.

"Maura and Janie sittin' in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g," Jane teased nipping at my neck lightly with her teeth.

I laughed outright at Jane's playful banter. I couldn't stop myself from squealing with pleasure as Jane's hands found my breasts and gave them a playful squeeze. I tried to wiggle away from her, she was making me crazy and I wanted to continue our serious conversation about our relationship. Jane had other ideas in her head.

"Maura let me love you...I can kiss my girlfriend all I want" Jane giggled rolling me over and smothering her body on top of mine continuing her playful kisses. It was no use trying to be serious with Jane at this point; I gave in to her desires...like I always did. I laughed and squealed under my lover's body. I wrapped my arms around Jane's neck and pulled her into a crushing loving kiss. I smiled against her lips as Jane moaned softly on top on me. I wrapped my legs around her waist and let Jane kiss me as passionately as she pleased. I loved her damp wet curls cascading over my face; I sigh as I inhaled the sweet scent of her shampoo.

"Ohhh...my sexy little beer pong champ!" Jane cooed at me grinning that ridiculous mischievous little grin of hers.

"I spanked your ass baby!" I teased smiling up at my dark eyed beauty.

Jane's grin widened into something wicked.

"You can spank me whenever you like if you look this damn good doing it!" Jane's voice was low and thick with sexual innuendo as she ran her eyes over my naked body.

I felt a rush of fire through the walls of my vagina.

"Oh yeah?" I asked running my hands down her body enjoying the way Jane trembled under my touch.

"Hell yeah!" She whispered against my lips.

"Let's explore that..." I said slipping my hand under Jane's underwear again and running two fingers along her very wet slit.

Jane's breath caught in her throat and a breathy moan escaped her lips. Her dark eyes closed and her hips bucked a little at my touch. That fire inside me was blazing full force.

"You like that baby?" I whispered softly in her ear.

I smiled at the trembling moan Jane gave me as an answer. I needed no further encouragement; I wrapped my free arm around Jane's waist and brought her hips closer to my body. I found Jane's throbbing wet clit and flicked my fingers over it in slow methodic motions.

Jane's entire body trembled with my touch. I felt her legs shake slightly, I heard her breath quicken and watched her back arch. I leaned my head forward and bit Jane's bottom lip as my fingers moved faster and faster around my lover's most tender part.

"Oh GOD...M-Maura!" Jane literally squealed in a high pitched voice I'd never heard from her before. I smiled. I loved this. I'd dreamed of making Jane moan for me a million times as I touched myself alone in my bed at night. I felt a wave of my own juices pour out of me as my vagina clenched and released over and over again in my lust.

"You're my badass baby girl aren't you sweet heart?" I whispered against Jane's quivering lips.

The moan that escaped her mouth drove me crazy. I accelerated the circles my fingers were making around my lover's clit. I could feel Jane's juices running down my fingers, hand, and wrist. Jane's breath was quick and laced with high pitched soft little moans and her eyes were shut tight. Jane's body rocked back and forth encouraging my fingers to do their work as her hips revolved in slow circles above me. I was on fire; my entire body was on fire. I felt the goose bumps explode all over my skin and the heat run through my core and pour out of my sex. I tried to kiss Jane's lips but her body was rocking too wildly and her breath was far to unsteady to make proper contact with her mouth. I stared up at her in amazement and wonder. She was so beautiful, so sexy, and so vulnerable riding my hand in her desire. I knew Jane was surrendering herself to me, I could easily tell by the sopping wet condition of my entire hand between her legs and the moans escaping her beautiful lips louder and louder and louder they became. I moved my fingers faster and faster across her clit loving the way Jane's hips picked up the pace as she rode me. I smiled at the unintelligible mutters and moans of pleasure and encouragement she gave me in that soft, unsteady, high pitched voice.

"Maura..._baby_...don't stop...d...d...don't stop..._don't_ stop!" Jane squealed above me.

I couldn't explain it but I felt my own orgasm building inside me. My breath was coming faster and faster, my own moans escaped my mouth over and over. Jane was just so beautiful above me. I loved the way the muscles in her neck were taught and trembling, I loved the way Jane's long dark curls fell all over me, and I loved the look of unchecked and unchallenged pleasure all over her face. I loved the way her body moved and her hips bucked and swayed. I loved the feeling of her legs trembling and the waves of her cum pouring over my hand. I loved the way she loved me fucking her.

"You're such a wet little girl Janie," I whispered up at my love.

Jane never opened her eyes but the moan that escaped her mouth wasn't the soft simpering high pitched sigh this time. It was loud and strong, powerful and encouraging. I felt another flood of juices wash over my hand. Heaven help me I could have cum right then myself, but I kept working, I willed myself to control my own orgasm from exploding out of me before I finished my love. It was impossibly hard to do; I could feel my juice running out of me in a constant flood like a running water tap. I'd never, ever been so turned on in my entire life.

"M-Maura...MA-MA-MAURA!" Janie wailed louder and louder, higher and higher. Jane's hips moved in a steady desperately quick motion on top of me. It was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen in my life. I didn't think twice, I ran the fingers between Jane's legs along her slit and pushed them inside of her deep and swift when they found her opening. Jane threw her head back and arched her back so violently I thought it might actually break.

"OHHHH MY G-G-GOD!" Jane screamed at the top of her lungs.

I sat up and forced another finger inside of Jane as I bit her nipple hard beneath her thin little wife beater. Jane screamed again, a desperate heart-stoppingly loud cry of pleasure. I pushed my three fingers inside of her as far as they would go. I felt Jane's muscles quivering and clenching around my fingers with lightening speed. I smiled wrapping my arm around her waist again and pulling her body down around my working hand. The hand between Jane's legs was soaking wet at this point from finger tip to wrist. I could feel my own thighs dripping wet with the cum flooding from between my own legs.

"Janie you're so sexy baby...you're so sexy!" I whispered in her ear as I curled my fingers slowly inside of her.

I felt Jane's legs tremble wildly and her hips thrust forward violently encouraging my fingers to continue their work. Jane grabbed my shoulders and dug her nails deep into my flesh. I stifled a cry of pain. I wouldn't be discouraged, I wasn't meant to be discouraged. Jane wasn't hurting me on purpose, it was an involuntary reaction to her arousal and need for release. I decided to tease a little. I was enjoying this far too much for it to end too quickly. I pulled my fingers back until they were almost completely out of her before biting her shoulder hard and pushing my fingers back in deeply finding her g-spot and tickling it lightly.

"OHHH! FUCK!" Jane screamed scratching at my shoulders wildly. A fresh wave of her juice poured over my hand.

I let out a low, guttural growl of my own as I began curling my fingers over and over while pumping my hand in and out of my love. Jane began bouncing up and down on top of me riding me hard and swirling her hips against the work of my hand. She moaned every time my fingers pushed into her. The squelching sucking sounds of my fingers stirring up Jane's juices drove me wild. Her breath was shallow and trembling, her entire body was glistening in sheen of perspiration, and her beautiful dark olive cheeks were red and flushed. Jane clasped my shoulders and opened her eyes looking directly into my own. Her eyes were pleading, desperate and hungry in their lust. But there was something else...something innocent, something sweet, and something precious. I knew Jane had never looked at anyone else that way before in her life. It was a look of vulnerability, total surrender of her body into my hands. It was a look of trust, of love, of ecstasy and excitement. Jane was letting me have her, no holds barred, no attempts of maintaining any control of her own. Jane rode me like I owned her, like she belonged to me and only me. I felt my core quivering and pouring juices of its own again. My baby was so sexy, so impossibly fucking sexy bucking and moaning and riding me with no shame at all.

I let my fingers pick up their pace, Jane met my every thrust with a swirling buck of her hips. She rode me like crazy, almost violently and I rammed into her over and over again curling my fingers around her throbbing g-spot and loving every drop of cum she let wash over me. Jane wrapped my face in her hands as she bounced on top of me staring directly into my eyes. She tried to kiss me but the desperate moans escaping both my mouth and hers made it nearly impossible for our lips to lock. My arm was on fire, the muscles burning with their work. I didn't care, I wouldn't stop. I took the pain and channeled it into hungry rage willing myself to drive my fingers faster and faster, further and further inside my love. Jane squealed and cried and scratched at my body. My skin burned under the voracious tearing of her nails, my breath was hot and heavy, my sex burned for release. I was close...so close to my orgasm overtaking me. I needed more time; I was desperate to hold myself in check. I bit Jane's shoulder again harder than I ever had before. I knew I would leave a mark, I knew it hurt her, but I couldn't help it...I had to buy myself time before I came in a furious rush of heat and overpowering force reducing me to a helpless simpering wailing mess.

Jane screamed in pleasure and pain digging her nails deeply into my back and thrusting her hips forward with so much force it pushed my body back a few inches. I refused to be thrown off. I'd waited for this for far too long. I dug my own nails into Jane's back and scratched her all the way down to her ass biting harder at her shoulder and jamming my fingers into her faster as faster. Jane bounced on top of me like an animal her hips swirling and grinding in rhythm with my fingers meeting my every thrust with a thankful squirt of her pleasure. Her vagina was going crazy, clenching and quivering and trembling. My own vagina was doing the same. The heat in my own body was beyond comparison, unless I compared it to the heat of Jane's own body. I'd never felt such power before, I'd never known such control, such unabashed shameless bliss. I'd never worked so hard to please another person and felt the incredible rewards of driving a lover wild. I'd never wanted so much, given so much, and loved so much of another person in my entire life. The feeling of power overwhelmed me. I felt twenty feet tall watching my lover break before me, scream for me, quake and quiver for me. Jane was just...she was just gorgeous bouncing on top of me and coming all over my hand in pleasure and lust.

I thought so many things...dirty things I'd never thought before. I wanted so much of Jane...I wanted everything she had to offer. I was eating this up...I felt like queen, like a king...like a GOD! I was driving the unbreakable Jane Rizzoli wild and fuck me if it wasn't making me crazy.

"Come on baby...tell me you like that...tell me you want me!" I teased in my lover's ear.

"Baby...you're_ so _good...you're_ soooo _fucking good to me Maura!" Jane cried into my ear wrapping her arms around my neck with the force of life. I could have exploded in that instant but I willed myself to pick up the pace. Jane responded immediately, she covered my hand in a fresh flood of cum.

"Fuck me..._fuck_ me...FUCK me ...FUCK ME!" Jane screamed the last with every bit of strength her voice could manage. I was on fire...wild with my desire. I don't know how it happened but in a matter of seconds I pushed Jane off of me and onto the floor on her back with me on top of her, my fingers never lost their stride though.

Jane was crying, crying out right. Tears streamed down her beautiful red flushed sweating face. Her long legs spread wide for me, her entire body glistened with perspiration. I leaned over my lover resting my weight on my free arm as the other drove into Jane's wide open legs. Both of our bodies rocked with each other, both of our vaginas burned with the thrill of mounting, building orgasms almost beyond our control. Jane's legs trembled wildly, her breath was choked with sobs and squeals and moans. The tears poured faster and faster from her eyes, her body was covered in angry red goose bumps. I kept going; I kept fucking her, harder and harder. Jane spread for me like she never had before, she opened every bit of herself for me; mind, body and spirit. It was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen. Jane Rizzoli was mine...my baby...my girl. I drove into her faster and faster, my arm trembled under the burden, I barely felt it. I'd die before I stopped short of reaching my goal.

"You're my baby...you're my sweet little girl," I cooed down at Jane's trembling shaking form. I felt her arms wrap around my body pulling me into her. She was squeezing me impossibly tightly; I could feel her rapid breath in my ear and smiled at the steady very loud moans escaping her mouth.

"Baby...you're my...you're my...you're my B-B-BABY!" Jane screamed in my ear. Her nails dug into my back again, deep. It felt like fire boring into my hot skin. I arched my back and screamed from the depths of my soul. Jane's back arched with my own lifting us both from the floor. I great rushing flow of Jane's thick wet juices shot out of her with the force of a tidal wave. Her vaginal walls clenched so tightly in her orgasm they pushed my fingers out of her completely. I screamed as my own orgasm burst through me. My head swam, my entire body seized up, I lost all control of my muscles and my mind. I shook and trembled on top of Jane, lights danced behind my eyes, my lungs burned with the burden of trying to draw enough breath to sustain the rush of hormones threatening to incinerate me from within. Every goose bump on my body was radiating lightening hot heat, my toes curled, my eyes rolled back in my head. Tears were streaming down my own face when I collapsed on top of Jane's simpering, crying, writhing form beneath me. My chest heaved in exhaustion and glory; my insides ached with the force of the orgasm that still ripped through me. I was sweating like I'd run a marathon and the tears just wouldn't stop falling despite the fact that I was giggling somehow. Why was I giggling? I couldn't stop it, I was just laughing like an idiot. I laughed harder when I realized Jane was giggling goofily along with me. Her tank top was soaked in sweat, her skin glistened, her face was streaked with tear marks, her breath was impossible fast, but she was still so incredibly sexy giggling under me like a school girl.

It was several long minutes before either of us regained enough of our senses to form coherent words.

"Jesus!" Jane exclaimed beneath me between cracks of laughter.

"Jesus?" I scoffed "Baby that was all me!" I said smiling down at my love.

The smile Jane returned me made my heart break and soar at the same time. Her entire face lit up like a million Christmas trees and her dark eyes twinkled like the heavens.

"You're so awesome baby!" Jane said wrapping her hand in my hair and pulling me down into a deep, grateful kiss. I smiled against Jane's beautiful lips. I was a God in that moment.

A voice broke us from our reverie...a soft very familiar voice.

"Excuse me Maura...I think something's burning in the oven!"

My head shot toward the doorway of my bedroom. My heart stopped in my chest. It was my mother, here...here in my apartment...with no warning at all.

"MOTHER?" I cried in disbelief and hysteria.

"I'll just...I'll just wait for you in the living room." My mother said turning on her heels and walking away. I thought I was going to die.

I looked down at Jane...I thought she was going to die too.


End file.
